Friends (or lack of)

[ot55]

I really relate to this thread. My boyfriend is my only real friend. I have some long distant friends, but they’re the kind who you occasionally message on social media, not ones you’d count on or regularly hang out with.

I agree that social media adds a lot of pressure. I like my own company and have things that keep me busy, but I often worry about silly things like who would I have as a bridesmaid. I don’t have any sisters or close female relatives. I wouldn’t really care about not having any, but I feel like other people would perceive that as weird because you always see the whole bride squad thing.

I went to uni and didn’t make best friends for life like everyone says you will. I realised quite a few people were only friends with me because we went out drinking. When I stopped drinking for mental health reasons, they didn’t want to know any more

 

[birdiefly246]

I really relate to this thread. My boyfriend is my only real friend. I have some long distant friends, but they’re the kind who you occasionally message on social media, not ones you’d count on or regularly hang out with.

I agree that social media adds a lot of pressure. I like my own company and have things that keep me busy, but I often worry about silly things like who would I have as a bridesmaid. I don’t have any sisters or close female relatives. I wouldn’t really care about not having any, but I feel like other people would perceive that as weird because you always see the whole bride squad thing.

I went to uni and didn’t make best friends for life like everyone says you will. I realised quite a few people were only friends with me because we went out drinking. When I stopped drinking for mental health reasons, they didn’t want to know any more

I have the exact same thoughts! Mine isn't about bridesmaid cause I've never wanted bridesmaid but the thought of getting married publicly does freak me out because I know so little people that I'd want there. I'm not close to any of my family, not even my mum. My wedding guest list would be significantly small anyway but even worse if I marry someone who has loads of friends and family.

 

[ChloChlo]

I used to have one best friend in high school. I also had a group of girlfriends in school, we had great times together, but they made fun of me a lot (bitchy comments that hurt) so they weren’t really friends I recognized later and we lost contact after high school. But my very best friend and I kept in touch after high school and a few years later I was the one who always had to contact her and kept the relationship going. I never heard from her first and I decided to not contact her anymore and I never heard from her again. It also happened a lot back then that people wanted to hang out with me because they had nobody else and only hang with me for a short poriod of time until they had someone else to hang out with or only when they had problems. This happened to me maybe 3 or 4 times. I doubted myself and gave myself a hard time for people not wanting to be friends with me. After these experiences in high school and in my early adulthood I think I’ve developed trust issues and don’t let people come too close to me.

This was pretty much me in my school days. I never felt particularly close or naturally enjoyed time with others unless they were my sister or cousins.

When I entered high school, I made one friend, it felt very forced and when she soon entered a friendship group and left me on my tod, it confirmed my suspicions she was only really hanging out with me because she had no one else to hang out with. And it was a frequent trend in the few "friends" I did have. I also remember in the last year of high-school I was briefly involved in a friendship group who were also quite vile to me and eachother. Often going to school filled with anxiety I would be the one from the "friendship" group that will be getting orchestrated and downright cruel, unprovoked silent treatment from the others.

As a result I left high school with no friends. The local kids I did used to hang out with were way more extroverted than me so had extended into their own friendship groups from their high school, I went to another so I felt like I was somewhat "intruding" being invited with them, so those groups fizzled out too. I worked a few small, part time jobs but often everybody else in them were alot more older than me or the job themselves were quite unsociable which ruled out having any like minded colleague friends as a teen. I did end up with a long term partner and that and our families were all the social interaction I needed. Both of my exes were very popular, with large groups of close friends that they had maintained for many years. I found it extremely foreign to me and although pleasant to them, I had no real interest in getting to know any of them.

When I left my abusive ex that left me with either refuge or rehab to make some friends as an adult. I found my previous experience of mums groups when my kids were smaller to be very superficial. Both refuge and rehab are environments where some sort likeability feign well, natural introverts are treated with suspicions or end up being targeted by covert bullies, in both environments and as well as feeling after being socially content in two long term relationships, that the societal norm was to have a bunch of friends. Most of today's friendship groups have formed in these places, so had to learn another face I didn't know existed. Not all positive experiences in the slightest and as I said in an earlier post actually envy when I had none at all.

 

[chandlercheesecake]

My experience with friendships is quite pathetic , lol... I've never had the best of luck. I am introverted and I was very shy during my childhood and teen years. I will say that I have always been friendly and had a sense of humour, so never been difficult or unapproachable.

Primary school -
Thought I had a best friend, but during the days of Piczo, she wrote pages/tributes about her other friends (including a girl that used to bully her), and nothing about me.
I also felt like the tag-a-long or the least important friend. A group of girls had a lunch time table rota and I always "allocated" the worst seat.
I remember once when I tried to comfort one of my classmates when she was upset, she said she didn't want help from me, and went to her other friends.
I remember once when I was playing a game of Bulldog with 2 girls and they kept picking each other and left me out.
I lost contact with everyone after I left.

Secondary school -
I was on my own, until a new girl joined halfway through Year 7 and started to tag along with me. It felt like we were only hanging out because we had no one else. She wasn't the nicest person and started to put me down a lot. We would flick through magazines and she would criticize the models' appearances. She wanted to be a glamour model but she wasn't that pretty, she just had long blonde hair and was good at photography, so she always made herself look good in pics (meow). We just didn't have much in common really.

She made friends with another girl and we all arranged to meet up to go shopping in town, but they stood me up. Their friendship was brief as the girl was a bit of a tearaway.

Another girl joined our twosome in Year 9 and they became close. Once again I was always left out and they would witch about me by writing stuff on paper and pieces of cardboard. They once invited me to the cinema after school, but ran off together when I went to meet them at the school gates.

One of my most embarrassing moments was when I was trying to become more confident, so I tried to make conversation with a boy in the year above that volunteered in the library. I thought he would be understanding/easy to talk to, as he was popular but a bit geeky. Instead he just loudly laughed in my face and said he was shocked as he'd never heard me speak before, then went and told everyone what happened. That really crushed me.

Finally, in Year 10, I clicked with a girl that I met in one of my GCSE classes. We had the same sense of humour and would spend hours chatting and laughing together. We both had the same struggles with fitting in. She had a group of friends that used to bully and prank her all the time (getting popular boys to ask her out as a joke. etc). She would come to me upset when they were being mean. Then a few months later, she told me her dad got a job in another country and she was going to be moving there! I was upset, but I knew we'd keep in touch via MSN/webcam. On her last day at school, I didn't get to say goodbye to her properly in person, as her group of friends whisked her away for a Pizza Hut meal, lol. There wasn't time to see her again after that, as she was packing to leave. We did keep in touch for a few months on MSN, but she soon settled into her new life and moved on. Haven't spoken to her since. Last I heard, she got together with a guy from that country and moved back to the UK. Her group of friends at school were all bridesmaids at her wedding. I think we could've become best friends if she hadn't moved away, but it wasn't meant to be.

I was glad when I left school so I didn't have to see the other 2 girls ever again.

Since then I haven't had any experiences with real friendships. I'm friendly to people, but I mostly keep people at arms length as I start feeling anxious. The closest thing to a female friend was an older woman at my last job, who I used to have a laugh with and had a few things in common, but again she seemed to prefer the company other colleagues.

Also at my last job, a girl joined a year after I had, and almost immediately became close friends with an already established friendship group there, going on nights out and holidays together. I found myself feeling quite jealous of her, even though I didn't want to be friends with those people anyway.

At the moment, I'm just happy with my own company. My boyfriend is my best friend.

 

[ChloChlo]

@chandlercheesecake

Your secondary school friend sounds a right cow that sounded like she had some sort of underlying resentment towards you. She is pretty much how the friendship group I became involved with in my last year of secondary school treated me. They would often scrawl notes to leave one or the other out for the entire day (almost always it was me left out) while they would then follow and look on, basking in the fact I would walk round lonely. It was all very pathetic looking back and I almost want to kick my teenage self for allowing myself to be treated that way. They would start rumours about me, often cruel ones then giggle about it being a joke afterwards.

I was once allocated a new girl in my class who was an Iraqi refugee to look after. She was quickly learning English, really sweet, innocent but at the same time outgoing and funny. She seemed a promising friend and her mother would often invite me round for tea. But I was absolutely gutted when she left because she moved to Essex and I was back to Billy no mates.

 

[chandlercheesecake]

Oh she was a cow, and very passive aggressive.

Just offloading cos I can't sleep:

I just feel like people see me as awkward and irrelevant really, and I've gotten used to that over the years. When I was about 16, I longed for a group of friends that I could go to parties and meals out to Nando's with, like everyone else did. I once signed up to a local theatre/dance group for teenagers in an effort to make friends, but I bottled it at the last minute and didn't go in.

About 10 years ago I won some tickets to be in the audience for a televised awards show. I decided to take my cousin and her friend with me. During an ad break, they started taking pics together and I saw that they tagged each other on Facebook at the awards show, saying they were having a great time. They didn't include me at all. I felt really hurt by that one.

So yeah, I guess I have gotten used to it now and I really don't mind at this point. I prefer my own company when I'm not spending time with my mum, dog or boyfriend. If I meet a potential friend in the future that I click with, that would be great, but I'm not going to force it or feel sorry for myself if nothing comes of it.

The older woman I used to work with has actually suggested we go to the theatre when lockdown is over, but not sure when/if that will even happen at this point.

 

[Bluejeanzz]

Hey all, I’ve read everyone’s posts and I feel for you all. It’s difficult to make and maintain friendships these days.
I wrote out an extremely long post but deleted it in fear of ~exposing myself~ but in a nutshell, I’ve never had many friends but the ones I did have always fizzle out without much closure and the small amount of friends I have left are really just convenience friendships as we’ve known each other for so long - and with Covid I see them even less than normal!
I never wanted to be the person whose boyfriend was their only friend but I have ended up this way. I wouldn’t mind it so much if my boyfriend was always around but he has an unpredictable work schedule and friends of his own so time together is either all or nothing at once.
I’d say I’m independent enough to survive as in I dont mind going to the city centre, etc, alone but I so desperately want a close female friend like I had in my teenage years. It’s particularly hard around times of celebration (birthdays, Halloween, New Year’s Eve, etc with the pressure to go out with friends.) I’ve tried to accept that it’s all part of growing up but I feel as though I’m too young to have no friends for the rest of my life.

I wish you all the best in your friendship endeavours or your comings-to-peace with having a small/no circle of friends. I’ll continue reading here in order to feel a sense of community - even if we are all anonymous!

 

[Poppykisses87]

I never really clicked with the big group of girls at school but I always had my best friend and other people I would consider friends. Like a lot of people those friendships fizzled out once I left school as we took on different paths and we have the odd catch up on Facebook every now and then.

Same with the bestie I had too. We rekindled our friendship about 6 years ago, went Amsterdam, nights out on a Friday etc but everything was very one sided. As in she felt too superior to hang out with my work colleagues, and I’d end up tagging along with hers. Just before I went NC we went to Amsterdam and everything was about what she wanted to do and she would take over conversations we would have with other people she would Literally stand in the middle of us and block me out. Conversations were more of “anything you can do I can do better”. Despite that, we made some funny memories that I LOL about to this day. A couple of months later it was my birthday and I had a night planned out, but a couple of days before she was trying to get me to change my plans to coincide with hers and was being distant in general. On the day, she ghosted me and didn’t reach out at all. I later saw that she went out with her friends from work which felt like a bit of a slap in the face. I don’t know if it was due to the alcohol or because I was hurt and thought it was the right thing to do at the time but I just blocked her on everything that evening so we haven’t spoken since.

That was over 3 years ago. The day after, I went on a date with my now boyfriend and we have recently been talking about engagements etc and I just miss having someone to talk to, especially general girl talk and I would have appreciated her advice at some points in this relationship too.

Even to this day she will know me better than anyone. Bf obviously knows lots about me but like his lad mates for him- she has stories about me pre him that would be sworn to secrecy ha

i often contemplate getting back in contact but I remind myself on how she treated me and a real friend wouldn’t try and make you feel Inferior to them & tbh I wouldn’t even know how to. I checked my snap chat today and saw that she added me at some point but I don’t know when.

I feel content in my life in general, I have good job, mortgage, cutesy dog and amazing bf but it does sometimes feel like I’m missing out on girl trips, spa days, gym buddies etc. Like other posters I sort of worry about when I get married or have a hen party, who will be my bridesmaids, MOH etc. I have people at work I could call “close mates”. I talk to them all the time but I do wonder what would happen if one of us was to leave.

Rambled on a lot so apologies ! But I’d like to think that sites like tattle / Reddit etc give me a sense of having people to bounce off of as you generally have the same views to discuss and things in common so I guess that takes out the feeling of being a lone wolf for me!

 

[marlaxo]

Oh she was a cow, and very passive aggressive.

Just offloading cos I can't sleep:

I just feel like people see me as awkward and irrelevant really, and I've gotten used to that over the years. When I was about 16, I longed for a group of friends that I could go to parties and meals out to Nando's with, like everyone else did. I once signed up to a local theatre/dance group for teenagers in an effort to make friends, but I bottled it at the last minute and didn't go in.

About 10 years ago I won some tickets to be in the audience for a televised awards show. I decided to take my cousin and her friend with me. During an ad break, they started taking pics together and I saw that they tagged each other on Facebook at the awards show, saying they were having a great time. They didn't include me at all. I felt really hurt by that one.

So yeah, I guess I have gotten used to it now and I really don't mind at this point. I prefer my own company when I'm not spending time with my mum, dog or boyfriend. If I meet a potential friend in the future that I click with, that would be great, but I'm not going to force it or feel sorry for myself if nothing comes of it.

The older woman I used to work with has actually suggested we go to the theatre when lockdown is over, but not sure when/if that will even happen at this point.

This post (and your last one) I can relate to so much! Whenever I have gone on a works night out or family night, I am never the person people want a picture with (its me beign asked to take the picture) and whenever people were arranging transport for a Christmas do or anything, I would never be asked how I was making my way to or from the party, I basically feel invisible.

When I got married I felt I had to have bridesmaids so had 3 relatives but had no hen do or anything as nobody wanted one.

I am at peace with my own company but it does make me sad sometimes too.

EDIT: ugh, just remembered something else too and it still makes me cringe all these years later. At secondary school our form tutor had the (very stupid) idea that everybody had to write what was the best quality about everybody in their form - we were all given a blank copy of the register to write on and then the teacher compiled them all and handed out our 'results' a week later. It was supposed to improve relations between everyone and show that everybody has qualities that they might not even recognise in themselves. My whole list consisted of 'quiet' 'shy' 'clever' over and over and over again. I was so gutted.

 

[ChloChlo]

When I got married for the first time, that hit realisation how little friends I had as I entered my 20s. My first ex husband had an enormous family and as I say, quite a large established friendship group. He had no problem filling in his side of the church when it came to compiling our guest list. However after inviting what little family I did have, I then scraped the barrel to not look like a lonely bride by inviting some of my sisters friends I didn't really know that well! It was so frustrating, so in the end we tore up seating plans and just let people go where they wanted. My husband could clearly see what was wrong, but he could equally, no doubt, sense my embarrassment. I had 4 bridesmaids, 3 of them were relatives of his.

I dreaded any form of practical work too, when everyone had to pair up, I would always bit the spare part or have to work with the teacher and wouldn't take anything in because I would secretly be hurting that no one chose to work with me. Lessons like that filled me with dread and were not fun for me at all.

 

[Barbie2020]

My experience with friendships is quite pathetic , lol... I've never had the best of luck. I am introverted and I was very shy during my childhood and teen years. I will say that I have always been friendly and had a sense of humour, so never been difficult or unapproachable.

Primary school -
Thought I had a best friend, but during the days of Piczo, she wrote pages/tributes about her other friends (including a girl that used to bully her), and nothing about me.
I also felt like the tag-a-long or the least important friend. A group of girls had a lunch time table rota and I always "allocated" the worst seat.
I remember once when I tried to comfort one of my classmates when she was upset, she said she didn't want help from me, and went to her other friends.
I remember once when I was playing a game of Bulldog with 2 girls and they kept picking each other and left me out.
I lost contact with everyone after I left.

Secondary school -
I was on my own, until a new girl joined halfway through Year 7 and started to tag along with me. It felt like we were only hanging out because we had no one else. She wasn't the nicest person and started to put me down a lot. We would flick through magazines and she would criticize the models' appearances. She wanted to be a glamour model but she wasn't that pretty, she just had long blonde hair and was good at photography, so she always made herself look good in pics (meow). We just didn't have much in common really.

She made friends with another girl and we all arranged to meet up to go shopping in town, but they stood me up. Their friendship was brief as the girl was a bit of a tearaway.

Another girl joined our twosome in Year 9 and they became close. Once again I was always left out and they would witch about me by writing stuff on paper and pieces of cardboard. They once invited me to the cinema after school, but ran off together when I went to meet them at the school gates.

One of my most embarrassing moments was when I was trying to become more confident, so I tried to make conversation with a boy in the year above that volunteered in the library. I thought he would be understanding/easy to talk to, as he was popular but a bit geeky. Instead he just loudly laughed in my face and said he was shocked as he'd never heard me speak before, then went and told everyone what happened. That really crushed me.

Finally, in Year 10, I clicked with a girl that I met in one of my GCSE classes. We had the same sense of humour and would spend hours chatting and laughing together. We both had the same struggles with fitting in. She had a group of friends that used to bully and prank her all the time (getting popular boys to ask her out as a joke. etc). She would come to me upset when they were being mean. Then a few months later, she told me her dad got a job in another country and she was going to be moving there! I was upset, but I knew we'd keep in touch via MSN/webcam. On her last day at school, I didn't get to say goodbye to her properly in person, as her group of friends whisked her away for a Pizza Hut meal, lol. There wasn't time to see her again after that, as she was packing to leave. We did keep in touch for a few months on MSN, but she soon settled into her new life and moved on. Haven't spoken to her since. Last I heard, she got together with a guy from that country and moved back to the UK. Her group of friends at school were all bridesmaids at her wedding. I think we could've become best friends if she hadn't moved away, but it wasn't meant to be.

I was glad when I left school so I didn't have to see the other 2 girls ever again.

Since then I haven't had any experiences with real friendships. I'm friendly to people, but I mostly keep people at arms length as I start feeling anxious. The closest thing to a female friend was an older woman at my last job, who I used to have a laugh with and had a few things in common, but again she seemed to prefer the company other colleagues.

Also at my last job, a girl joined a year after I had, and almost immediately became close friends with an already established friendship group there, going on nights out and holidays together. I found myself feeling quite jealous of her, even though I didn't want to be friends with those people anyway.

At the moment, I'm just happy with my own company. My boyfriend is my best friend.

I have the exact same thoughts! Mine isn't about bridesmaid cause I've never wanted bridesmaid but the thought of getting married publicly does freak me out because I know so little people that I'd want there. I'm not close to any of my family, not even my mum. My wedding guest list would be significantly small anyway but even worse if I marry someone who has loads of friends and family.

I feel really upset for you reading this. I know situations like that from childhood have a lasting impact right into adulthood.

I have a couple of good friends but it’s not a group just individual people. They have their own best friends and I used to get upset that I didn’t have a best friend as such but my sister is my best friend so I’m not bothered anymore.

As long as you are happy in your own company and with your boyfriend then you don’t need any friends. Just be content with who you are

 

[Giggling Squid]

I have never had a best friend. I’ve had various people or groups of people over the years, but never been that close to anyone.

I was bullied through most of primary school, and I’ve found it hard to let people get close to me ever since. I think the experience left me with a deep feeling that I am not someone people would want to be friends with. I drifted between the edges of a few friendship groups through school, but never any real friends. I lost touch with all of them except one when we went to uni and after that she moved abroad.

in adult life I’ve got maybe 3 good friends, although the fact I can’t bring myself to open up to them makes me feel like one day they’ll dump me and move on too. I’ve a couple of other people that I’d maybe go for a coffee with, but nobody close really.
My partner is the only person I really feel like I can talk to, and even him I sometimes get quite envious of his group of friends - he’s got close school friends and close uni friends, and I really really wish I did.

 

[abeautifullife]

Honestly, I have VERY few friends. I had childhood friends but drifted away from them. I was never really in friend groups and was bullied. I also have a hard time socializing due to a disability and resting witch face. I'm also introverted, although I do consider myself an extroverted introvert! I was also faced with toxic people in junior college. I don't see my friends often and never had a partner thus far. Basically, I talk to people online (I'm always open for a chat!) and network.

 

[josie22]

Wow, really glad I found this thread. I feel the same. My boyfriend has sort of become my “best friend”. I have one “real” best friend who I’ve known since uni, and honestly that’s about it. I have lots of acquaintances from school, work and my boyfriends friends who I could meet for a walk or a coffee, but I know I’m not truly part of their close circle. I always see these girl gangs online and honestly wonder what I’ve done wrong as I just can’t seem to form a strong enough bond with anyone. I have this fear of when we get married that I’ll have one, maybe two bridesmaids and that’s itstrangely enough, I don’t ever feel “lonely”, but I do feel this jealousy whenever I see people posting about their friends on SM.

 

[Marie95]

Honestly, I have VERY few friends. I had childhood friends but drifted away from them. I was never really in friend groups and was bullied. I also have a hard time socializing due to a disability and resting witch face. I'm also introverted, although I do consider myself an extroverted introvert! I was also faced with toxic people in junior college. I don't see my friends often and never had a partner thus far. Basically, I talk to people online (I'm always open for a chat!) and network.

Sorry to hear you were bullied, I hate hearing people stories about bullying, people can be bleeping dicks! Also, partners are overrated. I'd return mine if I could. Lots of love x

 

[slabber]

I always see these girl gangs online and honestly wonder what I’ve done wrong as I just can’t seem to form a strong enough bond with anyone.

I used to be the same but I've realised that most of the time the girls in these girl gangs all witch about each other to each other. Like others have pointed out, it's all a facade for social media. I've come to accept it's better to have one or two good friends than loads of fake friends.

 

[SoulDestroyer]

Fellow loner here too. It used to bother me, but now I don't care - friendships always seemed quite hard work.

I'm probably put off, though, by what happened when I was in school/college.
My first best friend from the age of about 7 she ditched me for another girl when we were in our last year of primary - she then went to a different high school to me, so we never spoke again.
Then in high school I had a best friend, and a small collection of mutual friends, all the way through who I knew from primary, but not that well. We ended up in the same class in high school - but then we did our GCSEs, she went to a different college. I rang her one day to ask how things were going and she couldn't be bothered to speak to me, there was obviously something more interesting happening at home as I could hear people in the background - then that's the last I heard from her. I actually think I hung up on her without saying goodbye as she was blatantly not listening to a word I was saying, she was incredibly rude.
Then college I had another best friend who I still hung around with after college, went shopping, to the cinema etc. But then I became v. ill and I sent her an email to tell her what was going on (we would email all the time), and I never heard from her again. I've been chronically ill for ten years now and haven't heard a dicky bird from her!

So I guess the running theme is I can get friends/a best friend fairly easily .... but can't keep them!

 

[bolimepipi]

oh have i found a thread for myself!

i have definitely had friends growing up, lots of them. however, i was a different person back then, not the introvert i am now. through all of my friendships, there was one that stuck through everything, my best friend whom i was friends with since we were 4 years old. we lived in the same building, our parents were friends, all of our families knew one another and we were always together even though we never even went to school together. we went to separate primary, secondary school and university. and still we saw each other all the time. over time we also sometimes had other people ''join us'' and we had another friend with us for a few years. she was depressed and we helped her through this a lot. but my 1st best friend just couldn't do it after a while and they started drifting apart. i still wanted to help the troubled friend and because of that i guess my best friend started separating from me as well. now i kind of ended up losing both of them, the troubled one completely cut communication (we always went through periods where we wouldn't talk for a while), and i found out that after my breakup with my ex, she was comforting him and helping him, and she didn't even ask how i am. after my whole life of helping her, she didn't even bother to text me. haven't spoken to her since. my 1st best friend on the other hand i do speak to, but ever since we started drifting away it's never been the same. we see each other maybe once a month, once in 2 months, and sometimes it feels forced. recently we had a really long walk where we talked about everything, our whole lives that we spent together and i thought this is it, we're back! unfortunately we were not

in general i have some nice friend groups but i always feel like i don't belong or fit in. i sometimes feel weird and awkward and like i just can't be part of the conversation. almost like i'm stupid. i'm also a big introvert and spending a lot of time with people really drains me. i'm happiest at home with my cat. the only people i can spend a lot of time with are my boyfriend and my sister. thankfully my sister really is my best friend. i have realized throughout the years that i'm just happier this way, but it does make me sad to think back on some times where i knew i could rely on my best friend no matter what happens, and over time on some examples i learned that this is not the case anymore. oh well, sorry for the rant

 

[Glitter_shine]

So glad to have found this thread! I’m a fellow loner, had lots of friends through school but then I hate to admit it I got into a relationship with a guy a few years older, who was an absolute twit (sorry). He destroyed my life, friends and confidence but slowly I got myself out of it. I have never been open and honest with friends about what happened but they all knew but by the time I was out of that relationship the friendship wasn’t there anymore. There were was with one and we keep in touch but we are very different. My work friends are pretty much my only friends, one of them is my best.

I think it hit home, how much of a loner I am during lockdown and I didn’t pine for the nights out, the meeting people and it really made me realise I don’t have anybody.

My now boyfriend is a bit older and his best mates wife asked me once why I don’t have any friends. For someone I barely know I thought it was weird she asked me but since college I’ve always been a loner. I’m happy with it though, like others have said on social media sometimes when I see groups together I wish I had it but then I always remember the way groups used to split, the drama the comparisons and I deffo don’t miss that.

 

[Kim Mild]

When I was very young I had a best friend, we were really close but when we were about 13 and got to high school, we grew apart. She is the only person I have met up with from school, her parents and my parents had both moved to the same area , so that helped . ( I also don't know if I trust her completely, something was stolen from me at school, I wonder if she stole it.)

Then I hung round with a girl from school because we both liked Britpop . We used to go to her family's caravan . She then decided she'd rather hang with the 'cool' crowd.

I ended up hanging round with a girl from school who I had never spoken to and had no lessons with cos we both had no one to sit next to on a school trip. She was a bit of an outcast. I wonder what became of her, she didn't seem to be on Facebook.

At college, I had a gay best friend, turned out he was really controlling, so I was best off without that.

I also just seem to end up hanging round with existing friend groups that am not really part of.

I have a resting witch face, but obviously I interact with people, so they do see past that. I seem to make casual acquaintances no bother.