For anybody struggling ❤

[Maid22]

@Maid22

Thank you lovely, real life and mh problems have been kicking my arse, but thanks for caring, hope you're ok x

 

[TwooTwooTwitTwitTwoo]

Goodness, our mothers sounds like they could be the same person!

In my opinion you have nothing to feel guilty about, its a work commitment, it cant be helped. I don't think you were the problem at all, just like I wasn't but I understand how you could think that when you've always been made to feel that you are. You say both parents are looking after your kids, do you have a good relationship with your dad?
I have to say this, but I dont agree with your mum saying things like that to you about looking after your children, do you ever challenge her on it? I've never been able to discuss any of this with my mum but I've wanted to.

I used to have a brilliant relationship with my dad. He's been a bit worn down by life though so he isn't quite the same as he used to be. I actually feel desperately sorry for him because his entire world had been made smaller by her and he has expressed how unhappy he is over the years. He had cancer a couple of years ago and fortunately has made a full recovery but I think he's quite bitter these days and I do understand why.

They don't share a bedroom now but she won't let him decorate what is now his room. The carpet is the one they brought with them from the previous house which didn't ever fully fit the room and now, nearly 40 yrs later is completely threadbare.

We stopped challenging her on anything a long time ago. There's no point. We just quietly laugh it off and joke about the 'fun sponge' situation.

I feel it's important to say that she isn't abusive. This isn't some deliberate act on her behalf. She just isn't very well. Rationing cast a huge shadow over her childhood and she's held onto that way of life and it's stopped her from spending money she has available.

My parents looking after the children will be short term, aimed to allow me to get a mortgage and buy my ex out. There's an end date on it and at that point I'll most likely have to leave my job. I don't really know what I'll do after that but at least I won't have to feel this constant guilt.

It just all feels very bleak.

 

[InTheDollsHouse]

Fellow nurse here It’s very unsettling changing a role, let alone without the other added stress you have going on. I know it’s hard but try not to isolate yourself. Have you got a manager you can talk to? Xx
---

And now my siblings have been publicly slating me saying I never consulted them over the funeral. Fact is, Dad arranged it before he died but never paid for it so I’ve not had to sort anything other than a date and time and pay for it ALL. Cue a massive row with me telling all three of them that I’ll quite happily cancel it, get a refund and one of them can take over it all and pay for it. I also paid for my mums because they didn’t chip in.

funny they never answered that message.

I just replied over on Grinch before I saw you say you were coming over here.

You have had so much to cope with. Honestly you’re a fucking marvel to still be standing.

I know that’s not helpful, I wish I could say or do something more, but right now you probably don’t feel valued or loved or even capable - so this is me telling you that you are abso-bloody-lutely amazing.

Your parents, and your sister, will be proud of you. xxx

 

[Toffeebythesea]

Thank you @Toffeebythesea - and also, your profile picture is my favourite thing to have ever happened on here. Oh Steve

Hahaha it is actually my favourite Tattle moment ever! I always worry people think I'm some random man as, as we know, only the people on the LT thread would know who Steve is, seeing as he doesn't actually exist

 

[lowkeylurker]

Oh wow you have really gone through the times haven’t you, but you have simply done such an amazing job! And you will keep finding the strength to get out of bed each day and show up for life in general.

My child is only 2, but the overstimulation I have each day just from the noise he makes is so hard for me. He doesn’t say many words yet, but makes a constant (and I mean constant), humming, grunting, chewing or shouting noise. I’ve tried countless tactics to ask him to stop and of course, bloody Google just flags up the autistic word doesn’t it - which obviously worries me. It’s non stop this anxiety.

I haven’t left the house today but I did manage to shower. I’m sat here clock watching for him to go to bed in a couple of hours so I can just sit in the quiet. I sound like a bad mum saying all this, but I was treated badly by my parents in my postnatal stage (bit of a toxic relationship there), and it’s had a knock on effect for me in terms of confidence and life in general!

But…. Honestly you are smashing this, and quite frankly sod anyone who walks in/out of your life. You are the only person alongside your daughter who matters xx

You're not a bad mother at all, you are there everyday doing your best for your child and that's all any of us parents can do. It's bloody hard, and with no support it's mentally and physically shattering and exhausting I know. You will get through it and hopefully things will get a little easier for you when he goes to nursery. My daughter suffers ADHD and autism along with other complex issues, I truly understand your situation I just wish there was something I could do to help, understanding exactly what you're going through as I've been there and got the t-shirt.

Honestly, you are doing your best, be kinder to yourself, after all they say it takes a village to raise a child and you are here doing it badass style, by yourself, trust me, it only adds to making you a strong warrior.

What I've told you about my situation is just the tip of the iceberg but I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone, you'd be surprised how many people out there that are in a very similar situation. Keep going, don't ever give up, you got this

 

[I_mean_reaaaalllly]

I’m so, so sorry. She’s obviously very unwell at the moment, which is why her behaviour is so unlike her. And she will be oblivious to it, which makes it all the more difficult for you to deal with. It’s ok to feel or have felt frustrated. That’s just you being human.

I hope your mum gets what she needs, if that is an involuntary admission then, as harsh as it is for me to say it, that is the best and safest place for her. Intensive treatment and safeguarding of her gives you the best chance of getting your Mum back through mental health recovery, like you said in a previous post. I think that you’re doing AMAZINGLY with this, it must be so, so hard. Know that we’re here for you, and I’m sorry if any of my comments have been a massive overstep.

Thank you so much, your comments make perfect sense and have in no way been an overstep.
I know she needs the help, she is very unwell. I just hope that once she gets the treatment she needs she can see that all of this was for her, to help her get better.

I guess I'm just afraid that she'll blame me and I'll lose her forever.

 

[Shimmering]

I am feeling the lowest I ever have felt in my life.
My dad died at home two weeks ago. He was released from hospital, they actually said to him coldly, ‘do you want to die here or at home”
He had Chronic myeloid leukaemia, but it was the heart failure that got him]
We took him home and basically lied to him when he asked ‘am I going to get better?’ He was so scared of dying. And for a few days he really turned a corner, eating and drinking well, sitting up. They had given us a bag of meds that the district nurse was to give when he deteriorated. But I was in denial. Absolutely convinced he would improve.
Then he started yelling one night, it went on for hours. Apparently it’s called terminal agitation. It was such a terrible terrible sound, like he was in pain, but he said he wasn’t. I was brisk with him, told him to stop making the noises, I slept on the floor by his bed. But I couldn’t take it.
Then I noticed he has no pee in his catheter bag, and hadn’t peed for two days. We had a care team come to the house four times a day.So he was being monitored. The nurse suggested giving him midazopam. And I didn’t know it, but he had fallen into a coma. In the morning I tried to wake him for breakfast, but he was out of it, but still breathing noisily. My brother came and we sat around the bed talking after the nurse leftShe said he would pass probably in two days. Then suddenly he made this terrifying face, like a monsterous contorted face almost like a gargoyle and breathed deeply. He was till unconscious. At first I thought he was yawning. But then we realised it was happening.so we grabbed his hands, and told him how much we loved him. And he stopped breathing totally. Then a few minutes later, her repeated the whole sequence of events again, the terrible contortion of his face and the gasp. But his eyes never opened, and I am sure he wasn’t conscious. And he btreathed for the last time. It absolutely terrified me. My dad was not a religious person, and feared death.we were careful what we said in front of him. But his death was so awful and I cannot get past it. And there is so much to do, I just break down all the time. To make matters worse the cat has disappeared too, which if gravely upsetting my daughter who has serious mental health issues.
There is no will. And I am trying to grapple with finding his bank and property stuff. We cannot afford a lawyer, no way. I’m on benefits. And the forums about probate are just full of horror stories.
To make matters worse a council tax letter arrived today. Apparently I’ve broken the law by moving into my dads home to look after him, because he was claiming single person living in his house, and I was in a rental with my husband. Someon actually snitched me up. It is fraud, even thought it was three weeks I stayed here, because I asked one of the banks to send any mail to my dads address for me, as I was the one who would be the executor, and obviously had to change the house insurance in case anything happened to his house.
I got so drunk a few nights ago I wet the sofa. The room stinks. I’m awash with a papaer trail the size of Everest, and I simply cannot do it. I loved my dad so much. Even more than my husband. We were so close I’m grieving and at the same time I’m so angry at him leaving this financial mess, that he would have known I couldn’t handle. I have ever taken a death so badly in my life. I feel suicidal. I took some extra diazapam the other night hoping I’d just not wake up. There is literally nothing in my life to look forward to. Nothing good ever happens for me. All plans extinguishing when I make them. And now I’ve lost the only person who ever really loved and protected me. My immediate family are hands off and get on with it. But I actually cried at the bakery this morning, because I was picking out cakes for them, and of course, didn’t get one for dad. And it broke me up. The poor assistant asked me if I was okay and I couldn’t speak. She actually said, ‘do you need a cuddle’. I felt so stupid. I don’t think I am going to be able to get over this.

That is horrendous. I'm so sorry you are going through this.

Please try to contact your GP or the out of hours doctor and explain that you are feeling so low. You need help and support right now.

Sending you you will be able to get through this, you just need support and help right now as you are understandably overwhelmed.

 

[Rach88]

I’m not a therapist but am doing DBT as well and understand the framework. Your feelings are valid and your emotions are there for a reason. Is the intensity of what you’re feeling based on facts related to what happened? When I’m in an agitated state, I use some of the coping skills I’ve learned to get out of crisis mode so that I don’t behave in a way that makes things worse for myself or others. The intense exercise (angry cleaning or jumping jacks or anything to burn off the energy), paired muscle tension and relaxation, paced breathing where the exhale is slower than inhale all help me. Try to get yourself to a “wiser mind.” Can you observe and describe what you are feeling and thinking, non judgementally? Can you write it down? Can you think of tips your therapist has shared that you can practice until you are able to speak to them? You may be angry for good reason or your anger may be clouding your judgement. You will get through this, keep reminding yourself that.

Thank you i legged it to the gym its kind of a safe space for me especially when its quiet and just did what I had to do I've done the emotion regulation module and I am now on the distress tolerance skills so just been learning about the crisis skills it just didn't enter my head straight away to do because I think I was at that point of kind of no return unfortunately and I've just had enough and things need to change but I know it's not going to happen overnight important thing is even tho it took a few hours than I would of liked it too I eventually came down I can't control how that person was to me but I can control my reaction and that's what I need to remember thank you for reaching out I really appreciate it

 

[thenorthremembers]

I am really sorry you are feeling this way. In life, people come and go - you are the only constant in your life. It’s important to love and care for yourself. Speak to yourself the way you would speak to a friend. They and focus on the positives - sometimes we forget the good and only focus on the bad. Have you told your partner how you feel? Sometimes they don’t understand or even know why you are upset.

I text him afterwards explaining and never got a reply. He always avoids confrontation. I don’t even know if I can do this whole relationship anymore, he says he misses me but physically doesn’t show it. All words no action. Is this a sign of the end, it’s been on my mind for a while now.

 

[Squittel]

Has anyone ever had their mental health go off the rails when increasing Fluoxetine?

I’ve been on a small dose of Fluoxetine for a couple of years since finally weaning myself off Venlafaxine (do not recommend) and about 3 or 4 weeks ago my mental health went a bit sideways so my doctor doubled my dose.

Since then, my mental health has become a lot worse. I’m on the edge of panic attacks everyday, very quick to fly off the handle, so tired that I’ve been sleeping through the weekends and unable to focus on anything. My screen time has gone through the roof because it’s the only thing that calms me. I thought this was just a knock on effect from the original mental health low, but it’s getting so much worse and the only thing I can think of that has changed is my increased dose of fluoxetine. I think I will have to call the doctors tomorrow and tell them, but then I’m back to square one really. It’s been a solid two weeks now where my anxiety had been so bad that I can’t do anything.

What’s worse is I want to cry but I don’t think the drugs are letting me.

 

[HiyaCath!]

It's in off topic. I've used your words for the title, so it's titled ED/Anorexia.

I hope my very short intro is OK but just post and correct it if it's not x

I can only speak for myself (obviosuly) , but your description is perfect.

 

[Shimmering]

This article really hit home for me.

Angry? Disappointed? Heartbroken? Think twice before you call the feelings police

Faced with ‘bad’ emotions, it’s natural to want to lock them up. As a therapist and a patient, I’ve learned to let them run

www.theguardian.com

 

[HereToTalk]

@HereToTalk just tagging u in here from the other thread. Always someone here to chat

Oh goodness that’s so kind, thankyou xxx

 

[TwooTwooTwitTwitTwoo]

I can only speak for myself (obviosuly) , but your description is perfect.

That's a relief 🩷

 

[TwooTwooTwitTwitTwoo]

I tried searching for an ED/Anorexia thread but only found two threads about bulimia.

I developed anorexia at 13, (I'm now 36), I had intermissions of recovery from 13 to 25, I am currently going through a period of going back to my old ways. I do also have depression, anxiety, and mild OCD.

I wanted to find a thread dedicated to ana, but I couldn't so I'm just writing my struggles here instead.
I don't need sympathy, or advice. I just wanted to write out how I'm struggling.

I hope you're OK. Sending a virtual hug (ugh that sounds so shit, sorry).

I don't think there is a specific thread or at least, I haven't seen one. Would you be interested in starting one?

 

[CrazyGiraffeLady]

I’m a bit late with this but I completely understand how you feel - after trying for a while with no luck we gave up, decided to move city, live our lives as a childless couple for a while, blew a lot of our savings and then ended up pregnant. It was a complete blow after all those months and was so bittersweet, we were unfortunately not in a position to continue the pregnancy but I just want to reassure you that the feelings are completely normal
I felt so much guilt for feeling so angry at the way life had “tricked” me, but I think we are all so led to believe that pregnancy is supposed to be an all encompassing amazing nothing but happiness feeling that it just builds shame when so many of us go through the same thing!
I wish you the best with however this turns out for you and your partner

Thank you so much, that’s exactly how I’d describe it like life had tricked me, and like you I have used a lot of savings doing up our house and treating our existing children. I hope you’re doing well

 

[newtoyou]

There's others here who are way better with words and the aul advice than I am but just wanted to say Nothing is silly here. We all have different worries and different problems . Hope all hoes well tomorrow

Thank you so much for this reassurance My head is all over the place atm with work stuff and I haven’t really spoken to anyone about how I’m really feeling cos I’m scared of being judged! Hopefully tomorrow will be better

 

[ScotsWildCat]

I’m struggling so much at the moment! It’s all been since my birthday on Sunday. I’ve always struggled with birthdays and the expectations of them but this year has been the worst!! And now I’m so anxious and worried about how many friends I’ve got, my job, my life, wasting my life away etc! My dickhead ex that I thought was the love of my life came back into my life to start things off, say he was single but going through a hard time but then quickly went away, and then his girlfriend messaged who he said was just a friend.

I’m tempted to go back on anti depressants/anxiety meds. Been off then over a year a bit. I’ve spoke to a private GP through work back in april and he prescribed a months but I was also moving at the time which is naturally anxiety ridden.

But I can’t made the decision on whether I should or not but I think I’m having more bad days then good and today is one of them x

...sending a hug...you're not alone...and I'd say go back to doc...my HRT was changed recently and have tried without other meds...not hitting the mark, been in tears today...so made appointment to get back on anxiety meds...

 

[Elisha97]

I didn’t want to read and not reply, I’m not sure what to say but I wanted you to know that we all care on this thread, sending you love and peace

thank you so much 🩷

 

[ImDavidBrent]

I am glad you could share here. You’re not alone @Pariszai too, I don’t know how to quote multiple

Thank you for that