I don't know... as long as he isn't super needy - as in needing constant attention from just one person - I'd be fine having someone like him around. It'd be a nice change in pace.
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Essay incoming
I’m fascinated by anyone with charisma. I suppose that’s what charisma is.
But also he has a bit of a maverick streak that appeals to me as I’m the same in some ways, there are so many odd little things that he has to do differently that I feel kind of show his creativity. And it’s his joy over the little things, his slight awkwardness that’s at odds with but also exacerbates his sex appeal, his lightheartedness/lack of seriousness. ALSO actually how much of a peacock he is, he’s like an extrovert peacock and I’m an introvert peacock if that makes sense, I hate talking and stuff lol but I like attention and being noticed (feel like this ties into chatroulettegate). So as completely different as we are I also kind of see myself in him LOL. Please don’t tell me to go home I am very tender today/always
I’m fascinated by anyone with charisma. I suppose that’s what charisma is.
But also he has a bit of a maverick streak that appeals to me as I’m the same in some ways, there are so many odd little things that he has to do differently that I feel kind of show his creativity. And it’s his joy over the little things, his slight awkwardness that’s at odds with but also exacerbates his sex appeal, his lightheartedness/lack of seriousness. ALSO actually how much of a peacock he is, he’s like an extrovert peacock and I’m an introvert peacock if that makes sense, I hate talking and stuff lol but I like attention and being noticed (feel like this ties into chatroulettegate). So as completely different as we are I also kind of see myself in him LOL. Please don’t tell me to go home I am very tender today/always
I guess so… I do have really bad anxiety that I think comes from being the middle child that sort of got overlooked as I was just always so happy and silly and was always okay so never had anyone notice the little things I do that make me so shy and introverted.
It’s an odd thing because if I’m working I’m most at ease, me and my NK go out everywhere and I’m fine and don’t overthink anything, maybe it’s the ease of having a whole other person to worry about.
I hope as I get older I get more confident and I don’t find you patronising at all
It is of course a benefit if you can perfect the "leave me alone" glareView attachment 1370110
I remember when lockdown first eased up a bit and we were allowed to actually sit outside rather than just exercise, I took full advantage and just lay alone in the middle of a field soaking up the sun (I have no outdoor space and was going nuts being constantly around RLF), some random bloke approached me and asked if he could sit with me MATE DO I LOOK LIKE I WANT COMPANY??! (Rather than telling him duck off I just said ‘oh I don’t think that’s allowed at the minute what with covid’ - so assertive) I always get these creepy twats.
Yes yes yes to solitude and introspection and being comfortable with yourself. It's hard to achieve but so worth it.
I think there's often a fascination with people who are naturally comfortable with the things we find difficult.
I used to think I was attracted (romantically and friendship-wise) to complex, troubled people, people with problems that needed fixing, people who were intelligent but mercurious and unreliable and incapable of opening up.
Then I realised all I was doing was looking for someone who I could see some aspect of myself in, to try to love but to ultimately become disappointed and estranged because they would remind me of the things I don't like about myself.
So now I look for people who share the traits I do like about myself - a certain sharp sense of humour, a basic level of kindness - and a bunch of traits I don't have - ease in social situations, a happy-go-lucky approach to the world, an openness and honesty about their feelings...
And maybe a disproportionate number of my friends are golden retriever types, but I don't think that's a bad thing.
As long as Jack doesn't expect me to join in with all his socialising, I think we're good. It seems obvious from his relationship with Sasha that he's not super-needy and is happy to do the big loud obnoxious stuff without her.
@wonderstruck25 and even if you don't turn out to feel like you want to be by yourself, then that's fine, too. Just because some of us do like it doesn't mean you will necessarily have to. I can speak only for myself, but I had to experiment a lot to figure out what it was that truly made me happy and at ease. It'll all come with time. You'll figure it out as you go. <3
I do get you, I’m the same (especially what you said about having to memorise your coffee order etc I get SO nervy). You’ll get thereI guess so… I do have really bad anxiety that I think comes from being the middle child that sort of got overlooked as I was just always so happy and silly and was always okay so never had anyone notice the little things I do that make me so shy and introverted.
It’s an odd thing because if I’m working I’m most at ease, me and my NK go out everywhere and I’m fine and don’t overthink anything, maybe it’s the ease of having a whole other person to worry about.
I hope as I get older I get more confident and I don’t find you patronising at all
I could spend days sitting alone at home but outside the house, I feel more confident being with people.
One thing I’ve noticed in the last year or so which has been really empowering is that a LOT of people are really awkward, not just me, I just never noticed before because I was too busy being self conscious
And the wags thread say we arent classy. Love this little love fest of sharing with have here tonight. duck everybody and you do you. Hate that phrase but you get one life, live it how you want, don't be afraid of what others think and more importantly, don't be afraid of your own thoughts, treat yourself like as you would a friend.
I so feel you regards the RLF.Just to add I have always enjoyed my own company, this is where I struggle having to be ‘on’ all the time with RLF and kids. Having to talk and listen when I enjoy silence too much. I definitely think although fit and hilarious I would be exhausted by Jack, I’m too shy and introverted so usually go even more into myself when I’m with full on people. Just one night Jack, that’s all I want
I try to operate (focus on try) on the basis that whilst we think that everyone around us is judging us for everything we say, and do. In truth, they are not thinking about us at all, because they are too busy thinking about us judging them.I do get you, I’m the same (especially what you said about having to memorise your coffee order etc I get SO nervy). You’ll get there
I could spend days sitting alone at home but outside the house, I feel more confident being with people.
One thing I’ve noticed in the last year or so which has been really empowering is that a LOT of people are really awkward, not just me, I just never noticed before because I was too busy being self conscious
This! If you want to enjoy your own company more then great but if you’re happier around people then there’s no need to force it
This is so beautifully said.
Weirdly, I often feel more comfortable around strangers than people who know me.
Tbh I sometimes feel so self-conscious it's hard to leave the house.
I think the key is to take the time to really get to know yourself, to know what situations make you feel happy and strong and empowered and which make you feel the opposite. And that can be different for everyone, and it can change throughout your life.
The importance is the self-understanding.
Tbh I sometimes feel so self-conscious it's hard to leave the house.
I think the key is to take the time to really get to know yourself, to know what situations make you feel happy and strong and empowered and which make you feel the opposite. And that can be different for everyone, and it can change throughout your life.
The importance is the self-understanding.
I do think I have a lot of growing up to do… I had just turned 23 when we went into covid and I think it really was detrimental to me.I do get you, I’m the same (especially what you said about having to memorise your coffee order etc I get SO nervy). You’ll get there
I could spend days sitting alone at home but outside the house, I feel more confident being with people.
One thing I’ve noticed in the last year or so which has been really empowering is that a LOT of people are really awkward, not just me, I just never noticed before because I was too busy being self conscious
Can only get better though!
You guys are really great people and I hope you know that
Also thinking about jack again (my fave hobby), as mentioned above his extroversion seems to work well with Sasha, he’s got his own mates and charges his social battery (the opposite way to us lot haha) mostly with them.
Whereas some of the introverted fellas I’ve been with are more suffocating in a way because they still want human company etc, of course, but they want yours, all the time, because having a group of lad mates isnt for them. My RLF is pretty extroverted and I feel it defo works better for me.
Whereas some of the introverted fellas I’ve been with are more suffocating in a way because they still want human company etc, of course, but they want yours, all the time, because having a group of lad mates isnt for them. My RLF is pretty extroverted and I feel it defo works better for me.
THIS IS ME!
I have a 'fake it 'til you make it' thing I do around strangers where I can pretend I am actually the outgoing confident person I want to be.
But, I can't do it around people I actually know because they are thinking 'what on earth is she doing?!'
Wouldn't you love to have the wisdom you have being a little older and pass on it on to your younger self. All those minutes wasted caring about what others think, oh it so doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things. It did back then but like someone said, everyone is so wrapped in their own thoughts and bubble, they aren't concerned about you. An all day drinking sesh has me very thinky tonight. JG, want to come do some thinking with me too 
I guess so… I do have really bad anxiety that I think comes from being the middle child that sort of got overlooked as I was just always so happy and silly and was always okay so never had anyone notice the little things I do that make me so shy and introverted.
It’s an odd thing because if I’m working I’m most at ease, me and my NK go out everywhere and I’m fine and don’t overthink anything, maybe it’s the ease of having a whole other person to worry about.
I hope as I get older I get more confident and I don’t find you patronising at all
The real life changer for me was antidepressants. I am a different person now to how I was in my early 20s and I would never look back now. I could be crippled by the most basic of decisions, and would run from every remotely difficult situation until one day I realised I couldn't live my life like that anymore. Accepting that something was not quite right, and doing something about it was the best thing I've done for myself
Your life experiences will continue to shape the person that you are way into your 30s, 40s and beyond. You don't need to be the most confident person, or the one that loves being by themselves. As long as you are happy
This is most likely why I like going for the extroverted kind of person as a partner. They can be exhausting to deal with, sometimes, but generally, they're just good company and love having company, too (friends especially). And if one of them gets that I need my little introvert bubble sometimes and leaves me be? Well, that's as perfect as it can get.
Allow me to be nerdy and wanky, just for a moment, and feel free to ignore this advice. But I basically come with built-in book recommendations.I do think I have a lot of growing up to do… I had just turned 23 when we went into covid and I think it really was detrimental to me.
Can only get better though!
You guys are really great people and I hope you know that
Get a copy of Letters to a Young Poet by Rainer Maria Rilke. The text is available online for free or you can pick up a paperback copy dirt-cheap.
It's one to dip in and out of and revisit regularly, as it's full of really beautiful advice about solitude and inner strength and creativity and love and life decisions and just how to survive the universe.
I have been thinking for a while that Sasha must clearly enjoy her own company, which makes me warm to her so much!
Some photos of the little tart before he gets upset again
Side sweep of dreams
Side sweep of dreams
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