Ioan Gruffudd and Alice Evans #56 I've got 99 filters but a pool filter ain't one

[EllaBella89]

I'm desperately sorry that you had to face such neglect, EB. And I so admire you for having the fortitude and mental courage to take the situation by the scruff of the neck and turn it into something positive, developing skills and resilience along the way. It really is admirable. How have you coped in the long run, if I may ask? (You're under no obligation to reply if it is too difficult and personal to respond; I'm honestly thinking about the longterm outcome for Ella, as your situations seem similar.) I too hope that IG is doing his absolute damndest to help those girls and reclaim the warm, solid relationship that he had with them in earlier days. Alice's behaviour is so malicious, despicable and toxic that it will take a great deal of effort to undo the damage; they will probably need heavy duty counselling both individually and as part of a family unit. I also agree that he should return to the UK; it will be healthier for the girls, he will get a lot more work, and they'll be away from the toxic, sycophantic, sleazy lovefest that is the Hollywood idyll.
May I return the comment and say that I always like and value your posts? You have a wonderful, clear way of expressing yourself, and I really admire your ability to remain neutral in the face of chaos!! xxx

Spoiler: TW Abuse

Thank you dear, I’ve definitely learned to stay calm in chaos I’ve had excellent therapy and went away to uni to study film, and ended up training as a SFX makeup artist and have worked in film and TV. I didn’t escape completely unscathed, as I have BPD but that’s something I largely have under control now. So there's light at the end of the tunnel for anyone in a similar situation. We’re all different though, and everyone handles trauma in different ways. But I told myself I won’t let generational trauma be the end of me, and I wanted to break that cycle. I was SA by the boyfriend of a family member at a young age, and saw a lot of violence growing up. My grandmother (who has passed now) was herself abused, so I’ve forgiven her.
I hope the girls can get away and go to college, because Alice seems to want them to stay her babies forever, as I think she’s petrified of being alone. I hope they’ll be able to mend their relationship with their father, and if not, get a little older and see the situation and the PA for what it was.

 

[Babsi]

I wholeheartedly agree. Sorry for what you went through @Elliekolala. It's infuriating. Children are used because a narcissist needs to feed.

All you have to do is put yourself in the position of the child, any child at comparitive age and think of how you'd feel if you were made to feel that one of your parents didn't love you anymore.

My opinion is that parents have an absolute responsibility to protect their children from things that cause them pain. That doesn't necessarily mean lying to them.

I wrote something like this (under spoiler below) for a PA fb group and picked it apart to apply to AE and IG. It's long. I'm all about the PA that's happening. I don't care if either one of them slept with the entire cast of their last show, that doesn't affect one's ability to patent. Which means no matter what IG did or didn't do, this PA and the subsequent problems it's causing is ALL on Alice.

Spoiler: Long! Really long.

Imagine:

IG tells AE he doesn't love her anymore and they sleep in separate bedrooms. The kids notice and say thats weird then ask questions. Both parents reply that one of them is having trouble sleeping and needs to try sleeping alone in a different bed. AE doesn't tweet about it.

A few months later IG and AE sit down with the kids and tell them that daddy is going to move to a different place close by but that both AE and IG still love them and they will get to spend lots of time with both of them.

The kids say "But why?" AE and IG say that they're just not getting along and it's better that they don't live together but that they both love them the same. Both AE and IG say that daddy will always be their daddy no matter what and even though he won't sleep there it doesn't mean he loves them any less or that anything is their fault. Sometimes moms and dads don't make each other smile anymore. AE doesn't tweet about it.

IG moves out. AE continues to remind the children that everything will be OK and they'll spend some time with daddy soon. IG spends time with the kids, they have a great time. He reminds them that he loves them and tells them to be giod girls for their mom. No details about the state of the marriage are ever discussed with the kids. AE doesn't tweet about it.

IG files for divorce. AE tells the girls that it's going to be fine. That their lives will change a little but that mom is still mom, dad is still dad and they both love them very much. AE is brokenhearted but tries to hide her tears from the kids. When they do see that AE is teary-eyed, AE says, "Don't worry girls, I'll be OK. It's a little hard sometimes to adjust but we will all get used to change as time goes by." AE wipes her tears, puts on her strong mom face then distracts them by saying, "Let's make cupcakes!" After AE makes sure the girls bathe and brush their teeth, she reads to them (or maybe just to Little E if Big E is too big for that). She then tucks the girls in and says good night. AE doesn't tweet about it.

AE then calls some close friends in hopes of getting some comfort for the new and scary position she finds herself in. She cries and feels better after having someone to talk to. AE doesn't tweet about it.

The months pass, everyone makes sincere effort to adjust. Both AE and IG enjoy quality time with the girls. AE doesn't tweet about it.

Eight months later IG goes to France to film a miniseries. AE reminds the girls of their phone time with daddy, so they are excited for it and don't miss it. IG enjoys uninterrupted parenting time with the girls regularly. AE doesn't tweet about it.
__________________

Ahhhhh. Wouldn't that be wonderful? I seems like a farfetched dream but it done ALL the time.

Think of babies who are born from addicted mothers, or from rape or from any situation where one or both parents are unable or don't want to care for a child. What do you tell the child as they grow older? You ease them into the truth. There's no reason to lie but you only need to answer questions as they come along. What you NEVER do is tell the child that one or both of their parents is a horrific, terrible excuse for a human being. "Oh well your dad was a horrible person. He used to beat your mom, so she had to escape from him, he tried to hurt her so he went to jail. He has no interest in seeing you." Can you imagine how the child would feel?

Now think of a lesser "offense". An affair, let's say. Whether or not this happened...it doesn't matter when it comes to PA or divorce. It's not appropriate to share this with kids. If they find out somehow, it is the responsibility of both parents to explain in an age-appropriate manner. I just have to scream this last sentence. YOU NEVER EVER EVER TELL A CHILD THAT ONE OF THEIR PARENTS LEFT THEM.

I can't like your comment enough, especially your "what if".

All of this could have been completely different, less painful and damaging for everyone involved, if one person who claims to love her children could jump over her shadow and think and act in a rational manner for their good. Everyone has the right to be hurt and angry about being left after a long relationship, but nothing excuses her actions for the past year. Narc rage pure and she must be stopped from continuing to hurt those children. Parental alienation is a form of child abuse.

 

[Knitwit]

The PA though is purely the fault of Alice. I really don't like- and this is not aimed solely at you- the thought that Ioan has erred purely by moving on, especially if you work on the assumption that there was no affair.
I've had similar things thrown at me and my now husband by my sister in law and some of his ex's family. "You shouldn't be seeing anyone right now." "You should break up with her for your daughter's sake." "You should have waited until the custody was settled."
The thing is he had. The PA was just starting when I came onto the scene, before I met the daughter. She broke the parenting arrangement and as I've mentioned it dragged out for literal years in court. That's not his fault and it's not my fault. I'm glad he had me through all that, hard as it was.

Ioan and Alice did have some form of agreement, even if informal, that she's no longer sticking to. That's on her. And Ioan is entitled to a little bit of happiness, and being able to "smile again" even if Alice is alienating his children.

I do understand and respect your opinion and admit that I'm likely projecting, but due to my own experiences, I disagree.

Ioan has every right to move on and I am not suggesting he doesn't. As far as the children were concerned their dad was away working. With less than a month to go from his return suddenly they find out via Instagram and their raging mother that there is a new person and a dog factored into the equation. The person who they have never met has spent the past two months in a luxury resort with their dad and is now living with him when they haven't seen him for months. Children of that age don't think logically, they think emotionally. I feel that Ioan and Bianca are operating on a different timeline and this is an established relationship of some standing which is another aspect of why when the relationship started is relevant and I think the 'this is our new life' aspect for the children is ill-considered and thoughtless. There is no reason why they shouldn't live together, but keep it off social media until the girls have had a formal introduction

 

[CarrierPigeon]

I'm entirely okay with AE never coming back to Twatter and being her usual toxic self. She'll undoubtedly continue to be the same exact total disaster, just more in private. If she can stay of Twatter is a whole other question. I'll miss some of the chat here but I think I'm willing to sacrifice it if AE has less venom aimed at people in public

Exactly my thoughts! Going around in circles and debating the same rehashed things are unhealthy and a massive waste of time, in my opinion. I’ve invested a lot of time on this thread but not nearly as much as some!

Thank you. Many of us have tried to say as much and all for nought.

I’ve said something similar and was warned and my post was taken down!

Thank you. Many of us have tried to say as much and all for nought.

I’ve said something similar and was warned and my post was taken down!

 

[PinkyWinky]

Another interesting spin-off for ppl interested in MH is googling Munchausen by internet. Holy bananas, vampires are real.
It’s also an insight into how seriously people can depend on the attention and sympathy they get online. Making up health and MH conditions. Or just demanding sympathy all the time like AE does, there’s a whole world of deluded and needy out there.

 

[Knitwit]

I find it odd the way that Alice constantly changes the ages of her daughters. Big E is 13, the next day she is 12, same with little E, one minute she is 8, the next she is 6

 

[TicTacToc]

I kinda miss Alice

 

[Bridgeofsighs]

I thought California is cold right now. Ioan and Bianca are wearing those ugly Michelin Man jackets. But here we have the girls swimming like it's peak summer. I don't get it.

Also, I know Ioan isn't seeing the girls, but do you think he's at least texting them and perhaps there's an odd phone call?

Also also, and I'm sorry to bring this back up but I find it strangely funny: Alice had an abortion 10 years before Ioan even lost his virginity. Talking about timelines and perspectives! No wonder very religious ma Griffith was appalled.

It's hard to know given the PA. They may be ignoring his calls and texts or have blocked his number. Ella was sending him nasty texts apparently, no doubt guided by "mom of the year".

It was 9 years actually but then AE is 5 years older. She even complained that IG's mum was against abortion. No tit Alice. She's a chapel woman, I think they are called that in Wales.

 

[BigBonedBuzzard]

Ha, now I wonder if Ioan informed his parents about Bianca or did they learn about her from the tabloids? I know Alice is dead set that they've all come to France to hang out, but I really doubt that. But who knows?

 

[accidentally_in_the_mix]

That's a very weird comment AE has posted in that video, almost like she is trying to show off that she's a good mum who always has the girls welfare at heart. Same with her posting those 2 videos of Elsie at the beach and Ella bowling - screams of "Yes, I'm a good mum, I take the girls out on excursions and do things with them!"

With any other mum or mum post I wouldn't think that, but given AE's track record, knowing she reads here and we've been so critical of her not getting out and taking the girls anywhere or doing anything with them, cynicism is my default setting.

I agree, she's trying to show that they do more than just sit around the house, wonder if her lawyer suggested they get out more? On the plus side, I am glad that they are finally getting out of the house and doing fun stuff.

 

[NarcRage]

Ioan has every right to move on and I am not suggesting he doesn't. As far as the children were concerned their dad was away working. With less than a month to go from his return suddenly they find out via Instagram and their raging mother that there is a new person and a dog factored into the equation. The person who they have never met has spent the past two months in a luxury resort with their dad and is now living with him when they haven't seen him for months. Children of that age don't think logically, they think emotionally. I feel that Ioan and Bianca are operating on a different timeline and this is an established relationship of some standing which is another aspect of why when the relationship started is relevant and I think the 'this is our new life' aspect for the children is ill-considered and thoughtless. There is no reason why they shouldn't live together, but keep it off social media until the girls have had a formal introduction

Absolutely and in an ideal world and if Alice wasn't such a rage filled narc she would have explained to the girls and eased them into the new situation. That is all on her.
But....you have to factor in the person you are dealing with and adapt your 'strategy.' I've thought about this a lot. Why should they hide? Why shouldn't they be able to live their lives and post what they like?
Well they should be able to.
But unfortunately in my view they have to factor in the ammunition they are creating for yet more alienation and what those girls are going to think when they see these posts.
And Alice will show them because she doesn't give a tit. So someone has to give a tit and that should be IG.

Ha, now I wonder if Ioan informed his parents about Bianca or did they learn about her from the tabloids? I know Alice is dead set that they've all come to France to hang out, but I really doubt that. But who knows?

Not sure if we are allowed to talk about his parents - but assuming we are - they commented at the time of the split that nobody else was involved. I think that they have been told this by IG. Whether it's true or not I doubt...but I'm sure they believe it.

 

[Knitwit]

I think Big E was at a bowling birthday party from the 'picked up bowling behind my back' comment Alice made on the Instagram post, I don't think
Alice was there, another parent sent her the video and it's not that recent either because of the mask issue @Mad Betty mentioned. In standard Alice mode, she replies to a comment saying that girls at school have always been nasty. Wonder what the girls and parents who see that post think of that remark.

 

[Bridgeofsighs]

Ha, now I wonder if Ioan informed his parents about Bianca or did they learn about her from the tabloids? I know Alice is dead set that they've all come to France to hang out, but I really doubt that. But who knows?

I'm sure they were told in advance. IG is close to his folks.

 

[NarcRage]

I'm sure they were told in advance. IG is close to his folks.

BW is friends with IGs brother on Instagram. I don't know how long for...would be interesting to know

 

[welp]

Absolutely and in an ideal world and if Alice wasn't such a rage filled narc she would have explained to the girls and eased them into the new situation. That is all on her.
But....you have to factor in the person you are dealing with and adapt your 'strategy.' I've thought about this a lot. Why should they hide? Why shouldn't they be able to live their lives and post what they like?
Well they should be able to.
But unfortunately in my view they have to factor in the ammunition they are creating for yet more alienation and what those girls are going to think when they see these posts.
And Alice will show them because she doesn't give a tit. So someone has to give a tit and that should be IG.


Not sure if we are allowed to talk about his parents - but assuming we are - they commented at the time of the split that nobody else was involved. I think that they have been told this by IG. Whether it's true or not I doubt...but I'm sure they believe it.

tbh I dont see any scenario where Alice wouldnt have kicked up the same fuss, either she would have complained about all being too soon or for him stringing her along even more, she keeps saying that if he had said this from this start all would be different, but this is obviously BS given how she is raging about this ever since he filed. And I also think telling it in public first was right, Alice would have leaked it herself first had he told her first anyway.

His main mistake was revealing this while he was a ocean apart from his kids, this is what gave Alice enough time to estrange the younger one enough too, but I reckon his thinking was that it would be better if the kids have more time to prepare for him having somebody new in his life. In theory this is not bad thinking, but he yet again underestimated her evil ways. Obviously then the plan to move with Bianca together snowballed the whole problem too.

(If he indeed told his daughter that he would never have a girlfriend or that he will come back if she is behaving that is indeed a mistake too, but this constant asking about a girlfriend is very suspicious in my mind coming from a 7/8 year old, Alice definitely isnt telling the full truth here)

Ha, now I wonder if Ioan informed his parents about Bianca or did they learn about her from the tabloids? I know Alice is dead set that they've all come to France to hang out, but I really doubt that. But who knows?

I mean the only way for Alice to know is if due to Ioan's facetime calls (before Bianca was revealed, but after she arrived in France, so a whole month) she discovered that his parents have visited him in France during that timeframe. She no doubt interrogated the girls about every call or was eavesdropping.

I mean I dont find it unlikely. They havent seen him in years, he is getting divorced, given their age they were probably vaxxed to travel without quarantine etc. etc.

 

[Nesibindi]

This will soon be over and Alice will be left howling at the moon. Everyone not directly involved will move on to the next public tit show. (Here's looking at you Prince Andrew)

 

[Bridgeofsighs]

I agree, she's trying to show that they do more than just sit around the house, wonder if her lawyer suggested they get out more? On the plus side, I am glad that they are finally getting out of the house and doing fun stuff.

I'm going to take credit for that.

AE complained that IG had taken the kids fun away. I wanted to know why she didn't take them to the beach etc.. and yes I believe she lurks here.

And lo and behold she did, plus bowling. She is also trying to prove what a good mom she is for the lawyers. She may be scared IG will get full custody. She spent the last year proving she is a tit mother though so it may be too little too late.

 

[Knitwit]

Absolutely and in an ideal world and if Alice wasn't such a rage filled narc she would have explained to the girls and eased them into the new situation. That is all on her.
But....you have to factor in the person you are dealing with and adapt your 'strategy.' I've thought about this a lot. Why should they hide? Why shouldn't they be able to live their lives and post what they like?
Well they should be able to.
But unfortunately in my view they have to factor in the ammunition they are creating for yet more alienation and what those girls are going to think when they see these posts.
And Alice will show them because she doesn't give a tit. So someone has to give a tit and that should be IG.


Not sure if we are allowed to talk about his parents - but assuming we are - they commented at the time of the split that nobody else was involved. I think that they have been told this by IG. Whether it's true or not I doubt...but I'm sure they believe it.

I absolutely agree. I get that Ioan and Bianca should live their best life and not give a tit about what Alice dictates, but the fact is Alice is Alice. We've devoted numerous threads to her behaviour and if anyone knows what Alice is like, it is Ioan.
Ioan's parents are very religious so even if there was someone else who propelled him out of the marriage, I doubt he would have told them till later down the line. Bianca follows and is followed by his brother on Instagram so his family would have been told before Alice found out. Also Bianca's sister calling Ioan, 'Yo' when the reveal came out shows familiarity

 

[Nesibindi]

I'm going to take credit for that.

AE complained that IG had taken the kids fun away. I wanted to know why she didn't take them to the beach etc.. and yes I believe she lurks here.

And lo and behold she did, plus bowling. She is also trying to prove what a good mom she is for the lawyers. She may be scared IG will get full custody. She spent the last year proving she is a tit mother though so it may be too little too late.

She better be careful with her spending. She does not have a job, so final calculations might surprise her. If all she has is her share of the house, she might not get what she thinks she will. Calculations will start from date of separation.

 

[NarcRage]

Realistically ...knowing what we now know about BW's MS is he going to want full custody? Is this a tactic (threaten to go for sole custody) to get her to comply and agree to 50/50 and start being a normal and reasonable human.
Is it actually an empty threat that he has no intention of following through with...?