Oh, that's pretty easy.
It's a matter of executive function for the most part.
My younger child has "level 3" autism - that's the medical term for "severe" autism, or "high support needs" autism.
Thus far, they don't have an intellectual disability diagnosis. Their approximate IQ is on the low side of normal & they can complete modified schoolwork at or near grade level - though this may change as they get older & intellectual demands increase.
And I explain this because, in terms of IQ and "intelligence," my child is more advanced than Abbie in many areas in life.
They still need tasks broken down into smaller steps with clear instructions and reminders. A task with several/many steps, or one with many possible ways to tackle it, is nearly impossible to complete without guidance.
My child, and many autistic people, have serious issues with executive function. If you were faced with cleaning a messy room, you'd pick up items from the floor, put them where they belong, wipe up that spill you noticed while tidying, vacuum the rug once it's cleared, run a duster over the surfaces, straighten the crooked picture on the wall, etc.
A person with executive function problems will literally struggle to know where to begin. Once they do begin, they may not be able to do things in the "logical" order (i.e. pick up toys from the rug before vacuuming), they may be distracted by other things that come up (i.e. you've picked up half the toys when you notice the spill, so you go get a towel to wipe up the spill but on the way you see a boot left in the middle of the hallway so you pick that up to put it away but then there's a knock on the door so you answer it, still holding the boot, sign for the package, go put the package on the kitchen counter, realize you're thirsty so you grab a quick drink of water, and then you're standing there with a boot in your hand and the original messy room a distant memory), or they may just get overwhelmed by the task and shut down.
If a person is already dysregulated in terms of sensory needs, executive functioning is impossible. It's like trying to do trigonometry with someone screaming in your ear.
So, instead of telling my child - either of them, really - "clean your room!" I give them a starting point and a defined task to complete.
"First pick up all your toys and put them in the bin."
"Now pick up the dirty clothes and put them in the hamper."
"Now throw the paper scraps in the garbage can."
My older child has a diagnosis of "level 1" autism - high functioning, "aspie," etc.
They're also profoundly gifted. Estimated IQ is 140+, greater than 3 standard deviations above average. They are terrifyingly smart.
They also have the same issues with executive functioning, probably due to their apocalyptic levels of ADHD because their EF improves on medication. I have to do the same routine when it comes to cleaning their room, folding laundry, emptying the dishwasher, etc - though they're getting better as they get older!
Executive function & intelligence are completely separate. All kids need to be taught EF skills - it's just that NT kids tend to pick up on those skills earlier and much easier. It's a brain wiring thing with ND kids, especially in autism & ADHD.
Your last sentence is spot on. Abbie's parents have never,
ever maintained the routine and consistency needed to give Abbie the skills that would help her be her best - in any area of function or learning. They've completely failed her. They don't have the knowledge -
or the humility to listen to and follow the experts who do have the knowledge - to give her even a basic framework for what EF skills she's capable of. They don't have the patience to break down/chunk tasks for her when needed, and they certainly don't have the patience to continue with step by step requests every single day, consistently, for however long it takes.
And, hey. Abbie also knows damn well if she throws a tantrum or refuses to "be compliant" with a request that they'll give in. That's on her parents' utter lack of consistency. They only thing they're consistent with is doing the wrong thing at every possible turn.
Executive function and self-regulation skills are the mental processes that enable us to plan, focus attention, remember, and juggle multiple tasks.
developingchild.harvard.edu
witch cannot help herself.
