For anybody struggling ❤️ #2

[thegirlscout]

Poor mental health is wild because one minute you’re fine, looking forward to things, being positive and the next you’re thinking ‘I actually wouldn’t mind if I didn’t wake up tomorrow, in fact it would be a blessing.’
So exhausting!

 

[ATV2021]

This will potentially be complete waffle. I tried to journal and that was waffle. Friends do not get it. I have tried talking therapy, CBT, hypno, meditation, exercise, medication...everything. Will try to nutshell.

Short back story...Mum (only parent) died and I lost my home due to it. This is a recurring anxiety thought.

I am in a career I hate. But I am trapped. I cannot not earn what I do now. Or I'd lose my home (see above). I have no family I could go to if it went tits up. I changed teams, made no difference. Last year I completely burnt out and on my return there was 0 support.

As Robbie Williams once sung - I dont wanna die, but I'm not keen on living either. That's how I feel. I don't want to die. But I also can't imagine this life until retirement. I search indeed...I can't afford to retrain elsewhere. Careers advice service only give advice if you know what you want to do...if I knew that I could find out access routes myself thanks.

I have tried SO hard to be positive and manifest. But when the black dog and anxiety fire take told there isn't much reasoning. Nobody in my life would have a giraffe this was all in my head. I'm a very good fronter. My job is absorbing trauma every day. Helping people. Supposed to be "Ikigai". Definitely isnt. I haven't even a clue of the purpose of my post but I just needed to blah my head.

 

[Ilovemusic]

I’ve really struggled with therapy too. I feel like I always be really honest but there is no solution from them just “tips”. Today we complete on my mums house sale after she died last year and it was our childhood home since I was born. I feel quite emotional and it’s so strange to see it now empty after a lifetime of memories. I knew this day would be sad but now it feels real that it’s happening. I’m hoping to get some closure from this too though as it’s been a struggle just constantly having to do admin and be reminded of shitty stuff and last moments. Sending lots of love to everyone struggling 🫶 I agree that tattle is a lovely relief I don’t care what the crappy “influencers” say!

I empathise
My mum's funeral this week. Today's been awful. Now have to face dealing with admin and house that's been our family home over fifty years.

 

[allthingschocolate]

I’m away with my parents visiting my sister who lives overseas, I don’t see my sister often and we aren’t close (never have been) she’s difficult at the best of times but everytime I’ve tried to engage her in conversation she just isn’t interested! Yet she will talk endlessly to my brother who is also here makes me feel so left out for reference I’ve always tried to make the effort with her and her kids but she never reciprocates! A few years back her and my brother met up in London they didn’t ask or invite me and now they have just conveniently nipped out separately and met up at a local bar and yet again not asked me! I’m livid and so annoyed that yet again I’m constantly left out all the time I am looking forward to going home tomorrow I also have a long term health condition and not once has she asked about it

 

[Maid22]

I'm feeling really down at the moment, we have something going on which could end up making a huge impact on our life, I feel like I'm just existing and not living life. If it wasn't for my hubby and dog, I know I wouldn't be here.

 

[InkHeart]

Hi Tattlers. I've never posted in this thread before, but I have a long history of depression. I'm now in my early 30s and I've had it off and on since puberty.

The past 2 years have been absolutely awful... I lost a job because of bullying from colleagues, which made me have such bad panic attacks that I've become a hermit. My dad died of cancer. My addict mother has been a nightmare. I was sexually assaulted by a "friend" and took him to court, which took almost a year... then at the last moment the case was thrown out before we got to court! Not because he was not guilty, but because the Crown Prosecution Service said it wasn't worth their money, basically. I was in a minor car accident. It was only minor, but I guess it's made me get scared really easily. This summer I started dating a long time friend of mine, and I thought this was happily ever after. But it turned out that behind closed doors he was really emotionally abusive. Now I have lost all hope.

I am on a strong dose of mood stabilisers and anxiety meds, which work better than anything else I've tried. But the past month or so I have been randomly bursting into tears all the time.

I should write something more constructive, but I can't think clearly right now. Sorry. Hi everybody.

 

[Buzz_off]

I give up. I give up on life. I give up begging for help and getting nothing. I tell social services to take my kid, I get told I'm a good mum. I tell them printouts with generic breathing exercises and telling me to do self care isn't helpful against a life of traumas.

I've never felt truly loved by anyone. MH team literally told my GP I'm happy after they told them I was at their office in crisis. I'm too ill to swap medication but medication is t helping.

I failed at ODing multiple times. Failed at healthy relationships. Failed at life.

If I was an material object I would be in landfill. I'm too complex for most services to even go near me. There is no help. No one cares. I want to vanish.

 

[AladdinSane]

Sending you all so much love today.

Remember there is never the "picture perfect" Christmas. There is just yours and how you choose to spend it..
If you're missing someone today, remember them, remember the joy they brought and do something in their honour.
I have no doubt they are with you somehow

 

[HankMcPrank]

My beautiful little baby. 12 weeks tomorrow.

 

[Jadejones9596]

I hate how my life has turned out

It just never gets better, I don’t think I want to be here anymore, I no longer care about anything

 

[Eureka]

Having a bad day, crying a lot. My husband is still very ill and there is a long road to recovery ahead of him. Usually I find it easy to be positive but today I am just worn out. I just miss him.

 

[Thank(space)you]

Everything in my life is just going wrong all at the same time.

My rent is going up which I can ill afford, the man I loved was a shit bag and broke my heart, started dating someone else to be told actually he has feelings for someone else, waiting to find out if my mum can have surgery or if she goes on palliative care, but we aren't speaking atm as she's always been abusive but ramped it up towards me lately, my brother is going to court for SA of minors and that's terrifying (see incest thread)

I just feel so stressed and depressed all the time and then I feel like a shit mum for not being all Holly and Jolly and resilient.

I've done everything I can reasonably do to improve my situation with the housing, I'm taking a break from dating/sex, I've gone no contact with mum.

I just feel like I could cope better if it wasn't everything all at once.

 

[owen2110]

Hi all, my first post on this thread. Not sure if its the correct thread for me to post and it may be long winded but just wanting to vent about my feelings. If you manage to read to the end, thank you so much, I appreciate it so much.

I’m going to put it behind a spoiler as it regards adoption & child birth and I don’t want to trigger anybody

Spoiler: Spoiler

When i was 15, I discovered i was 8 months pregnant. Quite a lot of it is a blur, however it was somehow decided by my family and my boyfriends family that the baby would be placed for adoption. After a long week in hospital and 2 failed inductions i had a c section. I wore earphones playing music so i didnt get upset by my babies cries. He was taken straight to the neonatal unit and then to a lovely local foster family. I decided I wanted to visit him when he was around 4 weeks old. I went with my social worker and we took photos and made hand/foot casts as I thought i’d never see him again. Time kept passing and after 6 months and so many dealings with social services, it was time to sign the “final” adoption paperwork. At this point I decided I couldn’t do it, it was tearing me apart. I pulled out of the adoption and my baby (eventually) finally came home. I cannot help but feel ashamed of myself that I let other people decide what would happen with MY baby, I feel ashamed i let it go on for 6 months. I feel so robbed of that time with him. I barely have any photos of him from his first 6 months. I feel so guilty sometimes when i look at him me & his dad are still together and actually went on to have another child together. I don’t really know what the point in my post is, i just needed to vent and get it off my chest, I think about it so often. I feel like some people would probably tell me to move on and get over it with it being 12yrs ago

 

[VicksterIcon]

Sunday night I received a call from my sister to say she was at the hospital and she was with our mum. Turns out my mum has been hiding she has breast cancer and her boob has gone completely as the cancer has killed the skin cells. She has been hiding this for at least 10 months - she lives on her own and was scared and in denial. She is in her 80’s.

My sister went through BC 2 years ago and went on at my mum to have a mammogram but she said oh I don’t need one so my sister eventually gave up. There is history of BC on her maternal side of the family. My mum has never been a sick person and I thought she would be here well into her 90’s.

The hospital has fast tracked her and she is waiting for an appointment with the breast clinic.

I‘m now stressing about whether this is coming for me. Anxiety levels are high and I can’t stop thinking about mum and what she has been going through - although pain free. I will wait for her diagnosis and get a GP appointment so I can be referred for a mammogram. I had my first 2 years ago.

 

[CrazyGiraffeLady]

I’ve cut contact with my whole family except my kids and husband, can’t believe it’s come to this tbh

 

[CrazyGiraffeLady]

I have written here about my mum passing away, I’ve had a couple of visits from her. The last visit I’d just found out I was pregnant and I told her and she said we know it’s *baby name* now the name wasn’t something I’d ever thought of but I do actually love the name and it will be the babies name when they come. How strange is it to name a baby after something your dead mum told you?

 

[qqwertyy]

Ugh this is more of a rant than needing advice but I am really finding things hard at the moment.

I’m sick of being in my head and having to think about healing, how to manage my mental health, self-care, how to be kind to myself, how to optimise my time/relationships/routine etc for my wellbeing, focusing on finding the joy in small things … I can’t even remember the last time I could just exist and be happy without an exhausting internal monologue.

 

[Cheapseats]

I'm just worn out. My cat has mouth cancer and since his diagnosis 8 days ago I have slept poorly. He has pain medication and vet wants to see him next week but he's on palliative care. Probably getting the big sleep next visit.

 

[StillLucilleBluth]

It's hard to write this without seeming like a total cow, but I hope you lovely lot will give me the benefit of the doubt.

Does anyone else struggle with seeing everyone around them get exactly what they want in life, when it's something you longed for too but never got?

I'm generally more content now than I have been for YEARS (thanks SSRIs) but basically I had a major breakup in my early 30s just as everyone else around me was getting engaged. It was brutal, but I was utterly convinced I'd be married to someone great by 35. Instead, I had a serious relationship with someone who hurt me very badly and was very cruel. Apart from that, went on a million dates but nothing went beyond a few months. Got ghosted a bit. The usual. But I still had a couple of close single friends in the trenches with me.

But over time, every single one of them - literally every one - has met someone and got married and started a family. I've been to more weddings than I can count. Tons of engagement parties and so many baby showers and kids' parties. Meanwhile, I've accepted that I might never meet someone. I've worked really hard to get to this stage of acceptance and on the whole I am OK with it. I don't date so I know that odds are, I'll be on my own, and that's fine.

The last one of my formerly single friends, who was single her whole life til about 2 years ago, told me this week that she's pregnant. I'm happy for her, and I did debate having a child on my own with a sperm donor but ultimately I don't think it's ethical (just my personal opinion and tbh I annoy myself thinking it, I don't judge anyone who does go for it!), so it's not even that I'm jealous, as such.

But I still feel a little bit sad that for the best part of a decade (I'm 40 now) I have been on my own, and meanwhile things have worked out for everyone else around me. It makes me feel very alone. I feel like I'm constantly celebrating others' good news and it's never been my turn. It's not even that I want a partner or a baby that much any more - I think I just feel like the odd one out constantly and it's hard.

 

[Ray1403]

I know it’s not someone you know but I’m asking sweetheart . What Christmas would you like? One with your husband and child or one with your father included?

thankyou i want us all to be together without any arguments about it! i want our son to have christmases with his grandad while he can because he’s his only grandparent