Friends (or lack of)

[marlaxo]

Sorry not sure how to start so I will just crack on. I have no friends and it worries me that I have none, although I dont feel like I need any, or lonely in any way? I am very introverted (on the meyers briggs test I am an INFJ) and I am shy and anxious. At school I only ever really had one main friend, and even then I was never anyone's 'best friend'. At college I met my partner (now husband) so again didnt really make friends as I tended to spend my time with him. At work I get on with people but I dont think that any of them would ever class me as a friend, just a colleague, and even after working 6+ years at one job, when I left it wasn't really acknowledged or anything. I am the ultimate vanilla person I think, I completely blend in, when I speak I am not really listened to as I don't shout the loudest. I am a total prude and most things make me blush, which people find funny (and my husband finds annoying).

I find it really hard to make friends due to shyness and I don't know how to explain, but it worries me that I have no friends and everybody else does, but that I don't necessarily need any? I have my little hobbies to keep me entertained, I love movies, drawing, painting, making dollies and other crafty things. I speak to people who share my interests online from time to time but its never more than a friendly exchange.

Basically I have no friends and I feel like to be a 'normal' person I should have them, and that it is weird to be content with just yourself and your family.

 

[Definitelyme]

If you are content, and not feeling the need for more in depth social interaction, or feeling like you need others to be with, then crack on!!

My dad I would say doesn’t have any friends really. He is the opposite of you though, very gregarious, very loud, happy to talk to ANYONE about anything! He regularly sees extended family and socialises with them, he had good relationships with those he used to work with (he was the boss so definitely work relationships rather than social), and he volunteers and is well liked. However, he doesn’t have anyone he would phone up for a social meeting. And it’s never bothered him at all. So as long as you’re happy, that’s all that matters!

 

[Apple In My Pie]

I feel like this too! I have a few friends I talk to but I really struggle to keep conversations going and making friends is a massive roadblock for me. It does make me feel a bit wobbly on times but at the same time I feel perfectly content to be myself and sometimes, when I am around friends, I just wish I wasn’t!

I’d say as long as you have your hobbies, some form of social interaction (even if it’s work) and your family, then it’s perfectly fine to feel content with yourself if you were isolated maybe I’d think differently. You seem very content and happy though from what I can see.

 

[Kim Mild]

I haven't got any friends either. I'm a bit bothered by it . I would like to have friends I try to make the best of life without friends .

 

[Marito11]

I don’t have any friends either! Fellow loner here I do sometimes wish I had someone to talk to and share advice with etc. I used to have a very close friend growing up and for some reason one day she just ghosted me and we haven’t spoken since.

 

[ClockworkDolly]

Billy-no-Mates here too. It really used to get me down, but earlier this year I kind of resigned myself to it. It is not for the want of trying over the years.

I did have a long-standing friend whom I never used to see, despite me asking to meet up etc, he always had a ready-made excuse. I have known him since childhood, but over the past few years, I always felt like he was only friends with me because everyone else had disappeared from his friendship circle. Anyhow he stopped talking to me back in August of this year (too lengthy to tell here) and instead of me begging for him to be in my life, I let him go.

I think that may have surprised him actually, as he treated someone else in his life the same way a couple of years ago and she begged for him to save their friendship. I haven’t bothered because I am fed up with people like him treating me like that.

 

[1001 others]

I think you'll find it's more common than you think. Some people prefer their own company and as long as you're happy with that then who's to tell you that you should live differently? There is no such thing as "normal" - just do you, and try not to worry about what others think, or what their perception might be.

 

[JoeBloggs]

I have very few friends. I’m quite happy as it is and to be honest struggle to find the time to fit the ones I have in.

I see people I went to school with still in their groups all these years later (I was pushed out of their group, never knew why) and it does get to me sometimes but then I muted them on SM and it made me feel better.

I have four friends from uni I see a few times a year, one I am quite close with and we speak most weeks.

I have a life long friend I see maybe one or twice a year. I always think we are good friends but she tends to ignore my invites or hints to see each other more.

I have one other friend, we met when I moved and she’s nice but I don’t really feel we are that close. She met a new man about a year ago and I hardly see her now which suits me.

I’m quite happy with just me and my husband, I see my mum quite a bit. If I was single I think I would want more friends but I like being at home with my family. If you are happy there is nothing wrong with that!

 

[Missh95]

I have no friends at all. I’d say I maybe had 1 or 2 but lost them when I had my son. Like you I felt like I blended in at work, got on with people but they wouldn’t really class me as a friend or somebody to associate with outside of work.
it did bother me that I had no friends but I’m pretty content with having my partner and son and I see my mum a lot. Don’t get me wrong it would be nice to actually have people to go out with and talk to though. Personally I don’t know how to make friends in my situation, I’m a stay at home mum now, how do you make friends!? it was easier at work

 

[Say What]

I have very few friends but all of them are close friends. Sometimes it bothers me because I wish I had more friends so I had more company but I find it hard to make friends. I’m a shift worker, used to my own company and have a history of MH so when I’m not at my best I can be distant because I don’t want people to know I’m having a bad time. The friends I do have are amazing and I wouldn’t change them for the world. When I went to university, I found the social scene totally overwhelming because I found some of the others immature and I didn’t live in halls so I wasn’t in on all the jokes, stories or cliques. In the end I made friends with 2 other students and was good friends with a housemate which was great and I still talk to all 3 of them. I think it’s better to have friends on your wave length then just to be friends with everyone- that’s what I’ve learnt anyway because those millions of friends are just people you know and wouldn’t be there when you need them.

 

[Penelope Strawberry]

If you are content, and not feeling the need for more in depth social interaction, or feeling like you need others to be with, then crack on!!

My dad I would say doesn’t have any friends really. He is the opposite of you though, very gregarious, very loud, happy to talk to ANYONE about anything! He regularly sees extended family and socialises with them, he had good relationships with those he used to work with (he was the boss so definitely work relationships rather than social), and he volunteers and is well liked. However, he doesn’t have anyone he would phone up for a social meeting. And it’s never bothered him at all. So as long as you’re happy, that’s all that matters!

Your dad sounds like a man after my own heart! I'm very outgoing and love meeting new people and can chat to anyone. However, I found it extremely difficult to make friends when I immigrated about 10 years ago - everyone who I met seemed to already have established social circles and our relationships didn't manage to evolve into anything more than superficial chit chat.

It used to bother me to because I thought that I must be strange not to have many friends, but I've gradually come to realise that having lots of friends isn't necessary for a full life. But I've come to realise that instead of a gaggle of girlfriends, I socialise with my extended family. My husband and I typically spend weekends (pre-lockdown ) visiting with siblings, nephews, nieces, etc and I wouldn't have it any other way!

 

[Easilyannoyed]

I’ve got a handful of friends that I have had for years but none of us mix together in a group because they are all really different I see one of my friends twice a month but the others I might not see for a month or more. I have another one who I see maybe twice a year and I have one good friend at work. I spend majority of my time with my partner I like my own company and I actually spend a lot of time with my parents and his mum. I think it is completely normal as you get older to have less friends even none because partners can become your best friend. If you are happy then don’t let it get to you some friends are more like frenemies and cause problems. X

 

[WilmaHun]

Sorry not sure how to start so I will just crack on. I have no friends and it worries me that I have none, although I dont feel like I need any, or lonely in any way? I am very introverted (on the meyers briggs test I am an INFJ) and I am shy and anxious. At school I only ever really had one main friend, and even then I was never anyone's 'best friend'. At college I met my partner (now husband) so again didnt really make friends as I tended to spend my time with him. At work I get on with people but I dont think that any of them would ever class me as a friend, just a colleague, and even after working 6+ years at one job, when I left it wasn't really acknowledged or anything. I am the ultimate vanilla person I think, I completely blend in, when I speak I am not really listened to as I don't shout the loudest. I am a total prude and most things make me blush, which people find funny (and my husband finds annoying).

I find it really hard to make friends due to shyness and I don't know how to explain, but it worries me that I have no friends and everybody else does, but that I don't necessarily need any? I have my little hobbies to keep me entertained, I love movies, drawing, painting, making dollies and other crafty things. I speak to people who share my interests online from time to time but its never more than a friendly exchange.

Basically I have no friends and I feel like to be a 'normal' person I should have them, and that it is weird to be content with just yourself and your family.

Wow, reading this you literally could have been describing me. We sound exactly the same.

On one hand, I feel like if you are content in your life then you shouldn't be letting this worry you, but on the other hand, being in a similar position, I know sometimes it's difficult to shake that feeling of having nobody. Particularly when social media is filled with people celebrating their friends.

Whilst I have no real advice (because I'm in the same position) I would say that having no close friends is nothing to be ashamed of. If you're happy as you are then who cares? I've had my sister in law comment to me before that "you've got no friends" and the way I see it, is that if somebody can't add anything to my life in a positive way, then I don't need them.

My Tattle messages are always open if you fancy a chat!

 

[Sharl20]

I don't really have any friends and I am now content with that. When I was younger I desperately wanted more friends but I look back and wonder why!
I am happy that I have a VERY small circle (2 friends) they are individual ones not a group. If that makes sense? But I dont make plans often to see them just text mainly.
My partner is my best friend without a doubt.

Social media puts so much pressure on having a 'girl gang' but SM also isn't real and most people are just posting for the likes etc and to make it look like they are popular, like everyone else etc.

I am an only child so have always been happy with my own company and I think that is also why I haven't ever had lots of friends.

Its definitely normal to be content with yourself and family, I know I am.

 

[Easilyannoyed]

I don't really have any friends and I am now content with that. When I was younger I desperately wanted more friends but I look back and wonder why!
I am happy that I have a VERY small circle (2 friends) they are individual ones not a group. If that makes sense? But I dont make plans often to see them just text mainly.
My partner is my best friend without a doubt.

Social media puts so much pressure on having a 'girl gang' but SM also isn't real and most people are just posting for the likes etc and to make it look like they are popular, like everyone else etc.

I am an only child so have always been happy with my own company and I think that is also why I haven't ever had lots of friends.

Its definitely normal to be content with yourself and family, I know I am.

There are people I went to school with who still hang around with the same group I actually think it’s a bit strange and forced when I see their pictures. My partner is my best friend too and his other best friend is my dad! I think it is normal! I agree social media makes out you should have a girl gang etc but like I said before I just find it really sickly and fake x

 

[marlaxo]

Thanks everyone, I don't feel so alone now

I think it really hits me sometimes when I look at IG and its somebody's birthday and they repost loads of birthday wishes, gifts, cards etc and I just get a couple of whatsapps from my family haha! And I am happy with that but thats when it kind of hits home.

 

[JoeBloggs]

Thanks everyone, I don't feel so alone now

I think it really hits me sometimes when I look at IG and its somebody's birthday and they repost loads of birthday wishes, gifts, cards etc and I just get a couple of whatsapps from my family haha! And I am happy with that but thats when it kind of hits home.

Oh I feel this! I turned 30 this year, I got a few gifts from my uni friends and that was it. Then as old school friends turned 30 they got all these dedication posts on insta and it made me feel awful but it is all a front, I try to remind myself SM is fake most of the time. Taking myself off it for a while really helped me be happy within myself.

 

[Sharl20]

Thanks everyone, I don't feel so alone now

I think it really hits me sometimes when I look at IG and its somebody's birthday and they repost loads of birthday wishes, gifts, cards etc and I just get a couple of whatsapps from my family haha! And I am happy with that but thats when it kind of hits home.

I am exactly the same!! I just remind myself that it is all fake pretty much and it's for show and the really annoying ones I just unfollow haha!

Oh I feel this! I turned 30 this year, I got a few gifts from my uni friends and that was it. Then as old school friends turned 30 they got all these dedication posts on insta and it made me feel awful but it is all a front, I try to remind myself SM is fake most of the time. Taking myself off it for a while really helped me be happy within myself.

I also took some time off for a while and it did me the world of good!

 

[Easilyannoyed]

Oh I feel this! I turned 30 this year, I got a few gifts from my uni friends and that was it. Then as old school friends turned 30 they got all these dedication posts on insta and it made me feel awful but it is all a front, I try to remind myself SM is fake most of the time. Taking myself off it for a while really helped me be happy within myself.

I’m also 30 got lovely presents from partner and family got some fizz from one of my friends. I got loads of cards when I got engaged from work colleagues. Had a few dedication posts but mainly ugly throwback pictures of me with sperm eyebrows. I am so grateful when people do make the time to say happy birthday and congratulations but In general am happy just watching tv and the odd outing but these are very rare with my friends. I am my 100% true self with my partner I don’t think I could be with anyone else. I’ve lost a lot of friends over the years I think you just grow out of people and I am happier just accepting that. SM is so fake I agree I mainly ignore it and only follow to look at makeup and nature pictures really. X

 

[Missh95]

Gosh I am exactly the same!

We all need a group chat or something

we do!