Oh no no no. I am kind of caught up I suppose (actual job means actually busy). There are many many things to say about that Christmas dinner but I am just so sad about that prawn cocktail. Not to do a Mars bar style personal essay but I'm vegan and really miss seafood and prawn cocktail is delicious nostalgia (made of unethical tortured crustaceans and poor indentured cows and migrant workers on tomato farms, but shhh), but she just made it more unappetising than the ethics.
Nice lettuce - Lamb's lettuce, Cos, Little Gems (whatever you personally like that's fresh and tasty), pulled into small pieces by hand.
Some finely chopped Spring Onions (Optional).
Vegan Mayo.
Vegan Tomato Ketchup.
Vegan Worcestershire Sauce.
A tiny dash of mustard (tip of a teaspoon handle size) - Dijon is slightly sweet, German mustard also works well.
Fresh Lemon Juice, maybe a little lime (Fancy!).
A tiny splash of a nice, sweetish vinegar - Rice, Apple Cider, Raspberry, the vinegar from a jar of beetroot. Red/PInk ones add to the colour as well as tasting softer.
Sea salt flakes and white or pink pepper.
The largest, ripest, most tomatoey-smelling tomatoes on the vine - a Turkish deli is a great place to get them.
A herb - very, very finely chopped dill works for me, but somebody else might prefer Parsley, Chives, Lemon Thyme or Coriander. Really pungent, woody herbs won't work at all.
What you do is make the sauce to taste by mixing the ingredients (from Mayo to pink pepper) in a bowl and let it sit whilst you make your 'prawns'.
Put 3-5 layers of kitchen roll over the countertop and put your cutting board so that it holds them down. This will catch most of the 'mess' you're about to make.
Stab the tomatoes across the base in an X shape and then drop them into near boiling water for just long enough that you see the skin start to separate. Take them out of the hot water with a slotted spoon/food spider/pasta grabber/tablespoon/who cares as long as it's not your hands.
Cool them down quickly in cold water, where you will probably see the skins separate even more in a short time.
Take tomatoes out of the cold water and remove the skins with a knife (small and preferably sharp, not a rusty bread knife). Halve, quarter and then cut out the hard part, scrape the pips and juice out. Then slice the quarters into approx. 5-7mm thick slices - prawn width - and whatever you feel is a suitable prawn length (20-30mm, the length of your first thumb joint, whatever, I really don't care). Put them on a plate, dab them slightly dry with a paper towel and sprinkle on a little salt and pepper.
Get your serving bowls out.
When you are ready, drain off any extra liquid from the tomato plate, then splash with a little extra lemon/lime/vinegar. Add to the sauce, toss it until they're nicely coated, add Spring onion if you're using it, add to the serving dishes on top of the lettuce/leaves, sprinkle with your herbs and a pinch of Paprika if you like it (I don't) or Chilli powder/flakes if you like them more.
You do NOT, repeat, DO NOT, add Plenty of Black Pepper.
Only veggie rather than vegan but I will marry/shag/worship/whatever they want the person who comes up a decent faux prawn cocktail. There's not really much other meat I miss but that does cause me to have impure thoughts.
Now, the important thing is -
Your place or mine?
That’s an astronomical fever for an adult. Kids can spike really high fevers (if my kids hit 41 I’d take them straight to A&E) but extremely high temps are a lot rarer in adults IIRC.
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