Jack Monroe #189 Food Crime Pie

[Sideboard Bob]

I can definitely sense the stirrings of a distant chaos. One more cabal recipe attempt ought to do it. Bagsie not me.

Me neither.

 

[Billybellend]

Me neither.

Me neither - can’t risk hospitalising another household member, either by food poisoning or battery (Mrs. B has never forgiven me for the peach curry )

 

[FunnyFuneral]

View attachment 570079
Aldi, take my money.

Lol that kitty is taking a photo with it's tongue for extra authentic jackness

 

[bowiethesdmn]

This is what fucks me right off about JM ,looking at the recipe it's 2p PER SLICE from a recipe first posted in 2019 ,has the price increased ? ,decreased ? was this priced at Sainos or Asda (tbh couldn't be arsed to look ) ,THIS was the thing that I found really disingenuous about their 'recipes' ...even if you scraped together 20p for the 10 slices it's supposed to make you couldn't go into ANY supermarket and get the ingredients ...just tell the folks it's gonna cost £2.50 to buy the flour/ yeast etc but you can make X number of loaves ,mind you with their portion 'size' you will need a whole list just for one person no doubt ...

I genuinely think we put more thought into what Jack does than Jack. You watch, we'll be an entirely self-sustaining industry by the end of the year if she maintains this current level of output. We've already got brave souls testing the recipes (well someone has to), we made up the majority of the audience for whichever live she fucked up last time, and we're definitely on top of ripping the piss out of it all. Maybe we could nominate a poster each month to lie on Twitter.

 

[Fruitjack]

I'm going in on the jackfruit pineapple monstrosity. I have everything but tinned pineapple and dried mixed herbs, but I do have all the dried herbs that make up dried mixed herbs, so I will use those, but I SHAN'T be decanting them into a different jar for the sheer hell of it. It'll either be tomorrow
or next week when I can pick up some pineapple.

 

[MaineCoonMama]

Just putting my hand up to say don't volunteer me as a tribute if this recipe testing gets that far! Too nauseous today to even look at her alleged recipes.

Thank(space)you @traumatised sideboard for deciphering the owl champagne thing. I'm normally good at puzzles but I've the fog brain today.

 

[ChickenPorridge]

Was a bit miffed that Dua Lipa forgot to thank Jack last night in her acceptance speech at the Brits as she called for a pay rise for healthcare workers. Don't worry Dua, it's only the bloody founder of the hashtag.

 

[heretoreaditall2019]

Is it still in the house? I thought it was the bins".

“It” like it’s a dead bird you’ve found in the fireplace

 

[gashlycrumbtiny]

Available now in supermarkets

Mamapapa’s Pride
Warblurghtons
Kingswill
Sliced wet tin

I think Mamapapa’s Pride has finished me off

 

[bowiethesdmn]

Was a bit miffed that Dua Lipa forgot to thank Jack last night in her acceptance speech at the Brits as she called for a pay rise for healthcare workers. Don't worry Dua, it's only the bloody founder of the hashtag.

I work in healthcare and the nurses and carers cannot stop going on about what a difference Jack Monroe and #thunderclapforcarers made, she's basically idolised in these parts and..no I can't, sorry.

 

[Fruitjack]

I'm going in on the jackfruit pineapple monstrosity. I have everything but tinned pineapple and dried mixed herbs, but I do have all the dried herbs that make up dried mixed herbs, so I will use those, but I SHAN'T be decanting them into a different jar for the sheer hell of it. It'll either be tomorrow
or next week when I can pick up some pineapple.

Sorry for quoting myself like a tit but I just realised the irony of the only thing I haven't got in my storecupboard and have never bought is the thing that I'm supposed to have around and need all these maverick ideas for using up.

I also have no idea what I'm supposed to serve it with as the green stuff/rice? in the picture isn't even mentioned.

 

[waffle maker]

Sorry for quoting myself like a tit but I just realised the irony of the only thing I haven't got in my storecupboard and have never bought is the thing that I'm supposed to have around and need all these maverick ideas for using up.

I also have no idea what I'm supposed to serve it with as the green stuff/rice? in the picture isn't even mentioned.

Serve it with curry.

 

[bowiethesdmn]

I'm just chatting to a friend who's a bit skint at the moment and decided to take advantage of that 'too good to go' app where you can get cheap bags of near end-date food from various shops.

I asked him to let me know what he gets as I'm always looking for ways to have more money to spend on shite save money on food. Last text says 'magic bag was disappointing, crab sticks and custard anyone?' and I'm sorely tempted to point him in the direction of this thread, except I do quite enjoy his company and would like that to continue.

 

[traumatised sideboard]

Probably should serve it with salmonella or campylobacter for authenticity @Fruitjack maybe some unidentifiable tin juice from a previous meal?

I want to make one of Jack's recipes and I have almost all the ingredients for the one I want to do in mind but I feel like it might be unfair to veganise a recipe and have it fail because I didn't use exactly the right ingredients, even though all ingredients are interchangeable. Not that I think it's really possible to make her recipes worse than intended either.

 

[Vanelope]

I made the lasagne once - I’m never chopping that many mushrooms that fine again. It was bad.

 

[Toffee finger]

So, as you may expect, both were terrible.

Exhibit A (Jack's) was more terrible. I managed one spoonful. It tasted like it had come straight from the garden into the blender. You povvos might as well eat weeds is the overriding message.
Positives: it would fill two bowls, give the amount of water involved. I had a lot of the stuff in already and if I'd just got spinach and beans at Lidl and left it at that, it would have only cost me just over £2 out of pocket. I still have 2/3 of a bag of spinach left to have in an omelette tonight.
Negatives: cheap veg stock cubes taste overwhelmingly of celery and overpowered everything else. The cannellini beans were 55p in Asda as opposed to 41p for butter beans, when they are in stock. You can't tell the difference between either in this dish, so I would go for the cheaper of the two. I used half a tube of puréed garlic to follow the recipe to the quantity specified. That's a colossal waste of a quite expensive product, and the money would be better spent on a bit of butter or oil to fry off the garlic, onion and beans first. Or even a bit of garlic flavoured oil and omit the garlic. 2tbsps of lemon juice at the end was TOO MUCH and was left floating on top. Almost rendered the dish inedible but I suspect that ship sailed long before the lemon arrived.

Exhibit B, my adapted version.
Positives: it was really filling, I only managed half of what I put in my bowl, so I could have got two portions out of it after all, instead of one and a bit. The fresh spinach still gave it a very planty vibe but in a ooh vitamin C and iron good for you way, not an I'm eating the grass verge on a roundabout what has become of me way. I thought that the beans were a good alternative to using potato in a soup, and would do that again if I didn't have any fresh spuds in. Good idea. The chicken stock cube also levelled off the planty vibe but of course that changes it to only 90% vegan, given the butter I added as well. Frying off is compulsory and missing that step is a dick move (new hill alert).
Negatives: 4 cloves of garlic to 300ml liquid is TOO MUCH. Before I blended the soup I was getting strong moules marinières energy and not in a good way. One would have done, or use of garlic flavoured oil would have been okay. And I like garlic. Also a little squirt of lemon was enough. And I was heavy handed with the pepper mostly for the lolz but it didn't need that much.

Overall verdict: if this was served in a restaurant I'd want Julie Walters as my waitress.

Excellent reviews. How is it possible that nobody checks these recipes before they go in to books?! I feel bad for people wasting their money on her recipes.

I'm just chatting to a friend who's a bit skint at the moment and decided to take advantage of that 'too good to go' app where you can get cheap bags of near end-date food from various shops.

I asked him to let me know what he gets as I'm always looking for ways to have more money to spend on shite save money on food. Last text says 'magic bag was disappointing, crab sticks and custard anyone?' and I'm sorely tempted to point him in the direction of this thread, except I do quite enjoy his company and would like that to continue.

I get these from my local Greggs and Costa sometimes, great for lunch/sweet treats as they give you loads! The Costa one I picked up Sunday had 2 (100%) vegan ciabatta rolls, breakfast wrap, breakfast roll, 2 Portuguese custard tarts and a bake well tart. For £3.

 

[Fruitjack]

Probably should serve it with salmonella or campylobacter for authenticity @Fruitjack maybe some unidentifiable tin juice from a previous meal?

I want to make one of Jack's recipes and I have almost all the ingredients for the one I want to do in mind but I feel like it might be unfair to veganise a recipe and have it fail because I didn't use exactly the right ingredients, even though all ingredients are interchangeable. Not that I think it's really possible to make her recipes worse than intended either.

Which one?

 

[HotesTilaire]

Just putting my hand up to say don't volunteer me as a tribute if this recipe testing gets that far! Too nauseous today to even look at her alleged recipes.

Thank(space)you @traumatised sideboard for deciphering the owl champagne thing. I'm normally good at puzzles but I've the fog brain today.

I was really proud of myself for getting it! I think my brain works so well because of my diet (I don’t eat anything Fack makes)

I'm just chatting to a friend who's a bit skint at the moment and decided to take advantage of that 'too good to go' app where you can get cheap bags of near end-date food from various shops.

I asked him to let me know what he gets as I'm always looking for ways to have more money to spend on shite save money on food. Last text says 'magic bag was disappointing, crab sticks and custard anyone?' and I'm sorely tempted to point him in the direction of this thread, except I do quite enjoy his company and would like that to continue.

Have you tried olio?

 

[Fruitjack]

Posted without comment

 

[Hollaaa]

Yes please, Vlad.