Bless you, JW. You're always so unfailingly kind - I hope you realise just how decent you are, and appreciated you are. xxx
What I'm finding very challenging to deal with is the fact that until my house can be sold, I'm still living with my covert narcissist father. I crashed about six years ago from appalling health issues/c-PTSD and simply couldn't live on my own at that time; I'd come out of a very violent, emotionally and psychologically abusive relationship with a grandiose narcissist who did his level best to destroy me. But it was a case of 'out of the frying pan, into the fire': my father has abused me every which-way for as long as I can remember, and being around him is the most enervating, life-denying experience one can imagine. Everything is always on tenterhooks: it's impossible to relax. I'm trying to heal from the situation while still in the midst of it. The emotional toll is wreaking havoc on my CFS/Fibro and rheumatoid arthritis, so I'm constantly exhausted and filled with pain. The autism doesn't help. Only my work, teaching my wonderful students, gives me something to get up for in the mornings. It's an endless battle. I don't have any emotional support at present - I lost pretty much all my friends either due to the c-PTSD, which they couldn't cope with, the breakup and the pandemic - so I feel as if I am on a hamster-wheel of constant negativity, cowering from my father's sudden rages, nastiness and spite, and dealing with my mother's current existential crisis. So - fairly difficult to recover when in the midst of everything.
It must be so hard for you just now, and you are showing such strength living with this. Sending you lots of love and hugs, and hoping that you will be able to move on with your life very soo. By the way your students are very fortunate to have such a thoughtful and dedicated teacher