Fathering Autism #116 Trying homeschooling? Who are they fooling?

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I’m not sure I should say this. I’ve known most of you for years. I agree with almost every one’s opinions on what those people did or didn’t do to help their daughter.

Please don’t judge me too harshly, but when my ID kid does something age appropriate and on his own, I let myself pretend he is just a young adult. He’s turning 19 and still I’m questioning every single thing I didn’t pick up on from a younger age. He is my baby, my last. I excused a lot of behaviors and thought he was messing with me when he’d misbehave. I understand why they are like that with Abbie. The difference I think is that I will take control if he starts acting up. We have left movies and roller skating and bowling and so many stores it hurts to admit he’s different. He’s my kid. I love every single imperfect perfection he is. For his sake more than mine I have him set to be on a placement list when he ages out of his program.

I hope some of that makes sense. I was t-boned on Saturday afternoon and still have a headache. I will be getting an mri tomorrow if it doesn’t let up. Funny though, the woman that hit me is from Brazil and went back home Sunday. I’m glad no one was hurt but my poor ugly Kia is a goner. I can’t believe I really cared so much about that pos car! My daughter thinks it’s hilarious how dramatic the light post was being!
I hope your headache resolves itself! Thank goodness it was not worse! That light post does appear to have just fainted away, lol.

And you are allowed to think or feel anything you want about your own child.
You've done everything for him that the Massives have not done for Abbie. ❤❤

Despite everything they say, Abbies whole life has been a game of pretend.
I dont feel they have earned the right to pretend shes a "typical teen". She'll never be a typical teen, but theres a small chance she could do much more for herself if they ever truly tried when she was young.
 
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@Whimsical great post.
I've said it before many times....
Abbie lacks a reasoning factor. She totally lacks it. Assa has said this several times and even if he hadn't said it, it's still true. It's part of profound ID.
She would need this in order to REASON ANYTHING. Anything at all.
I will never be convinced that she "knows" anything really. She's 2 years old in her mind without a reasoning factor.
Ffs. And all of her behaviors reflect this.
Edit to add:
  • ID replaces the DSM-IV term "mental retardation" (MR)[2].
    • In this prior multiaxial system, the diagnosis of mental retardation was placed on Axis II.
    • IQ cutoffs for mental retardation in DSM-IV were: mild (IQ 50-55 to ~70), moderate (IQ 35-40 to 50-55), severe (IQ 20-25 to 35-40), and profound (IQ < 20-25).
    • MY thoughts:
  • WITH AN iQ of 20-25 which is what profound ID is.. and no reasoningfactor, it most definitely is possible there is no intelligence.
This right here was the first breadcrumb for me when I dived deeper in this family 2 years ago. I was still learning a lot about Autism, but to me, it was plainly obvious she didn’t JUST have autism. Do that’s when I found out, yes, she does have a severe ID diagnosis... but how come they never bring THAT up? The rest is history...

I was binge watching some recent episodes. Man I love the one where Abbie (The Child) physically pushes Cilla (The Parent) out of the car and locks her out. Instead of any kind of discipline, she is given all her favorite activities and most importantly, sweets.

Now, as this is Abbie and Cilla were talking about, this is hilarious. But in a vacuum, autism or not.. no. Just no. This was funny to them, cause it’s cute Abbie and her abbitude am I right?



Show me them laughing when she’s 35 years old, weighs 300lbs, they haven’t been able to make a dime off of her in 20 years. They’re old and have cashed their savings so they don’t lost the “house they bought for Abbie”’. They Just want to die. But instead, here they are, Cilla breaking a hip getting pushed out of the car by 300lb two year old.
 
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I don't understand her inability to do things sometimes. I've seen her unable to identify a spoon or choose the milk from the fridge even though she eats cereal every day. I realize this may be a difficulty with receptive communication, but last video she rinsed a dish when prompted but didn't take off the lid. This is a task she's been doing for years. My kids and nieces at 3 or 4 would have taken the lid off. She has just been so failed by her parents.
Oh, that's pretty easy.

It's a matter of executive function for the most part.

My younger child has "level 3" autism - that's the medical term for "severe" autism, or "high support needs" autism.
Thus far, they don't have an intellectual disability diagnosis. Their approximate IQ is on the low side of normal & they can complete modified schoolwork at or near grade level - though this may change as they get older & intellectual demands increase.
And I explain this because, in terms of IQ and "intelligence," my child is more advanced than Abbie in many areas in life.

They still need tasks broken down into smaller steps with clear instructions and reminders. A task with several/many steps, or one with many possible ways to tackle it, is nearly impossible to complete without guidance.
My child, and many autistic people, have serious issues with executive function. If you were faced with cleaning a messy room, you'd pick up items from the floor, put them where they belong, wipe up that spill you noticed while tidying, vacuum the rug once it's cleared, run a duster over the surfaces, straighten the crooked picture on the wall, etc.
A person with executive function problems will literally struggle to know where to begin. Once they do begin, they may not be able to do things in the "logical" order (i.e. pick up toys from the rug before vacuuming), they may be distracted by other things that come up (i.e. you've picked up half the toys when you notice the spill, so you go get a towel to wipe up the spill but on the way you see a boot left in the middle of the hallway so you pick that up to put it away but then there's a knock on the door so you answer it, still holding the boot, sign for the package, go put the package on the kitchen counter, realize you're thirsty so you grab a quick drink of water, and then you're standing there with a boot in your hand and the original messy room a distant memory), or they may just get overwhelmed by the task and shut down.

If a person is already dysregulated in terms of sensory needs, executive functioning is impossible. It's like trying to do trigonometry with someone screaming in your ear.

So, instead of telling my child - either of them, really - "clean your room!" I give them a starting point and a defined task to complete.
"First pick up all your toys and put them in the bin."
"Now pick up the dirty clothes and put them in the hamper."
"Now throw the paper scraps in the garbage can."

My older child has a diagnosis of "level 1" autism - high functioning, "aspie," etc.
They're also profoundly gifted. Estimated IQ is 140+, greater than 3 standard deviations above average. They are terrifyingly smart.
They also have the same issues with executive functioning, probably due to their apocalyptic levels of ADHD because their EF improves on medication. I have to do the same routine when it comes to cleaning their room, folding laundry, emptying the dishwasher, etc - though they're getting better as they get older!

Executive function & intelligence are completely separate. All kids need to be taught EF skills - it's just that NT kids tend to pick up on those skills earlier and much easier. It's a brain wiring thing with ND kids, especially in autism & ADHD.

Your last sentence is spot on. Abbie's parents have never, ever maintained the routine and consistency needed to give Abbie the skills that would help her be her best - in any area of function or learning. They've completely failed her. They don't have the knowledge - or the humility to listen to and follow the experts who do have the knowledge - to give her even a basic framework for what EF skills she's capable of. They don't have the patience to break down/chunk tasks for her when needed, and they certainly don't have the patience to continue with step by step requests every single day, consistently, for however long it takes.

And, hey. Abbie also knows damn well if she throws a tantrum or refuses to "be compliant" with a request that they'll give in. That's on her parents' utter lack of consistency. They only thing they're consistent with is doing the wrong thing at every possible turn.

 
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Isaiah's Vlog: The title is silly. Nope, not watching. Enjoy!

I was going to try and watch it but I cant do it. After scrolling through his whooping 18 comments I see it is another vlog about meditating, hiking, and snowboarding. His vlogs are the same every freaking week. The people who actually watch this crap must be the humpiest of humpers! 🤮🤮
 
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Oh almost forgot to mention about the ID, yeah, guess it doesn’t make that $$$ like autism does right now. Wait a decade when ID becomes “fashionable” on YouTube out of nowhere.. THEN we’ll get the video titled “Struggles we never talked about” and it will be a thumbnail pic of Ass & Bigger Ass© Holding their heads down like their about to weep...

like legit question
Are they ashamed of her ID??
 
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OMG. A video popped up in my FB feed of an asshole neighbor complaining to the police about an autistic child living next door. I started reading the comments and there are idiots recommending the parents contact FA becaus “they’re so knowledgeable” and they could help this family. Are you freaking kidding me??!! It was on a page called ‘Oh Clips’.
 
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Oh almost forgot to mention about the ID, yeah, guess it doesn’t make that $$$ like autism does right now. Wait a decade when ID becomes “fashionable” on YouTube out of nowhere.. THEN we’ll get the video titled “Struggles we never talked about” and it will be a thumbnail pic of Ass & Bigger Ass© Holding their heads down like their about to weep...

like legit question
Are they ashamed of her ID??
Yes. 100%., but P is more ashamed than Asa.
 
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This my friends is a beauty guru.

1645494528619.png


#cuteanddainty
#105poundslostandfound

I think she's going for the Baby Jane Hudson look. Sorry Cilla, Bette Davis did it better.

1645494741493.png
 
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Oh almost forgot to mention about the ID, yeah, guess it doesn’t make that $$$ like autism does right now. Wait a decade when ID becomes “fashionable” on YouTube out of nowhere.. THEN we’ll get the video titled “Struggles we never talked about” and it will be a thumbnail pic of Ass & Bigger Ass© Holding their heads down like their about to weep...

like legit question
Are they ashamed of her ID??
I highly doubt family YouTube vloggers will be around in a decade. Abbie will be living in a home for adults with special needs. A&P will be dealing with serious health issues and they'll spend their late 40's digging their way out of debt, AGAIN. Isaiah will more than likely have hiked off into oblivion.
 
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Oh, that's pretty easy.

It's a matter of executive function for the most part.

My younger child has "level 3" autism - that's the medical term for "severe" autism, or "high support needs" autism.
Thus far, they don't have an intellectual disability diagnosis. Their approximate IQ is on the low side of normal & they can complete modified schoolwork at or near grade level - though this may change as they get older & intellectual demands increase.
And I explain this because, in terms of IQ and "intelligence," my child is more advanced than Abbie in many areas in life.

They still need tasks broken down into smaller steps with clear instructions and reminders. A task with several/many steps, or one with many possible ways to tackle it, is nearly impossible to complete without guidance.
My child, and many autistic people, have serious issues with executive function. If you were faced with cleaning a messy room, you'd pick up items from the floor, put them where they belong, wipe up that spill you noticed while tidying, vacuum the rug once it's cleared, run a duster over the surfaces, straighten the crooked picture on the wall, etc.
A person with executive function problems will literally struggle to know where to begin. Once they do begin, they may not be able to do things in the "logical" order (i.e. pick up toys from the rug before vacuuming), they may be distracted by other things that come up (i.e. you've picked up half the toys when you notice the spill, so you go get a towel to wipe up the spill but on the way you see a boot left in the middle of the hallway so you pick that up to put it away but then there's a knock on the door so you answer it, still holding the boot, sign for the package, go put the package on the kitchen counter, realize you're thirsty so you grab a quick drink of water, and then you're standing there with a boot in your hand and the original messy room a distant memory), or they may just get overwhelmed by the task and shut down.

If a person is already dysregulated in terms of sensory needs, executive functioning is impossible. It's like trying to do trigonometry with someone screaming in your ear.

So, instead of telling my child - either of them, really - "clean your room!" I give them a starting point and a defined task to complete.
"First pick up all your toys and put them in the bin."
"Now pick up the dirty clothes and put them in the hamper."
"Now throw the paper scraps in the garbage can."

My older child has a diagnosis of "level 1" autism - high functioning, "aspie," etc.
They're also profoundly gifted. Estimated IQ is 140+, greater than 3 standard deviations above average. They are terrifyingly smart.
They also have the same issues with executive functioning, probably due to their apocalyptic levels of ADHD because their EF improves on medication. I have to do the same routine when it comes to cleaning their room, folding laundry, emptying the dishwasher, etc - though they're getting better as they get older!

Executive function & intelligence are completely separate. All kids need to be taught EF skills - it's just that NT kids tend to pick up on those skills earlier and much easier. It's a brain wiring thing with ND kids, especially in autism & ADHD.

Your last sentence is spot on. Abbie's parents have never, ever maintained the routine and consistency needed to give Abbie the skills that would help her be her best - in any area of function or learning. They've completely failed her. They don't have the knowledge - or the humility to listen to and follow the experts who do have the knowledge - to give her even a basic framework for what EF skills she's capable of. They don't have the patience to break down/chunk tasks for her when needed, and they certainly don't have the patience to continue with step by step requests every single day, consistently, for however long it takes.

And, hey. Abbie also knows damn well if she throws a tantrum or refuses to "be compliant" with a request that they'll give in. That's on her parents' utter lack of consistency. They only thing they're consistent with is doing the wrong thing at every possible turn.

HOLY CRAP!

I literally slammed my hand on the counter, like,
A-MAN!
First of all, that is one of the most concise & FAIR (no emotion, just facts) assessment of what’s going on with Abbie.

But , bigger than that for me right now is HOW YOU DESCRIBED the mind of someone with that executive action problem thingy. (I never knew about this part of psychology) Because.. you just described what my brain goes through all the time!
AND IT IS EXHAUSTING... at first I was like “well, I’m not autistic tho” but then you mentioned ADHD.
Bingo
ADHD, both me and my younger sister have had it severally our whole lives, both of us being medicated off and on. I’m current on, but they aren’t helping. We both got Bi-Polar as well, except mines Manic-Depression and hers is shows up as more Aggressive. There’s whole stories there... but I’ll be here all night lol

anyways, that is such a great example and thank you for teaching me something about myself no psychiatrist has mentioned..

I was curious. You mentioned your older one is extremely gifted, I know Isiah isn’t a genius or anything, but he does seem pretty intelligent and the Maass’ say he was a fast learner. Has he ever been diagnosed? I’ve seen a majority of their videos , I’m sure they might talk about it but don’t remember

if you don’t mind me asking, how old is your youngest, or what I mean, are they younger than Abbie? I was just curious since you mentioned they had surpassed her

This my friends is a beauty guru.

View attachment 1079259
:oops:
The hell!?!? How much does just ONE of her arms weigh. I’m sorry, but if your upper arm ALONE is the size of a FULL HAM.... ummm... I can’t help ya haha
 
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Yes. 100%., but P is more ashamed than Asa.
I think autism is trendier.. and there is such a broad spectrum that there are exceptionally intelligent people who are on the autism spectrum.. so they can be more deluded about "autism". They probably get more views with autism in their subject line.
 
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I highly doubt family YouTube vloggers will be around in a decade. Abbie will be living in a home for adults with special needs. A&P will be dealing with serious health issues and they'll spend their late 40's digging their way out of debt, AGAIN. Isaiah will more than likely have hiked off into oblivion.
Wanna know what’s funny, Isiah moved to Boone, NC to go to App, I just moved from there, lived up there for about 5 years.
And let me tell you, it ain’t hard to hide away up in the Appalachian part of the Smokies
 
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Would your dog know the difference between "get the door" and "get your ball"?

Keep in mind I'm a huge nerd and the little intricacies about how people use language and how we communicate
(get as in retrieve vs the colloquial get as in "do an unstated but appropriate and expected action on the object")
is, in fact, my jam (unlike Priscilla and motherhood).

"Get the door" can mean several different things.
It can mean to physically go pick up a door and bring it from one location to another.
It can mean to go back and close an open door.
It can mean to hurry ahead and open a closed door, potentially to even hold it open so another person can go through it.

To figure out which unstated meaning the speaker intends, you have to analyze your environment, determine the issue, and choose the definition that makes the most sense for the given situation. It would make sense to go pick up an actual door on a building site. It wouldn't make sense to do that while leaving the house, so you need to choose another definition.

Turn the light on means one thing. You don't need to analyze the environment or infer what the speaker means. Make the light come on.

Get the door can mean 3 or more things, and responding appropriately to the request involves a decent amount of awareness and observation. Again, I'm talking like 5 or 6 year old level here, not secret genius level.
@CoffeeMomof2 This is slightly off topic but have you watched the YouTube channel What About Bunny? Since you are a self-proclaimed nerd you might find it intriguing. Bunny, A dog, is trained to speak by pushing buttons for the words. Her owner has been working with a university to get a better understanding of how dogs think and communicate. Lately they have been working on abstract concepts. It's quite interesting and I always try to find a "tell" because it's amazing to see Bunny "speak".
 
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Asa and this ADHD crap that he’s treating like a f-ing joke is really pissing me off.
  1. Says he HAS adhd (k.. so diagnosed, right?)
  2. Says he is making a “film” about it (k... go for it bro?)
  3. Says about making his “film” (and I quote) “... that ADHD I got diagnosed with as a child” (ok so.. you haven’t been diagnosed with ADHD since you were a child?)
Yet he repeats over and over he HAS adhd.
At one point, I can’t remember the context, but they were talking about Ritalin or something and he was like “wooo oh yeah, got to take that stuff when I was a kid.. for the adhd”
Soo.. you’re not medicated now...? Because?? I’m not saying you HAVE to be medicated. Not at all. I’m just willing to bet that cash money he hasn’t been diagnosed with ADHD since he was 7... just like most of America in their 30s! We were ALL pumped with it in the 90s cause parents thought it was a cure all for over active behavior... except a lot of kids were taken off it quickly and led NT lives... some of us really did have ADHD.
But what this created was a whole generation of 30 somethings diagnosing themselves with ADD or ADHD SOLEY because they “took Ritalin as a kid”, a lot of these people haven’t even seen a psychiatrist or therapist or anything.
I’m not doctor. I can only go off of what I know from what I’ve dealt with. I’m sure Asa can be a different person off screen.. but there is nothing that he does that screams out ADHD to me. In fact the opposite. He seems to work right on schedule, every day, morning to night, starting and completing projects everywhere..

I will say this tho

He’s definitely a lil touched in the head

Ugh sorry for the rant it just bugs me
 
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Howdy all! Need to catch up, today was a busy day. It was my final consult with my surgeon before surgery Friday, which means I actually got dressed and left the house- huge deal, trust me lol.
Anyway, need to read back, but did see Asa posted a short about their podcast. Yet ANOTHER podcast about, you guessed it- marriage. :sick::sick:
They have nothing to offer about marriage that they havent already said 1,000x. They live such insulated/self absorbed lives they cant even come up with any other topic. What a waste of time.
@RocketQueen Congrats on getting out of the house! And, although nervous I know it has to be a relief to know Friday you will finally have the surgery. It's been a hard battle and you are a strong woman - you've got this. 👍
 
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HOLY CRAP!

I literally slammed my hand on the counter, like,
A-MAN!
First of all, that is one of the most concise & FAIR (no emotion, just facts) assessment of what’s going on with Abbie.

But , bigger than that for me right now is HOW YOU DESCRIBED the mind of someone with that executive action problem thingy. (I never knew about this part of psychology) Because.. you just described what my brain goes through all the time!
AND IT IS EXHAUSTING... at first I was like “well, I’m not autistic tho” but then you mentioned ADHD.
Bingo
ADHD, both me and my younger sister have had it severally our whole lives, both of us being medicated off and on. I’m current on, but they aren’t helping. We both got Bi-Polar as well, except mines Manic-Depression and hers is shows up as more Aggressive. There’s whole stories there... but I’ll be here all night lol

anyways, that is such a great example and thank you for teaching me something about myself no psychiatrist has mentioned..

I was curious. You mentioned your older one is extremely gifted, I know Isiah isn’t a genius or anything, but he does seem pretty intelligent and the Maass’ say he was a fast learner. Has he ever been diagnosed? I’ve seen a majority of their videos , I’m sure they might talk about it but don’t remember

if you don’t mind me asking, how old is your youngest, or what I mean, are they younger than Abbie? I was just curious since you mentioned they had surpassed her
Well I'm delighted that I was able to share some helpful info!!

I live in a household of executive dysfunction. My partner has ADHD-PI, both of my kids have ADHD-C and autism diagnoses (amongst other things), I've long battled panic disorder... we are a mess without my endless lists and calendars and reminders and alarms. Maintaining and training executive function skills in both myself and my family are a top priority.

Isaiah is pretty smart. He has a natural intelligence, but in terms of a diagnosis of educational giftedness? Doesn't seem like it, and if he were given a medical or educational diagnosis of such his parents would make sure we heard ALL ABOUT IT ALL THE TIME.
Speaking of EF, they've failed him in that regard. He's absolutely smart enough to do well in college, earn some scholarships, even make it in honors classes. He should breeze through the vast majority of his undergrad. Sadly, Asa & Priscilla gave him no framework to work independently in a college environment. He needs self control & self regulation, he needs time management, he needs to know how to prioritize, he needs to know how to manage his workflow.
It doesn't seem like he's able to do that, judging by his vlogs. He apparently excelled in high school, but in HS he had Big Mama handling every aspect of his life. She needed a child who would not only succeed, but who would excel and she made sure that happened. Unfortunately, she made it happen at the expense of his long-term maturity.

It doesn't matter how naturally intelligent a person is - if they aren't taught EF skills and held accountable in an age-appropriate way for their education, a 140 IQ doesn't mean tit in the long run.

Both of my children are under age 12. Both are in grade school.
My younger child has largely surpassed Abbie in most areas of life, but they also don't seem to have an intellectual disability, or an ID as pronounced as hers. I also parent my children very differently than the Maassholes parent. I'm not perfect, nowhere near, and I generally dislike saying one parenting style is better over another....but they literally do every single thing as wrong as possible.
It legitimately makes me sad to think that Abbie missed out on a measurable amount of potential growth had her parents actually raised her in a consistent, structured manner.
 
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