Jack Monroe #104 Are you familiar with my tip jar?

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Congratulations to another cheeky lil duo: the mostly lovely, sometimes #salty @LennyBriscoe for the words and @Scarletfever for nominating them šŸŽ‰ 66 reactions!
Special mention to my buddle @Silver Linings who was a close second with: ā€˜Cause Iā€™m just a cheese slice dirtbag, baby. šŸ‘šŸ»

Recap of thread #103

  1. She exceeded her rate limit on Twitter. Quelle surprise.
  2. She has form in not posting things out. Plus ca change.
  3. She makes her own sandwich spread for SBā€™s packed lunches. She uses smart price mayo for this, rather than the tray of Hellmannā€™s she has in her stockpile.
  4. All hail her beetroot-dyed cooking water pasta and one of @Alansbigplate best gifs.
  5. Sheā€™s such a workaholic.
  6. Sheā€™s had enough of Amazon, so will be removing all of her aff links to that particular hellsite and is now a member of bookshop.org.
  7. Kirsty Strickland tweeted about an article on ā€˜compassionate people being exploited and rinsed for cashā€™. Did a certain Southend resident twitch her tip jar out of sight?
  8. She pulled an ā€˜all nighterā€™ ā€˜staring into the darkā€™ and at the same time also working.
  9. She got ā€˜yelled atā€™ in the post office trying to ā€˜mailā€™ parcels. Sure, Jack.
  10. She reached a new low in cheese sauce ā€˜game changersā€™. The feedback was not positive.
  11. Jackā€™s secret is to ā€˜fiddle with it until til something good happensā€™. Meanwhile, people are eating raw blended flour at her suggestion and feeling sick.
  12. Citizens of the world, please breathe out a collective sigh of relief. She birthed the splinter (no thirty hours of silence this time).
  13. Ever ā€˜on dutyā€™, in the early hours of the morning, she waded in to ā€˜not nitpickā€™ an article about ā€˜Why the poor eat poorlyā€™ (Lots of her recipes do serve four).
  14. Lockdown Larder seems to have ended with a whimper.
  15. She has a dehydrator. Makes sense.
  16. @blurstoftimes found a previously un-listened to podcast, recorded in March at a time when Lockdown Larder was going ā€˜nutsā€™, literally sweeping the nation, it was.
  17. Hmmm.
  18. Eggs, glorious duck eggs. The price has dropped from Ā£2.40 to 40p. Talk about reverse inflation! #jackception
  19. [*]
    For new joiners to the thread, here is @Passive_Aggressive_Lemon ā€˜s ā€˜Jack for Dummiesā€™ post (edited to include updated info):

    Thought it might be useful for new followers to have a post at the start of each thread with some info.
    Limegoss article about Jack versus Jamie Oliver : https://limegoss.com/jack-monroe-jamie-oliver/

    Thread #31 is the infamous one in which Jack turns up to talk to us directly. She makes her appearance on p. 17.

    For anyone wanting to relive the glory days of her two-week stint on Daily Kitchen Live (DKL), have a grunk a through threads 2-9.

    *** JACKISMS ***

    Jackā€™s most oft-used reply to questions on recipe substitutions:

    Yes, absolutely x

    Some other favourite Jack quotes:

    ā€˜Babe, sameā€™

    ā€˜I did a chaosā€™

    ā€˜My maverick brainā€™

    ā€˜My sad little faceā€™

    ā€˜Iā€™m BUSYā€™

    ā€˜I HOOTED / I am FIZZINGā€™

    ā€˜I laughed up a lungā€™

    One of Jackā€™s followers once referred to Tattlers as sad hausfraus and Jack herself has likened us to a cabal. Therefore we have become the Cabal of Hausfrausā„¢ļø. She also recently referred to us as ā€˜gossip mavensā€™ (so, we are gossip trusted experts). ** Recent additions to her terms of endearment for Tattle: conspiracy wankers, obsessive groups of completely unhinged bullies, bullying ninnies, and malign, vicious bullies **

    To ā€˜GrunkaLunkaā€™ your way through a thread means to catch up on posts. Named after a member who rather epically caught up on many threads in a short period of time (and is also a fearless pioneer of the space-time continuum. She really was here both Now and Then).

    Jack once threatened to use her Liam Neeson skills to TRIANGULATE our whereabouts in order to intimidate us, so thatā€™s what we mean by that. * She may also threaten to take us to court - do not be afraid, this is not the first time and it wonā€™t be the last. *

    Jack once sideboard modelled a Vivienne Westwood dress, seeming to infer that itā€™s what Viv would have wanted (as if she were dead), and then got snippy when corrected otherwise. There may be some ā€˜RIP Vivā€™ jokes (she is, of course, NOT dead)

    We sometimes joke about being on Vladimir Putinā€™s bitcoin payroll list for being evil trolls.

    During her stint on Daily Kitchen Live, Jack produced a godawful looking lasagne, with a thin white sauce that never thickened up, just disappeared. It was widely likened to ā€˜horse spunkā€™ - there may be some horse ā€˜spiritā€™ lasagne jokes.

    Her last-uttered line to Matt Tebutt on DKL was: ā€˜Thank you so Matt much, Mattā€™, which made us all HOOT.

    Jack ended a tweet that listed her (not unimpressive) four-and-a-half GCSE results (A*, A, B, B, C) with: ā€˜Now duck offā€™. We sometimes like to use this in our own posts for comedic effect. We are NOT telling other fraus to duck off, simply paying homage to Jackā€™s own genteel humour.

    *Back in the mists of time, one funny frau used a Jimmy Nail ā€˜Sheā€™s Lyingā€™ picture to illustrate their thoughts on one of Jackā€™s latest tales. @Alpha Beta thought it was Novak Djokovic, the cabal hooted and Novak Nail was born. You may see reference to Jimmy Nail, Novak Djokovic, or the combination of both: Novak Nail. All demonstrate that sheā€™s lying.*

    Also:
    • She grew up in a 5-bed (mortgaged/owned) house
    • She got a Ā£4.5k Omega watch for her 21st birthday
    • Her dad's a bleeping LANDLORD (an oldy, but a goody)
    • Jack and Louisa are no longer in a relationship - in Jackā€™s words: ā€˜She [Louisa] leftā€™.
    • Her record for staying off Twitter since the start of these threads is 114 hours and 47 minutes.
    • She is 90% vegan. The other 10% likes to nom nom on Five Guys burger and discounted chicken slices.
    • During her appearance on DKL, she was asked why some mince has a higher fat content. ā€˜It just does.ā€™
    • The information held on her by Companies House has her year of birth WRONG. She was born in 1988, not 1978.
    [*][*][*]
    Here is a link to Jackā€™s Tattle Wiki page, which also includes clips of Matt Tebutt muttering ā€˜Terrible!ā€™ on Daily Kitchen Live, courtesy of @Yel) and @Bookweevil ā€˜s hilarious Glossary of Jack.

    We are terrible for going off on tangents and using too many gifs, so there is another thread where we donā€™t discuss JM but instead talk about biscuits and stuff. For good light relief when JM is doing too much chaos, come to the Food & Drink threads in Off Topic.

    • Lastly, but importantly, when submitting ideas for the next thread title, please use the words ā€˜thread titleā€™, as it makes it easier to search. Just using the number wonā€™t be enough. We also canā€™t have swears in the title, and try to hold off until around p. 40 for your suggestions, if possible. ThankYOU.
    [*][*][*][*]
 
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The duck eggs werenā€™t ducking 40p you lying ducking ducker!! They may have been 40p each, but you bought a whole box!!
 
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Also... I think Jack should bring out a Jacktionary. Like a dictionary. But full of all these words she uses in the wrong way or context to teach others how to use same words in ways she thinks work.

For example Splinter= thorn but can also also be described as Fauna.
 
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Little pic in honour of the thread title winner and runner up. Showing us how itā€™s done:
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And, while I'm at it. If she keeps nabbing all these ideas and suggestions from us lowly tattlers and is gaining from them, should we not be investigating our options for thread tip jars.....
 
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Eggs and pomegranate together? With mustard and soft cheese? Just so unappetising, fam.
 
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I am shook, shook I tell you, that her son enjoys a nice, simple ham sandwich.
 
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