Jack Monroe #122 You don’t batch tweet when you’ve got a 106 fever

[Marwood]

We used to for our cats. My kitty died this year during lockdown and I made a photo album for my Mum and Dad including a picture of said kitty sniffing her Christmas present a couple of years ago

It was because it had catnip in. She even wagged her tail when she realised it was hers. I swear she was part dog. First Christmas away from my parents and first without our little Daisy.

Sorry Fraus. I've already cried at Arthur Christmas today

I'm so sorry, it's so hard to lose a pet even in the best of years, and so tough not to be seeing family. Has staying in touch online been any comfort? My dad's been in hospital for weeks and we moved back into near-max lockdown just as they were starting to consider allowing visits again. My main coping strategy is the extremely healthy "think about literally anything else" method

I can get behind wrapping cat presents too, mostly so they can play with the paper or get into the paper bag it came in afterwards

 

[Jelly Bean]

This stance on trifles is so hilarious.
Obviously hoping it will go viral
Twats like her often make a pronoucement eg 'Cheese and onion crisps are the only crisps - I will not be taking questions on this'. Purely a lazy ploy for engagement. I'm always amazed grown ups bother to respond.

 

[bladiesla]

On a serious note though, it's really pissed me off, her comparing trifles which aren't to her specific (poor) taste to seeking hard-won justice for actual war crimes, where real people have suffered and there are bereaved families still affected. All to be a punchline to a not particularly funny Twitter engagement "joke". On Christmas Eve.

Yeah, that's why I was wondering if being precious about trifles was a thing, or if she was wanting to make it her thing ("That's just me and my maverick brain, loving papaJack's things from a pack"). And what a dumb joke about the international crime court, the joke police should take her in custardy for that (badum tsssssjjj, sorry guys)

 

[colouredlines]

Yeah, that's why I was wondering if being precious about trifles was a thing, or if she was wanting to make it her thing ("That's just me and my maverick brain, loving papaJack's things from a pack"). And what a dumb joke about the international crime court, the joke police should take her in custardy for that (badum tsssssjjj, sorry guys)

Someone with political prisoners on speed dial ought to be more sensitive.

 

[matchakitkat]

My mum and nan both had brief trifle phases which resulted in them churning out 70’s abominations like Jack’s family creations every now and then.

As a rule, I bleeping hate it but for the most part, the Triflegate 19 all looked pretty edible... nay, delicious?? She’s such a berk.

 

[kachoochoo]

We used to for our cats. My kitty died this year during lockdown and I made a photo album for my Mum and Dad including a picture of said kitty sniffing her Christmas present a couple of years ago

It was because it had catnip in. She even wagged her tail when she realised it was hers. I swear she was part dog. First Christmas away from my parents and first without our little Daisy.

Sorry Fraus. I've already cried at Arthur Christmas today

ah, I'm sorry. I just thought it was such a *Jack* thing to do.

 

[AlphaBeta]

Genuinely thought she'd stuck a cheap wet ham butter-free sandwich in at the bottom there.

Vegan egg sandwich, or?

 

[bignose28]

wrap. a. present. for. the. cat. who does that?

madness

pmsl

 

[Professor Slop]

I saw this reply to the fish "surprise". Squiggle sensibly asks what one of the fish pieces is, Jack responds like a stupid giggly 12 year old and offers no suggestion nor asks the fish people to help her out with this one. Fish people have to reply sensibly and offer a recipe suggestion. 20 quid Jack's looks nothing like this. She's so ungrateful.

 

[jenny2603]

Aspic, oh no! Jack is exactly the sort of person who would try to revive aspics - her dream would be random pieces of fish and eggs floating in a meaty jelly 90% vegan

I think we need to face up to the very real possibility she eats cat food for pleasure. Sorry greedily devours Whiskas pouches like a randy capybara undulating on a coffee table.

 

[bladiesla]

Vegan egg sandwich, or?

a yellow sticker one

 

[Emmapism]

I'm so sorry, it's so hard to lose a pet even in the best of years, and so tough not to be seeing family. Has staying in touch online been any comfort? My dad's been in hospital for weeks and we moved back into near-max lockdown just as they were starting to consider allowing visits again. My main coping strategy is the extremely healthy "think about literally anything else" method

I can get behind wrapping cat presents too, mostly so they can play with the paper or get into the paper bag it came in afterwards

My Mum has mastered video calling on her phone but it's a cheap android and doesn't always work! So we mainly do old fashioned phone calls. Been able to see them outside twice this year so I count myself lucky.

Really sorry to hear about your Dad. That first visit back is going to be worth it. I think getting through every Christmas movie in the history of ever is my distraction therapy right now!

Plus reading along with this witty lot.

I was going to suggest a thread title of TIS BUT A TRIFLE but it was too late in the game

 

[kachoochoo]

this looks... ok I guess

 

[Professor Slop]

I get that people like to get their pets presents and fair play that she can afford a £32 cat bed. but she was actually going to wrap it?! wrap. a. present. for. the. cat. who does that?

madness

I got my dog a new rhino toy for xmas since she loved the last one so much she ate it's head. I was debating wrapping it - I know there's no point, I'll likely have to help her open it and she'd like it better unwrapped. I still might.

 

[Begborrowsteal]

Extremely not well lol. duck off.

 

[LyraBalaqua]

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I actually loathe her more than ever.

The brass necked nerve of her to bounce back from pretending she had the virus to being able to produce a tit trifle whilst slagging off far superior creations, she’s unbearable.

 

[BeautifulTrauma]

Why is she using a steak knife so cut what I'm guessing is kippers?

Her house must absolutely retch. And I've never heard of kippers and egg, is that a thing?

At least we can all agree she never had covid, ever. If she did and it all added up, she still wouldn't be able to taste. Your body doesn't just get better because it's Christmas Eve Jack! Thank God her son isn't having to spend Christmas Eve with her, the poor lad.

 

[Walkdengirl]

All that crockery and all those serving dishes and that is the best trifle bowl she can come up with?!

I was thinking the same. I have a lovely footed bowl for my trifle, tiramisu etc. You eat with your eyes, and a nice bowl really sets it off.

I've just made that mans praline semi freddo for dessert tomorrow. Even unfrozen it was so delicious I had to stop myself scarfing it down like a greedy goblin

 

[MrsOgre]

Why is she using a steak knife so cut what I'm guessing is kippers?

Her house must absolutely retch. And I've never heard of kippers and egg, is that a thing?

At least we can all agree she never had covid, ever. If she did and it all added up, she still wouldn't be able to taste. Your body doesn't just get better because it's Christmas Eve Jack! Thank God her son isn't having to spend Christmas Eve with her, the poor lad.

That kipper will be repeating on her from now until 2021 unless she has bread with it and not the soft softly pillowy kind. And don't need a knife at all.

Jack hun you're on your own in that house. You aren't fooling me.

 

[Pantomimehorse]

By the colour of that yolk that's no budget egg, guess the Ocado delivery just came