Jack Monroe #189 Food Crime Pie

[traumatised sideboard]

Which one?

The headrush spaghetti. You know when influencers say 'hey guys I tried out these new bin bags and oh my god I'M OBSESSED' and you're like k calm down you're not really obsessed though are you ? I am actually obsessed. I have to know. The only two ingredients I don't have yet are a hard cheese substitute and fresh parsley. I was already going to make spaghetti for dinner tomorrow as well, the stars have slopped into alignment

 

[bowiethesdmn]

I just realised the irony of the only thing I haven't got in my storecupboard and have never bought is the thing that I'm supposed to have around and need all these maverick ideas for using up.

No, that sounds like you're doing it right

 

[Hollaaa]

The headrush spaghetti. You know when influencers say 'hey guys I tried out these new bin bags and oh my god I'M OBSESSED' and you're like k calm down you're not really obsessed though are you ? I am actually obsessed. I have to know. The only two ingredients I don't have yet are a hard cheese substitute and fresh parsley. I was already going to make spaghetti for dinner tomorrow as well, the stars have slopped into alignment

I think you should get bin bags as well, though.

 

[Orphan_Black]

We need a cabal cookbook.

It's weird that some people can pull off her recipes and/or enjoy the outcome on Twitter etc. They must be shills.

 

[Nottonightbabe]

Has anyone done the 'Three Tin Tender' recipe yet? Rinsed steak, tin of tomatoes and a can of coke boiled up? No?

 

[Joan of Narc]

I'm going in on the jackfruit pineapple monstrosity. I have everything but tinned pineapple and dried mixed herbs, but I do have all the dried herbs that make up dried mixed herbs, so I will use those, but I SHAN'T be decanting them into a different jar for the sheer hell of it. It'll either be tomorrow
or next week when I can pick up some pineapple.

I would just use any old herbs you have you have kicking around. And don't bother popping out to get pineapple, any fruit will do. "All ingredients are interchangeable".

 

[FlowerOfTheEast]

I can definitely sense the stirrings of a distant chaos. One more cabal recipe attempt ought to do it. Bagsie not me.

I would, but I have a very ouchy arm after yesterday's jab so stirring slop would be too much for me, dear hearts. I am wrapped in a softy soft blanket on the sofa. Please send cattos, thankyou.

 

[Hootrena]

I think you should get bin bags as well, though.

As well as a few sick bags

 

[Billybellend]

I think you should get bin bags as well, though.

Jesus, Sidey B...that’s not the one with the white chocolate and mushrooms, is it? If so, I shall pray for you

 

[Mr Krabs]

Oh tit, I've been rewatching Peep Show, and this scene shows Jack's exact recipe making process:



(Also, this thread title reminds me of Super Hans "the secret ingredient is crime")

 

[Flash123]

We need a cabal cookbook.

It's weird that some people can pull off her recipes and/or enjoy the outcome on Twitter etc. They must be shills.

But do you not always notice they will always say “I added another stock cube, a tin of tomatoes, 2 carrots, didn’t rinse my beans and butter instead of lard but otherwise the recipe was perfect”

 

[NP]

We need a cabal cookbook.

It's weird that some people can pull off her recipes and/or enjoy the outcome on Twitter etc. They must be shills.

I have a feeling some of the successful squiggles aren’t exactly the best cooks to begin with. They remind me of some of “successes” on the slow cooker groups I joined on Facebook when I first got a slow cooker. Can’t say I’ve ever been tempted by a box cake mix and lemonade combo that’s been steamed into an oval brick for 8 hours.

 

[Mr Krabs]

I have a feeling some of the successful squiggles aren’t exactly the best cooks to begin with. They remind me of some of “successes” on the slow cooker groups I joined on Facebook when I first got a slow cooker. Can’t say I’ve ever been tempted by a box cake mix and lemonade combo that’s been steamed into an oval brick for 8 hours.

There used to be an infommercial for a book full of those cake 'recipes', and this, THIS was the title:

 

[Lanie]

I think you should get bin bags as well, though.

If your excited about bin bags you need a bleeping life. I'm sorry.

 

[ChickenPorridge]

There's a lot to be said for going out and buying ingredients to make something, following a recipe to the exact detail and trying to convince yourself (and others) that the outcome is good and what it is supposed to be. You kid yourself into thinking it's fine because it came from an actual published book.

 

[bowiethesdmn]

There used to be an infommercial for a book full of those cake 'recipes', and this, THIS was the title:

View attachment 571423

I assume this is where she got the inspiration for the prune porridge

Excellent reviews. How is it possible that nobody checks these recipes before they go in to books?! I feel bad for people wasting their money on her recipes.




I get these from my local Greggs and Costa sometimes, great for lunch/sweet treats as they give you loads! The Costa one I picked up Sunday had 2 (100%) vegan ciabatta rolls, breakfast wrap, breakfast roll, 2 Portuguese custard tarts and a bake well tart. For £3.

Ooh he said he was trying Greggs next so this bodes well. Not tried Olio, @HotesTilaire , shall give that a go

 

[Toffee finger]

There used to be an infommercial for a book full of those cake 'recipes', and this, THIS was the title:

View attachment 571423

There’s a youtuber, Mike Jeavons, that’s made a load of these. They are gross but still better than a Jack meal!

I assume this is where she got the inspiration for the prune porridge
Ooh he said he was trying Greggs next so this bodes well. Not tried Olio, @HotesTilaire , shall give that a go

My last Greggs one had 3 different bakes, chicken and bacon baguette and a pack of 4 doughnuts! £2.60 I think.

 

[Whaa?]

Has anyone done the 'Three Tin Tender' recipe yet? Rinsed steak, tin of tomatoes and a can of coke boiled up? No?

Its been on my mind. I wouldn't use tinned steak, but I am desperate to see if the other two ingredients produce the thick, glossy sauce promised.

 

[Captainmouse]

Just putting my hand up to say don't volunteer me as a tribute if this recipe testing gets that far! Too nauseous today to even look at her alleged recipes.

Thank(space)you @traumatised sideboard for deciphering the owl champagne thing. I'm normally good at puzzles but I've the fog brain today.

Sorry ninnies, didn’t mean to cause a chaos, I was close to needing oxygen this morning, I coughed till I was red in the face, with my mask on it restricted my breathing somewhat, I was also crying (with laughter).

the only other thing that remotely resembled fizzing was we need a proper bath bomb emoji

 

[TheDragonWithAFlagon]

View attachment 570848
View attachment 570849
I have 20 mins to let the one on the left simmer, during which time the cannellini beans will apparently become creamy. I will not be roasting my onion peelings. I'm making mine with butter beans because I do like them, and because I won't be making them into chocolate digestive biscuits (niche Bagpuss reference there for the sixth formers).

We have a load of jars of pulses and whatnots - and butter beans and breadcrumbs right next to one another.

Mr D's village is in the photos at the start of Bagpuss. It doesn't look that much different now.