Jack Monroe #104 Are you familiar with my tip jar?

[Terrible]

Jackinality is brilliant ! Do ‘Sexy Jack’ as well pleeeease!

 

[heretoreaditall2019]

Where is our soap content? Egg or lard it’s entirely up to her what she leads with but it must be live on IGTV like the good old days, 7pm onwards so the working fraus are free & baby fraus asleep

 

[BananaSmith]

Do you reckon you can make soap from eggs

Yes, absolutely x

 

[HalcyonDays]

"came away with...40p duck eggs" is so deceptive, she makes it found like she found an amazing reduced bargain, not...bought a box at full price.

Also, why does she use so much cream cheese? (I shan't call it soft cheese) It doesn't really taste of anything. I use it from time to time, but it's in half her dishes lately! Does she really need to add an extra layer of blandness?

I'd rather eat dick cheese

 

[vale]

Why needs everything to be mandolined these days? Is the smallest violin broken?

Forever editing: BECAUSE I AM A FOREIGNER and I often mess up with spelling etc.

This is so funny

 

[MancBee]

She's so busy trying to sound big and clever using the word macerated that she's not even spelt it correctly She's such a pretentious twunt isn't she

My toilet has a macerator behind it. What comes out of it no doubt looks similar to a Jack Monroe dhal.

 

[TurnedUpInTipp]

Cringe so bad for her, she's so desperate, always tagging blue tickers who never reply, they just "like" her tweet.

Little head pat for Jack. Now go away back to your egg and sprout monstrosity.

Blue Tickers don't like your Yellow Stickers.. Now duck off!

 

[FrumpyCat]

I ranked the most common Jack personalities from worst to best.

GRIFTER JACK: The worst Jack, bar none. TBH it's hard to say anything funny about a rich person conning the poor. Habitat: knee-deep in the Asda bargain bin.

VICTIM JACK: Life is hard when you're a non-binary autistic alcoholic ouchy-mouthed arthritic tattooed vegan lesbian single mother 2nd generation immigrant with ADHD currently lying halfway under a train. Habitat: on top of any passing bandwagon.

PILE-ON JACK: #BeKind, you cunts. Habitat: the reading room of the British Library, vandalising David Walliams books.

ACTIVIST JACK: Changing the world, one dinosaur nap at a time. Not as actively harmful as Pile-On Jack, but three times as smug. Habitat: an undisclosed location in Whitehall, surrounded by political prisoners.

MANIC JACK: She's a singer! She's a Scot! She's a Trekkie! She loves dogs, wacky sandwich shapes, advent calendars and James Bond. And somehow, despite having more intense passions than a Jilly Cooper hero, she is still boring as duck. Habitat: on the piano at the Groucho.

tit COOK JACK: The most harmlessly amusing Jack (unless you are her dinner guest, in which case call 111). Her experimental anchovy and pomegranate salad with American cheese slice sauce will leave you feeling like someone's been stroking your wrist. Habitat: inside a blender, on a sideboard.

FLOUNCING OFF TWITTER JACK: Silent Jack is the best Jack. Habitat: on a sofa, napping like a dinosaur. Or should that be a mink?

may I add SAD JACK hasn't left her bed for 72 hours, whilst simultaneously working a 21 hour day, doing the school run, and valiantly working behind the scenes for political prisioners. But what reward does she get for it?

And she RENTS.

Habitat, on the floor, gnashing, clawing and wailing Ilke a banshee.

 

[AmTellinYa]

Absolutely. With lard

Don't forget the bottled lemon juice and #POBP

 

[Thank(space)you]

the slop thickens.

This would be a brilliant thread title suggestion. Please repost it later dear heart

 

[HalcyonDays]

I ranked the most common Jack personalities from worst to best.

GRIFTER JACK: The worst Jack, bar none. TBH it's hard to say anything funny about a rich person conning the poor. Habitat: knee-deep in the Asda bargain bin.

VICTIM JACK: Life is hard when you're a non-binary autistic alcoholic ouchy-mouthed arthritic tattooed vegan lesbian single mother 2nd generation immigrant with ADHD currently lying halfway under a train. Habitat: on top of any passing bandwagon.

PILE-ON JACK: #BeKind, you cunts. Habitat: the reading room of the British Library, vandalising David Walliams books.

ACTIVIST JACK: Changing the world, one dinosaur nap at a time. Not as actively harmful as Pile-On Jack, but three times as smug. Habitat: an undisclosed location in Whitehall, surrounded by political prisoners.

MANIC JACK: She's a singer! She's a Scot! She's a Trekkie! She loves dogs, wacky sandwich shapes, advent calendars and James Bond. And somehow, despite having more intense passions than a Jilly Cooper hero, she is still boring as duck. Habitat: on the piano at the Groucho.

tit COOK JACK: The most harmlessly amusing Jack (unless you are her dinner guest, in which case call 111). Her experimental anchovy and pomegranate salad with American cheese slice sauce will leave you feeling like someone's been stroking your wrist. Habitat: inside a blender, on a sideboard.

FLOUNCING OFF TWITTER JACK: Silent Jack is the best Jack. Habitat: on a sofa, napping like a dinosaur. Or should that be a mink?

Best. Post. Ever.

Edited to add a full stop for maximum drama. Yep, I'm that anal

 

[Lanie]

with all them eggs, why doesn't she just make a good old fashioned tasty egg mayo sandwhich. With the hellmans gifted to her. Why all the fancy shmancy tit all the time.

Or a bacon and cheese( fancy one at that) omelette. Her kid would love it and with duck eggs she'd only need 2 to make one for him and her with some chips and bread and butter. Call it a beige tea if you will.

The problem now is everyone and their aunts cat are go funding etc for something and many people are sick of it. It's a big difference funding a very ill child getting some life saving treatment to giving someone money for a house etc.

These schemes were setup to help people pay for things that were completely unaffordable to the average Joe and potentially life saving. The same goes for these PayPal links and Paterons they started out as a helpful way for people starting out to make a living as it were but now PEOPLE ( not looking at anyone in particular) taking the piss has skewed it.

I for one am glad Kirsty is looking into it. Small businesses need help but they also need to play fair and stop ripping off the well intended.

 

[JoyceDivision]

Oooh squiggle so do we

 

[Alansbigplate]

omelette

 

[Lumpyspaceprincess]

I'd rather eat dick cheese

Is it too early to have that as next thread title?

 

[Themaninblack]

Blue Tickers don't like your Yellow Stickers.. Now duck off!

Early days (though perhaps not so early given the speed Jack can make these threads move), but my candidate for next #thread title.

 

[Scarletfever]

Just noticed she added up the meat run today wrong, £2.96, not £2.86.

Tsk, tsk.

Also, just me or is her engagement super low today?

 

[Lanie]

Also back to yesterday. How long does it take her to make a sandwich I can get up and do my kids lunch in about 5 mins. Sandwich check, fruit check, yoghurt check, snack check, flask of water. Done. If she spend less time grating tit she could do likewise.

 

[sarahjay]

I’m also stuck on the term “masterated”
(probs spelt that wrong, but anyway!)

we converted our bungalow into a house (Fancy!) We didn’t have running water upstairs so the plumbers put in a macerator. When the plumber told me this, he explained it as “it’s like a machine that mashes up all the piss, tit and toilet paper, so it can be put in the sewers”

so imagine dear hearts when I read this earlier this afternoon. It nearly made me vomit.

 

[ScamSandwich]

This would be a brilliant thread title suggestion. Please repost it later dear heart

Why thank you, I am having a bit of an uneggxpected fame day. But I would not hold my slop up too high at this stage.
I am eggxited in a rather puppyish way and will cwy cwy a lot if I won't win.