Jack Monroe #142 Honorary Unt

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Dearest new internet friends, I think we need to set up a support group for us to get through these difficult times. Many of us are not sleeping, waiting up all night for new drama, to watch new chaos unfold. And Jack rarely fails to disappoint, and I foresee many a sleepless hour as Jack's book deadline approaches. As Jack herself has taught us, a lack of sleep is very dangerous and I wouldn't want any of us tweeting racist nonsense of insulting dead children, as we all know is just too easy to do when in such a state. If any of you to feel yourselves facing such a sleep-deprived urge, please do resist the best you can, take a dino nap, reach out, we are here for you in your time of need.
 
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So pleased you posted this I didn't sleep well because I was up with the baby most of the night. As I stood in the kitchen just now, making another coffee, I felt this pull to post something offensive and regrettable on social media (as I am wont to do when tired). I picked up my phone and instead read your message, which has saved me. No one will want to cancel me today. Thank you kind Frau
 
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Did you listen or give up after the first 30 seconds of that monotone voice describing rank vegan cheese? Good on you if you lasted more than a minute!
I did, you know! Don't know why I do it to myself, her voice is more than nails on a blackboard for me, the posh-sounding nasal drawl actually makes my skin crawl and yet .... Anyway, she goes on about how she had an eating disorder for ten years and wouldn't eat but thanks to THE POVERTY she now hoards food and never goes without. When she gets narky apparently people are like 'YOU MUST EAT SOMETHING' and she snacks, again this is to do with THE POVERTY and not, like, the totally normal condition of being hangry which affects most of us. She's asked if she would eat someone else if she was starving and she harks back to her answer on a previous podcast that she'd eat herself if she could, because she'd be delicious. Blah blah salt and vinegar crisps, Discos are her favourite, blah blah, all sounding very pleased with herself for some unfathomable reason.

Re. the twitter apology, which I was lucky enough to see last night before it was deleted - she talks about how she barely knows what she's writing because of her EXHAUSTION and STRESS so I can't wait to see how the book she's working frantically on this weekend turns out! It's gonna be a corker.
 
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Look at what she's faved on twitter this morning! She must be very proud of her Veganuary influence!

 
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You can make a thread on her yourself if you like? Though as you're a "new member" I'm not sure if you'll have to wait a bit till a more established member . Also not sure what category a guinea pig hoarding scammer would fit in!

Actually - just had a look, she has a 22K following on Insta so you could set one up in the "Instagramers" section.



 
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Forgot to squiggle out the username from the bacon bits post, sorry! Though if anyone's in any doubt about Jack's target audience, the user bio is quite telling: "Dog owning, cheese loving, Cotswold dwelling, hockey playing, gilet wearing equine enthusiast." Fairly sure they're not buying £1 bacon because they can't afford the more expensive stuff. They have an incredibly gorgeous dog though, I will give them that.
 
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By the time I catch up, everyone has always said what I want to say.

But on the lies survey, I particularly enjoyed the for sale sign being kicked down outside the shitty bungalow.
 
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Matt Haig is the tosser to end all tossers. He’s made a career on stitching together #loveyourself memes from Tumblr circa 2012.

He’s also the commander-in-chief of the #BeKind army but will gladly set his flying monkeys on anyone who dares question him.

Birds of a feather and all that...
 
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I think last week he was saying he was having suicidal thoughts after some people pointed out one of his tweets was ableist.
 
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I don't get it, I thought her house was meant to be really tidy and organised at the moment.

 
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I didn’t know being hangry was a legit medical condition. Must put a wheelchair in my bio, ASAP!
 
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The wheelchair. I have an actually disabled child and I wouldn’t use that as he can walk.
 
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