I dont think boundary setting is a sign of conditional love
I think in this context it doesnāt look great.
Boundary setting is right but itās just not the kind of thing you do over text with a child. A kid will interpret that as straight rejection.
Put the shoe on the other foot, if sheād have āhackedā into Aliceās IG account and posted
tit about her mum and Alice straight out (over text no less) said she would not be taking her daughter anywhere or see her and guilted her about newspapers I think Iād be pretty taken aback. You donāt punish your children by refusing to see them. In fact, if you wanted to be the bigger parent youād basically just say āyou can hack into my Instagram, you can threaten what ever you want but I am your father and nothing will stop me loving you. Iām here. But we need to talk because what you did was serious and we canāt carry on like nothing happened, but letās do it in person just you and me because I miss you and want to see you.ā You still establish boundaries, you still discipline them but the aim is to establish trust and not break it, to build confidence and not shame. To be the reasonable parent who they can rely on, not the one that shuns them.
Like, he has to know that the children have been poisoned against him at this point and that their behaviour is a reflection of their mother and not them. Punish the mother, donāt punish the children.
If your children are still arseholes when theyāre adults, by all means treat them like the adult arseholes they are, but while theyāre minors they need unconditional love and security and itās possible to do that AND discipline them and set boundaries. The minute you withdraw love youāre headed for disaster.
disclaimer: AE is 10x worse but itās possible that heās not acted in the best way as well, no one is perfect. Also, the messages Alice has released Iām sure are curated so Iām sure heās not like that 100% of the time but the style of those messages just give me a few red flags.