Jack Monroe #102 Stop getting Bond wrong!

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Those food pictures look like what my family euphemistically call "brown rain"

She does look rough, she should have read the Twits and heeded the warning. Bad thoughts show on your face.
 
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All the tweets about potentially dangerous kitchen set-up, bits sticking out of the table extenders; where is her duty of care as an employer? In fact, whoever she's doing the 'gig' for will have likely asked for a risk assessment to be conducted as part of the contract paperwork.
 
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It's so pathetic. She has a fully functional, large kitchen. Food vloggers around the world manage to put excellent content out there with much less. One of my favourites, sweet potato soul) used to shoot videos in her shoe box sized NYC apartment. Not a camping cooker in sight.
 
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Why is she even using the camping cooker in the kitchen when she has an actual oven/cooker? I thought the camping stove set up was for the shed theatrics? Why make it harder for yourself? If your oven is crap get a new one out of the £2k a month minimum from patreon. Or tell your landlord it’s not working. Or do something other than use a camping stove
 
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This recipe for Jack's 'caribbean' chilli made me laugh. A long warning about how incredibly spicy it is and only for hardcore spice lovers, I was expecting there to be a scotch bonnet or something. No, just a pinch of chilli flakes or cayenne pepper lol. Also she clearly had lip fillers on the mind this day...

I cannot stand how she always claims to be scribbling shit down in notebooks, trying to conjure an image of some kind of maverick chef genius. All that effort just to buy some pre-made seasoning and sprinkle it over slop.

 
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Omg this must taste of nothing! No garlic or onions, ONE tablespoon of Caribbean seasoning between four. I can’t get my head around how this could ever taste good? Nothing in that dish is giving any flavour input. Don’t get me started on the gaunt photo with the unironed shirt and comedy plaster.
 
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I have a new theory : her chronically oversized adenoids (as evidenced by the unbearable timbre of her voice) affect her tastebuds so she's used to not being able to taste anything anyway. Flavour is a foreign concept to her.
 
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No onions, no garlic and no fresh thyme - caribbean cuisine is big on thyme. Maggi seasoning. Onion powder. Celery salt. And fresh scotch bonnet.

Omg, I’m hooting so loud at this dreary recipe that my lungs are in danger!
 
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1. I feel like You Tube is stalking me as all my recommendations are now for Jack Monroe.

2. Look another job/talent/joke to add to THE LIST

3. How is the FINGER?
 
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And she shops “mindfully”??
Which includes buying eyelid & bollock sausages for the kid, apparently.
 
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The only thing she is mindful off is how many more sideboards is too many

* Her answer ":none"
 
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So if she is going to be tackling beetroot, why not cover said bandage! Or wear a glove? Ninny
 
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Surely not Jack "you haven't factored in the cost of the fork" Monroe doing the costing for the Caribbean seasoning based on buying three tubs?
 
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Every time she films from home she does it in the shed, in the dining room, on a camping stove, on a random plank of wood...

It's so she has something to blame when things go wrong. She always needs extenuating circumstances. God she's tiresome. Is the splinter out yet?
 
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1. I feel like You Tube is stalking me as all my recommendations are now for Jack Monroe.

2. Look another job/talent/joke to add to THE LIST

3. How is the FINGER?
i will never understand the point of this (I mean I do, it’s attention seeking obviously) but you are supposedly a food writer. You don’t need to conquer your fears about public singing. Go do fucking karaoke if you are. Is Nigella posting about hers. Will she show herself handgliding as she needs to share and get over her fear. No. She will do tweets with purpose which fit in with her brand not any random shit.
Louise must know people, get her some bloody social media training. It’s not hard.
 
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Omg this must taste of nothing! No garlic or onions, ONE tablespoon of Caribbean seasoning between four. I can’t get my head around how this could ever taste good? Nothing in that dish is giving any flavour input.
Hmmm perchance you are overlooking the 2 tablespoons of tomato ketchup <chef's kiss>

What I don't understand is why she seems to think she needs a brand new kitchen setup for each new project. We had the shed for the Lingreenie, the dining room for the Hellmann's insta lives, the other side of her kitchen for Comic Kitchen, and now this. It's the same with the food photography - she's done that in just about every room in the house and most recently has changed from the 'studio' she set up in her bay window and used about twice, to the porch floor, to under the stairs. And she seems to spend more time organising/ tweeting about each space than she actually uses them. Changing the location of things isn't going to suddenly make your cooking look better, Jack!
 
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