For anybody struggling ❤

[Lucyinthesky88]

I know exactly what you mean. The food bank she calls it isn't fit for purpose. I'm also sure we can find a way to help you I'll do some digging xx

Thank you so much

 

[Mightbeasharpscratch]

I'm struggling. I've posted before I feel quite down a lot of the time and often I attribute some of this to hormones or grief from a bereavement , which do play a part , but I think my youngest child has me broken.

My inlaws had my little 2 overnight ( first time in 4 months) and this morning I woke up and noticed the feeling of sadness and dread I usually have wasn't there.
Then I got a phone call to go and pick the kids up because they'd had a bad night , especially the little one . I get there and the kids appear fine , just a bit confused why they were going home already, as plans were grandparents would bring them home later. Little one has been moaning and complaining and tantrum all the time , which is basically what they are like all the time.

I never get a break and when I had a smidgen of one , I realised how much I need one . The sadness I feel comes from my environment making me sad . I feel like I have no support and no respite from the kids . My teenager helps a lot and is almost a grandparent substitute. I don't think my husband realises how bad I feel . I also gets the impression he finds the youngest challenging too.

My middle child never gets a look in because the littlest is always taking up all my time .

I remember reading the other thread and wishing I could just disappear too

This sounds so tough. I’m sorry you’ve got a lot going on. Must be hard to get some calm to process/think/recover.
Is there anyone you can talk to? Can you talk to your husband? Or maybe somebody completely independent at a helpline?

 

[HiyaCath!]

I hope you're OK. Sending a virtual hug (ugh that sounds so shit, sorry).

I don't think there is a specific thread or at least, I haven't seen one. Would you be interested in starting one?

I'm one of those people that thinks the "virtual hug" thing, it's nice/cute, so thank you!
I can't make new threads, maybe you or another 'higher ranked' member can.

 

[or JusRollWithIt]

Thank you i legged it to the gym its kind of a safe space for me especially when its quiet and just did what I had to do I've done the emotion regulation module and I am now on the distress tolerance skills so just been learning about the crisis skills it just didn't enter my head straight away to do because I think I was at that point of kind of no return unfortunately and I've just had enough and things need to change but I know it's not going to happen overnight important thing is even tho it took a few hours than I would of liked it too I eventually came down I can't control how that person was to me but I can control my reaction and that's what I need to remember thank you for reaching out I really appreciate it

Well done for legging it to the gym. You’re so right, all we can control is our reaction. Once we are in a better state of mind, we can synthesize a path forward or even create change in the situation moving forward. It is not an easy thing, I agree, it will take lots of effort and repetition so that those skills come more naturally when we are in that state.

 

[Bidscavan]

It’s so lovely to see everyone here supporting each other 🩷

Hope you doing alright lovely

 

[Bidscavan]

I am feeling the lowest I ever have felt in my life.
My dad died at home two weeks ago. He was released from hospital, they actually said to him coldly, ‘do you want to die here or at home”
He had Chronic myeloid leukaemia, but it was the heart failure that got him]
We took him home and basically lied to him when he asked ‘am I going to get better?’ He was so scared of dying. And for a few days he really turned a corner, eating and drinking well, sitting up. They had given us a bag of meds that the district nurse was to give when he deteriorated. But I was in denial. Absolutely convinced he would improve.
Then he started yelling one night, it went on for hours. Apparently it’s called terminal agitation. It was such a terrible terrible sound, like he was in pain, but he said he wasn’t. I was brisk with him, told him to stop making the noises, I slept on the floor by his bed. But I couldn’t take it.
Then I noticed he has no pee in his catheter bag, and hadn’t peed for two days. We had a care team come to the house four times a day.So he was being monitored. The nurse suggested giving him midazopam. And I didn’t know it, but he had fallen into a coma. In the morning I tried to wake him for breakfast, but he was out of it, but still breathing noisily. My brother came and we sat around the bed talking after the nurse leftShe said he would pass probably in two days. Then suddenly he made this terrifying face, like a monsterous contorted face almost like a gargoyle and breathed deeply. He was till unconscious. At first I thought he was yawning. But then we realised it was happening.so we grabbed his hands, and told him how much we loved him. And he stopped breathing totally. Then a few minutes later, her repeated the whole sequence of events again, the terrible contortion of his face and the gasp. But his eyes never opened, and I am sure he wasn’t conscious. And he btreathed for the last time. It absolutely terrified me. My dad was not a religious person, and feared death.we were careful what we said in front of him. But his death was so awful and I cannot get past it. And there is so much to do, I just break down all the time. To make matters worse the cat has disappeared too, which if gravely upsetting my daughter who has serious mental health issues.
There is no will. And I am trying to grapple with finding his bank and property stuff. We cannot afford a lawyer, no way. I’m on benefits. And the forums about probate are just full of horror stories.
To make matters worse a council tax letter arrived today. Apparently I’ve broken the law by moving into my dads home to look after him, because he was claiming single person living in his house, and I was in a rental with my husband. Someon actually snitched me up. It is fraud, even thought it was three weeks I stayed here, because I asked one of the banks to send any mail to my dads address for me, as I was the one who would be the executor, and obviously had to change the house insurance in case anything happened to his house.
I got so drunk a few nights ago I wet the sofa. The room stinks. I’m awash with a papaer trail the size of Everest, and I simply cannot do it. I loved my dad so much. Even more than my husband. We were so close I’m grieving and at the same time I’m so angry at him leaving this financial mess, that he would have known I couldn’t handle. I have ever taken a death so badly in my life. I feel suicidal. I took some extra diazapam the other night hoping I’d just not wake up. There is literally nothing in my life to look forward to. Nothing good ever happens for me. All plans extinguishing when I make them. And now I’ve lost the only person who ever really loved and protected me. My immediate family are hands off and get on with it. But I actually cried at the bakery this morning, because I was picking out cakes for them, and of course, didn’t get one for dad. And it broke me up. The poor assistant asked me if I was okay and I couldn’t speak. She actually said, ‘do you need a cuddle’. I felt so stupid. I don’t think I am going to be able to get over this.

I couldn't pass by and not say anything. I'm not the best with words so I'll leave that to those here who are. I just wanted to say so sorry for your loss and sending you hugs Keep sharing and posting here there's always someone to chat

 

[worriequeen]

Have they prescribed anything for the pains or will they send you for scans? Can you change doctors? X

Codine for the pain the ruled out at least 20 things, the said my vitamin d was a bit low and bone density was a bit low as well.

got to take double vitamin d for 3 months before I have to have another blood test to check if there is still pain then it maybe me, ms or fybro, but it doesn't seem to be helping month 2 I am on and the pain is just as bad walking is difficult, sleeping is difficult and sitting and standing is hard

 

[Maid22]

Sorry you are having a difficult time, sometimes just getting through the day is enough.
I am good, thank you. Raging over Tom/Raquel situation tho! x

Ha, I need to get my arse in that thread xx

 

[Jwren]

It could be all of the above! I’m pretty certain that yesterday is the overriding cause though, I’ve had this before when I was first doing EMDR that I was falling asleep after the sessions (like I did yesterday) and then the next few days I found the same - it feels just like that. It’s because the session yesterday was so shit, and my brain is not able to process what was said, so it’s just switching off. Hate it.

The Amitrip isn’t doing a great job yet either, but I can talk to my lovely Psych tomorrow about that, there’s another increase we can do but then that puts me at the max so

You’re right about the weather. It was raining a bit on the walk and it’s so grey.

I understand where you’re coming from I use to feel like that after CBT especially at the beginning, it can be very draining and a lot to cope with at times. Would it help to jot some notes down so you can free your mind of it a little. I found noting things helped me to stop storing it in my head as much, if that makes sense.
When my AD was discontinued (as there were concerns over it‘s safety) I tried 3 different ones before I found another one that was right for me, so if you feel it isn’t working it might be worth trying a different one rather than struggling on but of course you need to do what feels right for you xx

 

[CrazyGiraffeLady]

I understand how you feel. Holding onto anger is like drinking the poison yourself and expecting the other person to die. Let go of the anger and resentment. People like this woman will always get their comeuppance, maybe not today or tomorrow but it will bite them hard on the back side believe me.
You are a good person and you deserve the world and all that’s in it. Forget her instagram. Move forward with you. I know it hurts like hell. I know how painful it is to be betrayed. You are worth so much more. Believe it x

Thank you, that makes a lot of sense xx

 

[TwooTwooTwitTwitTwoo]

I'm one of those people that thinks the "virtual hug" thing, it's nice/cute, so thank you!
I can't make new threads, maybe you or another 'higher ranked' member can.

No probs, I'll make one now. Linking it might be interesting because I have no idea how to do that!

 

[justonemorepage]

I’ve only just read this and my god I could have written that. The thing about checking if she was 5 minutes late, I did this with my Grandma when she started looking after me. I used to get so anxious at the end of school thinking she wouldn’t come to pick me up because she had decided to kill herself too. The amount of scenarios I came up with. I believed everyone would leave. You are genuinely the first person I’ve ever spoken to who had that level of anxiety as a a child like that after this happening, the checking in, the phone calls etc. I’m really teary now, thank you for sharing

Sending you so much love

 

[CrazyGiraffeLady]

This is great advice thanks I have to be slightly confrontational tomorrow and I’m the opposite of that so feeling scared. But if I do it I’ll definitely reward myself!

Good luck! X

 

[Purple star]

I am feeling the lowest I ever have felt in my life.
My dad died at home two weeks ago. He was released from hospital, they actually said to him coldly, ‘do you want to die here or at home”
He had Chronic myeloid leukaemia, but it was the heart failure that got him]
We took him home and basically lied to him when he asked ‘am I going to get better?’ He was so scared of dying. And for a few days he really turned a corner, eating and drinking well, sitting up. They had given us a bag of meds that the district nurse was to give when he deteriorated. But I was in denial. Absolutely convinced he would improve.
Then he started yelling one night, it went on for hours. Apparently it’s called terminal agitation. It was such a terrible terrible sound, like he was in pain, but he said he wasn’t. I was brisk with him, told him to stop making the noises, I slept on the floor by his bed. But I couldn’t take it.
Then I noticed he has no pee in his catheter bag, and hadn’t peed for two days. We had a care team come to the house four times a day.So he was being monitored. The nurse suggested giving him midazopam. And I didn’t know it, but he had fallen into a coma. In the morning I tried to wake him for breakfast, but he was out of it, but still breathing noisily. My brother came and we sat around the bed talking after the nurse leftShe said he would pass probably in two days. Then suddenly he made this terrifying face, like a monsterous contorted face almost like a gargoyle and breathed deeply. He was till unconscious. At first I thought he was yawning. But then we realised it was happening.so we grabbed his hands, and told him how much we loved him. And he stopped breathing totally. Then a few minutes later, her repeated the whole sequence of events again, the terrible contortion of his face and the gasp. But his eyes never opened, and I am sure he wasn’t conscious. And he btreathed for the last time. It absolutely terrified me. My dad was not a religious person, and feared death.we were careful what we said in front of him. But his death was so awful and I cannot get past it. And there is so much to do, I just break down all the time. To make matters worse the cat has disappeared too, which if gravely upsetting my daughter who has serious mental health issues.
There is no will. And I am trying to grapple with finding his bank and property stuff. We cannot afford a lawyer, no way. I’m on benefits. And the forums about probate are just full of horror stories.
To make matters worse a council tax letter arrived today. Apparently I’ve broken the law by moving into my dads home to look after him, because he was claiming single person living in his house, and I was in a rental with my husband. Someon actually snitched me up. It is fraud, even thought it was three weeks I stayed here, because I asked one of the banks to send any mail to my dads address for me, as I was the one who would be the executor, and obviously had to change the house insurance in case anything happened to his house.
I got so drunk a few nights ago I wet the sofa. The room stinks. I’m awash with a papaer trail the size of Everest, and I simply cannot do it. I loved my dad so much. Even more than my husband. We were so close I’m grieving and at the same time I’m so angry at him leaving this financial mess, that he would have known I couldn’t handle. I have ever taken a death so badly in my life. I feel suicidal. I took some extra diazapam the other night hoping I’d just not wake up. There is literally nothing in my life to look forward to. Nothing good ever happens for me. All plans extinguishing when I make them. And now I’ve lost the only person who ever really loved and protected me. My immediate family are hands off and get on with it. But I actually cried at the bakery this morning, because I was picking out cakes for them, and of course, didn’t get one for dad. And it broke me up. The poor assistant asked me if I was okay and I couldn’t speak. She actually said, ‘do you need a cuddle’. I felt so stupid. I don’t think I am going to be able to get over this.

Am so sorry for ur lose ..Having lost my dad aswell I know how terrible it is ..Try and speak to your doctor …You are dealing with a lot at the min..

 

[LouBug19]

I'm really struggling lately. So as a bit of back story at the end of last year after a very hard few months at work I had my first panic attack. My GP was actually really great, prescribed me medication for the physical symptoms of my anxiety and signed me off work for two months. I managed get myself back to a good enough place to be able to go back to work. The main cause of my issues was my manager and they left, everyone thought I was insane to be going back but I genuinely love my job and I couldn't just walk away with no closure.

Fast forward three months and the replacement manager is just as bad, if not worse then the previous one. I won't bore you all with the details but it's such a toxic place that my mental health has taken a massive nose dive again. My panic attacks have returned and are worse then ever. I'd managed to come off my medication but I've had to restart it again. I feel like I'm failing myself, my daughter, everyone really. I hate being like this, some days I scare myself.

Unfortunately I am not in the position to leave my job, I'm applying elsewhere constantly but my anxiety stops me from even being able to attend interviews, so I'm stuck in such a viscous circle. I have support, my partner is fantastic but I can see it's taking its toll on him so I try not to burden him too much. I have a handful of friends but everyone is going through their own troubles that I've isolated myself from them so that I don't have to burden them anymore either. I guess I just needed some place to rant so if you made it though this I thank you and I send my love to everyone else that is struggling

I can relate to you regarding anxiety. I've had a good month of horrendous panic attacks, I have a good day think I'm getting better and then the next day I'm a mess. I get seasonal anxiety, in February it comes out of nowhere and its happened last 3 years now. My advice is stick through it, you've been through worse most likely and its a blip. One day you'll wake up and feel better and I hope for me and you it comes soon.

 

[HiyaCath!]

No probs, I'll make one now. Linking it might be interesting because I have no idea how to do that!

Thank you! No worries, I'll look for it x

 

[emmyg]

@Jwren thank you for that information. I shall a read of them. X

 

[Bidscavan]

I just don't know how to cope any more I have a lot of pain in my joints and muscles I have been back and fowardvto the doctors and rhe keep saying same things, my mental health has been falling into a pit recently and I just feel so alone my partner has been trying his hardest to support me but I don't want to use him As a crutch I used to be so independent.

Have they prescribed anything for the pains or will they send you for scans? Can you change doctors? X

 

[theleagueofgentlemen]

My dad passed away yesterday

Sending you all the love in the world

 

[ThisIsMyDragName]

Thank you so much, your comments make perfect sense and have in no way been an overstep.
I know she needs the help, she is very unwell. I just hope that once she gets the treatment she needs she can see that all of this was for her, to help her get better.

I guess I'm just afraid that she'll blame me and I'll lose her forever.

I think that there is a chance she will lash out and blame you at first, but if that does happen, please remind yourself over and over that it’s the illness talking. She doesn’t know she is really unwell at the moment, so all your amazing attempts to help make no sense to her, and if she’s paranoid she probably sees it as some weird conspiracy against her and there won’t be any reasoning with that. And that will, of course, be so hard. But, I think that, once she is able to get whatever the right treatment is, she will understand and she will realise what an amazing daughter you are for everything you’ve done for her. She might feel some shame for how she is right now, not that she needs to but it’s probably quite a common reaction. I’m going to keep everything crossed for you both