Jack Monroe #181 Time flies when you’re judging slop

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There's a semblance of truth in all her stories. I expect she dropped it on the train then and there and then peeled it back up with difficulty.

Her shark eyes were 100% set on a #spon collab though.
 
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Allegra must have always been fairly wealthy though; what attracted Jack in the first place!
Also saw this in the Times’ report on the Leon takeover, probably where Jack’s connection with Henry Dimbleby came from...
 
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Allegra must have always been fairly wealthy though; what attracted Jack in the first place!
Also saw this in the Times’ report on the Leon takeover, probably where Jack’s connection with Henry Dimbleby came from...
So it’s taken 17 years of work to get the pay off. See Jack - work pays.
 
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DAY ONE IN THE SLOPHOUSE Mk II.

'Just put this tile on your phone, L, and they'll never get lost again!'

The only time I can't find my phone is when something else is put on top of it.

'Go on, give it a go, I bought extra ones for you!'

[sigh] Okay. It'll just show me it's in this room underneath something though, won't it? Like Find My Phone does?

'Umm, yes - but it'll mean I can we can make it bleep so we can tell if it's under the sofa or behind some books.'



TWO DAYS LATER:

'WHERE WERE YOU? I had a chaos AND YOU WEREN'T HERE'

Got stuck at work for ages. Couldn't call, sorry.

'THAT'S STRANGE. Are you sure you weren't in x 's beer garden for at least 2 hours after leaving work?

What?' Well, yes, we had the meeting there.



THE FOLLOWING MORNING. LJC IS ON THE C2C SERVICE, STILL FEELING SLIGHTLY DISCOMBOBULATED FROM THE PREVIOUS DAY'S QUESTIONING.

[thinking] How did she know where I was?

Is she psychic?

Did one of my friends put anything up on Insta?


[Train continues rattling along]

...

...

...

FUCK'S SAKE. The Tile. Shit. Bollocks. I've gotta get rid of this thing. [twists it off easily and sticks it under the seat] That should sort it.



THAT EVENING AT THE LOVE NEST:

'Go anywhere nice today?'

No, been in the office all day.

'Nowhere else?'

No.

'You sure?'

I'm sure.



LATER ON. THE ATMOSPHERE IS A LITTLE STRAINED. LJC IS IS CAREFULLY WATCHING TV WHILST POTS ARE BEING POINTEDLY SLAMMED ABOUT IN THE BLUE KITCHEN. THE PITTER PATTER OF ICKLE BALLET TOESES APPROACHES.

'Your Tile isn't on the back of your phone'

Really? [think fast, woman, you're in the shit slop if you can't get out of this one]

Oh, crap, I dropped my phone on the train. It must have come off at the same time. [Fuck, fuck, bollocks fuck]

'Hmmph. They were REALLY EXPENSIVE, YOU KNOW.'

I'll give you the money for it, sorry, I guess they just aren't as useful when you travel lots?

'Well, OK. You are so silly, always losing things, aren't you? Like YOUR SCARF.'

Yes, I promise I'll try to be more careful.



JUST UNDER THREE WEEKS LATER. LJC GLANCES AT TWITTER TO MAKE SURE JM HASN'T OFFERED PENELOPE KEITH OUTSIDE, CHALLENGED ANGELA RIPON TO A DUEL OR THREATENED TO KICK SIR DAVID ATTENBOROUGH IN THE SHINS (OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT).


Oh. SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT.
 
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I think people in my town are just huge, because I'm 5'6 and a bit and still get this
 
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What in the name of LJC are those trazzers. An absolute abomination
 
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I love being here, all you talented fraus just make my day ...plays, cartoons, memes, poetry, songs, art and on and on...oh, and not forgetting Slopbot. Brilliant the lot of you.
 
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Seen this doing the rounds on Twitter. I expect a certain smol pixie will have something to say about it, seeing as ADHD is her personality trait.
I am A Very Sad Person who is both pedantic about spelling, punctuation and grammar, and a touch typist.

All that means is that I produce reams of prose very quickly as I can easily catch up with my mind.
 
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I'm on a mini grunk, so sorry if it's already suggest or t'werly, but this genuinely made me laugh!
#Thread title: Well looks can be deceiving, can't they Patricia?
 
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All is very quiet after tilegate /Leon $$$$ /Sainsbury’s
(Not including the clawing and wailing that inevitably is taking place, either at happy place kitchen or bungalow)
 
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I'm 5'3" so boringly average and still can't get things off a supermarket top shelf! I was once sent flying in a volleyball game by someone who 'didn't see me down there', chief inspector no less too which didn't stop a few rude words from me.
 
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As a fan of facts I can confirm Jack has claimed to be 5'1.7" (or 157.226cm in metric (I think, I dunno I'm not Pythagoras)) tall with size six feet, so definitely not a size four. Unless she was lying about that, which I previously would have said was too mundane a thing to lie about but she managed to live tweet picking a thing up off the floor of a train so <whofuckingknows.jpg>

I'm pretty sure at one point her height was deemed such an important facet of her personality that it was in her Twitter bio.
 
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