I don’t think I could stomach even hearing about pregnancy/mummy content from Helen.I can’t imagine Phil proposing, he can’t be that desperate for a cheap place to stay, he has a job. I’m still not convinced they’re actually having sex very often either. Although it only takes once of course. The idea of Helen with a baby is horrifying.
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Also she had to dramatically announce that he had decided to move out less than 6 months into the relationship, sooo...... 
I just don't think a wedding is on the cards for either of them just yet
I just don't think a wedding is on the cards for either of them just yet
Don’t put that out in the universe Jesus Christ. Poor baby would spend half its life getting left in trolleys in supermarkets. “FIL I left the baby in Sainsbury’s again lolz”
“this is my life now” you’re literally just about to name your island, calm down 
need to get hold of her dodo code and go steal all her tit“this is my life now” you’re literally just about to name your island, calm down
The typos in Helen's caption on her newest post. Girl... proof read, this is your job. I had to reread it a few times to work out wtf it even meant.
'The looks of Christmas. (why settle of one hey? herherher) Hope everyone had a lovely time'
'The looks of Christmas. (why settle of one hey? herherher) Hope everyone had a lovely time'
This was my first thought too! Wtf? Nothing she posts ever seems to get even the barest of once-overs.
I think someone on here mentioned a few threads back that influencers do this to increase engagement (e.g. 10 people will comment that there’s an error
, which = more comments).Idk if that’s the case with her, though, since basically every post she makes reads as though it’s encrypted.
Ah I heard that. I don't think it's the case for Helen however, I think she just can't construct a coherent sentence. I remember the blogThis was my first thought too! Wtf? Nothing she posts ever seems to get even the barest of once-overs.
I think someone on here mentioned a few threads back that influencers do this to increase engagement (e.g. 10 people will comment that there’s an error
Idk if that’s the case with her, though, since basically every post she makes reads as though it’s encrypted.
Her captions always read like they’ve been poorly translated by google from a different language.
The language of prosecco
The language of prosecco
haven't watched the video but I noticed that mark's gf just posted a pic of her at the same place they stayed apparently, lol
*Gets 29 seconds into video*
”Good morning it is December, Wednesday the 23rd of... December”
@Lunamoon22 I’m going to have to wait for your recap I can’t do it babe
So I went back in she’s making all the right noises but she looks gutted with those presents FIL getting her a knife sharpener
”Good morning it is December, Wednesday the 23rd of... December”
@Lunamoon22 I’m going to have to wait for your recap I can’t do it babe
So I went back in she’s making all the right noises but she looks gutted with those presents FIL getting her a knife sharpener
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She's offline again (to break more rules I imagine). Good riddance I say! Not sure if I'm just having a bad day but absolutely sick of influencers at this point. Been feeling a bit low the past few days and struggling to find things to look forward to because of this new lockdown.
I knew it would be The Pigs! And yes, just looked and Mark’s girlfriend posted them there 5 days ago so Helen was there the day after?? Coincidence
Is it just me or is that a bizarre thing to say? Taking time off social media (her job) to prepare for the new year? What does she think is about to happen on the 1st of Jan?
VIDEO SUMMARY:
Vlogmas Day #23 - 27
The Christmas Finale
Vlogmas Day #23 - 27
The Christmas Finale
[DESCRIPTION: Birthdays, Christmas cheer and what I got for Christmas! ]
Starting off on the 23rd Dec, getting the "first batch" of food from M&S, now they're off to Waitrose... and she's not content with just picking up her pre ordered shite, they're going around and doing actual food shop around the aisles. We get a shot of Helga's favorite part - the alcohol section.
Helga celebrates with a McDonald's breakfast "coz we know how to live!"
Yesterday she did "the big Christmas clean, it was a real, real non stop day of chores and things that I had to do so I didn't get round to vlogging it at all" I don't think anyone wants to see yet another cleaning vlog Helga.
It took her from 9am - 10pm NON-STOP to clean.
She shows off her yule log cake and her fridge which is rammed full of food and booze. Don't worry it's not just for her and Fil - her mum's coming over for a Covid Christmas at the Quirkerz residence.
Fil is instructed to go and wrap her stocking filler presents.
"Now no peeking FIL!"
"No peeking HELEN!"
Bless.
Helga wraps up a box of Heros "his favorites!", she's also wrapping up a microfiber cleaning cloth, and a huge bar of chocolate. witch better not moan about his eating habits after gifting him all that shite.
Now the car is packed and they're going to Ex boyfriend Mark's & Charlie's favorite place to stay - THE PIGS.
"It's a pub...? hotel...? place...? which is about.... half an hour away?" Says she booked it up in the summer, they've got a spa there so naturally she's got a massage booked in and SHE'S going to have a really nice relaxing time "because obviously, there's not much we can do, ESPECIALLY NOW!"
Apparently Fil told her he didn't want to go too far on his birthday (did he say this in the summer when she booked it? or is she just saying this now because of the backlash? hmmmm?) "CAN'T REALLY ANYWAY! So we're just going down the road... tooooo.... Edgefield.... to... The Pigs."
Helga can't wait. Fil doesn't know that she's booked the spa suite (for herself) and she's made the staff go into the COVID SAFE room to blow up COVID SAFE balloons, cos it's all COVID SAFE. These were optional extras to make it EVEN MORE SPECIAL
Let's have a look shall we?
Cut to the back of Fil's greasy mop going WOOOOW! at 6 balloons on the bed (sorry no offence to the people who did this, but omg THIS WAS AN OPTIONAL EXTRA!)
Fil points to the booze, "WAOOOWOAOOO!" he's ready for a celebratory "we made it to the hotel drink"
Now they're both walking around the room pointing to things going "WOOOOO!"
"LOOK AND WE GOT FIRE!!!" She points to a bucket of chopped wood, (also known as 'fire') "COZ WE GOT A FIRE PLACE!!! LOOK!!! LOOOK!!!! LOOOK FIL!!!!!!"
Fil's fascinated by the key ring they have which is a "piggeeeee!"
"LOOK WE CAN LIGHT A FIRE LATA IF ITS NOT RAINING!!!" Nan Helga points to the fireplace for a second time
Fil spots a bucket suspended high above him
"IS THAT AN OUTSIDE SHOWER????" Asks Helga,
No it's an idiot test, Fil pulls the cord and the bucket of water spills all over him. You failed Fil.
Helga wheezes behind the camera while Fil mumbles something high pitched.
He waddles into the bathroom "I'm awl wet"
Helga continues to wheeze
Cut to later, Helga is interviewing Fil and asking if he's excited for his massage "yeah. I am."
So covid safe.
Cut to after and they're popping some bubbly to celebrate having a massage.
She can't do anything without pulling a million weird faces, and after the cork pops she wheezes again.
Helga mentions how they were in the same room together for the massage and how she was eagerly awaiting Fil to FART in the middle of it (she actually did sound effects)
We now see Fil in a sauna, cos booze and saunas are a fantastic combination
And now they're ready to get into the hot tub
Cut to later and we are being hovered over her plate while she grabs chips out of a bowl.
Cut to the 24th Dec, we get a shot of a menu and cut to her in bed. "It's the night before Christmas!!!!"
Helga explains what happened on Fil's birthday - they woke up in The Pigs and then chilled there for a while having breakfast, they came home then Helga went out again to pick up the dogs from Maff's sister, then went to Ellie's to get Fil's birthday cake. They went to see his parents (in their garden she says but that's very bleeping unlikely!), Fil then played COD with his mates then they went out for dinner at a wine bar.
Helga mentions that she's going to now make a Christmas Quiz for all the family on Zoom.
Cut to Christmas Day, she's up super early because she can never sleep on Christmas Eve. She says the one thing she was excited about was having her new sofa for Christmas so she can have loads of people crammed on it at Christmas time.
Fil's awake "MERRY CHRISTMAS FIWL!!!!!!" "Merry Christmas... Helen"
It's 6am ish in the morning and the tea and biscuits are already out, now they awkwardly decide where they're going to position themselves for the magical stocking opening!
Fil agrees unenthusiastically. Helen goes ok, then give us an arse shot while she picks up the stockings
"I'm gunna give you your stocking!" she yells
"thank you, do you want to get yours?" Fil replies
"yes" she says robotically
THEY TALK TO EACH OTHER SO WEIRDDDDDDD
"ARE YOU HAPPY WITH YOUR STOCKING?" She yells
".... yeah" replies Fil
Now time for main presents and she sings "CHRISTMAS WITH FIWL!!!"
Fil got boots
"Aw nice!"
"YEAH???"
"Yeah, they look cool. They're well nice"
"They nice?"
"Yeah they're really nice"
The boots are nice.
Cue the ear bleeding, Helga's screaming because Fildo bought her a Switch (so he can have more COD time without her moaning now
I see you Fil, I know that trick trololol)"AHHHHH!! OH MY GOD NO YOU DIDNTTTTT!!!!"
"Nintendo Switch" Fil confirms what it is lol
"tit!!!! I CAN PLAY ANIMAL CROSSING NOW!!!!!"
Cut to Fil unwrapping a shirt
"That's lush" he says,
"Is that nice?" She asks.... we all know the routine now, altogether now:
"yeah, that's well nice"
One last gift for Fil, he opens it and tells her to SHUT UP!!!! (oh if only Fil, if only....)
She bought him a NARDI steering wheel (which is about £250 - £350). Fil wets himself over a steering wheel.
He tells her that she's really spoiled him and she lets out a weird giggle - her ego has been satisfied.
Helga says she's very happy with her little pile of gifts while Fil exhales and then hovers his hands over his gigantic pile of gifts, spread all around him.
Cut to later and Helga is in her ugly game show host suit, peeling carrots.
"MUMMY'S HERE!" she says as Sue comes up to her and gives her a hug - good to know that both aren't bothering to social distance.
Cut to her first outfit change
She then rests the gunt over her counter top whilst cooking
Cut to after dinner and they're out for a walk "Mum is cleaning up Labrador poo" and Savage is finding it hard to control Ozzy who's pulling and barking
Cut to the Christmas quiz and they're all huddled together near the laptop - SAVAGE is in the middle so she gets the covid breath from either side, she doesn't seem to be playing the quiz though.
Helga has to announce she has to go for a quick WEE WEE
Then cut to Boxing Day, a huge spread has been laid out. Cut to Helga on her Switch, then reading a book on skin care (looool)
Quirkerz is slobbing around in her pants and awkwardly rolls over on the sofa to get closer to Fil to show him her Switch
Cut to the later and she's tidied up and it's coming to the end of Christmas. She's breathing heavily after every 3rd word.
She got:
Toblerone
Terry's Chocolate Orange
Aero Mint Bubbles
Giant Skittles
Lindor Orange
Chocolate: Montezuma's Sea Dog Lime Chocolate
G&T selection box
Tub of Hot Chocolate
G&T in a Cracker
Socks
A knife sharpener
A champagne sealer
A pack of bottle stoppers for wine
A planner (apparently people call her 'PLANDERSON')
More socks (yells at DeeDee for biting her socks)
Home made ceramic dish
Bath salts
A print
A Vase outline frame
A enamel bum pin
A skin care book (- cos she loves skin care n all that stuff and Caroline Hirons has a no bullshit approach so it's well Quirkerz)
Sleepy essential oils
Candles
Chistmas Teas
Bestcoast Tshirt
A Scrunchie
A seed bomb
A Bob Ross t-shirt
Madalorian Lega
Han Solo Ice cube maker
Nintendo Switch (- apparently she's wanted one for aaaaaaaaages, she just hasn't spoken about it.... but says she has mentioned it on and off throughout the year)
Animal Crossing ("yeeeey" she goes)
A quirky plant pot ("I'll call him Julius! But Julian for short!")
Ends by saying that she hopes everyone had a lovely Christmas and has a lovely New Year. She had fun doing vlogmas. She's taking a week off all platforms to get ready for the new year (and most likely break all the new restriction rules), and hopes everyone also has a nice time off too. No mention about Tier 4 or anything.
To me it reeks of privilege
glad she can take time off to 'prepare' for new years, we're in tier 4!!! What is there to prepare for!! She's just had a few days off for christmas too, which is fair enough, I did too! But time off coupled with her sorry excuse for vlogmas just ugh She really didn't show much of her Christmas Eve/ Christmas day/ boxing day plans, which is weird when you compare it to all her other years worth of vlogmas videos. She really hid a lot of it.
I bet you anything her mum stayed over, she always does when she comes over for Christmas and it looked like they were drinking all day. Plus that was soooo much food for the two of them on boxing Day
I bet you anything her mum stayed over, she always does when she comes over for Christmas and it looked like they were drinking all day. Plus that was soooo much food for the two of them on boxing Day
Yes, the privilege is strong here. I wish I could tell my manager I was taking time off bartending to prepare for the new year, see how that goes down.To me it reeks of privilege
I hope the balloons were blown up with a pump or something, actual people blowing their breath into them sounds like the most dense idea during a pandemic.
But guyyyyys, she very much needs it!
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