Ah that’s a hard start in life. If your dad was absent then I’m afraid it makes a lot of sense that you were drawn to your utterly useless soon to be ex. We find what we know. Even if we hate it, there is comfort in the familiar. It sounds like you’re really breaking the trend with your children though and being the parent you should have had. They’re very lucky to have you. x
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Sounds like a carers support group might help. Alongside the help available on Tattle:I’ve spent the last 4-5 years fighting for my kids in education to get the right setting and before that trying to get their neurodivergence seen by various schools so they could get diagnosed, to the point where I went and got myself diagnosed because I hoped it would lend weight to what I was saying, that it wasn’t a parenting issue that could be parenting course-d out of my children. I did two, I knew it all anyway and we’re all still autistic! I’m big on set bedtime, low lighting, good routines, meaning what I say and following though, no physical punishments, don’t eat crap food, the kids drink water etc, it’s not like I’ve fed them on it in a bottle and let them stay up watching tv til midnight. But I’m still trying to get the last one into a suitable school. I did manage to get middle child into a specialist autism/sensory school which was a triumph as the council messed me about for nearly a year after being offered a place.
I have my youngest at home with me all day except two short sessions. I am so burned out. I now have to add a sports session to littlests schedule and even just one more early drop off is sending me under.
I wake up aching and exhausted, I’ve got some kind of brain-eye issue going on that has been basically dismissed by neuro- saying my brain scan was fine. Yes it was 12 years ago when I had oneso now I have to fight to get a scan and be taken seriously. The same doctor said I’d had a ct scan too. How are you meant to trust the doctor after this? I did have a ct scan - of my kidneys, also 12 years ago. So how that would have any bearing I don’t know.
I’ve had months of not reacting to my “partner”s goading me, before it just got too much and I did. I just need a break.
I’ve also got my youngest kids wanting me to take them on holiday and even one discussing it with me is making me panic on the inside. I’m terrified of flying now, I ducked up taking my youngest on holiday when I couldn’t leave the house to go to the airport. My “partner” has never wanted us to go away abroad as a family. I desperately wanted to which he knew from when we met, I could cope better with another adult to go with but I just do everything on my own. I don’t drive so it’s walk or bus. I see all the other families with ND kids going away fairly often and we never have. I just feel like I don’t have any kind of village. I feel sad for my kids that it’s always just me taking them places and me feeling stressed by it later because it shouldn’t be like this. We have no memories as a family or couple because he just hasn’t done anything much with us, or for himself so consequently has nothing to talk about. We’ve had no dates. I realised last night that I rarely have anyone to talk to who would challenge me intellectually, I feel like my brain has really suffered, I feel really much stupider than I used to be.
Re my relationship I gave him an ultimatum in early January. He hasn’t done what I asked so it’s over, but he’s still here, with no end in sight. I resumed polite conversation with him for the sake of the children as it was fairly hostile atmosphere and he’s trying to be really nice, he thinks, but I’m done, I mean what I say when I say it. He maybe doesn’t and so doesn’t believe me, or his head is so far up his a he thinks he can just gloss over my boundary. I feel like I know what he really thinks of me now, and the things he’s done have broken things so badly that without him having a personality transplant, admitting what harm he’s caused and taking steps to fixing it, and therapy, there’s nothing to be had here. Realising he doesn’t have the capacity really changed things for me. You can’t ask a fish to win the grand national.
Autistic Parents UK: Provides peer support, advocacy, and guidance tailored specifically for parents and carers who identify as neurodivergent themselves.
Neurodiversity Support Hub (ADD-vance): A national/regional advice line staffed by parents and carers of neurodivergent children. Call 01727 833963 (operating Mon, Wed, Fri 9am-1pm & Tue, Thu 9am-3pm).
Tip: For additional localized resources and care assessments in your direct vicinity, you can visit the Support for Neurodiversity on Healthy Minds directory.
I struggle being out of the house at times. Not like acrophobia as I’m fine walking around, going to friends, the gym and doing gardening. It’s busy noisy places.
It started after lockdown, I struggled being out and having my back to people I didn’t know. Noise levels affect me more, and I still cannot get my head around the need for young people having to be SO GODDAMNED LOUD! Why the screaming and screeching to show off that they are having a good time? It’s just showing off and over the top.
We recently did a duck it and book it trip away as I was very low and didn’t want to wait until the already booked trip later this month. It did me so much good because it was quiet, warm, middle aged paradise little village we always visit in Crete.
I am normally there for my birthday but it’s my 50th next week and my daughter wanted me to be here for it. We planned a party for this weekend but I cancelled it a few weeks ago. I don’t want fuss, a late night, or to be centre of attention so swapped to a quiet meal in a tiny but gorgeous restaurant in a converted cottage with amazing food.
Not sure where I am even going with this. I just feel like I am seen as a boring person and a social duck up now.
I’ve been through a lot since 2020 with injuries, surgeries and health and while my friends have been amazing I feel like I’ve drifted away from being a main player in the group to a guest part because I am so useless now.
This is the most rambling post ever. I just started and went off with my thoughts. I hope I don’t sound like an ungrateful hole as I do have so many people who love me. I just hope I don’t disappoint them with being not the same as I used to be.
It started after lockdown, I struggled being out and having my back to people I didn’t know. Noise levels affect me more, and I still cannot get my head around the need for young people having to be SO GODDAMNED LOUD! Why the screaming and screeching to show off that they are having a good time? It’s just showing off and over the top.
We recently did a duck it and book it trip away as I was very low and didn’t want to wait until the already booked trip later this month. It did me so much good because it was quiet, warm, middle aged paradise little village we always visit in Crete.
I am normally there for my birthday but it’s my 50th next week and my daughter wanted me to be here for it. We planned a party for this weekend but I cancelled it a few weeks ago. I don’t want fuss, a late night, or to be centre of attention so swapped to a quiet meal in a tiny but gorgeous restaurant in a converted cottage with amazing food.
Not sure where I am even going with this. I just feel like I am seen as a boring person and a social duck up now.
I’ve been through a lot since 2020 with injuries, surgeries and health and while my friends have been amazing I feel like I’ve drifted away from being a main player in the group to a guest part because I am so useless now.
This is the most rambling post ever. I just started and went off with my thoughts. I hope I don’t sound like an ungrateful hole as I do have so many people who love me. I just hope I don’t disappoint them with being not the same as I used to be.
You sound like a carbon copy of me.
I'm just trying to do what I want now no matter how boring it might sound. I am rather freaking some people out since my epiphany. Strangely blokes think I'm amazing and laugh at my eff it attitude.
But then a lot of blokes have always done what they want, so I suppose I've joined the club.
I’m back trying to explain more if you can be arsed to read. I’m using you guys as a release ish. I need to open up more but I know even with this I will hide stuff. Not hiding for a bad reason, like being ashamed just finding it hard to go there.
Since I stepped away from my reason being on Tattle, the Alice thread I started posting more on off topic more and started to see new names to connect with. There is a lot of crossover of people on the beauty, cooking and here. Really lovely people.
I have just waffled again and not even started with what I meant to say. I’ll leave you all alone now! I’m tit at opening up unless I’ve had a tit ton of wine. And that’s the worst thing for me.
Since I stepped away from my reason being on Tattle, the Alice thread I started posting more on off topic more and started to see new names to connect with. There is a lot of crossover of people on the beauty, cooking and here. Really lovely people.
I have just waffled again and not even started with what I meant to say. I’ll leave you all alone now! I’m tit at opening up unless I’ve had a tit ton of wine. And that’s the worst thing for me.
I'm always arsed to read
I'm not great with the words of advice at all or knowing what to say but I'll always read or listen xUgh this is more of a rant than needing advice but I am really finding things hard at the moment.
I’m sick of being in my head and having to think about healing, how to manage my mental health, self-care, how to be kind to myself, how to optimise my time/relationships/routine etc for my wellbeing, focusing on finding the joy in small things … I can’t even remember the last time I could just exist and be happy without an exhausting internal monologue.
I’m sick of being in my head and having to think about healing, how to manage my mental health, self-care, how to be kind to myself, how to optimise my time/relationships/routine etc for my wellbeing, focusing on finding the joy in small things … I can’t even remember the last time I could just exist and be happy without an exhausting internal monologue.
This. It's like I feel guilty for existing and I'm constantly trying to find a way to optimise life and failing at it. I just want to 'be' and not always trying to fix myself or my life or my diet or my relationships or something for those around me, all the time.
I’m really struggling at the minute emotionally and physically 
I have a long term respiratory condition that I’ve had for years which has slowly progressed, I’ve gained weight (which doesn’t help) despite trying to reduce my food intake (thanks perimenopause) 
my gp is no help with this, my condition is massively restricting me with travel (something me and my daughter enjoy) but I feel I cannot make any future/long term plans due to how my breathing is 
I’m also considering selling my house next year because although I love it it’s now too much for me physically manage, work is a struggle and taking its toll on me so much so I’ve had to reduce my hours at work so I constantly worry about finances, I feel physically and mentally drained at times, I also have to deal with a narcissist ex husband who’s an a to me at times, I feel better for typing this as I’ve got nobody else to talk to and I have no friends that would understand, apologies for my depressing rant 🫤
I have a long term respiratory condition that I’ve had for years which has slowly progressed, I’ve gained weight (which doesn’t help) despite trying to reduce my food intake (thanks perimenopause) my gp is no help with this, my condition is massively restricting me with travel (something me and my daughter enjoy) but I feel I cannot make any future/long term plans due to how my breathing is I’m also considering selling my house next year because although I love it it’s now too much for me physically manage, work is a struggle and taking its toll on me so much so I’ve had to reduce my hours at work so I constantly worry about finances, I feel physically and mentally drained at times, I also have to deal with a narcissist ex husband who’s an a to me at times, I feel better for typing this as I’ve got nobody else to talk to and I have no friends that would understand, apologies for my depressing rant 🫤
I feel for you, my ex is a complete narc and did so many awful things. Is your child at an age where you can just cut him off completely? My children with my ex are adults now and it does get better. If yours isn’t, can you just grey rock him, only the essential communication?I’m really struggling at the minute emotionally and physically
Hi thankyou so much for responding
it’s awful isn’t it but yes fortunately interaction is very minimal, we rarely speak, but as she turns 18 next year I can then finally cut him off completely but he’s absolutely vile to me and her, I feel once I cut him off completely this will allow some much needed closure (aware we will be tied for life unfortunately) 🫤feel like my bf is going off me / getting complacent. hardly messaging, no good morning or night texts anymore. but when i see him in person (a few times a week, we have busy lives ) he is talking about planning for the future. i just feel like something is off but my anxiety is also really bad so idk what to do . anyone have advice 
How long have you been together?feel like my bf is going off me / getting complacent. hardly messaging, no good morning or night texts anymore. but when i see him in person (a few times a week, we have busy lives ) he is talking about planning for the future. i just feel like something is off but my anxiety is also really bad so idk what to do . anyone have advice
I think there is always more effort at the start. They either get complacent or don't feel the need to make the effort when you are an established couple. Sorry you feel uneasy about it .feel like my bf is going off me / getting complacent. hardly messaging, no good morning or night texts anymore. but when i see him in person (a few times a week, we have busy lives ) he is talking about planning for the future. i just feel like something is off but my anxiety is also really bad so idk what to do . anyone have advice
talk to him about it. you’ll drive yourself bonkers otherwise. he’s either confident enough in your relationship that he doesn’t think those things are a big deal any more, or he’s got other ideas. you won’t know unless you tell him how you’re feeling.feel like my bf is going off me / getting complacent. hardly messaging, no good morning or night texts anymore. but when i see him in person (a few times a week, we have busy lives ) he is talking about planning for the future. i just feel like something is off but my anxiety is also really bad so idk what to do . anyone have advice
I’m really struggling. My husband works away a lot, we have 3 kids and I’m 38weeks pregnant. He doesn’t get home until 3 days before I give birth so potentially could miss the entire thing. We also have horses and other animals and im doing everything plus cooking and cleaning for 3 feral children and I’m just so done with life 
I’ve never felt so exhausted and I feel so low and so depressed. I keep losing my tit and being so mean to my kids too because I’m so overwhelmed and exhausted, then I feel such guilt after that I’m such a terrible mum to them.
I’ve never felt so exhausted and I feel so low and so depressed. I keep losing my tit and being so mean to my kids too because I’m so overwhelmed and exhausted, then I feel such guilt after that I’m such a terrible mum to them.
This sounds really hard. Is this anything that you could throw money at temporarily if you can afford it? Like meals delivered, cleaner for a couple of weeks? I can’t believe he left you to do everything.I’m really struggling. My husband works away a lot, we have 3 kids and I’m 38weeks pregnant. He doesn’t get home until 3 days before I give birth so potentially could miss the entire thing. We also have horses and other animals and im doing everything plus cooking and cleaning for 3 feral children and I’m just so done with life
I’ve never felt so exhausted and I feel so low and so depressed. I keep losing my tit and being so mean to my kids too because I’m so overwhelmed and exhausted, then I feel such guilt after that I’m such a terrible mum to them.
has this been edited? i’m sure it previously said that he chose to do an extra work thing that now means he may/may not be here for the birth? i don’t want to go all mumsnet but does he normally leave you to do everything with the kids etc? do you have family or friends nearby who can help? you’re not a terrible mum, the fact you’re bearing the burden shows that. i just think if he’s chosen to have 4 kids with you he needs to pull his weight! or at least help pre-organise things to make it a bit easier on youI’m really struggling. My husband works away a lot, we have 3 kids and I’m 38weeks pregnant. He doesn’t get home until 3 days before I give birth so potentially could miss the entire thing. We also have horses and other animals and im doing everything plus cooking and cleaning for 3 feral children and I’m just so done with life
I’ve never felt so exhausted and I feel so low and so depressed. I keep losing my tit and being so mean to my kids too because I’m so overwhelmed and exhausted, then I feel such guilt after that I’m such a terrible mum to them.
No I didn’t edit it. He didn’t choose to work away, it’s his job that pays for our lifestyle and sadly he gets sent places and can’t say no!
when he’s home he’s very hands on and he does all the animals whilst I do cooking etc, but it’s his busiest period of work at the moment and his work are assholes and sending him all over the place rather than choosing other people to do it when he has a baby due anyday
it’s sooo hard doing everything by myself this pregnant. I can’t wait to give birth so he gets to come home and have paternity leave lol