She’s ruined Christmas for anyone who has to eat that abomination from the bungalow of COVID.
Jack Monroe #119 She says lots of things, many of which are false
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Ditto. Myself and Mr Moo regularly quote this at each other. This and 'help me I'm poor' from Bridesmaids, which I believe @Alansbigplate already 'Jacked up' (also a running joke between me and my boss, because she also hates Jack)
It's Christmas time
There's always need to be afraid
It's Christmas time
She cooks old shite in the same old shade
But in this year of 20
She shares no smiles or joy
Throw slop into the bin this Christmas time.
But say a prayer, pray for the squiggle ones
At Christmas time it's hard but when she's having no fun.
She will stand outside your window with her shark eyes and a sneer
Does she know it's Christmas time at all.
There's always need to be afraid
It's Christmas time
She cooks old shite in the same old shade
But in this year of 20
She shares no smiles or joy
Throw slop into the bin this Christmas time.
But say a prayer, pray for the squiggle ones
At Christmas time it's hard but when she's having no fun.
She will stand outside your window with her shark eyes and a sneer
Does she know it's Christmas time at all.
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Ginger scared the crap out of me when I was 8. It was having red hair that did it, as it made him 'like me' instead of a dead Egyptian.
I’m tempted to fully triangulate myself and post photos of my own roast dinners. I can’t understand how she has the audacity to market this as some kind of wonderful gift to her squiggles! How is it all grey but yellow? How have her allegedly par-boiled potatoes got nothing going on with their edges? How have veg peelings become a stony flavourless brick? Why does her custard look like it was made from powder and lard? How has she made nothing look it’s best, she’s even made roasted carrots look dead.
Also. It’s Christmas. People want a variety of dishes don’t they? There’s no colour there. Even when I lay out a standard roast, I do it in a sort of wheel/colour scheme, as I was taught about complementary colours and textures years and years ago by a friend’s mum. My Christmas dinner has lots of yellowy browns of course, but we also have spinach, red cabbage, peas, broccoli, and sprouts all interspersed to make it look vibrant. Oh, and I don’t think she made those Yorkshire’s. I don’t think it’s possible for homemade ones to look that grim. Mine are like pillows.
Also. It’s Christmas. People want a variety of dishes don’t they? There’s no colour there. Even when I lay out a standard roast, I do it in a sort of wheel/colour scheme, as I was taught about complementary colours and textures years and years ago by a friend’s mum. My Christmas dinner has lots of yellowy browns of course, but we also have spinach, red cabbage, peas, broccoli, and sprouts all interspersed to make it look vibrant. Oh, and I don’t think she made those Yorkshire’s. I don’t think it’s possible for homemade ones to look that grim. Mine are like pillows.
I’d love to see your roast!
I think the yellow is from plastering it with English Mustard when cold to cover the crappiest bits.
It hasn't worked to make it look edible - it's more like the wrinkly chickens in bags from Asda's rotisserie (note: Do NOT eat those. An ex worked on repairing the equipment/removing any stray 'things' that get stuck inside. Just DON'T do it). And even if it were just cold for photography purposes, plastering it withyellow Polyfilla Colman's like that would make it inedible from the heat.
It hasn't worked to make it look edible - it's more like the wrinkly chickens in bags from Asda's rotisserie (note: Do NOT eat those. An ex worked on repairing the equipment/removing any stray 'things' that get stuck inside. Just DON'T do it). And even if it were just cold for photography purposes, plastering it with
What’s the green stuff? Veg peelings?
tit, got space for an extra bubble-buddy for christmas?! Haha
..But the funniest thing about Monroe, and it really is always the case, but she's so deluded by the idea that she's some maverick genius that she wouldn't see, understand or even comprehend any of what you just said. Just blind, mad belief that whatever she touches in the kitchen turns to gold. One just has to read that guardian article about 'autistic superpower' should there be any doubt. It's almost admirable, to live in a world of such pure, unadulterated ignorant-of-reality bliss - if it wasn't so cringeworthy.
a christmas roast without braised red cabbage is a crime imo! hers isn't balanced at all, it's nice to have something crunchy (potatoes), something creamy (eg creamed leeks or cauli cheese), something slightly sweet and spiced (braised red cabbage), something green and crisp (sprouts, broccoli or in my case both)...this is obviously on top of all the other trimmings but at the very least a christmas roast needs those elements to be worthy of publishing in a bleeping newspaper!
Do you think she has ever eaten a proper Christmas dinner?
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Saw this tweet and thought of Jack! 
Ian Ford
@ij_ford
Just popping to the supermarket if anyone wants me to make up an anecdote?
11:31 AM · Dec 16, 2020·Twitter for Android
Ian Ford
@ij_ford
Just popping to the supermarket if anyone wants me to make up an anecdote?
11:31 AM · Dec 16, 2020·Twitter for Android
Well, maybe 90%
You need to add a “Please Jack will...you...just...duck...off” option.
Has she announced the result of the Covid test yet? Because I imagine if it’s positive she would be shouting it from the rooftops
The most amazing thing about this whole meal is she was PAID! somebody actually asked her to cook this, then paid her for it! Where is the jaw drop emoji?
our poor transatlantic fraus will definitely be
about prawn cocktail having seen that. It looks like veg peelings, rice pudding and witcherty grub
our poor transatlantic fraus will definitely be
about prawn cocktail having seen that. It looks like veg peelings, rice pudding and witcherty grub 
What’s the bleeping point of crowing that you’ve got a free range chicken when some of the meal is cheap crappy sausage, bacon, prawns and lard? How come the chicken is allowed to be free range but the pig doesn’t get that luxury? There’s also absolutely no point in announcing that your grim stuffing can be a vegan main and your ‘pudding’ could be vegan when there’s absolutely nothing else that they can eat. Red bisto is vegan and am sure would be preferred by everyone than that abomination. Why does no one except us question this pure tit?
You don't get 400g of peels from 2kg of potatoes and carrots. Why is she bothering to lie about this?!
There’s no issue cos we all know she won’t be.
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