Jack Monroe #119 She says lots of things, many of which are false

[Starsanddaggers]

I've never heard of gravy consisting of lard, cooking spread and onions. Surely you'd get loadsa grease in your throat

 

[Fitnessqueen]

Although it was around the time of the ouchy shiny eye so someone cynical might think it was so people didn’t see her face for a while

This kind of reminds me of Jack's 'very good reason' why she was using that weird comic book filter that she said she was going to announce, because she was getting so much tit about how jarring it was. Of course, there was never any announcement, because there was no reason. Some dumb squiggle suggested maybe there was a reason she was using it and Jack obviously just ran with it. Such a drama llama.

 

[People-huv-tae-know]

I've never heard of gravy consisting of lard, cooking spread and onions. Surely you'd get loadsa grease in your throat

Greased lightning down your throat and greased shiting out the back end. Jack really wants people to spend an inordinate amount of time stuck on the bog. Hmm perhaps it's all part of a master plan. Many people take their phones to the loo and scroll social media. Maybe she is hoping to snare some potential patreons whilst they are on an extended visit to the porcelain throne.

 

[CottageWitch]

Now I did warn you before about this gravy of nightmares, but here you are:
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A) I'm so sorry but that recipe made me feel very strange. Blending. Raw. Onions. To. Make. Gravy.

B) I'm sorry but what's the point? Buy a small tub of own brand veggie gravy granules. Seriously, what's the point? If you're not going to make it properly with homemade stock etc then that's FINE. No one expects that, just use granules?

C) I'm way less sorry but why put lard in everything? Congrats your stuffing can be a vegan main! They have nothing to eat it with because everything's smeared in animal fat! Buy a small bottle of cheap oil and use that as your cooking fat instead so, y'know, your guests can actually eat things...

In short, I am now Alarmed and I don't understand why everything has to be made so complicated by her

 

[Harrybosch]

Update on the Patreon.

I can't post any more screenshots, because I suspect they may out my friend. Suffice to say she's gone on a one-on-one charm offensive with some of her Patreons (direct private messages) and deleted any hint of negativity (negativity being things like 'Hey Jack, I love you, you most marvellous person in the universe. I'm ever so sorry to ask, but given that I've been paying for cards for months and have never received one, could you please, please check whether you actually have my address? Pretty please? I'm so sorry.')

I don't think the majority of her Patreons care one way or another whether she actually sends them anything. They feel good about supporting someone 'poor'. I just wish they'd set up a donation directly to the Trussell Trust, but here we are.

 

[blurstoftimes]

I can't remember who asked what lard tastes like but it smells like a pig farm - very strong ammonia farmy scent. It does have it's place - I use it for flour tortillas when I make tacos, but the idea of using lard in gravy or to cook vegetables honestly makes me want to throw up.

 

[maytoseptember]

I know hosting is a lot of work, but I will never understand why people insist on hosting when they have no interest in feeding and looking after people. Just don't offer.

Yes! My husband’s aunt and cousin are like this. They offer to host (because they can’t be arsed to travel) but they clearly hate having to feed people. They’re tight with their money despite being extremely financially comfortable - but that’s how they manage to have so much in the first place.

Before we’re due a visit, we usually get an email lowering our expectations of the food (“we’ll be having bread, ham/cheese and salad... hope that’s OK” - of course it’s OK, why do you have to make sure we’re aware of it in advance though?) and there’s never an offer of a glass of wine, despite the bottles piled up in the dining room (gifts that never get touched because auntie doesn’t drink). It’s so weird!

I’d always much rather my MIL hosts, because she Ioves to feed people and never sends out emails making sure we’re not expecting a hot lunch

 

[Captainmouse]

Come

I will say that Jack is above average at photography. Which makes it all the worse that this latest golden Xmas slop is so weird looking. I’ve seen one of the carrots is bent at a right angle she must have put turmeric on the spuds and bird (or the gold sparkle from the custard) would it have been so difficult to put some paprika on the prawn cocktail?
And what’s this now £2.82 per person - so £11.28 for this 3 course “dinner” for 4?
She doesn’t have a proper USP.
Is it foodie cooking on a budget
Is it budget cooking
Is it zero waste
Is it vegan/vegetarian
NO it’s not exactly any of those but it might sort of be some of them

come come now, her USP is, regardless of the quality of the ingredients, guaranteed inedible slop

 

[blurstoftimes]

Another thing is that a lot of people who don't usually cook are probably having to do it this year due to the restriction on household gatherings! So many potential Christmas dinners ruined with raw onion and lard gravy. I weep.

 

[ComeForTheX StayForTheY]

"Focused and precise work"

Fraus, I am deceased.

 

[MancBee]

A) I'm so sorry but that recipe made me feel very strange. Blending. Raw. Onions. To. Make. Gravy.

B) I'm sorry but what's the point? Buy a small tub of own brand veggie gravy granules. Seriously, what's the point? If you're not going to make it properly with homemade stock etc then that's FINE. No one expects that, just use granules?

C) I'm way less sorry but why put lard in everything? Congrats your stuffing can be a vegan main! They have nothing to eat it with because everything's smeared in animal fat! Buy a small bottle of cheap oil and use that as your cooking fat instead so, y'know, your guests can actually eat things...

In short, I am now Alarmed and I don't understand why everything has to be made so complicated by her

I really, really want someone to make this gravy. I have all the ingredients (including lard, but I will explain) but I can't justify the waste of onions, cranberry sauce and chicken stock. Please will someone try it, or I might be forced to have a go myself.

I use lard for pastry making. Half lard and half butter makes a really good shortcrust pastry. Perfect texture, and taste, especially for savory pies. I have kept quiet over these past few pages, as everyone seems horrified that anyone could still be using it. Sorry (I'm not really).

ETA, My Mum used to roast potatoes in lard, and the chip pan always had lard in it. Her roasts and chips were really good, but she knew what she was doing. Alternatives were thin on the ground back in the post war 50's and 60's. Even she wouldn't use lard in a gravy or sauce.

 

[Captainmouse]

Checks date of birth, checks for presence of large rock I have never heard of baking spread! Quick google brings up trex. When did it become baking spread?

 

[MancBee]

Checks date of birth, checks for presence of large rock I have never heard of baking spread! Quick google brings up trex. When did it become baking spread?

There are loads of brands of baking spread, Stork is probably the most used. It used to be called margarine, but that got such a bad reputation, it had a rename. Sounds a little better, but is basically just Marg.

 

[Ladderedtights]

ANY FISH WILL DO! Probably ‘not frickin awesome’!
Can’t edit my PREVIOUS post to change PRECIOUS to PREVIOUS. Vlad, stop it!

 

[maytoseptember]

Checks date of birth, checks for presence of large rock I have never heard of baking spread! Quick google brings up trex. When did it become baking spread?

Stork probably qualifies as “baking spread”. It’s like margarine but some people swear by using it in cakes instead of butter. Trex is like lard but vegetable based.

None of them have any place in gravy. Just use some Bisto FFS!

 

[HotesTilaire]

Checks date of birth, checks for presence of large rock I have never heard of baking spread! Quick google brings up trex. When did it become baking spread?

It’s just stork. Baking fat.
And there does seem to be a place for lard, I’m sure @MancBee is right, it’s a type of fat which has its place in a meat pie pastry. But not in my side veg!
Edit to add- see also-suet.

 

[MancBee]

It’s just stork. Baking fat.
And there does seem to be a place for lard, I’m sure @MancBee is right, it’s a type of fat which has its place in a meat pie pastry. But not in my side veg!
Edit to add- see also-suet.

Ooooo I love suet pastry, I haven't made it in ages. I can only imagine Jack's recipe for a suet crust pie.

 

[Into_the_tunnel]

I am ready for some more pictures of rankness.

I don’t know who I am more angry at right now, Jackanory or Williamson. Mrs Tunnel is going to need some cheering up when she gets home from school so I am going to veganise the gravy buy a Greggs vegan sausage roll for her.

All is quiet on the western front. My guess is that either she is knitting in neither a focussed nor precise manner OR she is reworking the recipes for a 3rd time to make even less waste and is using the packaging for Christmas decs. Lard wrapping paper anyone?

Anyone?

 

[Captainmouse]

Pastry used to half and half butter and lard. I remember stork, must have missed the rename.

 

[Into_the_tunnel]

Ooooo I love suet pastry, I haven't made it in ages. I can only imagine Jack's recipe for a suet crust pie.

You have now got me imagining her making a hot water crust hand raised pie.