Jack Monroe #16 Queen of the freezer, bathtime teaser & blue tick pleaser

[PennyLoafer]

*hug* Sorry to hear that about your friend, truly am. JM treats this things as a fashion fad, I'm convinced of it.

I'm so sorry too @Lava - that's desperately sad.
With every identity/stance/situation/condition that Jack Monroe adopts for attention then discards, she grossly insults people who have genuinely suffered and struggled. To the list of things she has never truly experienced, we can add humility and shame.

 

[Petelgeuse]

shes made them both look stupid with her outrageous lies! The writer didn’t question how many bones the human foot has? I’ll admit human biology is not my strong suit but even I thought 47 sounds like a lot!

Case closed

 

[Tabitha D]

Jack is so ridiculous. She preaches a middle class idea of what she thinks poor people should be grateful to eat - joyless, tasteless slop in other words - while herself living a 6 figure lifestyle (see the swanky bathroom, huge garden, expensive looking 1930’s rented property, the comfortable family background, the succession of wealthy fiancées, the book sales and website commissions, the Smeg begging, Groucho Club membership, etc). She’s such a hypocrite. This latest book is an insult.

Look at this tonight. Not a tin of chickpeas in sight.

Someone showing others how to cook on a budget with nutritious food, something JM could never do. Watch out Jack, comes out for your crown. And not a moment too soon.

Jack will most definitely not be hooting and someone upstaging her.

These photos look nice. Why are Jack’s photos so relentlessly grim??

 

[PennyLoafer]

WAH WAH WAH MY GIFTED SMEG FRIDGE HAS BROKEN WHAT AM I GOING TO DO WITH ALL THIS FOOD EVERYONE KEEPS GIVING ME AMAZING COMPLIMENTS MY LIFE IS SOOOO UNFAIR WAH WAH WAH

 

[lipsticktaser]

Just catching up! JFC that beggy SMEG tweet. The nerve...

Also, that post about defrosting sausages (?!) on Insta. Was that from today? If so, looks like she’s taken it down??

Oh and also to the kind person that asked if she gets more money if the book is bought directly from her. “Yes but it’s also SO MUCH HARD WORK”
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Why is she moaning about doing her job? It’s income for her that she is supposedly desperate for.
Also, why is she ordering books from her website? Why isn’t the publisher giving her books to sell? Dolly Alderton said she has a box of her books in her flat. They were given to her by the publisher. Everything is such an effort for her? I’m surprised she can take a shit without haemorrhaging every time.

 

[PoorPatrol]

Okay.....I wasn’t going to bring this up. But I feel I’m amongst friends. I’m not happy about this turn of events...but I seem to have developed a crush on Dominic Raab . I’m sorry! Please still let me chum you all along to Court . Actually, in a buck-passing fashion I am holding JM responsible! I was perfectly fine until I watched DKL....

I absolute hate Raab, I shout at him and call him a lying bullshitting piece of shit every time he does a bloody Corona briefing.... and yet.... and yet! He’s got a little arrogant prickish something-something that I find quite sexy I hate myself. Can that be blacked out from the court transcript please? Your honour, I hereby petition the court to have the aforementioned Raab crush redacted, as it will cause irrevocable damage to my reputation.

 

[Peachy9]

Bravely fighting the trolls nips first!

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PS Jack, re. 'caveat'...

Exercising in jeans? Okay hun. Is that bra's elastic meant to be so slack?

 

[PennyLoafer]

I don't believe her fridge broke after a year. Sorry, I don't buy it. Another attention woe is me moan to garner sympathy. I have a hangover today


Penns, you are simply hilarious. xx Visible food for Invisible illnesses is brilliant.

Not so hilarious if you've FUCKING LIVED with unimaginable, awful, devastating invisible illnesses for YEARS!

Sorry, just doing some Monroe cosplaying there.

Thanks Mrs Lint - just trying to spread a little gaiety! Your waterfall of Lucille Ball images cracked me up last night. She really was amazing xx

OT but a guy on Twitter said yesterday that I have a lovely smile. I was quite taken aback. I thanked him for the sweet compliment. If I were Jack Monroe, I would thrown it back in his face, claiming that my smile was the result of being hit in the face with a wok by my abusive cat and NOBODY CARED.

 

[poppycat]

Has she not heard of pre-orders?

As usual she's just creating drama where there is none.
"Can you send me a link?" All she had to do was type the name of her book into ebay search and she would see quite plainly, as if she didn't know, that the book is pre-order.
It must be absolutely exhausting maintaining that level of gormless drama in her life.

 

[Saint_clemmie]

Less than a year after making her child pay for his own sausages.

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do Checkout assistants usually inquire about what you’re going to do with your sausages?

 

[Bellybutton lint]

Your ovaries did whaaatttt?

Yes. Absolutely x

This is just a crazy hunch from my weird little barefoot brain but... I'm starting to think you may be a Lucille Ball fan?

Yes. The funniest woman to have ever walked the earth. I loved her.

 

[Mel Donte]

‘Where’s Mummys breakfast?’ he asks, big blue eyes and two year old concern. 'Don't worry, I'll have a sandwich at Grandma's house', I reply. 'You can have some bread and jam there if you're still hungry. Now run and get your toy dinosaur, you're going to stay with Grandma for a few hours whilst mummy looks for a job.'

 

[PennyLoafer]

I grow weary now. Bring on the apocalypse.

Although this one did make me laugh. Louis, sweetheart, you might as well chuck in chopped burnt tyre rubber and spit on it; it won't make a difference at this stage.

As others have said, the Bourdain thing - wow. A bad-taste insult to his talent and his memory. If she dares to frame this monstrosity in her book as a depressipe tribute to him, I will be writing to her publisher.

 

[Peachy9]

Oh, that judgemental, accusatory comment I made just took me to VIP status.
Thanks Jack, for this and so much more xx

 

[PineappleQueen19]

BTW does anyone have a screenshot of when she was putting out her begging bowl during lock down.

Yes

 

[OhhBacon]

Someone bring me to speed!? Last time I checked in she had camped in her urban jungle garden with a she wee and a disgusting so called ‘toddy’

Where have you been?

You have missed;
Lugging paint to the shed.
Decorating said shed and tweeting about her new show.
Shaving her hair.
Dying a rats tail strand of hair that she left.
Taking messiah style photos of new hair.
Taking photos in the bath.
Taking photos in her bra.
Fridge breaking.
Begging for Smeg fridge.
Lightly Releasing new book.
Making a ton of mashed potatoes and comparing it to proper chef.
A bit more sobbing, ranting, enlightening and deleting.

Think that’s it? Am sure I have missed something.

Edited to add, we still haven’t seen new shed nor is lockdown larder happening now JO is off the screen!

 

[Saturn.]

Jack Monroe #17 - The toe bone's connected to the 47 foot bones - The 47 foot bones connected to the ankle bone …..

 

[Saturn.]

I don't have the brain power today to think of a snappy thread title, but surely beg-a-Smeg has to fit in there somewhere

Not an entry as way too long - just a lunchtime musing .....

Beg a Smeg ... Weird-looking poached egg ... Anchovy fingers ... Christ that smell lingers ... Louisa moved out ... Check out my pout ... Communicate with Mum on Twitter? ... I'd rather Nigella say I look fitter ... Finding my inner GI Jane ... 47 broken bones and no pain ... Tracey Emin on the wall ... Still waiting for that BBC call ... My ex left saying I was erratic ... VITAMIN D BABY - I'M ECSTATIC!!

 

[Bellybutton lint]

I do apologise for the copious pics and captions. Went off on a bit of a tangent. Be well, sleep well and know that I think you are all fabulous.
Good night.

 

[CarrotsandSticks]

She’s number two and three in the “personal finance” book charts! But REST ASSURED EVERYONE, this does not mean she is suddenly wealthy, ok? Keep on with the tip jar, free SMEGs please... View attachment 134039

Honestly, what appalling behaviour !! Morally bankrupt. There will be people giving her money each month who can hardly afford it and she is gummily gurning all the way to the bank ! On another note i was on my daily walk earlier, the smell of forest, the bird sounds - here a photo for you wonderful Hausfrauen