Having a few days away with Mrs ST at our holiday home. Popped to the lovely bar across the road & sat down with a well deserved pint then heard "Pulp: Common People" had a chuckle then wandered home. It was at this point I remembered the make of my oven.
All I can say is, I'm very, very sorry.
Mrs ST is crying & the Onion Police are on their way.
Do I now pop up a link to a begging site or what?
Cheers.
My herring is exceedingly good due to my neurodivergence, dear Mancunian heart. Not only can I decipher Jack's out-of-context broad Estuary mumblings but I can hear all my DNA replicating, the earth itself rotating on its axis and stitches in the very fabric of spacetime.
I got sent this story in my Google news feed ..and for a fleeting moment thought I'd discovered the reason for the smol pixie's departure.
I don't know how to link to the actual article, but it says she bought 50 mulberry handbags...
ETA...i know it's not Jack but flippin eck that ginger bouffant!
Cosplaying the Little Mermaid for a potential new love interest? Could be the return of red head Jack!
Seriously though, I waver between being completely stumped, suspecting sock puppets or entertaining mad thoughts like she's had her Russell Brands Carolined.
And it is never ever EVER her fault. It’s always someone or something else. We should have a “Blame List”. It would be as long as the “To Do” list. We all know the famous examples (a vigil, a cut foot, a partner hogging the broadband etc).
I was reminded yesterday as to how she does this as I stumbled across the Guardian article/video about her busking and doing Tracy Chapmen & Bob Dylan a disservice. There was a Twitter thread about people embarrassing themselves thinking their favourite bands were being ‘covered’ by the original artists and it lead me there. Of COURSE she had a sore throat and lost her voice, the day before she had her only high profile singing gig, ever. I am cringing at the thought. It would have been fine to say “Mate, I am absolutely shitting myself - you are Billy Bragg and we are outside a very busy tube station”. But no, it’s all “sore throat - lost voice”.
By the way - “singing in bands for years”? - that is a new one on me...has anyone got any more info on that? I am thinking a bit of drunken karaoke but would love to be proved wrong on that account (with pics/videos). Far more entertaining blast from the past than grot shots in her pants.
She can't have sung in bands for years, because she stopped singing
a) TRIGGER WARNING as a reaction to childhood abuse
b) because she was too poor
...and she never sang again until Landslide & Stand By Me!
PS @LennyBriscoe I sprained my ankle badly, and the doctor has given me a cast. I have two good friends who are physios who are freaking out about what bad practice this is, but I have to go along with it, I suppose! Maybe it's karma for being an internet bully?
Nope, the best part was, she didn’t defend Jack at all. She just came to defend herself and kind of implied that other than what we said (or actually hadn’t said) about her, we had some valid points.
(I really don’t want to Candyman her back though, I just want the taxi driver back please).
@Vanelope's a bad influence, that's the only reason I am suggesting 'You know, I'm something of a poor myself' as a thread title at this early stage in proceedings.
Academic now, because Companies House has just updated to say the strike off action is discontinued, but if you don't get your accounts in on time (a) you get a steadily increasing fine and (b) eventually they will strike your company off the register which means that everything it owns, whether cash, property, machinery, stock or whatever, then belongs to the government.
Edinversary should be celebrated with all the traditional foods - celery, 8 pints of past best skimmed milk, two packs of expired 90% carnivore chicken, and we cook a vat of bolorneaise to distribute to the destitute, leaving it in lunchboxes with melamine cutlery in doorways for them before heading to five guys. Traditional gifts of paperchase kawaii plushies are bought (for ourselves)
Can’t believe it’s been a year since Jack came on and acted like we were holding her hostage to her keyboard. A piss and a sandwich made a better cheeky duo than Jack and Matt ever did.
Thank you to a triumvirate for the threat title: @bowiethesdmn for the words and @Raker and @bladiesla for nominating them. Your joint prize is a jar of pickled beans and mandarins. I started them a couple of months ago so they've had plenty of time to settle and there's enough for a generous handful each.
In the previous thread:
Jack returned to tell us about her latest favourite snack: a tub of taramasalata with boiled eggs, capers and a coating of black pepper. That'll do.
She also remembered her Del Monte partnership and treated us to her pickled bean salad again. Del Monte are currently trying to recover from an ill-advised poll that revealed almost nobody wants to make said salad.
Thanks to Sidey B we learnt that Pythagoras was the original bean rinser which finally solves the mystery of how Jack uses Pythagoras on the daily.
Please use the words ‘thread title’ (two separate words) when making a bid for one as it makes it easier to search. Also, try to hold off to the latter part of the thread if possible (after post #500). And remember - no swears are allowed.
There is a thread in the off topic forum called Food and Drink where off topic chat is encouraged if / when Jack is quiet.
Thanks for the thread title and the nominations, and also for the no doubt now-sentient beans! What more could a girl want?
eta: also big thanks to @Sideboard Bob for sending me down a Pythagoras wiki rabbit-hole the other night when I should have been sleeping.
And I nominate 'bean-rinser' as a term for someone who invents and then undertakes pointless and tedious tasks to give the appearance of working rather than actually doing anything useful.
The video clip is 6.26 minutes long, and she sings for precisely 2 minutes. So 4.26 minutes waffling on about shit and nonsense and 2 minutes doing what the video clip is supposed to be. The clip is titled Landslide (cover, a capella), yet she devoted twice the time taking about herself than she did singing the song.
Mind you, I am not sure which part was worse, the waffle or the singing.
