Jack Monroe #106 She’s ‘aving a carafe

[FridayFunDay]

Yet again here she is reminding me if 15 year old me. I could create a cracking study planners colour coordinated and all. Was bleeping terrible at actually doing anything. Thankfully, as I matured, so did my organisation skills.

 

[Captainmouse]

Jackado.

(too short)

Would she drive a slopmobile?

 

[ScamSandwich]

I have no idea where she lives.
I had to Google Southend to be totally sure where that was!
But I do amuse myself with the idea that come moving day, the members of the cabal close enough could slip a neighbour a few quid or some bottles of wine to sit in their front garden and tick off all the Cotswold tit as it comes out of the house and into the back of the removal van.
Sitting in deckchairs and having food delivered would be gravy!

just make sure Vampire is not invited to the deckchair party!

Disclaimer: all is a joke, nobody of the Tattle crew will ever stalk!! Hell, what a ridiculous thought!!

 

[heretoreaditall2019]

Jack's sister-in-law is a primary school teacher in a nice school in Surrey. It's a shame Jack doesn't get on with her brother and her.

this isn’t me being accusatory I promise, but how do you know this - are you friends of the family? I know a few people are so sorry if you’ve already mentioned it

 

[TurnedUpInTipp]

just make sure Vampire is not invited to the deckchair party!

Disclaimer: all is a joke, nobody of the Tattle crew will ever stalk!! Hell, what a ridiculous thought!!

Daylight hours would see him off..

 

[Gentlemensrelish]

I don't think the Q Cucks thing is THAT funny. It's momentarily amusing, but certainly not worthy of multiple tweets and writing it up on her "to do" list from hell.

Calm your tits Jack.

I'm also sure, as someone with their finger on the pulse of race relations, Jack 'whiter than mayonnaise' Monroe is aware of the inherent racism in using 'cuck' as an insult.

 

[Droosie123]

just make sure Vampire is not invited to the deckchair party!

Disclaimer: all is a joke, nobody of the Tattle crew will ever stalk!! Hell, what a ridiculous thought!!

Yep...it's okay Jack, I'm not really going to rock up on moving day. I have a life outside of watching you grift people.

 

[Captainmouse]

I try and keep my observations about Jack quite light-hearted (i.e. her absurd weight-related claims, horrible cooking and disastrous command of the English language) but lads, I have to confess that the thing that genuinely riles me more than anything is her claiming to be autistic. She's been doing a lot of it recently, probably as a diversion tactic, thinking that it gives her cannellini carte blanche to be a massive pillock. She can't have any kind of normal personality quirk, she has to pathologise everything and seems to have latched onto autism without realising that you can be socially awkward without being neurodiverse. As someone who has to constantly correct peoples' assumptions and perceptions about people with autism, all she's doing is muddying the waters and making it difficult for people to take it seriously.

That bleeping chart makes me want to scream (into the void). Purely performative for our benefit, it cannot possibly be functional. What happens when you finish something and need to write something else in its place? Those tiny boxes with cramped writing and enforced line breaks make me feel a little bit ill. Get a whiteboard, you berk.

What happened to the dozen or so very expensive moleskein notebooks?

 

[Froggies]

I LOVE a list. I write one every morning, even if I don’t get everything ticked off, it calms my mind.

I thought I’d love bullet journaling so have tried that and it’s just way too time consuming. I need to actually be doing stuff on my list, not drawing boxes

I cannot get my head around the fact that a grown woman spent a day bleeping doodling and has the audacity to moan that she’s SO busy

 

[jenny2603]

What happened to the dozen or so very expensive moleskein notebooks?

The Puddle giveth and the Puddle taketh away.

 

[Themaninblack]

'Upstairs' of the bungalow?
Have I been mistaken as to what a bungalow is my whole adult life?

Yes, absolutely! x Now duck off!

(Can't believe no one got there before me!)

 

[DinosaurSenior]

Please may I lounge in the hammock on moving day?

I've never successfully lain in a hammock. I tried to make one out of broom handles and macrame many years ago, and tied it to 2 metal clothes poles. It just kept spinning around and tipping me out, then I uprooted one of the poles.

 

[Eurgh]

Is it wrong that I would be SO up for this ...bagsy the comfy garden furniture while I watch.

I’ll bring you a £400 hammock babes.

 

[traumatised sideboard]

What happened to the dozen or so very expensive moleskein notebooks?

Probably luxuriating in a sideboard with the livers and the secret ingredient.

I am hooting at the image of a sober wizened judge reading out our usernames and me hauling out a lever arch file with the sideboard thot shots blown up to A0 and every photo of every bowl of slop she's ever produced.

 

[Scarletfever]

I have ADHD and rely on lists to get me through the day. I don't relate to Jack's "solutions" in any way, in fact the thought of them panics me. Her approach to life is as if it is designed to actively make her days harder than necessary. The random food shops. The incessant social media use. She sets herself up to fail because she thinks being chaotic is quirky and charming.

Here's a tip Jack - it's not.

Did everyone spot the thrifty shades of slop reference on her nightmare list? Partially covered, but above the huge PATREON.

I feel so damn sorry for her patreons. But if they see all this crap and still subscribe then that is on them.

 

[colouredlines]

come to think of it, it's actually straight out of the far right playbook to use the word "cuck" so she may want to reconsider her ~hilarious zinger~

100%. TBH it's also a really misogynistic insult, because it comes from the notion of woman as property, and one man emasculating another by banging his bird (maybe while she is wearing traaazers, for extra humiliation?). But this is Jack, queen of regressive gender roles, so...

 

[Walkdengirl]

Honest question fraus.

How many of you use the cheese sauce to cook the pasta as she does in this recipe?

I have never done this, but am willing to accept that others may cook the cheese sauce for 10 minutes or until the pasta is cooked ....

As always, am here to have my horizons broadened and be willing to try new things (like cook pasta in 2 day old beetroot water and use tinned mandarins in a vegan loaf).

Please don't, I asked my lovely Italian friend about it, and he said no way!

Hello I’m new here. A Canadian insomniac who has ended up following loads of UK people. And reads the Guardian all day. I managed to figure this place out and read all of #31 while not sleeping last night. Yikes.

Thank you all for the laughs and for being human. I’m a bit stunned by the humanity here. I’m not a lawyer, but I did read some libel cases before dropping out of law school. The idea of JM suing people on this forum is absurd for many reasons. I hope no one is worried about that.

I’m genuinely “skint” (am I using that right?), and have never bought a cookbook or donated money, but I was a fan and I still wish good things for JM. I guess I’m like a lot of people here. The posts and overexposure on Twitter started getting under my skin. Like, how the hell are you begging in the spring? You can’t afford butter? I don’t care if your job is making budget recipes — don’t pretend you can’t afford butter when you can afford butter.

Well, you all really covered it nicely. I have a couple wannabe influencer cousins who write in the same self-satisfying/self-deprecating/infinite-wisdom-by-age-30 tone and it is grating. That desk pic is a god damn HOOT. Honestly not sure I can stick around here much because, again, YIKES!

Welcome, and yes you have used skint the right way. Please stick around, it can be a wild ride but worth it

 

[HotesTilaire]

Well! When I finished this morning there was the kick off about us making her move. And by teatime we were delivered of a multi coloured planner which proves that she does work and she probably does not have time for either a piss or a sandwich and definitely has ADHD. Interested to see how long this craze lasts.
I’ve offered before- should the police or lawyer be taking action I am happy to co-operate with them, they should contact me directly via Tattle and I will reply to the station/officer/lawyer with my full details.

 

[Thank(space)you]

She seems to do this alot. She acts like a cornered feral cat. Instead of going ok, this is it off I go into the cat carrier to await my fate she flips out, scratches and bites until she is forced into the carrier. I don't know why she does this because either way the end results the same.. you lose your nuts

Excuse me i think you'll find Jack is too POOR to be an office Barbie. She would be an office non branded doll from pound land. Complete with cotswold furniture set and begging jar.

 

[ScamSandwich]

I am really really glad that JM has now publicly and clearly stated (see Tattle receipts) that she is not poor anymore but simply living frugally. I have watched her phrasing things carefully on Twitter. So I hope that poor people who clearly stated they do not have any money at all will not feel pity for her anymore thinking she has got even less than them and give her e.g. their heating allowance. This is a significant step forward. Now she needs to put a stop to posting private details, such a interior pics and to do lists online. And stories and pictures of her son.