Friends (or lack of)

[marlaxo]

Sorry not sure how to start so I will just crack on. I have no friends and it worries me that I have none, although I dont feel like I need any, or lonely in any way? I am very introverted (on the meyers briggs test I am an INFJ) and I am shy and anxious. At school I only ever really had one main friend, and even then I was never anyone's 'best friend'. At college I met my partner (now husband) so again didnt really make friends as I tended to spend my time with him. At work I get on with people but I dont think that any of them would ever class me as a friend, just a colleague, and even after working 6+ years at one job, when I left it wasn't really acknowledged or anything. I am the ultimate vanilla person I think, I completely blend in, when I speak I am not really listened to as I don't shout the loudest. I am a total prude and most things make me blush, which people find funny (and my husband finds annoying).

I find it really hard to make friends due to shyness and I don't know how to explain, but it worries me that I have no friends and everybody else does, but that I don't necessarily need any? I have my little hobbies to keep me entertained, I love movies, drawing, painting, making dollies and other crafty things. I speak to people who share my interests online from time to time but its never more than a friendly exchange.

Basically I have no friends and I feel like to be a 'normal' person I should have them, and that it is weird to be content with just yourself and your family.

 

[marlaxo]

Thanks everyone, I don't feel so alone now

I think it really hits me sometimes when I look at IG and its somebody's birthday and they repost loads of birthday wishes, gifts, cards etc and I just get a couple of whatsapps from my family haha! And I am happy with that but thats when it kind of hits home.

 

[Kim Mild]

I haven't got any friends either. I'm a bit bothered by it . I would like to have friends I try to make the best of life without friends .

 

[Definitelyme]

If you are content, and not feeling the need for more in depth social interaction, or feeling like you need others to be with, then crack on!!

My dad I would say doesn’t have any friends really. He is the opposite of you though, very gregarious, very loud, happy to talk to ANYONE about anything! He regularly sees extended family and socialises with them, he had good relationships with those he used to work with (he was the boss so definitely work relationships rather than social), and he volunteers and is well liked. However, he doesn’t have anyone he would phone up for a social meeting. And it’s never bothered him at all. So as long as you’re happy, that’s all that matters!

 

[Easilyannoyed]

So guys I think this thread confirms it’s completely normal

 

[Marito11]

I don’t have any friends either! Fellow loner here I do sometimes wish I had someone to talk to and share advice with etc. I used to have a very close friend growing up and for some reason one day she just ghosted me and we haven’t spoken since.

 

[ClockworkDolly]

Billy-no-Mates here too. It really used to get me down, but earlier this year I kind of resigned myself to it. It is not for the want of trying over the years.

I did have a long-standing friend whom I never used to see, despite me asking to meet up etc, he always had a ready-made excuse. I have known him since childhood, but over the past few years, I always felt like he was only friends with me because everyone else had disappeared from his friendship circle. Anyhow he stopped talking to me back in August of this year (too lengthy to tell here) and instead of me begging for him to be in my life, I let him go.

I think that may have surprised him actually, as he treated someone else in his life the same way a couple of years ago and she begged for him to save their friendship. I haven’t bothered because I am fed up with people like him treating me like that.

 

[Apple In My Pie]

I feel like this too! I have a few friends I talk to but I really struggle to keep conversations going and making friends is a massive roadblock for me. It does make me feel a bit wobbly on times but at the same time I feel perfectly content to be myself and sometimes, when I am around friends, I just wish I wasn’t!

I’d say as long as you have your hobbies, some form of social interaction (even if it’s work) and your family, then it’s perfectly fine to feel content with yourself if you were isolated maybe I’d think differently. You seem very content and happy though from what I can see.

 

[1001 others]

I think you'll find it's more common than you think. Some people prefer their own company and as long as you're happy with that then who's to tell you that you should live differently? There is no such thing as "normal" - just do you, and try not to worry about what others think, or what their perception might be.

 

[Sharl20]

I don't really have any friends and I am now content with that. When I was younger I desperately wanted more friends but I look back and wonder why!
I am happy that I have a VERY small circle (2 friends) they are individual ones not a group. If that makes sense? But I dont make plans often to see them just text mainly.
My partner is my best friend without a doubt.

Social media puts so much pressure on having a 'girl gang' but SM also isn't real and most people are just posting for the likes etc and to make it look like they are popular, like everyone else etc.

I am an only child so have always been happy with my own company and I think that is also why I haven't ever had lots of friends.

Its definitely normal to be content with yourself and family, I know I am.

 

[halloweenjellybean]

Just following on from my earlier post. Friends birthday today, her present arrived, I sent a message saying happy birthday hope you liked the gift, the stone is your birthday stone and I got back ‘ I didn’t notice’

this friendship is dead isn’t it.

 

[milkywaymelon]

Is anyone else the friend that always gets left out?

I've been going through a pretty shitty time and I've been reaching out trying to plan seeing two of my good friends. I had told them I was free all weekend. They then stopped replying and I seen posts of the two of them out for cocktails last night. They do this quite often and don't seem to realise they are doing something wrong. This one hurt more though as I specifically said I was free and wanted to meet up. I probably should point out we are all in our early 30's so I thought we were too old for shit like this.

Ive decided that last night was the final nail in the coffin and that I don't want to have anything more to do with them. I don't think I even have the energy to call them out on it. I think I'm just done this time.

 

[Milliehaha123]

Friends and friendships are such an interesting one aren’t they?!
I have to say that I think social media plays into how we view things way too much. For example I am part of a girl group, there are 9 of us and we have been ‘friends’ since we were 13. From the outside we look like the perfect group, loads of holidays together, bridesmaids, meals out, zoom calls etc etc. In reality it’s horrendous. The group has their own sub groups (I thankfully am good friends with 2 of them) but there are constantly fall outs, drama, people bitching behind others backs it’s such a toxic and frankly exhausting group to be a part of! I do have other friends outside of the group but I just find it really funny how people always say to me wow you have such a solid group of girls and I’m like IF ONLY YOU KNEW THE HELL IT REALLY IS!

 

[disneys]

Just wanted to say a huge thanks to everyone who told me not to be a worry wart and message that mum I met last week .. we’ve been chatting on and off all week on WhatsApp and have made plans to have brunch together in September (we are both away for much of august) .. feel like things are looking up for me at last

 

[JoeBloggs]

Thanks everyone, I don't feel so alone now

I think it really hits me sometimes when I look at IG and its somebody's birthday and they repost loads of birthday wishes, gifts, cards etc and I just get a couple of whatsapps from my family haha! And I am happy with that but thats when it kind of hits home.

Oh I feel this! I turned 30 this year, I got a few gifts from my uni friends and that was it. Then as old school friends turned 30 they got all these dedication posts on insta and it made me feel awful but it is all a front, I try to remind myself SM is fake most of the time. Taking myself off it for a while really helped me be happy within myself.

 

[Missh95]

I have no friends at all. I’d say I maybe had 1 or 2 but lost them when I had my son. Like you I felt like I blended in at work, got on with people but they wouldn’t really class me as a friend or somebody to associate with outside of work.
it did bother me that I had no friends but I’m pretty content with having my partner and son and I see my mum a lot. Don’t get me wrong it would be nice to actually have people to go out with and talk to though. Personally I don’t know how to make friends in my situation, I’m a stay at home mum now, how do you make friends!? it was easier at work

 

[greenapple]

Just found this thread and I relate so much. I turned 30 last week and I was actually relieved that it was during lockdown so I didn't have to come up with excuses for not having a big celebration! I had a group of friends in primary and secondary that basically bullied me but I had no one else so I stayed friends with them and after school finished they just stopped inviting me to things because we weren't seeing each other every day in school. I went to uni but lived at home and only made one good friend that I still stay in touch with. Theres a few others that I'd send the odd message on social media but I haven't actually seen them in years. It definitely gets harder to make friends the older you get and I'm single as well so I don't even have a partner to spend time with.

 

[Bubbledoggyyeah]

I didn’t cut this person off right after my dad’s death. Months had passed.

Your language (I.e “cunt”) is really rude and inappropriate. I don’t appreciate this at all regardless of what your advice is trying to convey. People decide to cease contact for a plethora of reasons especially when undergoing a complex period. You can’t call people names. I get it hurts but when people through difficult times, sometimes they have to make not so pleasant decisions for themselves.

My point isn’t about telling him I’m OK. It’s about the dramatic “I’m concerned”. Besides, I felt this person didn’t understand what it was like to lose a family member because they’ve never been through it and sometimes didn’t understand me and said things that weren’t sensible at all.

I don’t have to justify why I cut someone off, especially someone I haven’t seen in 4 years. Your situation was completely different I’m sure, so don’t project what happened to you on me. Again, when you go through these circumstances , your mindset shifts.

I agree with Candy Land I’m afraid. Nothing wrong with someone checking in on you if you’ve seemingly disappeared. You’re not coming across as a nice person.

It’s hardly dramatic to say to someone that you’re concerned. It’s a nice thing to do, it’s what friends are for. Not even friends, just humans. Sometimes we all need someone to be concerned for us. He wasn’t making it about him, he was just checking you’re okay. The fact you’ve turned it into something it isn’t is quite sad really. Do better.

 

[Pinkpen 84]

Tonight must’ve been the worst night in terms of “ show who your friends are“. they all did secret Santa and I didn’t get any. I sort of quietly sat back and didn’t make any fuss but for once it it did fucking hurt. Im so fucking low right now I can’t even explain. I also hate myself for being so hurt, because some time ago I promised myself I never ever love or trust anyone and it worked for a while. Onwards and upwards for a sad fat bastard I guess

 

[Pixipoppy]

Thanks everyone, I don't feel so alone now

I think it really hits me sometimes when I look at IG and its somebody's birthday and they repost loads of birthday wishes, gifts, cards etc and I just get a couple of whatsapps from my family haha! And I am happy with that but thats when it kind of hits home.

The things you see on social media aren’t real. I have an acquaintance (friend of a friend) who I know is always having “drama” in her group, they have been friends since school and honestly I think they all hate each other but they put on such a show for social media. Loads of stories/screenshots and reposts “love my girls” “couldn’t do it without you” crap - when in reality they are bitching about each other constantly and probably wondering when they’re going to get cut out of the group.