Jack Monroe #123 CAROLE MALONE IS AWAY

[Pocahontas]

December 11

BB: Day 1 of her symptoms (long bike ride, came home and a cough, sneeze and sore throat, assumed it was a cold, but cancels all plans and starts self-isolating)

JM is angry that people are criticizing her for writing for the Daily Express.

December 12

BB’s symptoms continue

JM goes to the shop to buy the Daily Express (three copies)

December 13

BB has a terrible headache

JM bores us to death with her knitting tales.

December 14

BB has diarrhoea, sore throat, cough & sneezing but it all felt fairly manageable

JM tweets “Well it was going to happen eventually. One of SBs teachers has tested positive for COVID19 so we are going into isolation. As you might expect, I’m in the kitchen with a clipboard doing a full stocktake to see how we can munch through 10 days on whatever provisions we have in...”

At this point BB has had three days of symptoms and is getting worse. Symptoms include a cough.

December 15

BB gets positive test result, symptoms get worse

JM tweets “I’m gutted to say that goodies ordered through Big Cartel & Patreon won’t be able to be posted until we either have negative test results and/or isolation is over. I’ll update my sites & I’m really sorry for the inconvenience. Closing days before Christmas really isn’t ideal.”

December 16

BB’s breathing gets bad, shooting pain from groin to knee and knee to ankle

JM engages in a bit of foreshadowing with this tweet: “Recipes almost ready to go but will be published tomorrow now. It’s a lot of very focused and precise work and there’s a lot else going on here at the moment. Stay safe everyone. Promise it’ll be worth the wait. Hopefully.”

December 17

BB is feeling better, doing chores around the house

JM announces she’s got Covid and tweets a thermometer as proof. Later that day she malfunctions and tweets out reams of food combinations.

December 18

BB’s breathing gets REALLY bad

JM rewrites history her Daily Express recipes and publishes them in a frankly incomprehensible format on her blog

December 19

BB writes “the breathing was worse than I’ve ever experienced. Walking to the toilet took ages to recover from. The more I panicked about my breathing the worst it got. Deep, long, calm breathing really helped. As did lying really still. And not talking.”

JM offers to write a recipe for a one-tray Christmas menu for one or two people. Hours later we learn that she is still having Covid-19. Her joints are on fire, silently screaming inside.

Squiggle shines out a bat light to the long-Covid community. JM 'has had' Covid for 48 hours.

December 20

BB: was feeling faint all the time and eventually fainted getting out of the bath which was horrible. I would have to stand up really slowly and stand still for a minute before walking to allow my body to adjust. Breathing was still awful. Develops facial tic

December 21

BB’s symptoms are as above

JM is knitting

December 22

BB writes “the breathing felt so much better. The cough which had never been that bad turned into a persistent hacking cough. My sense of smell started to return too. Headaches/facial tic still there”

JM is slowly, gently, restfully writing about her heroes (because as we’ll soon learn, CAROLE MALONE IS AWAY).

December 23

BB tweets this is day 13 and the whole timeline is based on this. breathing has improved a lot more. Sore throat, cough and sneezing still but it feels more like a manageable cold than anything else.

JM calls a household meeting to hold a vote on whether she should make roast potatoes. The democratic vote said she should, but reader, she didn’t.

Takes delivery of fishes and loaves.

Has bed hair in bed with the ‘rona. (typing this makes me feel icky).


December 24

JM tweets “Making stuff to get ahead for lunch tomorrow. There are three of us, but you’d be forgiven for casting an eye around my kitchen and thinking I was feeding forty-seven. It’s the Greek-Irish hybrid, absolutely no concept of portion control.”

Based on the there are three of us it strongly suggests BB, JM and SB are in the same home and have been for the duration of BB’s illness, as BB would not have been able to move house at any time between December 11 (onset of symptoms) and December 24 (still symptomatic).

You got your promotion yet, Detective?
I see @Veronicaaa is working her way up the ranks as well.

 

[Nottonightbabe]

She's going to try and make long covid recipes, isn't she?

 

[Hollaaa]

View attachment 361212View attachment 361213

TIME IS A BLUR HA HA HA HA HA isn't it effing just?

 

[HotesTilaire]

As you can imagine Fraus, I would be howling and clawing at the floor over her appropriation of long covid, except I can’t stand for long or talk due to having the Rona 9 months ago I am fewmin.
She’s not even getting the loss of smell/taste right, she’s obviously parroting scraps of what others have said.
She should have faked it at the start when there were no tests to disprove it

When was sociallys distanced bench meet up? Was this the Sunday Tier 2 meet-up Louisa missed?

 

[Lurker1985!]

Can I make a guess for the next bombshell? She is a chimera who absorbed her own twin in the womb. It’s the most batshit thing I can think of that she can pluck out of nowhere.

 

[Eurgh]

She's going to try and make long covid recipes, isn't she?

Ouchy lungs?

 

[CabalofBolorneaise]

Question for the detective/timeline Fraus (very impressed by you all) - on the day it seems L called an ambulance/111 called one for her, was Jack tweeting? I’m wondering how that matches up or if there’s a gap.

 

[TurnedUpInTipp]

I work in fostering (dont triangulate me!), not sure about back then but these days you'd be very unlikely to be approved as a foster carer if you said that your child was traumatised from an abduction... they would not see it in the best interests of the family's birth child...

I was thinking more along the lines that little Jack may not have been entirely happy with new kids and needed some attention, possibly wandered off and came back with a story.

ETA.. I cast no aspersions on her parents.

 

[LyraBalaqua]

I don’t think she mentioned migraines 3 weeks ago , wasn’t she still bouncing off Marcus’s GQ coat tails and duck ugly trainer photo shoots were all up her niche?

 

[Marmalade Atkins]

Question for the detective/timeline Fraus (very impressed by you all) - on the day it seems L called an ambulance/111 called one for her, was Jack tweeting? I’m wondering how that matches up or if there’s a gap.

No, Jack didn't tweet that day.

 

[Yorkiepud]

How is 10 days (by my sketchy counting) now counted as 'long Covid'? HOW! It's making me irrationally angry for people with actual long Covid; she is literally only just allowed out of the house! Come back in 6 months.

Or rather; don't.

 

[CabalofBolorneaise]

No, Jack didn't tweet that day.

Thank you! Just saw @Veronicaaa had that in the summary too, sorry - missed it with the abduction story from Jack.

 

[Scarletfever]

View attachment 361216
View attachment 361218

I just cannot deal with the childhood abduction thing.

What a cold hearted bleep she is to that squiggle who is struggling. She is an emotional black hole who does not give a duck about anyone else. She literally preys on the vulnerable and discards them when they are no longer of use.

 

[HotesTilaire]

Parents probably worried why she was being quiet then a week later she told them she was abducted. Couldn’t have communicated it at the time someone could take any kind of action...
Squiggles are becoming smart
Edit- post got squished with second post

 

[MooBelle]

Well, she's reached an all time high/low hasn't she?
Nobody giving a big enough tit about her Covid because, sadly, it is just a fact of life now. BB gets written about and the attention has been taken from her. All of the negative attention from being the new Carole Malone has wounded her.
So she throws out a flippant comment about being abducted (never happened) because she has to make it something HUGE and truly awful. No mention of spoliers or apologising to those to whom it may have triggered.
So unbelievably narcissistic. She has to control the narrative and be the focal point of ultimate attention.

 

[Turnsoutlittlemonkeyfella]

Long covid? She was out buying that shitrag on the 12th dec.

Edit: I see this has already been addressed, but my god shes such a flaming liar!!

 

[Froggies]

10 days becomes 3 weeks becomes long covid.

Jeez there is no end to her bullshit is there? She’s made me realllllllly cross with this. Poor people actually suffering with long covid and she’s writing this bleeping tit after 10 days.

 

[CabalofBolorneaise]

Long covid? She was out buying that shitrag on the 12th dec.

She’s tripping herself up so much that surely someone has to get hold of it? The papers are loving reporting on COVID breaches...

 

[GoLando]

December 11

BB: Day 1 of her symptoms (long bike ride, came home and a cough, sneeze and sore throat, assumed it was a cold, but cancels all plans and starts self-isolating)

JM is angry that people are criticizing her for writing for the Daily Express.

December 12

BB’s symptoms continue

JM goes to the shop to buy the Daily Express (three copies)

December 13

BB has a terrible headache

JM bores us to death with her knitting tales.

December 14

BB has diarrhoea, sore throat, cough & sneezing but it all felt fairly manageable

JM tweets “Well it was going to happen eventually. One of SBs teachers has tested positive for COVID19 so we are going into isolation. As you might expect, I’m in the kitchen with a clipboard doing a full stocktake to see how we can munch through 10 days on whatever provisions we have in...”

At this point BB has had three days of symptoms and is getting worse. Symptoms include a cough.

December 15

BB gets positive test result, symptoms get worse

JM tweets “I’m gutted to say that goodies ordered through Big Cartel & Patreon won’t be able to be posted until we either have negative test results and/or isolation is over. I’ll update my sites & I’m really sorry for the inconvenience. Closing days before Christmas really isn’t ideal.”

December 16

BB’s breathing gets bad, shooting pain from groin to knee and knee to ankle

JM engages in a bit of foreshadowing with this tweet: “Recipes almost ready to go but will be published tomorrow now. It’s a lot of very focused and precise work and there’s a lot else going on here at the moment. Stay safe everyone. Promise it’ll be worth the wait. Hopefully.”

December 17

BB is feeling better, doing chores around the house

JM announces she’s got Covid and tweets a thermometer as proof. Later that day she malfunctions and tweets out reams of food combinations.

December 18

BB’s breathing gets REALLY bad

JM rewrites history her Daily Express recipes and publishes them in a frankly incomprehensible format on her blog

December 19

BB writes “the breathing was worse than I’ve ever experienced. Walking to the toilet took ages to recover from. The more I panicked about my breathing the worst it got. Deep, long, calm breathing really helped. As did lying really still. And not talking.”

JM offers to write a recipe for a one-tray Christmas menu for one or two people. Hours later we learn that she is still having Covid-19. Her joints are on fire, silently screaming inside.

Squiggle shines out a bat light to the long-Covid community. JM 'has had' Covid for 48 hours.

December 20

BB: was feeling faint all the time and eventually fainted getting out of the bath which was horrible. I would have to stand up really slowly and stand still for a minute before walking to allow my body to adjust. Breathing was still awful. Develops facial tic

December 21

BB’s symptoms are as above

JM is knitting

December 22

BB writes “the breathing felt so much better. The cough which had never been that bad turned into a persistent hacking cough. My sense of smell started to return too. Headaches/facial tic still there”

JM is slowly, gently, restfully writing about her heroes (because as we’ll soon learn, CAROLE MALONE IS AWAY).

December 23

BB tweets this is day 13 and the whole timeline is based on this. breathing has improved a lot more. Sore throat, cough and sneezing still but it feels more like a manageable cold than anything else.

JM calls a household meeting to hold a vote on whether she should make roast potatoes. The democratic vote said she should, but reader, she didn’t.

Takes delivery of fishes and loaves.

Has bed hair in bed with the ‘rona. (typing this makes me feel icky).


December 24

JM tweets “Making stuff to get ahead for lunch tomorrow. There are three of us, but you’d be forgiven for casting an eye around my kitchen and thinking I was feeding forty-seven. It’s the Greek-Irish hybrid, absolutely no concept of portion control.”

Based on the there are three of us it strongly suggests BB, JM and SB are in the same home and have been for the duration of BB’s illness, as BB would not have been able to move house at any time between December 11 (onset of symptoms) and December 24 (still symptomatic).

She also mentioned how “the adults” in the house were feeling terrible but SB was ok. (Sorry if you said that, I have a limited attention span made worse by Christmas)

 

[KebabGirl]

Just been catching up on my Twitter feed, and this keeps appearing

Have The Times have used someone semi famous as an illustration the virus can hit anyone seriously, and to reinforce the need for tiers?

The abduction thing is really weird. How long before it's deleted? Surely if remotely true she would have mentioned before, given how much she over shares?