Yeah see id be saying the exact same things to any of my female friends in these situations- the only difference is I’d be saying it over a few bottles of wine!!!!!Tbh, i love how blunt you are.
I honestly wish i had someone like you when i was going through my heartbreak.
At the time i wouldnt have liked it as i was too wrapped up in heartbreak and hoping, but everything you have said is spot on.
I agree.But if your relationship wasn’t strong enough to withstand covid travel bans when the two of you were having a long distance thing anyway and were used to having a relationship conducted over text messages and FaceTimes then it’s clear that it just wasn’t meant to be. He didn’t even try dude - he just ditched you and is merrily going along with his own life as he always has been as if it never happened. You can’t blame covid for this guy being a colossal prick.
https://giphy.com/l0GtwcDSNteWx2vfyIf you're in a relationship where you just couldn't or can't cope mentally, physically or financially without them, then you have absolutely no business being in a relationship. That's dependency, not love.
By all means be with someone, but also make sure that you're comfortable being alone. You said this isn't a toxic relationship thread, but some of the posters on here have said things that show massive red flags of their situation being toxic. Should we just slide on past that and let a woman who may not even know she's being used or manipulated just carry on into a situation that could go horribly wrong?
i think this is why some people find it hard to take advice, because they are seeing their partner through a different lens. i've completely been thereTbh, i love how blunt you are.
I honestly wish i had someone like you when i was going through my heartbreak.
At the time i wouldnt have liked it as i was too wrapped up in heartbreak and hoping, but everything you have said is spot on.
You're so right. When I was going through mine, my older sister was very harsh and blunt. She sat me down and simply said: "why are you settling for a half measure?" She was like, "I have a husband that adores me, that supports everything I do while also telling me the truth. He encourages me to follow my goals. He loves me enough to talk to me when something isn't right. Why aren't you realising that you deserve that too?" "Why are you crying over a man that doesn't give a shit about breaking your heart?"Tbh, i love how blunt you are.
I honestly wish i had someone like you when i was going through my heartbreak.
At the time i wouldnt have liked it as i was too wrapped up in heartbreak and hoping, but everything you have said is spot on.
My heartbreak was caused by a boy (i refuse to call him a man) who was a naraccistic cunt who fully exploited me and mentally abused me- all in the name of love blah blah. He was absolutely vile, and a total minger as well. Now i look back and think what the fuck did i see in him. And yet he treated me awful. Cheated on me with prostitutes, lied about everything, gave me an STD, fully took advantage of my mental health issues-BPD, Bipolar 2. He even tried to exploit me in becoming a prostiute, i didnt but i was close. He used to randomly 'split up' with me, block me, and then a couple of weeks later he would get back in touch. And i let him do it to me!! I let him do it and make so many excuses for him.Yeah see id be saying the exact same things to any of my female friends in these situations- the only difference is I’d be saying it over a few bottles of wine!!!!!I know it’s not what people want to hear - I fully get that but sometimes it’s what people need to hear to give them that jolt of reality.
Yes absolutely, that was the hardest thing for me. It makes you question everything but especially your judgment. After my last breakup, I had friends/family saying "oh yeah we didn't really like him anyway" - but I loved him at the time and those comments didn't help cause like I say, my judgment and self-confidence was shot to pieces. You can and will heal from a breakup but once you've been badly burned, it changes the way you approach a new relationship.I think it’s just really hard to accept as part of the process that maybe our partners weren’t the people we thought they were. Yes I recognise my marriage wasn’t perfect but we had been together a long time and I’ve always thought a marriage will take work and you’ll never sit back and think it’s perfect, but I think I’m mostly sad about this being reality and thinking what could’ve been. Half the day I spend crying about missing him and wishing this was all a bad dream, and then the other half I’m angry and thinking I’m a strong independent woman who doesn’t need a man for now!
I just recently got dumped by my partner who I’ve been with for 4 years. Somebody on another thread gave me the idea of starting this one to vent and let it all out, and also invite anyone else to do the same if they’re going through a breakup, or just to share stories of older breakups and heartbreak.
My story: long distance relationship, him in Florida and me here in the UK. I’ve been flying over regularly for the past 4 years, I’m close with his family and practically a step mum to his 3 children. Love of my life etc...then the pandemic hit and borders closed. I haven’t been allowed into the US since March 2020, last time I saw him was just before that. I fully believe partner exemptions should have been allowed with testing and quarantine and I wouldn’t be in this mess but that’s another rant.
We held on and held on with FaceTime etc, then we decided I’d go via a third country (Mexico) and he would pay, but my flight was cancelled, and when I went to rebook it he completely unexpectedly told me not to bother and that he was done with our relationship. It hit me like a freight train, there’d been no signs this was coming at all. In fact he told me he loved me and missed me just hours before. I tried to reason with him and then he decided to block me on everything which was another huge blow. I feel like my world has ended, I haven’t eaten or slept since. My life was there with him and he’s taken it away and I don’t know what to do.
Sorry that was so long. Please feel free to share your stories and any advice for this absolute hell I feel right now
Marvellous. Don’t reply, I’m not particularly fussed. Doesn’t change the fact that what I’m saying is right.With respect I am not replying to you for a reason
It’s not the same thing though.Hey guys! I just want to start off by saying I read this whole thread and you’re all so so strong and incredible...I’m hyper emotional so breakups have always felt like the end of the world for me in the past, even making me feel suicidal.
I know a girl on here talked about her LDR, and I just want to say, it’s difficult with the travel bans and it’s putting a strain on all relationships.
I’ve been with my bf for 4 years, we didn’t start off as an LDR, we met at uni in first year and started our relationship and went on to live together in 3rd year. In January he got a job abroad and moved back to live with his parents, making us long distance and I miss him so much. I can’t visit rn because of the travel bans, but I last saw him end of January and am planning to go on May 17th (I understand this is not comparable to other couples who have gone much longer). In this time our relationship has been difficult, I cry a lot, I start fights for stupid reasons because I just miss him and I was used to seeing him every day.
Currently he’s looking for a job to move back to the U.K. (hard in this economic state), or I will move there when I finish my course.
@gigi_93 you are so so brave and this time really has been taxing on LDR’s, good luck
And why should you even consider converting when clearly it’s not something he would consider himself. Actions speak louder than words and I’m sorry but if he wanted to be in the relationship he’d be doing all he could.Thanks for your comments.. when he says wait forever he means for me to convert. Which I definitely dont want
I completely agree, i guess religion is very personal and can be indoctrination for some people. He is very depressed and lost in life.And why should you even consider converting when clearly it’s not something he would consider himself. Actions speak louder than words and I’m sorry but if he wanted to be in the relationship he’d be doing all he could.
What’s the saddest part for me is that I know that in Islam, men are allowed to marry non Muslim women - so it’s more of a cultural/family choice on his part. Sending you lots of love as I can’t even imagine how hard it is, but as has been said upthread, the right person would move mountains for you. Keep strong x.
I completely agree, i guess religion is very personal and can be indoctrination for some people. He is very depressed and lost in life.
Yes, agree but he doesnt want to be with me without me being Muslim, his family really liked me etc & he doesnt feel a cultural reason. I spoke about compromise etc. I think its fear that i will be a bad influence. But i guess who knows, we never know inside someones mind/rational.. Thanks for the kind wordsWhat’s the saddest part for me is that I know that in Islam, men are allowed to marry non Muslim women - so it’s more of a cultural/family choice on his part. Sending you lots of love as I can’t even imagine how hard it is, but as has been said upthread, the right person would move mountains for you. Keep strong x
Hi Lolly I hope you’re okay! I thought I could offer some insight as a Muslim (just by name, not religious whatsoever, but some of my family members have married women who converted).Yes, agree but he doesnt want to be with me without me being Muslim, his family really liked me etc & he doesnt feel a cultural reason. I spoke about compromise etc. I think its fear that i will be a bad influence. But i guess who knows, we never know inside someones mind/rational.. Thanks for the kind words
Thank you for your comments, he varies between being not religious to more religous. He said for me to try and be muslim (just a bad one) & as soon as i had a drink he couldnt take it.. its really hard, as i am willing to compromise, raise any children as muslim just me myself i cant be muslim. I dont know if his behaviour is just stubborn to see who gives in first. He is heartbroken without me. But who knows.. i guess only time will tell. Its soo hard when you break up but both love eachother. He wasnt toxic. He wants what he wants & he isnt really stringing me on, he said if i cant be muslim he cant be with me. Hes such a good person. But yeh sorry to bore you xHi Lolly I hope you’re okay! I thought I could offer some insight as a Muslim (just by name, not religious whatsoever, but some of my family members have married women who converted).
So my uncle fell in love with a Christian woman (he actually left his Muslim wife and kids for her). She converted and they married and had more kids... she only converted to marry him and is Muslim “by name”, she still drinks, doesn’t follow the religion etc (no judgement at all! It’s her life). But my uncle isn’t religious either. Not sure if your ex is like this, but bare in mind, if he is religious, if you converted he may try and make you become more religious slowly over time, which is not fair (through fasting, dressing conservatively etc).
Also men in Islam are allowed to marry “people of the book” (Christians, Jewish people, and one more I can’t remember?). So technically it’s fine if he marries you and says you are Christian, but often Muslim families will try and get the girl to convert due to fear of stigmatism from others.
All I’m going to say is, do what makes you happy. Don’t change yourself if you aren’t comfortable or don’t want to, and look after yourself first. The cultural aspect is very hard to adapt to. If you need anything I’m here x
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