Fathering Autism #116 Trying homeschooling? Who are they fooling?

[BellaBlueEyes]

I’m not sure I should say this. I’ve known most of you for years. I agree with almost every one’s opinions on what those people did or didn’t do to help their daughter.

Please don’t judge me too harshly, but when my ID kid does something age appropriate and on his own, I let myself pretend he is just a young adult. He’s turning 19 and still I’m questioning every single thing I didn’t pick up on from a younger age. He is my baby, my last. I excused a lot of behaviors and thought he was messing with me when he’d misbehave. I understand why they are like that with Abbie. The difference I think is that I will take control if he starts acting up. We have left movies and roller skating and bowling and so many stores it hurts to admit he’s different. He’s my kid. I love every single imperfect perfection he is. For his sake more than mine I have him set to be on a placement list when he ages out of his program.

I hope some of that makes sense. I was t-boned on Saturday afternoon and still have a headache. I will be getting an mri tomorrow if it doesn’t let up. Funny though, the woman that hit me is from Brazil and went back home Sunday. I’m glad no one was hurt but my poor ugly Kia is a goner. I can’t believe I really cared so much about that pos car! My daughter thinks it’s hilarious how dramatic the light post was being!

@Kimmied Sorry about your Kia and glad no serious injuries but most of all congratulations on raising a bright daughter with a wicked sense of humor. It really does look like the light post was being dramatic. Give her from me.

How is that adorable grandson doing?

 

[Nicole9Volt]

Yes. 100%., but P is more ashamed than Asa.

Is it awful that I get a kick out this..
So this is from that day Abbie was really sleepy and bouncing back and forth in attitude. Asa’s rolling and Abbie just goes to tap Cilla, not grab or anything , just tap.. she didn’t even come at her fast..
But Cilla’s reaction says all..
Someone got their butt whooped by their daughter right before this clip, me thinks

also, love how when Asa and Isiah do the tickle/hug thing, it usually ends with Abbie holding on to them.. with Cilla, she does laugh, cause I think maybe she can’t help it, but the flailing arms LITERALLY pushing her away tell all

Well I'm delighted that I was able to share some helpful info!!

I live in a household of executive dysfunction. My partner has ADHD-PI, both of my kids have ADHD-C and autism diagnoses (amongst other things), I've long battled panic disorder... we are a mess without my endless lists and calendars and reminders and alarms. Maintaining and training executive function skills in both myself and my family are a top priority.

Isaiah is pretty smart. He has a natural intelligence, but in terms of a diagnosis of educational giftedness? Doesn't seem like it, and if he were given a medical or educational diagnosis of such his parents would make sure we heard ALL ABOUT IT ALL THE TIME.
Speaking of EF, they've failed him in that regard. He's absolutely smart enough to do well in college, earn some scholarships, even make it in honors classes. He should breeze through the vast majority of his undergrad. Sadly, Asa & Priscilla gave him no framework to work independently in a college environment. He needs self control & self regulation, he needs time management, he needs to know how to prioritize, he needs to know how to manage his workflow.
It doesn't seem like he's able to do that, judging by his vlogs. He apparently excelled in high school, but in HS he had Big Mama handling every aspect of his life. She needed a child who would not only succeed, but who would excel and she made sure that happened. Unfortunately, she made it happen at the expense of his long-term maturity.

It doesn't matter how naturally intelligent a person is - if they aren't taught EF skills and held accountable in an age-appropriate way for their education, a 140 IQ doesn't mean tit in the long run.

Both of my children are under age 12. Both are in grade school.
My younger child has largely surpassed Abbie in most areas of life, but they also don't seem to have an intellectual disability, or an ID as pronounced as hers. I also parent my children very differently than the Maassholes parent. I'm not perfect, nowhere near, and I generally dislike saying one parenting style is better over another....but they literally do every single thing as wrong as possible.
It legitimately makes me sad to think that Abbie missed out on a measurable amount of potential growth had her parents actually raised her in a consistent, structured manner.

I can tell with a few paragraphs, you’re probably a better mom than Cilla, who ive seen hours of, lol.

Im gonna look into that EF stuff.. cause, no, I don’t have a high IQ, but I have the passion and the WANT to succeed.. but everyday, it’s so much going on in my head that I end up getting nothing done.

Also, another point to add to yours about Isiah..I wonder just HOW MANY times a day do they face call him.. when they aren’t doing that.. how often are they texting him, I bet they expect to answer right away too. The vlogs, I’ve never watched his so I don’t know how much he enjoys it or if it’s a thing Asa is kinda putting on him to complete. And when they aren’t FaceTiming or texting or telling him to film.. if he has more than two days free...he’s expected to be at home. And when he’s at home, is he doing schoolwork, catching up? Nope, he’s babysitting

 

[RocketQueen]

@RocketQueen Congrats on getting out of the house! And, although nervous I know it has to be a relief to know Friday you will finally have the surgery. It's been a hard battle and you are a strong woman - you've got this.

Thank you!
I need all the morale boosting I can get!

 

[CoffeeMomof2]

I predict a new RV appearing soon.

18 seconds in.

Seriously?

EDIT: and to close out the "travel" vlog, here's Priscilla petting a pig in front of the cupcake booth.
As is tradition.

 

[RocketQueen]

My goodness. That RV vlog had a lot to digest.

* P is going to wear that pink jacket into the ground.

* They tried to talk "their friends" (what friends?!) into buying a tiny little pop up camper...bc they obviously cant afford Maass level of comfort. What a smug little SOB. That bugged me.

* Sure Asa! Abbie, who is unsteady on even ground is going to scale the wall on a ladder to reach the loft. Now he has planted images of Abbie in her backward pjs climbing a ladder to bed like Laura Ingalls. As if. But I know thats what the humpers will be picturing.

* And poor Donna was hanging so tightly to Bruce's arm, my heart broke. She looked very fragile.

 

[JunoandMaya]

Oh, that's pretty easy.

It's a matter of executive function for the most part.

My younger child has "level 3" autism - that's the medical term for "severe" autism, or "high support needs" autism.
Thus far, they don't have an intellectual disability diagnosis. Their approximate IQ is on the low side of normal & they can complete modified schoolwork at or near grade level - though this may change as they get older & intellectual demands increase.
And I explain this because, in terms of IQ and "intelligence," my child is more advanced than Abbie in many areas in life.

They still need tasks broken down into smaller steps with clear instructions and reminders. A task with several/many steps, or one with many possible ways to tackle it, is nearly impossible to complete without guidance.
My child, and many autistic people, have serious issues with executive function. If you were faced with cleaning a messy room, you'd pick up items from the floor, put them where they belong, wipe up that spill you noticed while tidying, vacuum the rug once it's cleared, run a duster over the surfaces, straighten the crooked picture on the wall, etc.
A person with executive function problems will literally struggle to know where to begin. Once they do begin, they may not be able to do things in the "logical" order (i.e. pick up toys from the rug before vacuuming), they may be distracted by other things that come up (i.e. you've picked up half the toys when you notice the spill, so you go get a towel to wipe up the spill but on the way you see a boot left in the middle of the hallway so you pick that up to put it away but then there's a knock on the door so you answer it, still holding the boot, sign for the package, go put the package on the kitchen counter, realize you're thirsty so you grab a quick drink of water, and then you're standing there with a boot in your hand and the original messy room a distant memory), or they may just get overwhelmed by the task and shut down.

If a person is already dysregulated in terms of sensory needs, executive functioning is impossible. It's like trying to do trigonometry with someone screaming in your ear.

So, instead of telling my child - either of them, really - "clean your room!" I give them a starting point and a defined task to complete.
"First pick up all your toys and put them in the bin."
"Now pick up the dirty clothes and put them in the hamper."
"Now throw the paper scraps in the garbage can."

My older child has a diagnosis of "level 1" autism - high functioning, "aspie," etc.
They're also profoundly gifted. Estimated IQ is 140+, greater than 3 standard deviations above average. They are terrifyingly smart.
They also have the same issues with executive functioning, probably due to their apocalyptic levels of ADHD because their EF improves on medication. I have to do the same routine when it comes to cleaning their room, folding laundry, emptying the dishwasher, etc - though they're getting better as they get older!

Executive function & intelligence are completely separate. All kids need to be taught EF skills - it's just that NT kids tend to pick up on those skills earlier and much easier. It's a brain wiring thing with ND kids, especially in autism & ADHD.

Your last sentence is spot on. Abbie's parents have never, ever maintained the routine and consistency needed to give Abbie the skills that would help her be her best - in any area of function or learning. They've completely failed her. They don't have the knowledge - or the humility to listen to and follow the experts who do have the knowledge - to give her even a basic framework for what EF skills she's capable of. They don't have the patience to break down/chunk tasks for her when needed, and they certainly don't have the patience to continue with step by step requests every single day, consistently, for however long it takes.

And, hey. Abbie also knows damn well if she throws a tantrum or refuses to "be compliant" with a request that they'll give in. That's on her parents' utter lack of consistency. They only thing they're consistent with is doing the wrong thing at every possible turn.

Executive Function & Self-Regulation

Executive function and self-regulation skills are the mental processes that enable us to plan, focus attention, remember, and juggle multiple tasks.

developingchild.harvard.edu

My youngest is now 18 and diagnosed with level 3 autism as well as ID, Tourette's, ADHD,Anxiety, and a whole host of others. I think also something that most people don't realize is that those with autism also have auditory processing issues. So, if I were to say an entire paragraph to my son, he may only process 2-3 words, with one of them being the last thing I said. Sometimes he can understand a full request like tonight I told him to "go and get your pants from your room. They're on your bed." Tonight, he totally understood what I meant and went to retrieve the correct pair from his bed. Other days he may bring a folded pair from his closet, still other times he may bring a shirt. It depends on what words he happens to pick up on. This can be due to how tired he might be, if he is having a bunch of tics, too much noise in the area we are in, or even too many people having conversation around him. Skills he may be able to do fine one day, he will bomb the next day, and then do fine again the next day, and so on.

Also, those on the spectrum tend to have very uneven development. For instance, my kiddo could repeat entire phrases in another language so well that people thought he could speak them fluently, but he could barely speak a sentence in English. He likes anything from Dora the Explorer to watching people fix cars, and from Weird Al to Queen and everything in between. He can rip apart crown molding/cabinetry/flooring, but can't write his name. At a year old he knew how to open up a laptop and turn it on, but couldn't walk until many months later.

 

[Sweetums]

This right here was the first breadcrumb for me when I dived deeper in this family 2 years ago. I was still learning a lot about Autism, but to me, it was plainly obvious she didn’t JUST have autism. Do that’s when I found out, yes, she does have a severe ID diagnosis... but how come they never bring THAT up? The rest is history...

I was binge watching some recent episodes. Man I love the one where Abbie (The Child) physically pushes Cilla (The Parent) out of the car and locks her out. Instead of any kind of discipline, she is given all her favorite activities and most importantly, sweets.

Now, as this is Abbie and Cilla were talking about, this is hilarious. But in a vacuum, autism or not.. no. Just no. This was funny to them, cause it’s cute Abbie and her abbitude am I right?



Show me them laughing when she’s 35 years old, weighs 300lbs, they haven’t been able to make a dime off of her in 20 years. They’re old and have cashed their savings so they don’t lost the “house they bought for Abbie”’. They Just want to die. But instead, here they are, Cilla breaking a hip getting pushed out of the car by 300lb two year old.

My goodness. That RV vlog had a lot to digest.

* P is going to wear that pink jacket into the ground.

* They tried to talk "their friends" (what friends?!) into buying a tiny little pop up camper...bc they obviously cant afford Maass level of comfort. What a smug little SOB. That bugged me.

* Sure Asa! Abbie, who is unsteady on even ground is going to scale the wall on a ladder to reach the loft. Now he has planted images of Abbie in her backward pjs climbing a ladder to bed like Laura Ingalls. As if. But I know thats what the humpers will be picturing.

* And poor Donna was hanging so tightly to Bruce's arm, my heart broke. She looked very fragile.

When he said "our friend" when looking at the tiny camper, Pig said "Kaitlyn" right away. Notice she didn't dare get into that little thing, lol.

 

[MaxsMom]

I had a thought about Asa reading thru this forum. We’ve mentioned many times that it seems like A reads here as he often answers questions posed here in his vlog. I wonder what he thinks when he reads that people are questioning their health, or P’s swollen legs, or their weight gain, etc. Does he think “yes, I’ve noticed P’s swelling and I’d better get her to the Dr.s soon” or “Abbie is indeed gaining weight. We need to monitor.” What goes through his mind when he reads the comments that aren’t poking fun but are truly caring and suggest possible illnesses. Is he concerned or does he not give a rats ass.

 

[SCCOct66]

I was going to try and watch it but I cant do it. After scrolling through his whooping 18 comments I see it is another vlog about meditating, hiking, and snowboarding. His vlogs are the same every freaking week. The people who actually watch this crap must be the humpiest of humpers!

Humpy McHumpersons!

 

[that1lady]

Looks like her pinky is growing from the side of her hand!

 

[lillibb]

18 seconds in.

Seriously?

View attachment 1079326

EDIT: and to close out the "travel" vlog, here's Priscilla petting a pig in front of the cupcake booth.
As is tradition.
View attachment 1079332

Probably one of her cousin's kids.

 

[Georgia03]

Cognitive function can be split into so many domains as well...it's completely possible for someone to be at the level of an infant in one area of cognitive function, but at the level of a preschooler in another.

As far as Abbie's awareness of what's going on, the one thing I can say for sure is that she has the ability to recognize routines or patterns in behavior. You can see it pretty readily in the way she behaves regarding food, since she is so food-motivated...she notices when food is nearby, and she knows where the food is kept. She knows to lead people to the pantry when she wants food, and appears to understand which packages contain which foods. She understands what a restaurant is...and she appears to be able to generalize upon entering a restaurant and being seated that she will be brought food. I'm not 100% sure but I think she may even be able to recognize different restaurants...for example, it seems like she may be able to tell the difference between a Dunkin and Wendy's drive-thru, and expect to receive different foods from each one. She is also able to categorize signs and words...for example, when she is asking for a snack, she will scroll through all of her food-related signs or iPad buttons. She is sometimes less successful with the iPad, which is constantly being reorganized and also requires a higher level of fine motor function...but I don't recall ever seeing her accidentally throw in a non-food related sign (such as "bathroom" or "swing") when asking for food.

When it comes to what's important to her, she is definitely aware of her environment...and she is able to understand what will (or should) happen in different contexts, and with different people. For example, remember how she used to throw tantrums when she would come home from school and see Brandy? People say all the time that they don't think Abbie really knows the difference between the people in her life...but she can definitely discriminate between people, and expects different things to happen when she is with different people.

This is exactly what breaks my heart once fat pig and fatcilla decide they are no longer able to look after her (and it will happen) and put her into a group home. Image how difficult it's going to be for her being in an unfamiliar place with people she doesn't know and not getting her own way all the time, like her POS parents have taught her

This is exactly what breaks my heart once fat pig and fatcilla decide they are no longer able to look after her (and it will happen) and put her into a group home. Imagine how difficult it's going to be for her being in an unfamiliar place with people she doesn't know and not getting her own way all the time, like her POS parents have taught her

This is exactly what breaks my heart once fat pig and fatcilla decide they are no longer able to look after her (and it will happen) and put her into a group home. Image how difficult it's going to be for her being in an unfamiliar place with people she doesn't know and not getting her own way all the time, like her POS parents have taught her

*imagine*

I highly doubt family YouTube vloggers will be around in a decade. Abbie will be living in a home for adults with special needs. A&P will be dealing with serious health issues and they'll spend their late 40's digging their way out of debt, AGAIN. Isaiah will more than likely have hiked off into oblivion.

How sad

 

[Cardinal Rule]

I predict a new RV appearing soon.

Holy hell, what is up with Big P’s trotters?

 

[Sadoldhen]

I wonder what hold Arse wipe has on Coochecoochepigtrotter this time, or is her memory that vacant that she can’t remember she had to sleep in the recliner chair at night, they had to stop overnight at a gas station, and that she was hot sticky mess, ain’t no RV big enough for that, and the added 130lbs P put and Arse and Abbs combined weight gain of 80lbs added

 

[Appalled watcher from Eng]

Pig literally waddles nowadays as those legs are so fat. I bet she sat in a heap in her drinking chair exhausted after all that waddling round the RV Show. She can barely fit through the doors of most of the caravans. The Honking Tour Mark 2 is going to be even duller than the first as they are getting too fat to do anything bar sitting, eating and drinking. Thinking about it, that's all they did last year.

 

[Shadergirl]

I don't know how anyone can watch an entire Lipshit mama video. I get to 60 seconds.. maybe two minutes sometimes and then I have to turn it off. I can't handle the Boss Babe-ness!

Same! She’s just so full of herself. Cannot for the life of me understand why people buy her products, engage her, are influenced by her…I just don’t get it.

 

[bready]

Im gonna look into that EF stuff.. cause, no, I don’t have a high IQ, but I have the passion and the WANT to succeed.. but everyday, it’s so much going on in my head that I end up getting nothing done.

YouTube can actually be a pretty good resource for this...there are people who post ADHD and autism "life hack" content and show how they've set up their homes and routines to help them function better. I am not the best at EF either, although I don't think I would meet the standards for a clinical diagnosis of ADHD or autism or anything...and a lot of the tips I've seen on those channels are things that work for me also. There are basic tips like making to-do lists and schedules, setting alarm reminders, etc. but many of them also mention things that took me years to catch on to on my own (such as storing important items in places where they are visible).

A&P both lack the basic empathy, imagination, and intellectual curiosity to put themselves in Abbie's shoes and try to understand how she understands the world. I always go back to that "Pick up the brown leaf" assignment when they first started homeschooling during Covid. Ass just kept telling Abbie to pick up the brown leaf, then finally picked it up himself and showed her the brown leaf. He never even stopped to question whether she understood the word leaf, or the word brown...he never thought "Have we ever taught her those words before?" He just figured she would have picked them up by now, the way a neurotypical person like himself would. They can throw around all the names of her diagnoses, but they never stop to think about what those diagnoses mean, or how to give her what she needs to manage them.

 

[Shadergirl]

Omg her hair in that lipstick mama video…..she is curling like how someone would curl hair for a dance recital. Looks a hot mess!

Irish dance curls

 

[Lizaable90]

I predict a new RV appearing soon.

First, did anyone see that they spanned over the electric scooters when they were there? LOL! Maybe future shopping for P!
Secondly, I am glad that Katilin didn't follow their suggestion. At least with the van, she can sneak back off into parking lots and look like she is just a broken down van. With a trailer, it screams "we are camping here.."
Third, when they talked about Abbie not going up to the bunk area. I think was the first time ever Priscilla acknowledged Abbie's lack of really being able to do something, straight up and then Asa agreeing with her!! That was huge. Of course, then Asa said she would go (probably with reinforcers) but would never get down..
Fourth, Asa, you really need to talk to other campers, before ever going tent camping, if you don't know why you wouldn't want your tent on the ground... Hello, fire ants, snakes, bears and other wildlife...
Fifth, I am glad that they finally acknowledged that Abbie wouldn't leave the front seat of the rental RV. It drove me crazy seeing her all the time, buckled in and asking to go. Of course, all they needed to do, was to keep Abbie busy outside of the camper itself and then use the inside for sleeping.
Lastly, that "time share" is actually memberships to select campgrounds. It is actually a really good thing, if you camp a lot. My daughter has an ex-teacher, that her husband and herself, took over a campground and they use 2 of those memberships to actually vet good campers. They don't just allow anyone on their camp sites because of how damaging campers can be. You have to either have a membership or know someone that does and come with a referral. It is way better than the MLM Priscilla is in, for sure!
Oh and poor Donna...

 

[lizzielou]

@CoffeeMomof2 This is slightly off topic but have you watched the YouTube channel What About Bunny? Since you are a self-proclaimed nerd you might find it intriguing. Bunny, A dog, is trained to speak by pushing buttons for the words. Her owner has been working with a university to get a better understanding of how dogs think and communicate. Lately they have been working on abstract concepts. It's quite interesting and I always try to find a "tell" because it's amazing to see Bunny "speak".

I found these guys a while back on TikTok, it’s amazing how much Bunny has learnt to understand and use! Makes you realise and appreciate how much animals can understand and communicate on a human level! I love animals they are cleverer than we ever give them credit for. I’m trying to teach my hamster to recognise his name, I have taught him to stand in a particular place for a treat. When he knows I’m about, he stands there and stares at me sitting on the sofa until I give him something tasty!

I must say, I am enjoying all this discussion about what Abbie can understand, communication, executive dysfunction and whatnot. I love taking the piss out of the maassholes but I also love that we have lots of people here who have a whole range of professional and parental experience to have these sort of discussions with!