Friends (or lack of)

[FilthyGorgeous]

I’ve always been a bit of a loner, I do enjoy company but I’m choosy with who I spend my free time with. When I look at Instagram/Facebook and see people on nights out with groups of friends I suppose it does hit home that I don’t have anybody to do that with, but at the same time I couldn’t be arsed with it anyway I suppose it would bother me more if I had a partner, I’d no doubt feel embarrassed at them knowing I don’t have friends.

 

[LDNtea]

Yes! But tbh I always feel like other people act weirder in groups!? As in, you can have such a nice night catching up with 1 or 2 other people - talking, drinking and having fun etc - but when those same people are in a bigger group they’ll SHOUT and SCREAM over each other, and just generally be so brash and obnoxious and completely different people? Lit sometimes my friends will put on a full cockney accent and I’m like… Who are you rn?!

But yes, that is just not a level of my personality that is there to unlock so I do feel really boring and deadpan.

I hate if I go out with like one friend and they know a bunch of people who act like this in the bar/place - one of those ppl will then inevitably turn to me and equally loudly go SO WHY RU SO QUIET THENNN HAHAHHAA!! like idk where to even get in edgeways with everyone doing all this loud tit lol

I’d love to have a big group of friends. But in reality i have 1 really close friend n i see her once a week and we txt every day without fail.
o have other friends but don’t see them really unless I arrange something.
During lockdown we did a street get together on my Garden once a week. Said we would keep doing it eventually go to the local club house etc….they have done that but I wasn’t invited! Which hurt so much. I only knew about it cos I went for a walk by myself n saw them all sat outside drinkin.,,they said hello but that was it! But earlier on in the day i spoke to one of them n said I’d really love a night out let my hair down…but nothing was said then!

I’m so sorry that happened!! It hurts so much to be excluded from something. I’ve had similar too, and some friends have told me their similar experiences; you’re not alone even tho I know it can feel like it. I’m glad you have your best friend that is a very good thing

 

[~vix~83~]

I hate if I go out with like one friend and they know a bunch of people who act like this in the bar/place - one of those ppl will then inevitably turn to me and equally loudly go SO WHY RU SO QUIET THENNN HAHAHHAA!! like idk where to even get in edgeways with everyone doing all this loud tit lol


I’m so sorry that happened!! It hurts so much to be excluded from something. I’ve had similar too, and some friends have told me their similar experiences; you’re not alone even tho I know it can feel like it. I’m glad you have your best friend that is a very good thing

Thank you, I’m content now and know it’s quality over quantity. A hand full of friends is better then having fakes and users.
I saw a friend this weekend the 1st time since March but it was like we saw each other last week. She’s like my local mum! My Zumba girls are amazing too!
1 hand full of friends is the way to go.

 

[Woolmercardington]

Thank you, I’m content now and know it’s quality over quantity. A hand full of friends is better then having fakes and users.
I saw a friend this weekend the 1st time since March but it was like we saw each other last week. She’s like my local mum! My Zumba girls are amazing too!
1 hand full of friends is the way to go.

I'd love to reach a handful.

 

[Kim Mild]

You know how sometimes you see acquaintances and they say we will have to meet up and then you never do? Well, I met up with someone who said that, we took the kids to the playground as they are similar age.

 

[Codiaeum]

Do people here find it really hard to fit into groups?

I'm much better when interacting with just 1-3 people but in a larger group, I absolutely sink without trace, and these days tend to exclude myself before being excluded.

Like, I've never been 'one of the girls' - quite tough for me as I work in an all female office and I'm such the odd one out. No one is unfriendly but I just can't fit in. I know I would be totally different if it was just three or four of us but any more than that and I just can't come out of my shell.

Anyone experience similar?

Could have been me that has written this and I'm glad I came across this thread.
Unless I know people in a bigger group well, I just have no clue what to talk about and guess that people just find me really really boring. I understand, somewhat, I often find myself really boring, I have zero interesting hobbies like everyone else seems to have and share. I'm rather shy and don't really know what to say. I told a guy from work that I'm pretty shy and he said I wouldn't come across as shy, but I confessed to him that at work, I don't have a problem, as I have a "subject" (work), so I can get into a conversation. It's really just a masquerade.
I'm also not "one of the girls", never really have been. I tend to get on well with men though, and always have, which I don't mind. But I'd like a "girl friend", someone I could essentially have Tattle chats with but in real life.
Last year around New Years I felt so lonely that I made a resolution to sign up for a friend board (women only) and I indeed got talking with a girl from my town, but our chats are very irregular and we so far never have met up.

Both my boyfriend and I work from home and, honestly, if not for each other, it could be days until we have human contact. I'm quite certain that we'll be one of those old couples one day that call the police out of loneliness or someone else calls them because there's an odd smell.

 

[Woolmercardington]

Could have been me that has written this and I'm glad I came across this thread.
Unless I know people in a bigger group well, I just have no clue what to talk about and guess that people just find me really really boring. I understand, somewhat, I often find myself really boring, I have zero interesting hobbies like everyone else seems to have and share. I'm rather shy and don't really know what to say. I told a guy from work that I'm pretty shy and he said I wouldn't come across as shy, but I confessed to him that at work, I don't have a problem, as I have a "subject" (work), so I can get into a conversation. It's really just a masquerade.
I'm also not "one of the girls", never really have been. I tend to get on well with men though, and always have, which I don't mind. But I'd like a "girl friend", someone I could essentially have Tattle chats with but in real life.
Last year around New Years I felt so lonely that I made a resolution to sign up for a friend board (women only) and I indeed got talking with a girl from my town, but our chats are very irregular and we so far never have met up.

Both my boyfriend and I work from home and, honestly, if not for each other, it could be days until we have human contact. I'm quite certain that we'll be one of those old couples one day that call the police out of loneliness or someone else calls them because there's an odd smell.

Your last paragraph is exactly what I say to my closest friend. Honestly.

 

[chocolatepanda6]

I’ve realised this week I’ve no friends who aren’t connected to my family and got loads of stuff I would love to chat about to someone who isn’t family or my other half . I don’t really have much in common with work colleagues either . I’ve met a few people through a hobby but they’re all a bit older and have got their own close friends .

 

[Some People!]

I am absolutely terrible at maintaining friendships. Usually I think I come on a bit strong if I'm ever lucky enough to find someone I actually click with (rare) because I'm so enthusiastic to have some enjoyable social interactions. Whereas they, a normal person with normal friendships and social skills, already have friends and people aroundto talk to and who share their interests etc, so the last thing they need is me blowing up their phone.
I do try not to. I'm just probably annoying. Pathetic really.

I often think it's a shame we can't DM on here any more because sometimes I'd love to drop someone a line of support or encouragement or whatever.

 

[Codiaeum]

I'd love to be able to DM here or have a chat - I didn't know that such a function used to exist. While i really should work on getting more real-life human interaction, it would be grant to be able to pop on here for a bit love love and encouragement.

 

[Some People!]

Lol, having just said that I'm probably a bit much, I'd be up for chatting on Telegram or something if anyone is up for that...?

 

[LDNtea]

I am absolutely terrible at maintaining friendships. Usually I think I come on a bit strong if I'm ever lucky enough to find someone I actually click with (rare) because I'm so enthusiastic to have some enjoyable social interactions. Whereas they, a normal person with normal friendships and social skills, already have friends and people aroundto talk to and who share their interests etc, so the last thing they need is me blowing up their phone.
I do try not to. I'm just probably annoying. Pathetic really.

I often think it's a shame we can't DM on here any more because sometimes I'd love to drop someone a line of support or encouragement or whatever.

See internally I’m the same but then out of anxiety over it I end up coming off too cold lol bc im always worried about coming on too strong!

totally feel you on this tho. I also found in the past i “socialised” mostly at work and would kind of forget sometimes those people had proper friends outside work and saw us as just work mates mostly. So then I’ve found sometimes when leaving jobs that my social life stales bc I simply don’t see those people anymore.

 

[Eggsandbeans]

I think that more you don’t fit with the norm the harder it is too. For eh I’m late 30s, no kids, have moved about a lot, live in a van but am a working professional. I just don’t fit in and it can be hard to relate to normals you know?

 

[Some People!]

I think that more you don’t fit with the norm the harder it is too. For eh I’m late 30s, no kids, have moved about a lot, live in a van but am a working professional. I just don’t fit in and it can be hard to relate to normals you know?

Oh I really do get that - it doesn't even take much to be outside of the usual!
I'm probably the most normal I've ever been at this stage in my life (also late 30s, have kid, look fairly normal these days, have job and a pretty normal home and long-term hetero relationship), but my history of moving a lot, having been more unusual in my lifestyle and work and, I guess, my general personal values all make it hard either for others to relate to me, or for me to relate to others. Why not both?!

See internally I’m the same but then out of anxiety over it I end up coming off too cold lol bc im always worried about coming on too strong!

Ooh I definitely do this toooo
I never socialise outside of work with work people - the post-work drinks, the Xmas stuff etc (if I'm ever invited) because I'm certain they don't really want me there, and I'd probably just be weird anyway.

totally feel you on this tho. I also found in the past i “socialised” mostly at work and would kind of forget sometimes those people had proper friends outside work and saw us as just work mates mostly. So then I’ve found sometimes when leaving jobs that my social life stales bc I simply don’t see those people anymore.

Also relatable.

How do people even have time to maintain loads of decent friendships around working FT thoooooo????

 

[And_that's_okay!]

I have two friends whom I see maybe 2-3 times per year. We message here and there.

Aside from that, nothing else.

I've never been a bridesmaid. I've never been to a hen do.

I guess it does sometimes bother me because I do wonder what it would be like but I wouldn't even get the chance to meet friends as I don't have anyone to babysit very often.

 

[miaaaa]

When I was in secondary I had a big group of friends, however I got pregnant when I was still at school and I lost all of them. They turned SO quick and made my life hell for that period of time, and its put me off having a big friendship group.

I'm 24 now and only have two friends now - I'd consider them both my best friends. The first I met at uni, we went on to have our two children at the same time and I trust her with my life she is fab even if I don't see her often.

My second best friend I met through my masters degree and she is amazing as well, fab with my kids even though she hasn't got any kids yet and again, trust her with everything.

I know it looks amazing the photos on insta, facebook etc of these big friendship groups but the majority of these big groups witch about one another and are just down right toxic, so I no longer envy them.

 

[theweekend]

Does anyone also feel really abnormal when it comes to relationships with your partner’s female family and girlfriends of friends?

I feel such a weight of expectation to become friends with them in my own right, as all of my friends seem to have groups of ‘the girlfriends’ and be lunching with their partner’s sisters and so on. But I just don’t see how it’s possible?! For me, ‘the girlfriends’ just aren’t people I would choose as friends for myself, the vibe/chemistry just isn’t there. Same with my SiL, I don’t have a bad relationship with her but we’re nowhere near friends, tbh quite literally all she does is complain I’ve never experienced anything like it.

But the main theme is that while all of these women are friendly, they say hi bye and so on not one of them has ever asked me about my life or tried to get to know me. I try to make conversation and they give me nothing. Then I feel like I’m the rude one because I’m sat with my boyfriend instead of ‘the girls’ at social events - but I just don’t understand what I’m supposed to do?! I tried my best but I know when I’m not wanted and I’m not gonna chase people all over town to try and make them like me. I don’t even understand how the existing friendships were forged in the first place when everyone seems so standoffish (although they would say I was the standoffish one) - when it comes to socialising with your partner’s circle, do people just automatically latch onto any other females of the same age and force themselves to be friends because that’s just what’s expected, and I’m actually the weird one for treating it the same as the friends I’d choose for myself?

 

[And_that's_okay!]

I believe in quality over quantity

 

[Kim Mild]

Since the start of term I'd always see one of the parents of one of the older kids on the school run and we started saying hello and occasionally had a bit chatter. They've recently started a new job and their either does the drop offs or they use wraparound care . I feel quite disappointed and I'm surprised how much I miss seeing her if I'm honest.

Just wanted to get that off my chest.

 

[Blondie]

Since the start of term I'd always see one of the parents of one of the older kids on the school run and we started saying hello and occasionally had a bit chatter. They've recently started a new job and their either does the drop offs or they use wraparound care . I feel quite disappointed and I'm surprised how much I miss seeing her if I'm honest.

Just wanted to get that off my chest.

You will have to ask for her number to keep on touch. I bet she misses talking to you too