Friends (or lack of)

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Friends and friendships are such an interesting one aren’t they?!
I have to say that I think social media plays into how we view things way too much. For example I am part of a girl group, there are 9 of us and we have been ‘friends’ since we were 13. From the outside we look like the perfect group, loads of holidays together, bridesmaids, meals out, zoom calls etc etc. In reality it’s horrendous. The group has their own sub groups (I thankfully am good friends with 2 of them) but there are constantly fall outs, drama, people bitching behind others backs😂🤣 it’s such a toxic and frankly exhausting group to be a part of! I do have other friends outside of the group but I just find it really funny how people always say to me wow you have such a solid group of girls and I’m like IF ONLY YOU KNEW THE HELL IT REALLY IS! 🤦🏽‍♀️🤣
 
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I had a big group of friends when I was young but I drifted away from them during high school because I just found it so stressful. I find it hard to connect with people and a lot of the time I find others quite draining. I have a two good friends now as an adult who I value so much and that’s enough for me. I love the time I spend with them but I’m a naturally solitary person and need to be alone a lot. I felt like a freak for years but I’ve learned to accept who I am and it’s honestly such a peaceful existence.
 
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I really don't have any friends or family, not wanting pity, but if my hubby wasn't here, no one would know if I've died in my house, sounds abit dramatic, but tis true.
 
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I feel this so much. I think I always have. I remember in school always feeling like people liked me and it was fine if I was there but not noticeable if I was away, and never being anyones best friend and being left out and uninvited a lot.

I'm determined to go out and make new friends when I can but god the loneliness is heavy today. Most of the time I'm ok and I do like my own company and am a bit introverted but it is really hard sometimes. Luckily I have an amazing bf who I live with which helps.
 
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I relate so much to a lot of this thread. I didn’t really have a solid friendship group at school as was more interested in boys (sad looking back on it). Then I reconnected with a couple of girls from school and became very good friends, had them as bridesmaids along with a friend from work. Turns out on the day of my wedding my maid of honour had been slagging me off to my husband. I felt so betrayed I couldn’t forgive her and kept my distance. I then got pregnant and she completely turned on me writing horrible things online, never directly though it was more sharing horrible memes but I knew they were about me. I never bit back at her but she didn’t like that, so then messaged me saying she no longer wanted to be friends. She would send out invites in our WhatsApp group to everyone (but not me) but do it so I could see. I felt so sad and alone as I’d just had my son at that point and none of the other girls in the group stuck up for me or called out my friends behaviour. I distanced myself from all of them. I ended up on anti depressants over it all and in therapy. It’s now been 4 years and I still feel so hurt by it all (although no longer on any meds or in therapy). I now only really have two friends separate from all that and it is lonely xx
 
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I relate so much to a lot of this thread. I didn’t really have a solid friendship group at school as was more interested in boys (sad looking back on it). Then I reconnected with a couple of girls from school and became very good friends, had them as bridesmaids along with a friend from work. Turns out on the day of my wedding my maid of honour had been slagging me off to my husband. I felt so betrayed I couldn’t forgive her and kept my distance. I then got pregnant and she completely turned on me writing horrible things online, never directly though it was more sharing horrible memes but I knew they were about me. I never bit back at her but she didn’t like that, so then messaged me saying she no longer wanted to be friends. She would send out invites in our WhatsApp group to everyone (but not me) but do it so I could see. I felt so sad and alone as I’d just had my son at that point and none of the other girls in the group stuck up for me or called out my friends behaviour. I distanced myself from all of them. I ended up on anti depressants over it all and in therapy. It’s now been 4 years and I still feel so hurt by it all (although no longer on any meds or in therapy). I now only really have two friends separate from all that and it is lonely xx
That's really tit and I'm sorry you were put through that. I know people will say you're better off without them and it's true, but at the end of the day you put time and effort into that friendship and you're going to feel hurt. That's a horrible way to treat someone. I've felt similar and just ended up withdrawing from everyone because I felt like no one cared what I had to say, didn't post anything on social media because I didn't want people to criticise behind my back etc. Those "friends" will get what's coming to them xx
 
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That's really tit and I'm sorry you were put through that. I know people will say you're better off without them and it's true, but at the end of the day you put time and effort into that friendship and you're going to feel hurt. That's a horrible way to treat someone. I've felt similar and just ended up withdrawing from everyone because I felt like no one cared what I had to say, didn't post anything on social media because I didn't want people to criticise behind my back etc. Those "friends" will get what's coming to them xx
Thanks. I think the hardest part is they are all still friends so it makes me constantly wonder what I did. By the end of the friendship I was overthinking every text before I sent it as was so worried how it would be taken. Luckily I don’t have that worry anymore. Although I do think maybe that group aren’t as close as they make out. One of the girls I do speak to very infrequently told me one of the other girls dad passed away from covid. I asked how she was doing, the friend just replied “oh I don’t like to ask”. I thought wow, I would be checking in if she was still my friend. Sums up the group really xx
 
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It’s nice to read that other people have similar experiences to myself. I actually had plenty of friends at school, I drifted a bit between people but always had a small group of good friends. I was always super outgoing and extroverted. Then I went to uni...

At first I had so many friends, I was out every day and night with different people - drinking, partying networking with people I knew barely anything about. I think I just loved the freedom and wealth of people I was around (because I’m from a small town) so much so I completely neglected my friends from school.
I then met a group of girls at uni on my course and the 4 of us became inseparable. I then devoted all my time to them and neglected all the other friends I had made. Fast forward to the end of my second year and things started to go down hill. In my third year my whole world turned upside down. They all turned on me and made my life hell. They bullied me relentlessly and almost drove me to suicide. I tried everything to fix things with them and understand why they were treating me like this as they were my best friends for almost 2 years.
At that point I found myself homeless, with not a single friend in the world. I wanted to die so badly. It took me months to be able to leave my bed let alone return to work/uni - it’s crazy how much of a physical effect mental illness can have on the body. By 4rth year everyone had already made their friends and formed their cliques. Since my experience I’ve had crippling social anxiety and have not attended another social event: no parties, uni events, not even lectures or graduation. So I’ve not managed to make new friends really despite trying so hard.
I try exceptionally hard to get people to like me so I can have friends. And it works for a short while until they see through my act. Since what happened I can’t help but mirror someone when I meet them and mould myself into the kind of person I think they would like instead of just being myself because truthfully I don’t know my true self anymore. which ultimately makes me look very fake and two faced so I can’t manage to hold onto friendships for long. Yup I needa therapist 😂
 
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It’s nice to read that other people have similar experiences to myself. I actually had plenty of friends at school, I drifted a bit between people but always had a small group of good friends. I was always super outgoing and extroverted. Then I went to uni...

At first I had so many friends, I was out every day and night with different people - drinking, partying networking with people I knew barely anything about. I think I just loved the freedom and wealth of people I was around (because I’m from a small town) so much so I completely neglected my friends from school.
I then met a group of girls at uni on my course and the 4 of us became inseparable. I then devoted all my time to them and neglected all the other friends I had made. Fast forward to the end of my second year and things started to go down hill. In my third year my whole world turned upside down. They all turned on me and made my life hell. They bullied me relentlessly and almost drove me to suicide. I tried everything to fix things with them and understand why they were treating me like this as they were my best friends for almost 2 years.
At that point I found myself homeless, with not a single friend in the world. I wanted to die so badly. It took me months to be able to leave my bed let alone return to work/uni - it’s crazy how much of a physical effect mental illness can have on the body. By 4rth year everyone had already made their friends and formed their cliques. Since my experience I’ve had crippling social anxiety and have not attended another social event: no parties, uni events, not even lectures or graduation. So I’ve not managed to make new friends really despite trying so hard.
I try exceptionally hard to get people to like me so I can have friends. And it works for a short while until they see through my act. Since what happened I can’t help but mirror someone when I meet them and mould myself into the kind of person I think they would like instead of just being myself because truthfully I don’t know my true self anymore. which ultimately makes me look very fake and two faced so I can’t manage to hold onto friendships for long. Yup I needa therapist 😂

Ahh I can totally relate to the mirroring thing! In high school I had TONS of friends and was popular, but looking back I was such a try hard and pretending to be someone I wasn’t, I never stood up in things I believed in I just agreed with whatever the group consensus was
Fast forward to 10 years later no longer friends with any of them , moved away , have two kids and no friends. Made some work mates but nothing serious, all the people I know are through my partner but non are real friends
Sometimes I get sad that I’m too embarrassed to get married as I literally have no one who could be a bridesmaid, no one to tell funny stories about things we’ve done together, no one to print funny pictures of our memories etc

But then I mug by find someone and chat to them online but I hold back! Like I won’t say my real opinions cos I think *Oo best not say that they might not get my sense of humour* so I waste time not been true to myself when really I should just be myself and if they don’t like it then I shouldn’t want to be friends with them anyway 🤷🏻‍♀️
And I’ve had therapy it didn’t help haaaaha
 
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Ahh I can totally relate to the mirroring thing! In high school I had TONS of friends and was popular, but looking back I was such a try hard and pretending to be someone I wasn’t, I never stood up in things I believed in I just agreed with whatever the group consensus was
Fast forward to 10 years later no longer friends with any of them , moved away , have two kids and no friends. Made some work mates but nothing serious, all the people I know are through my partner but non are real friends
Sometimes I get sad that I’m too embarrassed to get married as I literally have no one who could be a bridesmaid, no one to tell funny stories about things we’ve done together, no one to print funny pictures of our memories etc

But then I mug by find someone and chat to them online but I hold back! Like I won’t say my real opinions cos I think *Oo best not say that they might not get my sense of humour* so I waste time not been true to myself when really I should just be myself and if they don’t like it then I shouldn’t want to be friends with them anyway 🤷🏻‍♀️
And I’ve had therapy it didn’t help haaaaha
Yes!!! I am exactly the same in literally every way 😂 I had lots of friends because I would just perpetuate their own ideals and opinions and be their idea of ‘fun’ even if it contradicted my own thoughts. I’m trying really hard not to do that and just ‘be myself’ but not been too successful so far.
haha I do the same online: i re write messages so many times because I over analyse all the ways it could be misinterpreted and wind myself up so much I don’t reply in the end 🤦‍♀️😂
 
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Ahh I can totally relate to the mirroring thing! In high school I had TONS of friends and was popular, but looking back I was such a try hard and pretending to be someone I wasn’t, I never stood up in things I believed in I just agreed with whatever the group consensus was
Fast forward to 10 years later no longer friends with any of them , moved away , have two kids and no friends. Made some work mates but nothing serious, all the people I know are through my partner but non are real friends
Sometimes I get sad that I’m too embarrassed to get married as I literally have no one who could be a bridesmaid, no one to tell funny stories about things we’ve done together, no one to print funny pictures of our memories etc

But then I mug by find someone and chat to them online but I hold back! Like I won’t say my real opinions cos I think *Oo best not say that they might not get my sense of humour* so I waste time not been true to myself when really I should just be myself and if they don’t like it then I shouldn’t want to be friends with them anyway 🤷🏻‍♀️
And I’ve had therapy it didn’t help haaaaha
Oh I relate to this a lot. I spent my 20s just going with what everyone else wanted because I felt embarrassed - spent so many birthdays etc doing what other people wanted because I didn't want to cause a fuss. I still don't really feel like I truly know who I am which sounds dramatic but I spent so long hiding myself away.

I feel the same about marriage too. There's plenty of people I know but thinking about bridesmaids, someone talking about all the happy memories and whatnot.. I just don't have anyone. I get on with my partners friends but sometimes they'll talk about stuff they did at uni, well over ten years ago, and I feel so left out. Glad there's some like-minded people in this thread and I'm not alone though.
 
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Yes!!! I am exactly the same in literally every way 😂 I had lots of friends because I would just perpetuate their own ideals and opinions and be their idea of ‘fun’ even if it contradicted my own thoughts. I’m trying really hard not to do that and just ‘be myself’ but not been too successful so far.
haha I do the same online: i re write messages so many times because I over analyse all the ways it could be misinterpreted and wind myself up so much I don’t reply in the end 🤦‍♀️😂
And then if you do end up posting it you look back and realised you wrote a typo and now think everyone thinks your an idiot 😂😂
* But then I mug by find someone* I don’t even know what I was supposed to have written there hahahaaa

Oh I relate to this a lot. I spent my 20s just going with what everyone else wanted because I felt embarrassed - spent so many birthdays etc doing what other people wanted because I didn't want to cause a fuss. I still don't really feel like I truly know who I am which sounds dramatic but I spent so long hiding myself away.

I feel the same about marriage too. There's plenty of people I know but thinking about bridesmaids, someone talking about all the happy memories and whatnot.. I just don't have anyone. I get on with my partners friends but sometimes they'll talk about stuff they did at uni, well over ten years ago, and I feel so left out. Glad there's some like-minded people in this thread and I'm not alone though.
Ahh the school memory conversations are the worst! I live where my partner grew up so everyone he’s friends with he’s literally known since primary school so there is a lot of ‘ah do you remember so and so when they did that blah blah blah’ and I just smile and fake laugh as I don’t have anything to input to the convo
But even when they do include me im really slow at thinking on the spot so the conversation doesn’t flow if that makes sense
There will be openings for me to carry on the convo or contribute something but I never think of it in time, and I regularly end up thinking of something later and been like ahhh why didn’t I just say that rather than just staying quiet!!
 
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I relate hard 😂 especially in groups I’m focusing so much on making sure I look like I’m engaged and making all the facial expressions and reactions I think others will be receptive too that when it’s my turn to input I am overthinking too much to just say my natural reaction. Like chill out girl and enjoy the chatter 😅
 
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Thanks. I think the hardest part is they are all still friends so it makes me constantly wonder what I did. By the end of the friendship I was overthinking every text before I sent it as was so worried how it would be taken. Luckily I don’t have that worry anymore. Although I do think maybe that group aren’t as close as they make out. One of the girls I do speak to very infrequently told me one of the other girls dad passed away from covid. I asked how she was doing, the friend just replied “oh I don’t like to ask”. I thought wow, I would be checking in if she was still my friend. Sums up the group really xx

I'm sorry you went through this and felt this way! I can relate to this!! And someday it still bothers me and makes me wonder what I did or said, even tho I know I am better off without them in my life.
 
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I relate hard 😂 especially in groups I’m focusing so much on making sure I look like I’m engaged and making all the facial expressions and reactions I think others will be receptive too that when it’s my turn to input I am overthinking too much to just say my natural reaction. Like chill out girl and enjoy the chatter 😅
Haaaahha same! My god the amount of times someone’s talking about something sad or pouring their feelings out and I realise I’m smiling just because I’m always smiling I just think *yep they think your a pyscho now, why are you smiling their dogs just been ran over* but I don’t think to change my face 😂
 
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Some of these stories are way too relatable 🤣

I'd love to get married one day but I'm so scared to as I don't have anyone I can ask to be my bridesmaids!

I've been on bumble occasionally as there's a bit called bumble BFF but I feel like the convo never flows & is forced. Which is EXACTLY how I feel in real life too

I had friends at school but I was just kinda there, like so many of you felt too. Then didn't keep in contact then I moved 6 hours away & I have no idea how to make friends as an adult lol

Sorry this is such a random ramble, just wanted to say that I'm here for anyone who needs/wants a chat xx
 
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Some of these stories are way too relatable 🤣

I'd love to get married one day but I'm so scared to as I don't have anyone I can ask to be my bridesmaids!

I've been on bumble occasionally as there's a bit called bumble BFF but I feel like the convo never flows & is forced. Which is EXACTLY how I feel in real life too

I had friends at school but I was just kinda there, like so many of you felt too. Then didn't keep in contact then I moved 6 hours away & I have no idea how to make friends as an adult lol

Sorry this is such a random ramble, just wanted to say that I'm here for anyone who needs/wants a chat xx
I can't believe the number of people who also have the not knowing who to ask as bridesmaid problem! I have friends I could ask if I really had to but it would be kinda awkward as they're not best friends and I wasn't their bridesmaid so I wouldn't really want to..

Luckily the idea of a big wedding with me as the centre of attention is my idea of hell so I probs wouldn't have one 😂
 
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You all sound like such lovely people 💖 I agree it’s so comforting others feel the same - I always thought I was alone. The bridesmaid thing is something I too worry about. More so if I get married first and I have to ask someone who might not ask me if it was their wedding - that puts them in such an uncomfortable position and I would never want to do that
 
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You all sound like such lovely people 💖 I agree it’s so comforting others feel the same - I always thought I was alone. The bridesmaid thing is something I too worry about. More so if I get married first and I have to ask someone who might not ask me if it was their wedding - that puts them in such an uncomfortable position and I would never want to do that
Yes same! And knowing my overthinking self that if they did ask me I would be worried they only asked because they felt they had to because i asked them 😂 gosh my brain is exhausting
 
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