Jack Monroe #152 Gorgonzola semi freddo with dessicated olive and grape

[It’s The Truman Show]

But in her blog thing she said she put her benefits in to a spreadsheet. Anyway, didn't Southend have libraries and community centres where she could use free computers?

Yep. They sure did.

 

[CabalofBolorneaise]

Maybe Pringles?

A colleague had a similar horrendous reaction to quinoa from a bought salad, which is apparently quite common if it’s not washed properly. Jack, you’ve missed your chance for a plausible reaction we’d have all bought because we know you don’t wash stuff properly...

 

[Sideboard Bob]

How on earth do you eat this. To be fair you can make cakes in tin cans as my Mum used them to make turrets for my witches castle cake as I insisted everyone be a witch for my 5th birthday. It appears not much has changed
I'm proper at the caption!

View attachment 445566View attachment 445567

That witch cake sounds epic! 5 year old me was the same, I was so jealous of my friend who’s birthday was on Halloween because everyone said she was a little witch!

Old news now, but about the sm*l* r*b*ts guy ( vanity Googling!). I’ve made some bitchy comments about him, I can’t (SHAN’T!) take them back, but I won’t mention him again from now on. If the worst thing he’s done is be mildly irritating and getting caught up in Jack’s vortex then... good luck to him.

 

[EllaEm87]

That Threader page is the gift that keeps on giving. I am currently hooting at her Smart Price Miss Marple act after claiming her phone number was stolen and the last six months' earnings (around five grand) had been cleared out of her account. She swears that as she is 'an autistic, methodical, ruthless investigator' she will pull a Liam Neeson and track them down. I don't think we ever heard anything more about it. As a matter of interest, this was 11th October 2019, three days before her book deadline.

So her earnings each month just sat there and she didn’t spend any of it? Some living wage she’s paying herself there.

 

[holliebollie]

Does anyone else feel like we are the only people who cringe at Jack? She is David Brent and we are Tim, everyone else is Gareth?! How can Smol Bot man see that there are 150 threads on her, gently, softly (kill me) exposing her own BS, yet still think WE are the weirdos?! Does no one have the social and critical thinking skills to see that she’s a wrong’un?

 

[Mokie]

I’m still here but feeling a bit overwhelmed- you lot go too quick for me!
I’ll have a look through and answer some questions tomorrow- I still have to do it in secret as Mr EssexBoy101 is “not impressed”

Do you know who the man off the telly was? The “crush”

edit : typo

 

[fauxpoor]

I’m still here but feeling a bit overwhelmed- you lot go too quick for me!
I’ll have a look through and answer some questions tomorrow- I still have to do it in secret as Mr EssexBoy101 is “not impressed”

Hey essexgirl, I have a question but don't have the magic needed to make your name turn blue,
Our Jack is now claiming this week that she was a prostitute in 2013. 2013!
Please can you give us your insider knowledge.

Does Mr.Essex know that she is constantly profiting off of genuinely *poor* people?
And that the cabal is funny as duck

 

[traumatised sideboard]

So her earnings each month just sat there and she didn’t spend any of it? Some living wage she’s paying herself there.

I mean obviously the entire thing doesn't make sense. She says in the thread she is 'absolutely absurdly paranoid about security' but just a few days ago she was running on about constantly forgetting and re-setting passwords and losing her keys and bank cards due to her SEVERE ADHD. Very safety conscious, much protection.

My favourite part may be her furious sign-off that this has come at a terrible time as she has APPLE BATTER TO TEST. I don't know which book she was trying to finish in three days at that point (Good Food for Bad Days?) but I can't find any trace of Jack Monroe apple batter online. Wonder if that recipe is going to re-surface in her newest tome? Come on, solve the mystery for us - just what is apple batter and how have you debased it?

 

[EllaEm87]

I mean obviously the entire thing doesn't make sense. She says in the thread she is 'absolutely absurdly paranoid about security' but just a few days ago she was running on about constantly forgetting and re-setting passwords and losing her keys and bank cards due to her SEVERE ADHD. Very safety conscious, much protection.

My favourite part may be her furious sign-off that this has come at a terrible time as she has APPLE BATTER TO TEST. I don't know which book she was trying to finish in three days at that point (Good Food for Bad Days?) but I can't find any trace of Jack Monroe apple batter online. Wonder if that recipe is going to re-surface in her newest tome? Come on, solve the mystery for us - just what is apple batter and how have you debased it?

She must have misplaced that lost £5k in the Apple batter, hence why it was never submitted to her editors. It’s now in the freezer with the fish.

Also sorry, no idea what Apple batter is either.

 

[Sideboard Bob]

Does anyone else feel like we are the only people who cringe at Jack? She is David Brent and we are Tim, everyone else is Gareth?! How can Smol Bot man see that there are 150 threads on her, gently, softly (kill me) exposing her own BS, yet still think WE are the weirdos?! Does no one have the social and critical thinking skills to see that she’s a wrong’un?

That analogy is ! I’m sure someone mentioned before that it’s only because we’re the only ones who pay enough attention to notice all the inconsistencies (putting it kindly).
It just makes me a bit more, I don’t know, dubious, of people on social media. Sometimes I wonder if there’s famous or “internet famous” people I really like, but in reality they’re Jack and I’m a squiggle. This site has really improved my bullshit detector though.

With the witch-cake and your comment, this gif had to be done

 

[LeftToMyOwnDevices]

No heat, no fridge, no lightbulbs for TWO YEARS. Oh, come off it.

Also, looking after a child “alone”.

Didn’t happen, such a liar, I wish the media would wake up to all her inconsistencies

 

[fauxpoor]

I feel like I need to make the traditional warning for people from the north east - stop telling people how nice it is we like it to ourselves (especially the beaches. Last time I was at Bamburgh it was rammed - as in there were other people there)
Thankspaceyou

Quite, I live on the North West coast but for security reasons I can say no more.
Plus don't want all you ninnies bothering about heh
Absolutely love being near the beaches and the water, don't think I could be land-locked now.

I’m a day behind so this might already have been commented on - she claims to have been involved in prostitution and stealing food to survive in 2013, isn’t that at odds with the more recent timeline?

Yes I spotted that too, have asked essexgirl to confirm the claims.

So Hellman’s staff were asking the questions, and tattle were the viewers? Made a big impact there mackie

The worst of all these dreadful collaborations is she gets PAID good money for this!
Jack doesn't care about quality of content, or authenticity, just the MONEY.

 

[TitsMcGee]

Over on Twitter, a squig is waiting (im)patiently for the granola recipe . Don’t hold your breath, pal.

 

[Sideboard Bob]

I mean obviously the entire thing doesn't make sense. She says in the thread she is 'absolutely absurdly paranoid about security' but just a few days ago she was running on about constantly forgetting and re-setting passwords and losing her keys and bank cards due to her SEVERE ADHD. Very safety conscious, much protection.

My favourite part may be her furious sign-off that this has come at a terrible time as she has APPLE BATTER TO TEST. I don't know which book she was trying to finish in three days at that point (Good Food for Bad Days?) but I can't find any trace of Jack Monroe apple batter online. Wonder if that recipe is going to re-surface in her newest tome? Come on, solve the mystery for us - just what is apple batter and how have you debased it?

Those threads really show a pattern of almost unbelievable bad luck right before a deadline or other important piece of work don’t they!
Maybe the ‘apple batter‘ was her “chunky Mediterranean arse” sitting on an iWatch or something?

@Mokie I want to know who the man off the telly was too! I don’t know why, but I think there might be a sliver of truth there. I really hope he turns out, in a beautiful synchronicity, to be “our Graeme“ from Blind Date.

Spoiler: arse rant

Both me and autocarrot struggled to type the words “chunky Mediterranean arse”. It’s always bothered me. She somehow offends a whole region of Europe, and implies a “chunky arse” is a bad thing. It’s not at all, and in a very shallow way, I think a “chunky arse“ is nice thing. Edited to add, omg not on her though! I have standards!
The hills we die on!

 

[heretoreaditall2019]

Does anyone else feel like we are the only people who cringe at Jack? She is David Brent and we are Tim, everyone else is Gareth?! How can Smol Bot man see that there are 150 threads on her, gently, softly (kill me) exposing her own BS, yet still think WE are the weirdos?! Does no one have the social and critical thinking skills to see that she’s a wrong’un?

His mention of the threads to Jack was really weird to me... like he’s had a few inconsequential mentions so far scattered across pages / threads so he must have read quite a lot of content in order to find it all. I strongly suspect he was keeping up with that content, especially had a wobbler when we were critical (myself included in this!) in near real time to the mentions, and immediately sought comfort from JM... the very person he’d been reading about? A bit bizarrely transparent but we all have our own tit I suppose.

To be entirely honest it’s hard to have any sympathy. His publishers blurb says he works in data, there’s a plethora of well paid jobs available, even during the pandemic, it’s not as if those robots are the only thing keeping him from a dose of Jack Monroe DestitutionTM, plus monetising sponsorbot is pretty ghastly to boot. In summary 3/10 a v boring side character, I miss Eammon Holmes x

 

[ChickenPorridge]

Those threads really show a pattern of almost unbelievable bad luck right before a deadline or other important piece of work don’t they!
Maybe the ‘apple batter‘ was her “chunky Mediterranean arse” sitting on an iWatch or something?

@Mokie I want to know who the man off the telly was too! I don’t know why, but I think there might be a sliver of truth there. I really hope he turns out, in a beautiful synchronicity, to be “our Graeme“ from Blind Date.

Spoiler: arse rant

Both me and autocarrot struggled to type the words “chunky Mediterranean arse”. It’s always bothered me. She somehow offends a whole region of Europe, and implies a “chunky arse” is a bad thing. It’s not at all, and in a very shallow way, I think a “chunky arse“ is nice thing. Edited to add, omg not on her though! I have standards!
The hills we die on!

Apple batter jeans, Coop with the fur, everybody on the train was lookin at huuuur! Sorry

 

[Sideboard Bob]

Apple batter jeans, Coop with the fur, everybody on the train was lookin at huuuur! Sorry

”everybody on the train” Genius!

 

[MaineCoonMama]

thank
you
I
try
but
still
I
cry
till I die
WHY

I've put my email in the 'about me' in my profile.

 

[Soapy Dolphin]

Apple batter? I presumed it was a euphemism but seems to be an actual puddingy thing.

 

[lilamay]

On topic- whose foot is that? Using another desktop pc that MIGHT HAVE A BLACK KEYBOARD DJUST LIKE NOTJACK HAS

And just like the keyboard seen in this pic on Louisa's instagram from July 2020.

Also noticed NotJack's dishes are rather like this one from her cannellini beurre blanc recipe: https://cookingonabootstrap.com/2019/05/31/cannelini-beurre-blanc-recipe/