there have been a few suggestions Alice has Borderline PD- and you’ve nailed the crucial difference between that and NPD. BPD is characterised by insecure attachment and unstable self image, usually because of childhood neglect and abuse. NPD sufferers are “how DARE” you leave me types, rather than “please don’t” leave me. I’ve never known anyone with BPD who thinks highly of themselves; it’s heartbreaking. NPD on the other hand…
Sidenote but as someone with BPD I very much appreciate you voicing this crucial difference.
There were a few faaar less active Tattlers from early threads who cast judgment on people suffering with BPD or regaled us with extremely uncomfortable tales about horrible experiences they’ve had with people they knew who shared our disorder, and it made this a very unsafe space where Borderlines sometimes carried away with them re-affirmed negative self-images, myself included. It seems they accidentally presumed that no one in here had BPD and so it was a free-for-all like NPD, which I suspect absolutely no one in here has so it feels more like fair game.
They’re so easily conflated, the two disorders. Along with possible serious childhood trauma, another of BPD’s defining symptoms is an intense fear of abandonment rooted in incredibly low self-esteem as well as a loss of identity without the other person’s approval of them. Like I can be clingy as fuck, sure buddy, but I have never behaved so recklessly, senselessly, and toxically to anyone, ever, and most Borderlines do not. Narcs want control to feed their egos—Borderlines want acceptance to feed their low self-esteem. They can try to acquire it in ways that overlap sometimes (after all, there are small exceptions to every disorder and illness), but it’s not very common.
I see a bit of of BPD (I don’t mean to trigger dialogue or stories about it, it’s just a passing statement), but she seems to tick ALL the boxes of NPD, and it’s possible to have a few traits of one and PLENTY of another.
Anyway, thank you. I appreciate the clarification.
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