Heartbreak.

[gigi_93]

I think this would be an easier breakup if I could just hate him but I can’t. At the end of the day he treated me so well the whole time we were together. We never lost the chemistry. It’s just making it so much harder to accept

Summer definitely makes it harder too. The warm sun reminds me of my home with him in Florida. I am not ready for that

 

[Scorpihoe]

Found the Insta pic

I would honestly lose my shit if someone posted that about my man. I’d lose my shit at my man for not making her taking it down

you have way more self control than me, I would go crazy

 

[ProphecyGirl]

I just think, it's not the end of the world. Does it feel like it? Yes. Will you get over it? Also yes.

I was with my ex for 8 years from the age of 17 and we split when I was 25, so I'd gone through my teenage years and early 20's tied up in a relationship, which I wanted to last forever. I put him on a pedestal even though he was horrible in so many ways.
I went on a night out and came home to an empty house, he just packed up and left. Turns out he was pratting a girl from work and god knows how many other times he cheated (he once lost his keys on a night out and took him until 8am to find said keys... funny)

I thought my life was over, I didn't think I'd get over it. I didn't eat, sleep, do anything. Every night after work I just slept in my dark, cold living room, eating super noodles just to eat something. I drank, used other substances (which I was always so strongly against and judgmental about) I lost sooo much weight. Eventually, after time I got over it.

I think the saying is "get over someone else by getting under someone else" is somewhat true. But I think you need to find yourself and enjoy your life after heartache.

 

[Imonlyme]

@BettyCrocker are you actually my mum?! No in all seriousness thank you for the straight talking. I know 5 months is nothing but it felt like one of those ‘when you know, you know’ things. Literally until this week. If I ask him if he’s been in contact with someone he’d only deny it so I guess I won’t know. Probably going to end up single by the end of the night, if he can fit me in

I agree with the other posters, get out now before he screws with both your heart and your head. You've only been together 5 months and he's already shown you who he is. He's shown you a red flag, so see it and run.

You said you felt he was going to drop the L bomb soon. You haven't even said you guys love each other yet and you were thinking of uprooting your whole life to move near him. That's a huge no-no. He's shown no real sign of commitment or that he's even in this for the long haul. Cut him loose and save yourself the heartache.

He sounds like he's keeping his options open and playing the field, while keeping you on the back burner. Don't be anyone's second best. You deserve more than that. If you mean enough to him, he will make the effort needed to save your relationship. Let him chase you. And if he doesn't, then you have your answer and he's done you a favour in the long run.

 

[Platformcrocs]

@holliebollie I wouldn’t ask him if he’s been in contact with someone. Although @BettyCrocker is absolutely right, that’s more than likely the reason he’s gone weird, he’ll only gaslight you and make you feel like a psycho for asking. Men are experts at making women feel crazy for confronting them about something they absolutely are doing and I’m speaking from experience

You know in your gut when something is wrong and don’t let him pull the “I’m feeling shit about this week” nonsense either.. gaslighting again. You know his behaviour is off, he knows his behaviour is off, but rather than tell the truth, he’ll have you blaming yourself and wishing you’d never said anything.

I would cut and run if I were you. Don’t text him or call him and see if he gets in touch with you first. If he doesn’t, you know where you stand and you’ve had a lucky escape.

Agree with this. Your gut is very rarely wrong.

I'm speaking for myself here but I'm over trying to get explanations from men who cannot communicate. You won't get an explanation and you'll be made to look "crazy" by asking. Sometimes the vibe just changes and if it does, it's time to cut your losses. By all means raise it with him and say "hey, I feel like you've been off with me this week, do you want to talk about it?" - if he brushes it off or gives you an excuse then I'd forget it and drop it.

Remember. If someone wants to speak to you, see you, or have a relationship with you, they will make it happen. And if someone can't communicate at the beginning, that's unlikely to change.

 

[Imonlyme]

There are women who behave like that too sadly. Humans can be such a destructive species.

Oh, I don't doubt for a second that some women can be just as bad. It just bothers me how people think it's okay to just up and leave a relationship, especially a long term one without any explanation or care for how the other person will feel.

If you want out of a relationship and aren't happy, then by all means leave. But have some respect and compassion for the person you once loved and at least talk to them. In my opinion, anyone who abruptly leaves with no care , man or woman, is nothing but a coward and someone you're much better off without.

There's a saying I now live and swear by: when someone shows you who they really are, believe them.

I won't give anyone the opportunity to show me what a bastard they are twice.

 

[LateG0ssiper]

oh no, my heart is with you. Has he ever done anything like this before? I know lockdown is getting to us all and causing us to act differently

He has been struggling with lockdown as he's been working from home for a year but this was still very out of the blue. He went from saying it was a general unhappiness that he had to saying he wasn't happy with my and things had never been right. Then he left.

My ex used to do this a lot and it is truly soul crushing. Sending you lots of love . I know it's hard right now and probably all you can do is think about him and question what went wrong for him to just leave so suddenly. My advice is to let yourself cry over it for a short time. Let it all out and then dry your eyes and focus on you. What do you need right now?(besides him) Have a bath, put some uplifting feel good music on, call a friend. Anything, just do something that's 100 % for you and about you. No doubt he will eventually contact you and then hopefully you can get some answers. For now, you just have to take it one step at a time.

Thank you for your message but I'm struggling with every second at the moment. I'm still not sleeping or eating and I burst into hysterical crying a few times a day. I haven't been able to spend a whole day at work but being at home alone is killing me. I haven't spent a day here without him. I really don't think I can get through this. All I can think of are all the things we had planned for the rest of our lives. Everything seemed great and no different literally a day or two before he went.

I am so sorry you are going through this. The passage of time is the only healer in all honesty. You need to look after yourself and appreciate, and find time and ways to enjoy in, the smallest things. Don't get back in the dating game for a while - give yourself time to grieve and heal.

I'm a great believer in things happening for a reason; you will look back in time and see that if this hadn't happened then it would have lead you to --- what's coming (and it will be magnificent).

For now though, self-care must take priority. I know it's hard - I've been through this too, and just wanted to curl up and die if I'm completely honest - but you will get through it. Engage in a new hobby (even just learning something new online), and if you need to talk, try to do it with a counselor or online telephone service dedicated to counseling ... try not to talk with your friends as - and again this is from personal experience - it will tarnish your relationship with them.

Much love to you. You WILL be okay, just know that.

Edited to add: One thing I did find helpful: Hypnotism. It's not for everyone, but I just could not get him out of my head and developed a very unhealthy habit of psychoanalysing everything I'd said and done while we were together that might have caused him to dump me. The hypnotism 'sort of' made me forget all about him. I still had feelings of sadness and felt like I'd been kicked to the curb quite literally, but it helped severe the blow. I suffered from a lot of childhood emotional trauma that tended to overflow at this time also - it's all tied into the fear of abandonment - so it felt very much like my world had come crashing in and I had nothing to live for. I also ended up changing everything I could - new city, new job, new haircut, new dress style - I reinvented myself which psychologically helped me move on from being the victim of something that was beyond my control.



Ain't that the truth?! Years later I realised that if we were still together I'd be married to Frank Spencer! (Not only did he bear a strong resemblance to this character, but also many, many traits)

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Oh my goodness, that is just so hard to read. I can't imagine how you are feeling.

Please don't feel that you have nobody - plenty of people on here care about you.

If you are able to, perhaps ask if he is open to having a frank and open discussion with you about his reasons for leaving? It might be that whatever those reasons are, it is salvageable - but you will have to insist that you both work at things, and that includes him not leaving like that again.

x

Thank you. I do really appreciate your kind words. I will be seeing him again as he'll be coming back to the house but I can't face him telling me it's definitely over for good. He definitely has some other issues going on that I think are clouding his judgement but he can be very stubborn when he's made his mind up about something.

 

[gigi_93]

This thread is so nice and so helpful

I agree that we should never apologise for the way we feel (I’ve done it myself on this thread multiple times) I also think suppressing feelings is so bad for you. Let yourself feel everything, cry it out, scream, throw things, send the texts if you think it’ll help. If you suppress how you feel it just hits you harder at a later date. This thread really helped me just put all my feelings out there and not feel judged (well, mostly not judged) I still feel broken, upset and anxious, but not in the same way I did when I posted my first message.

 

[Ggdownundah]

oh darling! I bet that is such a head f*! I’m in two minds on what to say, I’ve been in a similar situation in the past & on one hand I was like I made my bed I need to lie in it, but the heart wants what it wants. But, you weren’t happy with ur ex to be able to move on so easily but now you’re thinking about your ex maybe you’re not happy deep down with your current partner? I’m sorry if it comes across as harsh I really don’t mean it too, just offering advice from a lady who’s been there(ish.)

Don’t apologise, not harsh at all as I know this myself and agree. I have made my bed and feel I have no right to be upset he’s moved on and yet my heart still hurts. I feel like I don’t know what I want in life. My current partner is amazing and we are doing great, I love him but don’t think I’m in love with him if that makes sense? I can’t help but feel like something is missing so perhaps I’m not as happy as I wish. I feel cruel on him writing this

 

[Eyerollbrainache]

I think this would be an easier breakup if I could just hate him but I can’t. At the end of the day he treated me so well the whole time we were together. We never lost the chemistry. It’s just making it so much harder to accept

Summer definitely makes it harder too. The warm sun reminds me of my home with him in Florida. I am not ready for that

I feel this so deep in my bones. I used to say I wish I could hate him but I can't. It took probably 10 months for me to hate him. I always thought he treated me so well too. Then one day just bits started sliding in that I realised I didn't like and I wouldn't take anymore....... I promise it gets easier, not quickly or suddenly but it does xx

 

[BettyCrockerr]

Lockdown really has messed with everything. I absolutely blame covid and all it’s bullshit for my breakup. I mean of course I blame him too for breaking up with me but it wouldn’t have happened without travel bans. I’m glad everything worked out for you!

But if your relationship wasn’t strong enough to withstand covid travel bans when the two of you were having a long distance thing anyway and were used to having a relationship conducted over text messages and FaceTimes then it’s clear that it just wasn’t meant to be. He didn’t even try dude - he just ditched you and is merrily going along with his own life as he always has been as if it never happened. You can’t blame covid for this guy being a colossal prick.

 

[BettyCrockerr]

Thanks for your comments.. when he says wait forever he means for me to convert. Which I definitely dont want

So it’s never going to happen then. So you need to just draw a line under it, cease all contact with him and move on with your own life. Xxx

 

[EmaE]

A week? You let him back in after 7 days?!!!

I’m honestly baffled with this.

your husband has been having an affair with someone you know, and you give it 7 days before he’s back at home?!

Seriously. What are you doing?!

Life is not always straight forward and especially not when love is involved , it’s easy to give advice when it’s not your life

 

[Tublet83]

That's frustrating. If I were you I'd either insist on a proper conversation or not communicate at all. What he's done is so wrong and you're owed an apology at the very least. Hope you're doing OK x

I agree, just catching up. This isn’t won’t be doing you any good at all, and you need to look after yourself and your needs.

I completely get how it’s hard to close the door, the way he is treating you is appalling and you need to look after yourself x

 

[gigi_93]

Just be very careful. He may be making sure that you are still pining for him to boost his ego. My ex did that to me.

I have my guard up (I hope) I just don’t know what the hell he could possibly have to say to me at this point

I bet it is. To be honest I don't really feel any better. I'm eating and sleeping a bit more but I still feel constantly anxious and I'm still getting upset every day. Haven't heard from him and haven't contacted him.

I’m glad you’re eating and sleeping more, that’s a good sign. Sorry you still feel so anxious do you feel like you’re waiting to be contacted? I feel like that.

 

[Imonlyme]

No actually you made a comparison.

A couple being separated by a war, where they have no choice but to be apart and who had limited communication due to the technology available at the time is NOT the same as discussing a couple now who are CHOOSING to have a long distance relationship for YEARS where the only one making any effort it appears is this lady and when the guy ends it like this without any care, compassion or any decency.

I’ve already said my comments aren’t intended to be inflammatory but I just find it baffling that people are willing to settle for this kind or non-relationship/part time relationship and then don’t like it when people point out the fact.

The point I was making is completely lost on you. You seem to want to just make snap judgements on other people's relationships and feelings.

You came onto this thread with a very aggressive remark, completely dismissing what someone has been through, and putting down what they chose for their relationship. Even now, you've used the term 'non -relationship'

You've also made this woman feel like she has to justify her relationship to someone who doesn't even care, or want to try and see things any other way. Relationships aren't always and don't need to be the traditional marriage, house and babies. Some people don't want that, but that doesn't mean their relationship is any less real than couples who do want that.

I've already agreed that how her partner dumped and blocked her was 100% disrespectful, but none of that takes away from the fact that this was indeed A REAL RELATIONSHIP.

 

[Purrrrrrr]

Thanks all We’ve had a bumpy past few months (him packing and leaving - taking me by total surprise) saying he no longer wanted the same things (kids, big house etc) but after 3 weeks and lots of talking came back. He had another wobble in February but didn’t actually leave, and today I suspected he had packed some things. He said he was only thinking about it and if I hadn’t confronted him he wouldn’t have left! We are having very minimal chat at the moment, mostly agreeing what we do with the house and our dog, but I feel like he’s yet again made a rash decision and will be back begging forgiveness for his bad judgement soon. He was really weird about me asking him to cancel our summer holiday which makes me think he sees this as a reversible thing? It’s such a headf*ck


Thank you so much - much as it’s obvious awful for you and I wouldn’t wish this feeling on anyone, it’s really comforting to know I’m not the only one going through this x

No matter what, it will always be something you did. Please don't let yourself get muck around. They want to leave or end it but will always try to keep you on an elastic line, pushing you away but just as you are feeling a little better they wind you back in, rinse and repeat.

 

[gigi_93]

Been reading all your stories and having a good cry it helps to see the insight of others. I’m having a particularly shitty day today, trying to keep busy but he’s all I can think about. It’s only been 3 days since he blocked me but that’s the longest we’ve gone no contact since the day we met and my god am I feeling it

 

[Imonlyme]

I have met his family & he is more like western in his views and not shy to tell his family things. But agree i dont know what conversation happens at home, behind closed doors. I did cry on the phone to his sisters & they were really sad. But didnt offer any alternative. I understand its hard for them being muslism.. I did try and he muslim a number of times but it wasnt for me & hes inability to compromise put me off, along with his changing views made me nervous about my reality in 3/4/10 years time. Thank you for sharing your stories. Hopefully he doesnt find this chat as he will know its about him straifht away


He was reallly western. We went clubbing, drinking everything together then about 3 years ago, that all changed and he started praying etc.. & i tried to convert and lived a lie for a bit but couldnt continue with it as i felt it wasnt me.

I really feel for you because it must feel as if you've been lied to or deceived in some way because of his sudden turn around.

You tried and that's all you can do. If converting wasn't for you and he can't compromise then what more can you honestly do? You can't give up yourself to please someone else because in the long run you could come to resent him for it.

I'm sending you lots of love and hope that you're at least feeling okay.

 

[Imonlyme]

Where has anyone on this thread been either unsavoury or abusive in their comments? I can’t see anything of the sort....?

I feel like the last few comments on here at aimed at me and you.
I have not been abusive to anyone on this thread, neither have I said anything unsavoury.