Jack Monroe #195 She basically writes fan-fiction about herself

[Emmapism]

Exactly! It's always that reductive shite and you're like 'hey, no.....that's not how I feel at all'.

I never name this site but I've told my boyfriend, my sister and my best friend I post on a forum that discusses influencers. I tell them some of the shocking stuff that has been uncovered and they're always

Most influencers are annoying but harmless then you get people like Jack, Vonny & PTWM who are scammers extraordinare and it kinda puts it all in perspective....

 

[Raker]

View attachment 636321

“Cheap nutritious meals”?!?! Jog on, fantasist

 

[LavaFlake]

First of all JUICY? I don't think that means what this cake is.
Secondly, I don't think she wrote that. Too professional, (although she has the word juicy/juice three times in one sentence !) It just doesn't sound like her.

If you have to soak a cake in syrup to stop it from being dry then maybe you need to take a look at the recipe? Just a thought x

 

[Joan of Narc]

Lads, just realised I'm going to be in Scotland during the Edinburgh anniversary!!!🔺️ What do you think is the best way to celebrate?
1. By eating all of my meals at Dishoom/Five Guys/other generic chain restaurant
2. By packing all of my kitchen appliances in my suitcase then forcing a local charity to drive miles out of their way take them off my hands
3. Cooking slop in my aparthotel kitchen then forcing it on some unsuspecting homeless people (or just some poor guy who happens to be sitting on a nearby park bench).

 

[HotesTilaire]

Probably perfecting some kind of fish egg and fish and egg eggstravaganza to finish me off, like some hideous three bird roast but cod roe injected into a quail egg stuffed into a fish with egg mayo, all baked in a chickens bum where the egg comes out.

 

[DisgruntledGoat]

This is potentially the worst haircut I’ve ever seen on Jack, and I include the Cherie Blair, the orange fizzgig and the reverse rats tail in that. She’s in no way edgy enough to pull off anything approaching this cut. Glad she can waste a few “weekly shops” on making herself look a total dickhead, though.

 

[Switchstreetz]

Matts gone

Oh shit, think I've worked out her new job hence the media return

Her undercut will be getting an airing in all the press conferences! It makes sense now

SHANT apologise for my shoddy Photoshop as I had my first jab early this morning and I've had a headache all day (but mainly cause I'm concerned about putting more effort into a meme than jack did into her 5 figure Hellman's show )

@MancBee you are a delight when you post and it's so unfair to hear you've had yet more awful news. Wishing you all the best x

 

[Pocahontas]

This is so, SO grotesquely offensive to people who struggle with depression. My god.

(It's also really badly written. More missing capital leaders - "Harry styles" - missing formatting on one song title, "covey" in the last line, the weird way some songs get a single sentence and others a couple of paragraphs...how the hell is this being presented as professional journalism?)

PS Jack looks like a cockatoo from one angle and an edgy teen from 2004 in the other. Not her worst look ever, mind!

Also the fact that it should be ‘Ain’t No Mountain High ENOUGH’ - not ‘Ain’t No Mountain High’, which sounds like a song about not enough mountains on the bong.

 

[FlashBoof]

Some hotels are having none of it

View attachment 627870

Wish I could like this response twice. It shouldn’t even need saying right now but clearly it does. I hope all hospitality does this. As someone who has done more than a fair share of toil in that sector, with the COVID restrictions, Brexit issues and supply/demand tightrope walking on stock levels at the moment, the last thing they need is freeloading wankers with emoji riddled begging requests.

 

[BlendedSlop]

So. Many. Ominous. Recipes.

Black n Cheese
Spamatriciana (?)
Leek, potato and prune soup
Secret ingredient scrambly eggs
Stalk oil
Toad and friends
Sleazy cheese sauce

Is this now being branded as "A cookbook for someone you hate?"

And I'm sure at least a quarter of the recipes on that board have prunes in. If she's been testing all of these she must be constantly on the shitter.

 

[MaineCoonMama]

@MaineCoonMama I am re-traumatised, send cattos!

 

[Silver Linings]

New Insta bio. Gone is the £20 shops and the mostly plant based.

 

[heretoreaditall2019]

Well well well….

Re: undeclared ads and this probably verges on off topic sorry (although on topic we should continue reporting Jack’s undeclared aff links), the shit ASA have just started a shitlist of repeat offenders, it seems that they get a first warning and if they don’t repent they end up on the list. At the mo there’s only four people on it & Lucy Meck is the only one I remember but isn’t it interesting that the advertising standards agency have the same beef we have yet they’re not bored housewives or trolls?

Tattle is ahead of the curve tbh the ASA is behind us!

 

[Raker]

Oh @MancBee, hugest of hugs. I would prescribe a nice course of Toploader, or a bold red lip (singular à la Sali Hughes ), but that’s as far as my medical knowledge goes, sorry. Hope your real doctors are better at this kind of thing xxx

 

[MaineCoonMama]

We all know at least one! @schmetterling I hope you're ok. I'm currently dealing with one and they are just so draining.

 

[Flash123]

Looks like the Gladwell Grift has paid off with a 5 night stay at some £125 a night glamping place. Can’t wait for the review.

 

[HotesTilaire]

Just noticed sheer white shirt, black bra underneath.
I may have my trigger warning priorities all wrong, but regarding Hindley and West

Spoiler: Spoiler- Trigger Warning their crimes

According to a fellow prisoner, Hindley and West got into a relationship very quickly, then after some months they split and hated the sight of each other. Rose said it was because Myra was a sicko who killed little kids, when pointed out Rose had also killed children, she said that was different because they were hers, she didn’t go taking other peoples

 

[ThunderClapForCapers]

One Sunday dawn young Lambton went
Sad-fishing' on twit-eer;
And catched some slop upon his hook,
He thought looked rather queer.
What kind of frozen fish it was
Young Lambton couldn't tell.
He was far too BUSY to carry it hyem,
So he hoyed it down a well.

SHAN'T! Lads, shut your gobs,
I'll tell yous all an awful story
SHAN'T! Lads, shut your gobs,
I'll tell yous aboot the slop.

Now Lambton felt inclined to go
And see his second or third home
he joined a group of blue ticks who
ignored quarantine to roam
And off he went to Edinburgh
Celery armies he did fell,
And very soon forgot about
The strange slop in the well.

But the slop got big and growed and' growed
And growed an awful size;
With great big teeth, a great big gob,
And great big goggle eyes.
And when at night he crawled about
To kick you in the shins
If he felt hungry upon the road,
He'd eat livers from Jack's bin

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Illustrations alone cannot do justice to the epic battle, which I'm told ended with Lambton's noble steed finishing the beast, declaring "never again shall you demean me in your quest for a lasagna sauce"

That is the one I want as a thread title
(I know it’s too early)

@Vanelope's a bad influence, that's the only reason I am suggesting 'You know, I'm something of a poor myself' as a thread title at this early stage in proceedings.

well, the lambton worm was the last thing I ever expected to turn up here!

there's also the essex serpent for jack so she doesn't feel left out!

If we are talking thread titles, is anyone talented enough to take Switchstreetz's lead and pen a #196 SHE SHAN'TY to mark the anniversary on Thursday?

 

[Veronicaaa]

I bet we still don't get a new book!!! It's all performative imo.

She had actual mock-ups of her pages months ago, this is literal back-to-the-drawing-board stuff. I'm guessing the plughole hair and tumble dryer fluff and rusty-tins-as-home-decor has been red-penned and she's desperately seeking new content. UNSURPRISINGLY ENOUGH.

 

[HotesTilaire]