Brilliant! I read it in the voice of Pam Ayres
Brilliant! I read it in the voice of Pam AyresI'll tell of the Battle of Princlings,
As happened in days long gone by,
When Duke William became Prince of Wales,
And 'Arold got frosty penii.
It were this way - one day in October
The Duke, who were always a toff
Having no visits on at the moment,
Had given his fam a day off.
They'd all taken boats to go fishing,
When some chap in William's ear
Said 'Let's go and put breeze up the Sussex;'
Said Bill - 'By gum, that's an idea.'
Prince 'Arold came up as they landed -
His face full of venom and 'ate -
He said 'lf you've come for Regatta
You've got here just six weeks too late.'
At this William rose, cool but 'aughty,
And said 'Give us none of your cheek;
You'd best have your throne re-upholstered,
Your arse will be sore till next week.'
When 'Arold heard this 'ere defiance,
With rage he turned purple and blue,
And shouted some rude words in Saxon,
To which William answered - 'And you.'
Twere a beautiful day for a battle;
The princes set off with a will,
And when both sides was duly assembled,
They tossed for the top of the hill.
Prince 'Arold he won the advantage,
On the hill-top he took up his stand,
With his knaves and his cads all around him,
On his arse with his necklace to 'and.
The Waleses had nowt in their favour,
Their chance of a victory seemed small,
For the slope of the field were against them,
And the wind in their faces an' all.
The kick-off were sharp at two-thirty,
And soon as the whistle had went
Both sides started spanking each other
'Til the swineherds could hear them in Kent.
Now Sussex had best line of forwards,
Well trained both with malice and words -
But the Waleses had best combination,
And when half-time came neither had scored.
So the Duke called his cohorts together
And said - 'Let's pretend that we're beat,
Once we get Sussex down on the level
We'll cut off their means of retreat.'
So they ran - and the Sussex ran after,
Just exactly as William had planned,
Leaving 'Arold alone on the hill-top
On his arse with his necklace to 'and.
When WIlliam saw what had happened,
Moral and upright he drew;
He went right up to 'Arold and pushed him.
He were off-side, but what could they do?
The Waleses turned round in a fury,
And gave back both parry and thrust,
Till the fight were all over bar shouting,
And you couldn't see Sussex for dust.
And after the battle were over
They found 'Arold so stately and grand,
Sitting there with a back-full of dog bowl
On his arse with his necklace to 'and.
(with apologies to Marriott Edgar. Original poem: https://allpoetry.com/The-Battle-Of-Hastings)
Oh @Chita thank you so much for this. I love the way Tom explains everything, and the way he leaves the final paragraph. I'm sure he's well on the way writing a follow up, and I hope by then Charles has stripped them of titles, and the truth can be told about the flatpacks.
just wanted to say I only brought-up about the teddies/cuddly toy connection in response to a post about Charles and his ; jumping on a new member to say “not interested” and go to another thread was unnecessary…Thanks to our talented @Chita for the title.
Well, a TL;DR of last thread, as Greta (HOW DARE YOU!) recently tweeted "smalldickenergy@getalife.com"
The more leeks, erm, leaks we get from the meeeeemoir, the more deranged ginger tits looks.
The Taliban called him out as a coward and liar.
He has a magical relic of Lady Di hair on his dresser table that has the capacity to turn a dozen pregnancy tests positive (some-one call the Vatican!)
He still fell arse first in a dog bowl.
Wills and Cath seemingly were huge fans of Suits. I'm a Tv addict and i never heard of Suits before November 2017. Seemingly busy Senior Royals have more time on their hands than me.
Ashamed to say, so i'll spoiler: Wills has a nice aesthetically pleasing ... Willy.
Meghan apparently sang opera with seals. Not award winning artist Seal, but literal sea mammals seals. Wow, so Disney Princess!
And lots and lots of speculation who was the Cougar who mounted filly Henry for the first time.
If i missed anything, please add.
Old Fred.
Harry and Meghan #292 If the Taliban thinks you're morally corrupt, it's probably time to shut up!
Title by @Hula flight Recap. We laughed and laughed and so did the rest of the country. We were disgusted by his admission of 'kills' whilst in the military. This is not done and has placed everyone in the UK especially the RF under threat from terrorism. We were shocked to agree with the...tattle.life
as he should be... an homage too for an aristocracy nobody cares about that takes hours being written out is a good idea, have the one pay homage who should - the heir to the throne!This is sweet.
Prince Harry 'has been written out of King Charles' Coronation
In his new tell-all autobiography Spare, Harry made a series of sensational claims about his brother and father. He has now allegedly been written out of King Charles' Coronation scriptwww.dailymail.co.uk
My point is he has made such an issue about it was an awful thing to ask of a child, but he wasn't asked. William at 15 may have been felt more able to cope and was given the option. He walked behind his mother's coffin by choice. I do not agree with the decision to even ask them it was a horrendous thing to do ( and pretty sure it was the govt not the Palace that asked them to do it will have to check). Tantrum was probably the wrong word but I had speculated about this on a previous thread probably about 2 years ago that there was lots of info surrounding how Will came to walk behind the coffin but nothing about H.At that point he was a nearly 13 year old kid. Please don’t call it a tantrum or say it was just about not wanting to be left out, not about that moment in time. A couple of boys who’d just lost their mother in the most intensive world spotlight get all the allowances in the world from me.
It’s the spiteful drip of a man he’s become and the tantrums he has now that I have a problem with, but I’m never going to deny that moment wasn’t absolutely hellish and life changing for both of the boys.
Markle is fucked…and has been by quite a lot of peopleIf she divorces Harold She will be a nobody. No one in Hollywood would go near her. She’s bat shit crazy just like him. Singing to wales seals whatever the fuck she sings to.. There’s only so many interviews you can give. I doubt any normal man would go near her at this point I don’t even think Tyler Perry wouldMarkle is fucked.
Well I wasn’t going to go anyway! Yah boo sucks., Nah nah nah!This is sweet.
Prince Harry 'has been written out of King Charles' Coronation
In his new tell-all autobiography Spare, Harry made a series of sensational claims about his brother and father. He has now allegedly been written out of King Charles' Coronation scriptwww.dailymail.co.uk
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Oh so it's William's fault, that absolutely no one wants him or his skanky wife there?This is sweet.
Prince Harry 'has been written out of King Charles' Coronation
In his new tell-all autobiography Spare, Harry made a series of sensational claims about his brother and father. He has now allegedly been written out of King Charles' Coronation scriptwww.dailymail.co.uk
View attachment 1864220View attachment 1864221
Just imagine if he hadn't done it. He wouldn't have been able to dine out for all these years on that iconic shotYes he said it to William, but H has said he didn't think it was fair W did it without his support. The apparently only supportive thing he has ever done for his brother so I don't believe it for a second. He didn't want to be left out.
Oh so it's William's fault, that absolutely no one wants him or his skanky wife there?
He's obsessed with make-up since he saw what his wife looks like without any!It makes no sense whatsoever does it? The only royal woman that I can think of, who wears little in the way of make up is Princess Ann? And what concern is it to him - who does and doesn’t?
Weird nonsense.
She couldn't.I’m sure if William punched Harry that hard. Meghan would have taken pics of the bruise
Smegs needs to wear a truckload of makeup because she looks like my avatar without it - plain as fuck. But sure, style this as a feminist act.Haven't read the article yet, but from the title my first thought was that Sparry, why are you soooo concerned with the women's makeup? If you want the women to wear makeup and they don't, that's none of your business. If you want to wear makeup, go ahead. Though you'll have to shave those pubes off your mug. Then we'll definitely want you to cover up with makeup.
And 'frustrating' for whom? I'm sure that if Catherine wanted to wear more make-up, no one would have been able to stop her. What they all do is tasteful and suitable for occasion/time of day while also accounting for the cameras. I've attended professional makeup lessons. Less is definitely the best.
If Sparry (his Ho) is the one frustrated, he can shut the fuck up.
I know/have talked to so many men who overly concern themselves with what women do with their bodies, especially in terms of makeup/clothes etc. They are all an ex and several nope-no-way-never-will-be's.
Okay, I read the article, and it is sooooo stupid. Smegs, what the hell shite have you written?!! Everyone doesn't present like the less expensive version of yacht girls just because you do! This is so ridiculous that I can't even figure out what to type without going on a rant.
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