She’ll be looking for Derek Akorah if that happens. But he’s DEAD.Imagine her shock when Viv turns up!
Jack Monroe #170 Outrageous grifting dirtbag
- Start date
-
- Tags
- Jack Monroe Threads Wiki
- Status
New to Tattle Life? Click "Order Thread by Most Liked Posts" button below to get an idea of what the site is about:
It would have to be a three-part special just to fit in coworkers from all her old jobs!
In fact, This is Your Life would be the best show ever for Jack. Imagine her trying to keep her tit straight:
"Now we come to the time you visited a slaughterhouse, recovered from your self-proclaimed meat addiction, and vowed to be a lifelong vegan."
"Did I?"
Last edited:
Very vaguely on topic - being vegan doesn't mean you love all animals, I absolutely hate octopuses. I was fine with them existing in the ocean as I never go in the ocean but then I saw videos of them walking on land and - not to be dramatic - I would die on the spot if I saw an octopus slithering towards me. Horrifying. Not that they're going to turn up in the queue at my local Tesco with a basket of frozen cod or climb the stairs to my flat and post themselves through my letterbox but it does freak me out. Squid are chill though.
ETA: Jack come back, we're talking about cephalopods ffs.
ETA: Jack come back, we're talking about cephalopods ffs.
Stressed octopuses sometimes eat their own tentacles.
Jack's dinner guests may do something similar...
I love the fact on a regular basis we have all at one time or another asked this rather plaintive question in a bewildered fashion.
It starts as a sort of a in-joke that she can't cook and is just funny. Then usually one particularly appalling dish triggers an awful realisation that it is no joke - she really really can't cook. Like really can't. I think for me it was some brown splodge with an egg (I think that is what it once maybe identified as) on top.
(Btw I can really see her on Desert Island Discs at some point. No idea what her book choice might be).
I like them. Their intelligence is such a mystery to scientists that they see them as being like aliens. Check this out...
(btw, panic over, Mackie‘s tweeting again!)
(btw, panic over, Mackie‘s tweeting again!)
My mum had a blue-ringed octopus preserved in a jar when I was a kid. She was a swimming instructor- mum, not the octopus- and kept it to show people what to look out for in the ocean as they are deadly. I was tit scared of it, haha.
Allegra’s latest.
ETA she was twenty minutes away from going 24 hours without tweeting!
Last edited:
Oooh, I love self-deprecating Jack. It's the only time she speaks the truth.
Prolapsed arse.
I love that - I hope I would be an ‘unruly experiment participant’ if I felt so inclined
‘Squirting researchers’ comedy gold
That doesn't help @Sideboard Bob you're telling me that not only can an octopus both live underwater and slither about on land, squish itself into tiny crevices, change colour, contain venom and grow new tentacles but it could also outwit me? I'm never going outside again 
It's amazing that Jack's never had an ice cream maker when she's got seven slow cookers, twenty blenders, a microwave and a toaster.
It's amazing that Jack's never had an ice cream maker when she's got seven slow cookers, twenty blenders, a microwave and a toaster.
That octopus clip 
I would rather Jack’s black worm dish came to life and crawled towards me (crusty lemons and all). I can’t cope with crabs despite them being my horoscope symbol- doing a Jackie and being 2 days late to the party.
I would rather Jack’s black worm dish came to life and crawled towards me (crusty lemons and all). I can’t cope with crabs despite them being my horoscope symbol- doing a Jackie and being 2 days late to the party.
I had squid ink risotto once when I was in Spain and actually it was delicious (I was a bit sceptical). Not really fishy, a little bit salty but quite a subtle flavour with a really deep savoury aftertaste. It wasn’t what I was expecting at all.
I'm sorry, but I've spent most of winter dreaming about being back in a spanish plaza, at dusk, with a big warm plate of octopus and potatoes and a very cold bottle of white wine. 
on topic, has jack gone viral yet?!
on topic, has jack gone viral yet?!
The word "poverty" actually gets on my thruppenies now. Her constant use of it has tainted it.
There's soooo many different types of financial instability and general lack of funds. Poverty to me ranges from having no cash for the electricity key meter, the last toilet roll, no printer ink....but for someone else it's the possibility of losing their accommodation.
For others it's not being able to afford viv (rip) westwood frocks.
Also....primal scream chat earlier reminded me of the time that my (tit) band went on tour with them 30 years ago. That's my only claim to fame
There's soooo many different types of financial instability and general lack of funds. Poverty to me ranges from having no cash for the electricity key meter, the last toilet roll, no printer ink....but for someone else it's the possibility of losing their accommodation.
For others it's not being able to afford viv (rip) westwood frocks.
Also....primal scream chat earlier reminded me of the time that my (tit) band went on tour with them 30 years ago. That's my only claim to fame
TELL US ALL THE STORIES!
Hehehe!!! All I can say is Blobby Gillespie was quite nice. Definitely star material
- Status