Friends (or lack of)

[Gloria Rostron]

I’m 29 and haven’t got any friends. People at work are colleagues and the only person I’m ‘closeish’ too over the last couple of years is my husband’s friends wife.

I feel lonely at times and wish I had a small group of close friends since school/college/uni or whatever, but I don’t.

I spend all my time with my husband, which I’m not complaining about! I’m also close to my parents.

It would just be nice to have 1 friend I really ‘connect’ with

You aren’t the only one it seems

I'm a similar age and have had similar problems as you. I have had colleagues who I get on well with but I don't think they would class me as a friend. I've made the effort but as soon as I feel that people aren't interested in socialising then I will not push it. If people don't want me as a friend then I don't want to be their friend. If people reach out to me then I will make an effort but people rarely reach out.

Your husband is the best friend you will ever have. It must be amazing to connect with someone on that level. Plus, you know he loves you and won't stay you in the back like some so called friends do.

Some people collect friends for the sake of it, I know a woman who is an absolute bum licker and it's all fake, they aren't rr real friends if she has to lick their boots like that.

 

[blossombloss]

I am the exact same! I have like one internet friend that I found on a game called Habbo (lol if you remember that game!) I’m 19, I was badly bullied throughout middle school up until year 9 in which I became home-schooled so since then I’ve never really found any friends and have been a loner, it’s horrible honestly. Seeing everyone out having fun having drinks together & stuff .. and I’m just sat at home with my dog with nobody to speak to everyday or make ‘fun’ plans with, it really gets me down. So glad I found tattle I never knew we had threads for these kinds of topics <3

wow, I do remember habbo hotel, I used to play it like 16 years ago, I totally forgot it was a thing. Sorry I have no other comments but you have totally given me a blast from the past.

 

[xcupcakex]

I am the exact same! I have like one internet friend that I found on a game called Habbo (lol if you remember that game!) I’m 19, I was badly bullied throughout middle school up until year 9 in which I became home-schooled so since then I’ve never really found any friends and have been a loner, it’s horrible honestly. Seeing everyone out having fun having drinks together & stuff .. and I’m just sat at home with my dog with nobody to speak to everyday or make ‘fun’ plans with, it really gets me down. So glad I found tattle I never knew we had threads for these kinds of topics <3

Nothing wrong with being at home with your dog

I also don’t drink, so I’ve never been that sociable to meet new people

 

[Sunshine489]

I am the exact same! I have like one internet friend that I found on a game called Habbo (lol if you remember that game!) I’m 19, I was badly bullied throughout middle school up until year 9 in which I became home-schooled so since then I’ve never really found any friends and have been a loner, it’s horrible honestly. Seeing everyone out having fun having drinks together & stuff .. and I’m just sat at home with my dog with nobody to speak to everyday or make ‘fun’ plans with, it really gets me down. So glad I found tattle I never knew we had threads for these kinds of topics <3

Oh wow Habbo Hotel I forgot all about that, used to love it about 15 years ago!

 

[jemma2223]

Just had a big old cry about how lonely I am. I’m 23 and I can say I only have 1 friend that isn’t my partner. I feel so isolated and trapped on a weekend when he’s working and I’m in the house by myself. I don’t have any hobbies or any interests in particular really so just feel really stuck. It is really affecting me as I am an extroverted person but never get the chance to be as I’m always by myself

 

[BettyCrockerr]

Just had a big old cry about how lonely I am. I’m 23 and I can say I only have 1 friend that isn’t my partner. I feel so isolated and trapped on a weekend when he’s working and I’m in the house by myself. I don’t have any hobbies or any interests in particular really so just feel really stuck. It is really affecting me as I am an extroverted person but never get the chance to be as I’m always by myself

You must have SOMETHING you enjoy doing?!
- cooking?
-music? (Playing/listening to/gigs/shows?)
- art?
- writing?
-reading?
-films?
-gaming?
-animals?
-food/drink?
- travel?
-sports?
-gym/keep fit?

or something you’d like to do? Something you’d like to learn?

to meet people you are going to really have to try to identify something- anything - that remotely interests you. There must be something?!!!

 

[Sunshine489]

Just had a big old cry about how lonely I am. I’m 23 and I can say I only have 1 friend that isn’t my partner. I feel so isolated and trapped on a weekend when he’s working and I’m in the house by myself. I don’t have any hobbies or any interests in particular really so just feel really stuck. It is really affecting me as I am an extroverted person but never get the chance to be as I’m always by myself

I know exactly how you feel, I have a close group of best friends from primary school but I moved abroad with my partner and don’t have any friends here at all. Luckily my partner and I both enjoy doing the same things so i have something to go out with but I miss girly company just going out for drinks and dinner and a walk. I don’t really have any other hobbies either (apart from travel, football and techno which no one I seem to meet likes) I’m not sporty or arty so struggle to think of clubs to join and the language barrier doesn’t help. I work with a lot of girls but I don’t really have anything in common with them so don’t really see them out of the office.

 

[Raininvain]

I know exactly how you feel, I have a close group of best friends from primary school but I moved abroad with my partner and don’t have any friends here at all. Luckily my partner and I both enjoy doing the same things so i have something to go out with but I miss girly company just going out for drinks and dinner and a walk. I don’t really have any other hobbies either (apart from travel, football and techno which no one I seem to meet likes) I’m not sporty or arty so struggle to think of clubs to join and the language barrier doesn’t help. I work with a lot of girls but I don’t really have anything in common with them so don’t really see them out of the office.

Why dont you join a football group then? there's lots of groups for players/supporters etc. Women's football is also fairly big now as well.x If your not good at the language can you go for classes? you'd be meeting people there.

 

[BettyCrockerr]

Why dont you join a football group then? there's lots of groups for players/supporters etc. Women's football is also fairly big now as well.x If your not good at the language can you go for classes? you'd be meeting people there.

Agree on the language classes. My friend moved from the UK to Germany for work but knew hardly any German so she found an expat language class and they were great - they would do the class then all go out to a pub or for dinner etc and she ended up really good mates with loads of them and then met her husband via one of the people from the group

 

[Blonde123]

Agree on the language classes. My friend moved from the UK to Germany for work but knew hardly any German so she found an expat language class and they were great - they would do the class then all go out to a pub or for dinner etc and she ended up really good mates with loads of them and then met her husband via one of the people from the group

Just think ‘Emily in Paris’ vibes

 

[Sunshine489]

Agree on the language classes. My friend moved from the UK to Germany for work but knew hardly any German so she found an expat language class and they were great - they would do the class then all go out to a pub or for dinner etc and she ended up really good mates with loads of them and then met her husband via one of the people from the group

yeah we started language class in September but it’s a very small group and unfortunately it’s currently online due to Covid and no one speaks English so hard to communicate with them

 

[BettyCrockerr]

yeah we started language class in September but it’s a very small group and unfortunately it’s currently online due to Covid and no one speaks English so hard to communicate with them

So look for another class???

 

[Tinkerbell cat]

I decided last night to write a letter to my ex best friend, I have it in my bag ready to post but just feel like ripping it up tbh. I know If I post it that I shouldn't be doing so with the expectations of a response and I should be prepared that it will be ignored, or even worse - laughed at amongst other people and they will then see me as weak or pathetic. It isn't so much the friendship I want to gain back but peace of mind for me knowing I did all I could and that's the line drawn for me. I'm just feeling so low today

 

[halloweenbean]

I decided last night to write a letter to my ex best friend, I have it in my bag ready to post but just feel like ripping it up tbh. I know If I post it that I shouldn't be doing so with the expectations of a response and I should be prepared that it will be ignored, or even worse - laughed at amongst other people and they will then see me as weak or pathetic. It isn't so much the friendship I want to gain back but peace of mind for me knowing I did all I could and that's the line drawn for me. I'm just feeling so low today

Why don’t you post it but don’t put an address on. That way you have let go of your feelings but don’t need to be worried about rejection or embarrassment

 

[Tinkerbell cat]

Why don’t you post it but don’t put an address on. That way you have let go of your feelings but don’t need to be worried about rejection or embarrassment

I did think about that. I don't really know what I want to gain from it but I think I just want to let go of the hurt I carry around. She was a stubborn girl, had a brain injury after a fall and became quite a harsh person so I'm apologizing even though we both played a part x

 

[halloweenbean]

I did think about that. I don't really know what I want to gain from it but I think I just want to let go of the hurt I carry around. She was a stubborn girl, had a brain injury after a fall and became quite a harsh person so I'm apologizing even though we both played a part x

I think you post it without an address or even burn it. You can let go of all the hurt and then move on.

 

[candyland_]

Why don’t you post it but don’t put an address on. That way you have let go of your feelings but don’t need to be worried about rejection or embarrassment

Fab idea.
Sometimes I’ll write a note in my phone (like it’s a text to someone) and then once I’ve finished it I feel better for it and delete it and don’t have to speak to the person.

 

[Tinkerbell cat]

Fab idea.
Sometimes I’ll write a note in my phone (like it’s a text to someone) and then once I’ve finished it I feel better for it and delete it and don’t have to speak to the person.

I do this too, always helps.

 

[yogiessexdubs]

Hi, I am really glad to have found this thread. My brother passed away suddenly last year which has broken my heart. The dis-interest of some so- called friends, apart from the odd insincere Facebook message, some not even containing words just emojis, has been awful. People I have known for several years just seemed to go running for the hills at the first sign of me needing support. I'm quite a strong, independent person usually and think they just didn't know how to handle me being vulnerable, as these people have used me as sounding board / shoulder to cry on whenever they've needed with little or no thanks.
Anyway, the whole experience of losing a loved one has forced me to have a serious word with myself and think about what my brother would say. He'd tell them all to do one, so that's what I've done. I feel lighter as no longer concerned with these people, removed them from social media and now fully focused on positive things in my life and my family as we are still grieving. I've learnt the hard way not to invest in people if they don't invest in you. I can appreciate now that life is fragile. My advice to all of you is to stop worrying and give your attention to things and people you love. Energy flows where attention goes. These large groups of mates a poster above referred to probably all witch about each other anyway, posing for a picture together does not equal sold friendships. I wish I could be all of your friends as you all sound alright to me .

I wish I had the ability to message you directly! .. I also lost my brother unexpectedly, and unfortunately I lost friends along the process who were like family to me. I had to cut people out as they were just either not 'there' for me or acted questionably. Bottom line is, I've been through a similar experience, you're not alone. You're absolutely right to do what you feel you need to do. Sending you much love.

 

[BessieB]

I wish I had the ability to message you directly! .. I also lost my brother unexpectedly, and unfortunately I lost friends along the process who were like family to me. I had to cut people out as they were just either not 'there' for me or acted questionably. Bottom line is, I've been through a similar experience, you're not alone. You're absolutely right to do what you feel you need to do. Sending you much love.

Thank you so much! Your message means the world. I'm so sorry for your loss too. I'm still reeling from my brothers passing and the lack of friends who showed up for me. When something like this happens, it makes you reassess everything doesn't it? The time and energy you waste on people who are not worth even a fraction of it becomes so clear.
I'm now focused on my own physical and mental health, finishing my degree this year my daughter and close family. Life is a gift that can be taken anytime so it's best to focus on yourself and loved ones. The people who are meant to be in your life will stay. Sending you so much love back.