Firstly there aren’t any hard and fast rules and tbh anyone you call up and speak to is going to provide some insight and be able to direct you to resources. So there is no wrong/right way to approach it most importantly!
Alanon is a fellowship for those embroiled in the lives of addicts so children of alcohol parents (although there’s also ACA for them but it’s a v small fellowship with few meetings) or wives or husbands etc. It’d be a good resource for you personally and her boyfriend, but it sounds like she needs help with drink/drug consumption so AA would be a good start. They’ve got a telephone service you can call up and someone can call her back for a chat & accompany her to her first meeting. If it’s an open meeting (it’ll say) you can attend too! You’re not made to share but they only ask you don’t share if you’ve drunk or used that day.
Re being a young woman in sobriety - there’s quite a fair few of us?? I’m not gonna lie it does skew more make and older and most the meetings you go to (especially if it’s in the ends rather than central city locations) will be a bit men heavy but it’s so important to listen to the similarities and not the differences. Like yeah Julie and the kids haven’t left you cos you’re 23 living in a housing crisis hun but you’ve also been too anxious to leave the house or you’ve been so late to something you’ve just never turned up at all lol.
There are also some young persons meetings, personally for me I’ve never gelled with them but it’s defs something to do! And also tbh it gives you hope that you can be a “normal” young person and not drinking or using. That was the hardest thing about it all really, feeling like you’d be a social pariah / there was something wrong with you that meant you had all this shame and self hatred and no one else did? A lot of them a decade on are now entering the rooms so turns out we’re never really alone in our misery lol.
It’s a shame this can’t be an IRL convo as it’s so nuanced and I want to reassure you that this negative bit is bad but not bad if that makes sense. I don’t want to sound negative but also try not to get your hopes up in a way, the key to abstinence is your own willing and also conceding that you’re done, this is it, there’s no way through this as is big changes need to happen. They say some people just haven’t hit their rock bottom yet so go back out there. Sorry to me-rail (is this whole post a me rail?) but my situation with my brother is a v good example of this. I repeatedly get my hopes up that he’ll stop the j1g, I’ve done everything in my power but sadly the last decade has just had to be me putting up stricter boundaries and pulling back. It was our birthdays a few weeks ago so I decided to do something as he’s now single (because of his behaviour, which she in part enabled but she’s a victim in this all and needs alanon tbh so I need to find compassion) so wouldn’t have anyone else to do this with & he obviously mucked me around with time and location so I just went home in the end. Like this isn’t
but I guess we also have to check ourselves for what we’re expecting from people who aren’t well? Like back in the day thought he’d leap at the chance to get well and be grateful he had a tour guide but he just didn’t, his behaviour was so bad in fact I’d say it traumatised me. And reaching out and showing kindness at a low point I hoped would serve as attraction not promotion to sobriety, but it was just ignored altogether. Like sorry this isn’t saying stay away cos you’re doing such a loving and caring thing and you sound like such an amazing friend but just make sure you’re setting your expectations low / safeguarding yourself in all of this. In my instance as well it was probs a bit of ego/arrogance that of COURSE he would want what I have. And doubly - part of why I was so upset by it all was cos I feel his behaviour and something he said to an old timer really embarrassed me and that’s my shit not his? But anyway the point of that is we can’t have expectations of our people, we can’t assume it’ll work, and we can’t be upset when someone doesn’t behave in the way we want them to. Sorry if that sounds patronising and maybe this isn’t something mentally well people need reminding of but I wish I had this tattooed on my eyeballs before I started down that road.
Tbh Alanon would be a really good resource for you on this journey as it can be really hard, like being lied to or disappointed is part of the package but it hurts so bad every time. Like remember to safeguard your own heart it all of this cos it is tough.
Sending love and sorry if that sounded negative, it’s not at all I just don’t want you to abandon yourself and end up unwell in it all. You’re doing SUCH a loving wonderful thing & your friend is so lucky to have you. There are many other sober fraus on these threads too btw and there’s no such thing as a universal opinion, I can only give you what I’ve got if that makes sense? Others can share what they’ve got which may be more relevant so definitely start speaking to people about it!
There’s a few very active communities on Reddit I used a lot in early days that may be useful?
is it obvious how obsessed we are with her?!
put me down for the virtual hen do!
), the Prodigy realised The Fat Of The Land. I love that album, and found a fact about a sampling chaos.
