Heartbreak.

[Platformcrocs]

I was with my ex for 7 years from the age of 20. House, car, holidays, the whole thing. Thought we'd get married and have kids. Was really happy, rarely argued. Seemed a little off for a few weeks but blamed it on being busy at work which made sense for time of the year and industry he worked, but then he seemed himself again. Then one day out of the blue he just told me he was done. He didn't think our relationship was going anywhere and he didn't want to be with me anymore although he loved me. He had spoken about us starting a family and how it would work alongside our careers etc literally a few days before. Told me he was really excited to start a family.

So obviously I was completely blindsided. Heartbroken. Couldn't make sense of it all. No one saw it coming, his family and friends could not believe it. In fact I was the one that had to tell people because weeks had gone by and he hadn't told anyone. I thought he might have been having a breakdown, searched for any excuse as to why. Though in a couple of weeks he'd change his mind.

But no, he completely cut me off. Gave me 3 days to pack my things and leave, blocked my number, social media. I thought I'd done something for him to be so cold. I packed and I left, obviously there were a few lingering bits that needed to be sorted for a few weeks after.

About a month later I realised I'd left my passport in his cabinet so I organised through his parents to pop and get it and they let me in. There on top of his cabinet was a valentine's day card from his work colleague. The message in it, because obviously I looked, suggested something had been going on for a while. So that gave me some closure. He bare faced looked me in the eye and told me there was no one else. Liar.

So I think in hindsight, he met her at work, decided he wanted to jump ship, kept me strung along until he knew for certain it was a sure thing with her and then dropped me like the last 7 years meant duck all. I've never seen or spoken to him since but through mutual friends I've heard he moved her in a few weeks after I left, became step-dad to her daughter, got engaged and had a kid together within the year. Still together as far as I know. So to say that left me with trust issues is an understatement. For a long I tried to understand why or how he could just drop me like that or why I wasn't good enough. They are answers you'll never know.

Fast forward several years and now I've been with my current partner 5 years and we're getting married in a couple of years. Life goes on. You move through it and you find happiness. I never thought I would at the time. I thought I'd never get over it. Granted its left me unable to trust anyone completely and I'm always waiting for it to happen again. The only thing I miss is having the money. He was incredibly successful and were very financially comfortable. But at least now everything I have is mine.

Funnily enough I've seen the same scenario play out with many people and there is ALWAYS someone else. Call it sexist, but i truly believe men do not leave long term relationships unless they have someone else ready to go. I'm yet to be proved wrong although there will be exceptions.

Exact same thing happened to me, even down to finding the valentines card. It was bleeping awful. You're right, there is always someone else, even when they say there isn't. Your gut is rarely wrong.

I'm the same in that I don't think I will ever 100% trust someone else (even my current partner) and I can only rely on myself. I'm very protective over everything I own and money etc because I don't want to be left in the tit ever again. These days I just pity my ex - I had to start over and build myself up again whereas he's just coasted along in life. It won't always be that way though and karma will come for him!

 

[Shinythings]

Exact same thing happened to me, even down to finding the valentines card. It was bleeping awful. You're right, there is always someone else, even when they say there isn't. Your gut is rarely wrong.

I'm the same in that I don't think I will ever 100% trust someone else (even my current partner) and I can only rely on myself. I'm very protective over everything I own and money etc because I don't want to be left in the tit ever again. These days I just pity my ex - I had to start over and build myself up again whereas he's just coasted along in life. It won't always be that way though and karma will come for him!

Mad isn't it? For a long time I struggled with the fact that he completely devastated my life and it seemed so unfair I was in so much pain and had lost so much whilst he was just on to the next girl, having lost nothing. But such is life. I hope one day karma hits but I just don't care anymore. Being happy is the best revenge.

 

[hello479]

Mad isn't it? For a long time I struggled with the fact that he completely devastated my life and it seemed so unfair I was in so much pain and had lost so much whilst he was just on to the next girl, having lost nothing. But such is life. I hope one day karma hits but I just don't care anymore. Being happy is the best revenge.

I can honestly say I don’t think my husband left for another woman, I think he left because he can’t work out what he wants in life and won’t take responsibility for anything as an adult! But yeah I feel pretty annoyed he’s gone back to his parents to have his washing done for him and meals cooked (we did things 50-50, I def didn’t do it all for him!). I just feel scared about the future, we were discussing trying for a family in the next year or so and that all feels very very far away now with starting afresh x

 

[LateG0ssiper]

I can honestly say I don’t think my husband left for another woman, I think he left because he can’t work out what he wants in life and won’t take responsibility for anything as an adult! But yeah I feel pretty annoyed he’s gone back to his parents to have his washing done for him and meals cooked (we did things 50-50, I def didn’t do it all for him!). I just feel scared about the future, we were discussing trying for a family in the next year or so and that all feels very very far away now with starting afresh x

Same, mine definitely hasn't left for anyone else and is staying with his parents. His mum would know and would have told me. I've ended up really upset again just now after doing better for the last few days, I thought I'd better get out for a walk and being out on a lovely day in our area without him has made me feel so sad for everything we usually do together. Everyone I walked past seemed to be a couple. I'm back in bed now with the curtains closed on a beautiful sunny day. It feels so wrong.

 

[hello479]

Same, mine definitely hasn't left for anyone else and is staying with his parents. His mum would know and would have told me. I've ended up really upset again just now after doing better for the last few days, I thought I'd better get out for a walk and being out on a lovely day in our area without him has made me feel so sad for everything we usually do together. Everyone I walked past seemed to be a couple. I'm back in bed now with the curtains closed on a beautiful sunny day. It feels so wrong.

I know exactly how you feel with this - everyone seems to be out with their partners and I’m just there walking with the dog could you maybe watch a good film or have a bath tonight? I’m finding trash tv a great distraction at the moment and really trying to focus on self care, even though it is really really tough

 

[Feztive]

I just want to say Iv been reading this thread for the past couple of days and keeping up with it and just want to send you all a virtual hug it does get easier just take it one day at a time and do what you got to do for yourselfs. My ex left me about 7 years ago and at the time I thought my world had ended, he left one day to go work and I didn’t have a clue that was the last time I’d see him he rang me later to tell me he was going to be staying at his mums from now on, I was broken like a few had said I had no idea and was out the blue he even gave me a kiss before he left that morning. He blocked me on everything and I made a fool of myself trying to get in contact with him, he blocked my number but if you ring with 141 in front it does ring thru so used to leave him voice mails begging him to come back. I spend weeks crying over him not living just going thru the motions of the day then when I was home I’d lock the door and cry all night then one day I just stopped and thought duck you im worth more then this and as soon as my mindset changed I became happy again and enjoying myself he came running back unblocking me on WhatsApp sending me msgs but I was done. It hurt like hell but ya know what it was all worth it Iv met my new partner we’ve just had our baby and I feel really happy and content and I’d go thru it all again because what Iv got now was well worth it. Keep going ladies my friend told me this one day and she was right : everything will be alright in the end, if it’s not alright then it’s not the end.

 

[LateG0ssiper]

I know exactly how you feel with this - everyone seems to be out with their partners and I’m just there walking with the dog could you maybe watch a good film or have a bath tonight? I’m finding trash tv a great distraction at the moment and really trying to focus on self care, even though it is really really tough

Yes I'm putting the TV on now, I constantly have the TV or a podcast on as I can't bear the silence (he was very talkative!)

Envious that you have a dog, I've wanted one for ages, would be lovely to have the extra company.

 

[Imonlyme]

Yes I'm putting the TV on now, I constantly have the TV or a podcast on as I can't bear the silence (he was very talkative!)

Envious that you have a dog, I've wanted one for ages, would be lovely to have the extra company.

Getting a dog for yourself is a great idea. You should definitely do it.

 

[LateG0ssiper]

Getting a dog for yourself is a great idea. You should definitely do it.

I've been thinking about it, if I can stay at the house I think I will do.

 

[hello479]

Getting a dog for yourself is a great idea. You should definitely do it.

I would be so lost without the dog. My husband asked if he could take him (on the basis whatever happens we will both share the dog where possible!) but I said no and he thankfully didn’t fight it. Having a dog definitely makes me get out of bed each morning and forces me out for fresh air

 

[LateG0ssiper]

I would be so lost without the dog. My husband asked if he could take him (on the basis whatever happens we will both share the dog where possible!) but I said no and he thankfully didn’t fight it. Having a dog definitely makes me get out of bed each morning and forces me out for fresh air

Good for you insisting that you keep the dog!

 

[hello479]

Good for you insisting that you keep the dog!

How are you managing with sleep at night? I had max 2 hours sleep last night, I just can’t seem to switch off or not wake up every 45 mins or so!

 

[LateG0ssiper]

How are you managing with sleep at night? I had max 2 hours sleep last night, I just can’t seem to switch off or not wake up every 45 mins or so!

I was exactly the same, it's only this week that I've managed to sleep for a full night a couple of times through sheer exhaustion. Even when the doctor prescribed sleeping tablets during the first week they only worked for a couple of hours. Something that has helped a little bit is sleep podcasts, I just searched on Spotify but you could try YouTube as well, the only way I can stop thinking about everything at night is to listen to something like that, a bedtime story or guided sleep meditation.

 

[Lilliepad]

Found this thread by chance and can’t help but beam at how supportive it all is. For anyone going through heartbreak right now, remember that what’s for you will never miss you - and as painful as things may be in this present moment, better times are coming
Definitely look into getting pets if you have capacity - they keep you going as you’ve got another little life to live for. Keeping as busy as possible helps BUT you’re also allowed to feel your feelings and mourn as long as you don’t wallow in it for too long. My number one thing though would be to ignore all images of so called happy couples online. Not everything that glitters is gold and I know that especially over bank holidays people make out they’re having the time of their lives when they’re not and it often makes us feel tit. Deleteeee!

 

[Captainmouse]

As the saying goes, people can only take advantage of you, if you let them

 

[gigi_93]

Wish we could all get together for a witch in someone’s garden! Imagine

Just been catching up. I definitely don’t think it’s always another woman. I can’t decide if that would have been better or worse in my own situation. I guess if that happens then at least it offers some sort of instant closure? I wouldn’t have been hanging around waiting for his texts after that. I really loathe men (and women) who string their partners along while they set themselves up with someone else

 

[LateG0ssiper]

Wish we could all get together for a witch in someone’s garden! Imagine

Just been catching up. I definitely don’t think it’s always another woman. I can’t decide if that would have been better or worse in my own situation. I guess if that happens then at least it offers some sort of instant closure? I wouldn’t have been hanging around waiting for his texts after that. I really loathe men (and women) who string their partners along while they set themselves up with someone else

I think it's better in a way when someone else is involved as you have that closure. It's torture knowing we're apart when we still love each other and no one else is involved. Awful though hearing stories from people who have been strung along and lied to, I can't imagine ever doing that to someone. Cowards.

Yes, a heartbeat meetup would be therapeutic!

 

[hypoharpy]

Had an awful nights sleep last night - I just keep replaying conversations in my head. I think the hardest part is letting go of the future I thought I was going to have with him and realising he’s not the man I thought he was.
How is everyone else today?

It will get better , just keep going

 

[no-no]

I was with my ex for 7 years from the age of 20. House, car, holidays, the whole thing. Thought we'd get married and have kids. Was really happy, rarely argued. Seemed a little off for a few weeks but blamed it on being busy at work which made sense for time of the year and industry he worked, but then he seemed himself again. Then one day out of the blue he just told me he was done. He didn't think our relationship was going anywhere and he didn't want to be with me anymore although he loved me. He had spoken about us starting a family and how it would work alongside our careers etc literally a few days before. Told me he was really excited to start a family.

So obviously I was completely blindsided. Heartbroken. Couldn't make sense of it all. No one saw it coming, his family and friends could not believe it. In fact I was the one that had to tell people because weeks had gone by and he hadn't told anyone. I thought he might have been having a breakdown, searched for any excuse as to why. Though in a couple of weeks he'd change his mind.

But no, he completely cut me off. Gave me 3 days to pack my things and leave, blocked my number, social media. I thought I'd done something for him to be so cold. I packed and I left, obviously there were a few lingering bits that needed to be sorted for a few weeks after.

About a month later I realised I'd left my passport in his cabinet so I organised through his parents to pop and get it and they let me in. There on top of his cabinet was a valentine's day card from his work colleague. The message in it, because obviously I looked, suggested something had been going on for a while. So that gave me some closure. He bare faced looked me in the eye and told me there was no one else. Liar.

So I think in hindsight, he met her at work, decided he wanted to jump ship, kept me strung along until he knew for certain it was a sure thing with her and then dropped me like the last 7 years meant duck all. I've never seen or spoken to him since but through mutual friends I've heard he moved her in a few weeks after I left, became step-dad to her daughter, got engaged and had a kid together within the year. Still together as far as I know. So to say that left me with trust issues is an understatement. For a long I tried to understand why or how he could just drop me like that or why I wasn't good enough. They are answers you'll never know.

Fast forward several years and now I've been with my current partner 5 years and we're getting married in a couple of years. Life goes on. You move through it and you find happiness. I never thought I would at the time. I thought I'd never get over it. Granted its left me unable to trust anyone completely and I'm always waiting for it to happen again. The only thing I miss is having the money. He was incredibly successful and were very financially comfortable. But at least now everything I have is mine.

Funnily enough I've seen the same scenario play out with many people and there is ALWAYS someone else. Call it sexist, but i truly believe men do not leave long term relationships unless they have someone else ready to go. I'm yet to be proved wrong although there will be exceptions.

That sounds so traumatic. I’m sorry you’ve had to go through that. I agree with the last part, too. Very few are complex enough to have a profound reason to leave a stable relationship and not discuss why. It took me a long time to realise that was a total lack of respect you can’t return from and a scab that should not be picked.

If there isn’t another woman to hook up with and everything else was okay, I think most of those men then fall into the category of emotionally investing in someone else. It could be a colleague with no reciprocation but they start thinking the grass is greener and just want out. The litmus test is to move on and see if they try to worm their way back in like they’ve had an epiphany, they’re always willing to talk then

 

[hello479]

Had a much better sleep last night thankfully - I always wake up feeling really sad but I’m also trying to see the positive in me being able to have a decent amount of sleep. I think today I am going to try and sort some bits out in the house, pack his remaining things into boxes and try and make the house feel a bit more like my own ie not pictures of us together all over the place also going to temporarily deactivate my Facebook and Instagram as all I’m seeing is happy families hope everyone has a peaceful Sunday morning