She is pushing that he didn’t want Elsie, or the dog. He apparently found all those rounds of IVF tough, (as did she) and he asked her to stop. She wasn’t ready to stop even though she said it basically ruined her health. That doesn’t mean he doesn’t love Elsie.
Exactly this.
I might be saying something controversial and honestly idgaf, nor am I implying that this is how you feel, plinky, but:
There’s this CONSTANT, DEEP-ROOTED societal pressure on parents in committed relationships to have to automatically favor their children over their partners, and it’s wildly unfair.
I read an amazing novel, perhaps one of my faves ever, in which a southern mama in the 1950’s was put in a position of staying with her man &handing her daughter over to live with close family, or leaving him & raising her daughter…and she chose her man. The sister of the mother told the daughter sometime afterwards, “No woman should have to choose between her man and her baby.” Because you love both, and that’s ok. I’m not at all implying that choosing your partner over your child is alwaaaaays the right decision (and sometimes there is no right or wrong decision!)
I’m saying that people shouldn’t have to be socially forced to choose their kids over everything. A baby coming out of your body doesn’t necessarily take precedence over a person you could have profoundly loved and been best friends with for years. And choosing one over the other doesn’t mean you don’t care for the other.
In a much milder situation such as this, Ioan didn’t know Elsie. She hadn’t come into existence yet. She wasn’t even a baby yet. In these always-difficult cases, sometimes the child will be favored over the parent’s health, and sometimes they won’t be. Ioan clearly chose Alice—it’s not a signifier that he’s a horrible father. It’s not an indication that he doesn’t love Elsie. It just means that his heart was with his wife; he chose Alice, and whether or not that was “the right decision” is up to no one’s judgment. He simply chose his partner’s welfare over the creation of a baby that might not have even had the chance to be a baby.
You don’t always have to pick your children. It’s so outrageous-sounding, I know, because we’re conditioned to believe otherwise, but I have friends who’ve confided in me during the deepest conversations that they have more adoration and connection with their partner than their own babies. And that isn’t a crime. It isn’t a sin. Hearts go where they go, and it’s alright to leave with the unchosen person a piece of your heart.
Anyway that was a lot and a tangent possibly but I thought I’d offer it…