Jack Monroe #189 Food Crime Pie

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Christ! We know she is a terrible writer but who in gods holy name is being paid to edit this nonsense??? Surely to Christ that cannot be in a cookbook? Astounding! What’s the point in having editors, copywriters and recipe testers if this makes a finished product?
It's from a BBC article, not sure if it's an extract from a book though 😬😂
 
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Christ! We know she is a terrible writer but who in gods holy name is being paid to edit this nonsense??? Surely to Christ that cannot be in a cookbook? Astounding! What’s the point in having editors, copywriters and recipe testers if this makes a finished product?
Professionalism on a bootstrap
 
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They look delicious @Billybellend - and maybe a hint of Reece’s cups about the end product which I also love! Have bookmarked for my next cookie session! Cheers!

Back to Jack - I knew this recipe was a variation of most simple cookie recipes. I also make a lot of all butter shortbread for strawberry shortbread afternoon teas, so I am not a stranger to the butter/sugar/flour and work until smooth and pliable etc. It was more to see if Jacks recipe worked. And, as we have come to expect, it doesn’t unless you tweak and add to it, and change the cooking time etc etc. And even then, the end product is a bit of a let down. Her flowery descriptions of wonderful perfection only add to the disappointment and feeling you must have got something wrong.
 
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Yes - it is very rare I use such imprecise methods but the recipe is the recipe (see my pic!) I wouldn’t have bothered with the extra peanut butter or almond milk if I hadn’t already committed to getting something in the oven and (as @colouredlines rightly points out) it needed some serious help in the moisture department. I can’t imagine just how they would work with chocolate. Definitely NOT triple tested that variation, have you Jack?

@Kittypops - a neighbour politely ate two and said they were ok because they weren’t too peanutty and he isn’t keen on peanut butter! I ate two. I will probably pop the remainders into a bird feeder we have - there is a lot of bird activity in the garden at the moment and they are not as discerning!
I see the face of a smol robot in your measuring pots! 🤖
 
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I see the face of a smol robot in your measuring pots! 🤖
Rumbled! I am Twatbot!

Please don’t look too closely at the ones on the right. They look a bit dusty! I rarely even use cups and am more of a scales sort of baker but I have them in case of an American recipe I fancy having a go at! Only wanted to show I am not a “duck it, Chuck a tablespoon in” kinda gal (or bot!).
 
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Yes - it is very rare I use such imprecise methods but the recipe is the recipe (see my pic!) I wouldn’t have bothered with the extra peanut butter or almond milk if I hadn’t already committed to getting something in the oven and (as @colouredlines rightly points out) it needed some serious help in the moisture department. I can’t imagine just how they would work with chocolate. Definitely NOT triple tested that variation, have you Jack?

@Kittypops - a neighbour politely ate two and said they were ok because they weren’t too peanutty and he isn’t keen on peanut butter! I ate two. I will probably pop the remainders into a bird feeder we have - there is a lot of bird activity in the garden at the moment and they are not as discerning!
Oh, no criticism of you and your stellar efforts! We all know who is to blame here.
 
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I am not brave enough to try anything slimy or swampy (much kudos to the Fraus who dare) so I tried these...


I mean, how wrong can cookies get! Surely not too much of a challenge. Plus, I do like PB&J.

I used the same tablespoon for all the measuring (to maintain consistency).

Following the recipe was easy enough. First problem was the dough was far too dry (see mix in bowl). Like a pastry without the water being added. I added an extra tablespoon of peanut butter but still not sticking together. My egg yolk wasn’t massive - just average. I ended up adding a fairly generous splash of almond milk to get a workable dough.

The mix gave me 14 good sized cookies (not 12) but 4 tablespoons of jam was still far too much even with grownup thumbs (not the ickle smol pixie boy sized one mentioned in the recipe) so I had about 1/2 tablespoon left.

The second problem - They took 20 minutes to cook. (I checked after 10 mins, 14 mins, 18 mins and took them out at 20 even though they still looked too pale and were still a bit soft. They did not spread out.

They taste blander than I would like and the peanut flavour is only just there. They are also a bit dry (you need a big cuppa to enjoy with two of these). They have a pasty sort of texture that stick to the roof of your mouth.

Not the worst thing I have made, but not entering my repertoire of regular bakes at all. 5/10 at best. Must try harder.

Usual problems relating to Jack not testing them out a few times and tweaking. If I did do them again I would add extra peanut butter - lose at least one tablespoon of flour and make them thinner as they don’t flatten or spread at all. I suspect the “rainy day fun with tiny thumbed pixie boy” happened once. For the recipe/blog/brief.

Costing wise - didn’t have to buy anything as had all ingredients. Food is more expensive here so can’t do a fair pricing for the UK fraus anyway!
they look CLAGGY
 
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I am not brave enough to try anything slimy or swampy (much kudos to the Fraus who dare) so I tried these...


I mean, how wrong can cookies get! Surely not too much of a challenge. Plus, I do like PB&J.
I swear Nigella had a thumbprint cookie in the kids section of her “How To Be A Domestic Goddess” book. Let me check my copy, I’ll be five minutes 😁

Edit: I must have been thinking of these. Thumbprint cookies are all over the Internet anyway, Jack almost certainly nicked a recipe from BBC Good Food and made it worse, like she usually does.

13E58D83-964B-4A04-82BC-66D9AD2F43ED.jpeg
 
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I'm just chatting to a friend who's a bit skint at the moment and decided to take advantage of that 'too good to go' app where you can get cheap bags of near end-date food from various shops.

I asked him to let me know what he gets as I'm always looking for ways to have more money to spend on shite save money on food. Last text says 'magic bag was disappointing, crab sticks and custard anyone?' and I'm sorely tempted to point him in the direction of this thread, except I do quite enjoy his company and would like that to continue.
Our local Morrisons goes mental with their bags on TGTG, too much to carry home unaided.
 
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@Vanelope I was planning on siphoning off a small amount of ingredients from the meal I was already cooking to make a scaled down version of the recipe suitable for a brambly mouse so I SHAN'T be wasting anything.

On the topic of bin bags (I honestly don't want to encourage a discourse on bin bags 🥴), yesterday a sequence of events led from using a biodegradable bin bag to being late to the gym because there was a mouldy butter bean hidden in my shoe. In fact, that was the inspiration for my latest recipe: a fermented butter bean beurre blanc base with spiralised lettuce and vegan bacon crumble from just 7p a serving!
 
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Bloody love Too Good To Go. Haven't had a bag in a while but I've only ever had epic bargains from 'em. Sad to hear about the crab sticks.

(Things I never thought I would type volume 3)
 
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honestly, I'm torn between "ffs, stop wasting food making these absurd recipes, fraus" and "Louisa J Christ, these are bleeping hilarious" 😭

I kinda really want to try something of hers for the shits and giggles. need something low stakes that can go on the big tree stump up the road where everyone leaves leftovers for the squirrels
 
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I swear Nigella had a thumbprint cookie in the kids section of her “How To Be A Domestic Goddess” book. Let me check my copy, I’ll be five minutes 😁

Edit: I must have been thinking of these. Thumbprint cookies are all over the Internet anyway, Jack almost certainly nicked a recipe from BBC Good Food and made it worse, like she usually does.

View attachment 571736
Scant is definitely a word Jack picked up from Mom - a scant teaspoon of…

@Vanelope I was planning on siphoning off a small amount of ingredients from the meal I was already cooking to make a scaled down version of the recipe suitable for a brambly mouse so I SHAN'T be wasting anything.

On the topic of bin bags (I honestly don't want to encourage a discourse on bin bags 🥴), yesterday a sequence of events led from using a biodegradable bin bag to being late to the gym because there was a mouldy butter bean hidden in my shoe. In fact, that was the inspiration for my latest recipe: a fermented butter bean beurre blanc base with spiralised lettuce and vegan bacon crumble from just 7p a serving!
It’s just so depressing when talented cooks and bakers like the fraus here end up with slimy slow cooker bread? And squishy tomato bread pucks? I’m so glad you SHAN’T be wasting things for our amusement TS.
 
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they look CLAGGY
Claggy is spot on. I won’t bin them, zero waste fraus. I hate waste and food is about 25% more expensive here on average...more so for fresh stuff (I paid just over a pound for ONE yellow pepper from Lidl this week! 😮). It’s why I went for a simple, affordable, and hopefully edible recipe! Not going anywhere near anything involving rinsed cans or bags of spinach!
 
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Considering how long she has been radio silent we have done remarkably well keeping on topic thanks to the Slop Experiments - well done Cabal.
 
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Claggy is spot on. I won’t bin them, zero waste fraus. I hate waste and food is about 25% more expensive here on average...more so for fresh stuff (I paid just over a pound for ONE yellow pepper from Lidl this week! 😮). It’s why I went for a simple, affordable, and hopefully edible recipe! Not going anywhere near anything involving rinsed cans or bags of spinach!
Talking of spinach, she's made some interesting concoctions with it in her time. Wonder what this is like, and what holds the tinned spinach together??
 

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That caption. All six people (who had a thimbleful) raved about it. Of course they did, Jack - they were probably scared you would crack open the pineapplee and kidney beans! The raving was pure relief!

It looks awful. Really bad!

PS - frozen spinach come in round clumps like that. Not tinned.
 
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Talking of spinach, she's made some interesting concoctions with it in her time. Wonder what this is like, and what holds the tinned spinach together??
That looks really unappealing. Why not wipe the dish before baking?
I'm sure giving it a quick swipe with a clean Chux cloth or even a tissue wouldn't affect the price. Also as if she has six friends.
 
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