Jack Monroe #102 Stop getting Bond wrong!

[Walkdengirl]

Spoiler: ED

Ok, so I am fuming about this. How on earth can this serve 4?

I use my fitness pal and have put the ingredients into the app. I have been generous and given her the benefit of the doubt and said each person gets 100g of beans, when actually the net weight once the water has gone is nearer 250g .
It comes to about 140 calories (including the spices) and I cannot see how that will be enough to feed a family unless you cost in rice/naan etc. The alarm bells started ringing with 100g of spinach.

If she carries on posting triggering pictures and writing recipes that clearly do not contain enough calories to feed a family without the addition of extra, uncosted ingredients then I may have to get my #buddle to delete my twitter to prevent me from spouting off.

No wonder she's into slimming world recipes

 

[TurnedUpInTipp]

#PrayForFruitjack
Imagine that trending on Twitter!

 

[Scarletfever]

could he literally get any more into her niche

 

[MancBee]

I am making the cannelini buerre blanc and it’s all your fault.

Are you sure, really sure? I hope you have an alternative lined up for your evening meal.

 

[Switchstreetz]

We should probably come up with some new injuries for her to fake, keep things exciting. I'm going for the following:

1. Hit by a stray tennis ball.
2. Bitten by a mad horse.
3. Trips and lands headfirst in a skip.
4. Unspecified boating incident
5. Steps on a mousetrap.
6. Flattened by a runaway trampoline.
7. Slips on a giant grape.
8. Is accidentally catapulted from a see saw
9. Punched by Judith Chalmers
10. Stubs toe on a hibernating tortoise.

You've all made me laugh so much this evening reading end of 101/start of 102.

Another fab Poca thread recap, Alan's gifs and Jenny's beautiful prose on the last thread

I am a soldier but I am not the flatpack tank I long to be

I honestly can't wait till you all get your MBEs for services to comedy

 

[Lumpyspaceprincess]

I'm staying away from here for the time being as she is making my tit itch. Just been on twitter and she's all up in my feed about making a white sauce for a bread and butter pudding what the absolute duck? Please can someone stop her? Meant to share this the other day too and forgot. Will be back soon when I can face catching up on last few threads View attachment 304823

Outshone Matt..... literally
GET
TO
duck

 

[Fruitjack]

A bit quicker than the US elections, the results are in.
I used a vegan chicken style stock and vegan spread, as specified. I followed everything exactly to the timings. She includes salt in the costings but never adds it and it shows. It is neither unctuous nor subtly powerful and it most certainly does not provide a provocative shroud for pasta. It most definitely would not sit on a hifalutin restaurant menu. (Even as a very long term vegan Frau I have eaten at a few of these but rest assured I do not have a house full of carefully collected
ethnic nicnacs).
What it actually was, once salt and a sprinkle of nutritional yeast was added, and served with some wilted greens with a bit of chilli flakes, was a pleasantly moreish dish of comfort food. If the description had been ‘I make this when I want to curl up under a blanket and eat something I don’t want to chew and is a nice carby comforting hit’ then I probably would have given her the benefit of the doubt. I’d still prefer a bowl of pasta and beans with olive oil, garlic, loads of salt and chilli flakes which is quicker, uses less fuel to cook and is equally comforting and similar in cost, but it’s not her worst. Her sludgy pic looks better than mine, sorry for the lack of filthy hands.

 

[LennyBriscoe]

I wonder why she took sober out of her bio. Is she drinking again or now thinks that she doesn’t have a drinking problem? That does look like a bottle of wine in one of the photos.

It could be...or maybe she realised it was a bit wanky to have that in your bio AND make your own Kambucha. And pick and choose which parts of the programme and steps to implement. And not make much in the way of an attempt to help fellow alcoholics.

Nah that would involve self-awareness and taking on board what other people suggest, it can’t be that...

 

[PoorPatrol]

View attachment 304883could he literally get any more into her niche

If it wouldn’t be SEVERELY ~frowned upon~ he’d be in for the shin kicking of his life!

 

[veryfondoftea]

A bit quicker than the US elections, the results are in.
I used a vegan chicken style stock and vegan spread, as specified. I followed everything exactly to the timings. She includes salt in the costings but never adds it and it shows. It is neither unctuous nor subtly powerful and it most certainly does not provide a provocative shroud for pasta. It most definitely would not sit on a hifalutin restaurant menu. (Even as a very long term vegan Frau I have eaten at a few of these but rest assured I do not have a house full of carefully collected
ethnic nicnacs).
What it actually was, once salt and a sprinkle of nutritional yeast was added, and served with some wilted greens with a bit of chilli flakes, was a pleasantly moreish dish of comfort food. If the description had been ‘I make this when I want to curl up under a blanket and eat something I don’t want to chew and is a nice carby comforting hit’ then I probably would have given her the benefit of the doubt. I’d still prefer a bowl of pasta and beans with olive oil, garlic, loads of salt and chilli flakes which is quicker, uses less fuel to cook and is equally comforting and similar in cost, but it’s not her worst. Her sludgy pic looks better than mine, sorry for the lack of filthy hands.
View attachment 304900

Good work! It looks....beige

 

[Jelly Bean]

Outshone Matt..... literally
GET
TO
duck

Outshone Matt? I suppose it depends what the criteria were - amusement value? Cringe factor?

 

[Switchstreetz]

View attachment 304300

YES Squiggle!

Idk if its the same few squiggles but it really looks like the tide is genuinely turning on twitter. Glad people are finally wising up to her! unless......it's david walliams' sock accounts

 

[PoorPatrol]

A bit quicker than the US elections, the results are in.
I used a vegan chicken style stock and vegan spread, as specified. I followed everything exactly to the timings. She includes salt in the costings but never adds it and it shows. It is neither unctuous nor subtly powerful and it most certainly does not provide a provocative shroud for pasta. It most definitely would not sit on a hifalutin restaurant menu. (Even as a very long term vegan Frau I have eaten at a few of these but rest assured I do not have a house full of carefully collected
ethnic nicnacs).
What it actually was, once salt and a sprinkle of nutritional yeast was added, and served with some wilted greens with a bit of chilli flakes, was a pleasantly moreish dish of comfort food. If the description had been ‘I make this when I want to curl up under a blanket and eat something I don’t want to chew and is a nice carby comforting hit’ then I probably would have given her the benefit of the doubt. I’d still prefer a bowl of pasta and beans with olive oil, garlic, loads of salt and chilli flakes which is quicker, uses less fuel to cook and is equally comforting and similar in cost, but it’s not her worst. Her sludgy pic looks better than mine, sorry for the lack of filthy hands.
View attachment 304900

Oh, dear heart! That’s looks like a bowl of witchetty grubs from an I’m a Celeb challenge

 

[Pixie06]

It's so pathetic. She has a fully functional, large kitchen. Food vloggers around the world manage to put excellent content out there with much less. One of my favourites, sweet potato soul) used to shoot videos in her shoe box sized NYC apartment. Not a camping cooker in sight.

Yes, there was also Rachel Khoo's My Little Paris Kitchen. Tiny kitchen. Amazing food.

 

[Boyo]

Yes, there was also Rachel Khoo's My Little Paris Kitchen. Tiny kitchen. Amazing food.

Yes and I seem to recall she was always pottering about with no shoes on, so her kitchen floor wasn’t akin to a glass recycling plant either.

 

[TurnedUpInTipp]

Outshone Matt..... literally
GET
TO
duck

Were they watching in Braille?

 

[Miss Anne Thrope]

The only thing she is mindful off is how many more sideboards is too many

* Her answer ":none"

Too right. And also the only thing she’s mindful off is her tip jar, her Patreons and getting her mug on the telly.

 

[emmer_moans]

View attachment 304879

That looks absolutely vile, honestly.

Bring back the spirulina smoothie bowls, which though they are very annoying, are much more appetising than this.

 

[MancBee]

A bit quicker than the US elections, the results are in.
I used a vegan chicken style stock and vegan spread, as specified. I followed everything exactly to the timings. She includes salt in the costings but never adds it and it shows. It is neither unctuous nor subtly powerful and it most certainly does not provide a provocative shroud for pasta. It most definitely would not sit on a hifalutin restaurant menu. (Even as a very long term vegan Frau I have eaten at a few of these but rest assured I do not have a house full of carefully collected
ethnic nicnacs).
What it actually was, once salt and a sprinkle of nutritional yeast was added, and served with some wilted greens with a bit of chilli flakes, was a pleasantly moreish dish of comfort food. If the description had been ‘I make this when I want to curl up under a blanket and eat something I don’t want to chew and is a nice carby comforting hit’ then I probably would have given her the benefit of the doubt. I’d still prefer a bowl of pasta and beans with olive oil, garlic, loads of salt and chilli flakes which is quicker, uses less fuel to cook and is equally comforting and similar in cost, but it’s not her worst. Her sludgy pic looks better than mine, sorry for the lack of filthy hands.
View attachment 304900

Looks lacking in colour and texture. A bit slimy and unappetising. I am certain it is not your cooking skills, you can only work with what you are given.

 

[Fruitjack]

it was all of those things. It did taste better than it looked, especially with a bit of doctoring

Looks a bit lacking in colour and texture. A bit slimy and unappetising. I am certain it is not your cooking skills, you can only work with what you are given.

Right, who is making something next?