Escape into the Tea & Sympathy Support room.

[vretch]

My mother favors my sister to the extent that even when my sister is in the wrong and I'm attempting to defend myself she turns it into my fault by saying I was screaming when I know I wasn't. It's like she's looking for something that she can point to it being my fault. It makes me so low because it feels like I'm always going to be in the wrong and there's never going to be anyway for me to defend myself against her. I feel trapped and on the edge of tears constantly.

Growing up in dysfunctional families can be a trigger for some people so please I am warning you just in case. It’s not bad, bad though.

My mother was like that. She favoured my sister and youngest brother. It did cause much stress and jealousy while I was growing up and did influence how I felt about them. I came from family of 5 children, I was the oldest. My mother had terrible mental health issues which in those days were not treated properly and I believe made her favouritism more obvious. She deliberately pitched myself against my sister all the time. Saying and doing things to hurt me. I won’t get into specifics but some things were very painful.

It did cause a rift between myself and my sister so we grew up not close at all and I was very envious of her. She and my youngest brother got away with everything and I mean everything. There were excuses made for their bad and selfish behaviour whereas the rest of us were punished. To this day none of us can work out why she favoured those 2.

Glad to say, that we are all great now. We grew up and talked. I have dealt with my upbringing, in therapy etc so I was able to see things more clearly, thankfully. It is so interesting to see how my sister also acknowledged the favouritism and knew it to be true. But as kids, what were they going to do about it? Of course they accepted it with open arms because it was to their advantage.

My mother died young, I was only early 20s at the time, my sisters and brothers still teenagers. , who knows if it would still be a problem for us as we got older. I am just glad that I can now say we are all close and I can admit I was jeoulous and despised my sister for it. Not my mum, but my sister. Interesting families, eh?

Not sure how my story will solve yours but I just wanted to let you know that I know exactly how you must be feeling and I am so sorry for you. You are not alone, this kind of favouritism goes on in many families. Ive made a conscious effort to never do it with my children hopefully breaking the cycle.

 

[vretch]

I remember when covid lockdown first happened and people were concerned the Health services might be overwhelmed by patients needing ventilators etc
I said from day one that it was people's mental health they would be overwhelmed by.


Trouble is, many tend to suffer in silence because they either don't know how to help themselves or how to get help
Or
They don't want to talk about it because they think people don't want to be bothered by them or they dont want to admit they are struggling.

And for people who have never suffered before it can be scary.
Also some people refuse to try anti-depressants or therapy and that makes their struggle harder and puts pressure on their loved ones watching them suffer.

I have a sister who has been struggling for years now but is so against anti depressants it’s so hard to convince her to keep trying them. She has tried them but can’t stand that brain freeze sensation and just stops takINg them. I have suffered also in the past so I do know what it feels like to wake up every day feeling hopeless and sad but after therapy and taking anti depressants I have managed to clear the darkness. I would hate to ever feel that way again but I just don’t know how to convince her to keep trying. It’s difficult.

 

[Chita]

That was one of them! I’m sure she started thinking up new ones just to make me laugh!

A penis was always called a Tail.
And breasts were referred to as Lils. I kid you not.

 

[Chita]

I wanted to get something off my chest and thought this forum would be a good place to put it out there.

I was watching Love Island yesterday (I know, this is from someone who said they would NEVER watch it - but I've well and truly fallen for it) and I started crying over a particular scene. It showed one of the girls, Liberty, crying and talking to a friend as she was feeling low and confused about her relationship.

After watching that scene, it dawned me that every tear I've ever cried when I've been feeling low, sad or confused about my relationship has been by myself. I don't have any friends to share my thoughts or questions with. I already knew this deep down, but for some reason it became even more apparent yesterday.

I wish I had a friend or two who I could speak to and honestly, I don't know where to turn. I'm due to see a therapist soon regarding some psychosexual counselling, but I always find it difficult to open up in a therapy session - especially when it takes place at home.

There are moments when I just want to scream and cry for someone to talk to. And other times, like now, when I'm home alone and could reach out to somebody - but there's no-one... I can't even open a new to share my thoughts or questions anonymously.

I wouldn't even know where to begin about reaching out to someone and find it somewhat easier to write down my thoughts/feelings - how does everyone else do it?

This may come as a shock or sound harsh, but even if you did have someone to reach out to they might be too busy with their own problems to have time to listen/help you,
and even if they say they are always there, you would find yourself not wanting to ask them for help because it's human nature for us to 'not want to bother' someone else. And if they haven't experienced the feelings you are experiencing, its difficult for them to actually help you anyway.

So when it all boils down to the bare bones, it is you, yourself who is the only one who can really, really help yourself.
And, quite often you are actually better off sharing your thoughts with a counsellor/doctor - even strangers like us who understand how you feel.

This is exactly why this thread was started.

And you have an appointment with a professional coming soon, so that's fantastic because a lot of people are having problems getting appointments.

So in my ham-fisted way, I'm just trying to tell you not to feel bad because you don't have a close confidante to talk to because even those who do have them might still be in the same position as you, ie, handling it alone.

So, embrace the professional counselling that you have got coming soon. Let the counsellor give you the help you need, and pretty soon you'll find yourself forging friendships and you won't need to bare your soul to your new friends because you will have figured it all oout with the therapist.

Good luck.

And this thread is always here if you want to talk to any one.
One of us is always popping in a some point to see who has posted and if anyone needs a shoulder to cry on.



You asked how we deal with it - eg Wednesday was the anniversary of my Mum's death. I have 2 close mates. One is on holiday and the other was too busy to even have a coffee with me on that day. She had forgotten it was my Mum's anniversary, but she lost her Dad recently and is having nightmare problems with her car and money worries etc.
I badly needed company but it wasnt possible.

So I sat all day feeling empty.
The day after I forced myself to get up, get showered, I did my hair, put on some make-up and went for a drive round on my own.
I had some music on in the car and even though I was all alone, I did feel better for it.
Then I distracted myself by posting on Tattle life threads - humourous things and today, I feel much better.

So thats how I deal with it.
Distract myself.

 

[sweetpaprika]

I wanted to get something off my chest and thought this forum would be a good place to put it out there.

I was watching Love Island yesterday (I know, this is from someone who said they would NEVER watch it - but I've well and truly fallen for it) and I started crying over a particular scene. It showed one of the girls, Liberty, crying and talking to a friend as she was feeling low and confused about her relationship.

After watching that scene, it dawned me that every tear I've ever cried when I've been feeling low, sad or confused about my relationship has been by myself. I don't have any friends to share my thoughts or questions with. I already knew this deep down, but for some reason it became even more apparent yesterday.

I wish I had a friend or two who I could speak to and honestly, I don't know where to turn. I'm due to see a therapist soon regarding some psychosexual counselling, but I always find it difficult to open up in a therapy session - especially when it takes place at home.

There are moments when I just want to scream and cry for someone to talk to. And other times, like now, when I'm home alone and could reach out to somebody - but there's no-one... I can't even open a new to share my thoughts or questions anonymously.

I wouldn't even know where to begin about reaching out to someone and find it somewhat easier to write down my thoughts/feelings - how does everyone else do it?

 

[MaineCoonMama]

It amazes me how prevalent narcissistic people are. My oldest brother is a narc and he is a truly horrible human. He's had a few head injuries which only made him worse, unfortunately. He was vile to our mother and forbade her from seeing her only grandchildren. He actually laughed when my other brother called his to say our mum had passed. My nice brother and I often marvel at how we turned out reasonably decent people and the other one is just odious.

 

[rivermonster]

I had the biggest cry of my life today when Sarah Harding died.,, I was diagnosed on the same day and now I am still here.

 

[AlanBanan]

View attachment 680079View attachment 680080View attachment 680083
There you go guys, top to bottom
Pooh-Bear
Susan
Thor

They are very cuddly and honestly great company. I'd be lost without them, especially Pooh.

Omg you really are a Mainecoon Mama. I love them!

 

[Gold_7]

Thank you so much. Even for just saying seven months is early days. There seems to be this perception that death is an event that, as time moves on, you move away from so the pain lessens. It’s not lessening, I continue to carry the pain on a daily basis. Literally everything reminds me of my husband and our life together.

I’m not really ok tbh. Sometimes I feel I’m going mad. I keep expecting something to change, for it no to have happened. Life is like a surreal nightmare, washed out of colour.

I feel raw and bruised so your kindness is so appreciated.

 

[Pippa M]

Hi, I need help. I'm not sure if I can write everything out properly as it's a public forum.

Essentially, I have a problem with a family member who is more than likely struggling with multiple undiagnosed mental illnesses.

I'm not medical, but more than likely autism (highly intelligent and educated), some kind of victim mentality - never this person's fault - but they are also superior to everyone else. They have a nasty, vindictive streak, will think nothing of taking "revenge" but also very mentally feeble, gullible and easily led by the nutters on the net (but can't see it). Maybe even some kind of psychopath?

I have been this person's victim my whole life, life at home revolved around keeping the peace with this person.

I spent some years with no contact which were happy and peaceful. Other (extended) family members admit to struggling, even over the phone. This person will call you up, then sit in silence, anything you do say will be repeated on FB but made to make them look like they are the victim (like Prince Harry but on steroids). They have no conversation besides "everyone else is stupid" no friends, no social life, nothing to chitchat about, nothing normal.

I have recently had the balls to clap back and point out this person's behaviour which did not go down well. They once again made out that it was someone else's fault.

I have no one to turn to, no way to figure out the truth. This person has a child but no one else besides me.

Do I stick around and have a fake relationship for their sake (it won't kill me to send a few messages or have awkward chats, even though that's never good enough) visits can be limited and they have never caused me physical harm, or cut all contact and live my life?

Part of me is irritated because I have suggested getting professional help, but this has been rejected (I kinda want to fix things and people all the time, probably from growing up this way). I would be more comfortable having a relationship with them if they were in therapy and helping themselves instead of listening to their bile.

Now, the question is, although it's nice to talk here, should I get some therapy for myself? Just to see how to handle the situation better (I can talk to some friends but it's very involved and I'm conscious of not boring people).

I can and will cut them out, but if they are not a psychopath, just struggling, the situation we are in would make that very heartless of me.

If at all possible maybe it is best to cut contact...... slowly .... Just be " unavailable" as much as you can. Dealing with these people is exhausting emotionally and mentally and it isnt fair to suffer from someone elses inability to lead their lives properly. Facebook is just not the place to air personal problems and very disrespectful for anyone to repeat private conversations there... but sadly some just dont know limits . This other person wont get professional help as they dont consider themselves to be the problem.

I hope we can support and help you just a little bit.

 

[turkeydinosaurs]

It amazes me how prevalent narcissistic people are. My oldest brother is a narc and he is a truly horrible human. He's had a few head injuries which only made him worse, unfortunately. He was vile to our mother and forbade her from seeing her only grandchildren. He actually laughed when my other brother called his to say our mum had passed. My nice brother and I often marvel at how we turned out reasonably decent people and the other one is just odious.

It always amazes me how different some siblings can be. How people can be cut from the same cloth but have completely different morals.

 

[Chita]

Try not to fret re the carers. I think when horror stories come out about the odd ones that the reality is they are indeed the odd ones and all the others are beavering away doing their best for their clients with no acknowledgement.
Your mum will be fine with them and it gives you time to get yourself back into a better place mentally. Good luck.

Exactly.


think of them as a new friend.

 

[freda19]

Caught this thread by chance and noticed a few others. My dad would have had his birthday and I’ve said my goodbyes to both parents,I’m not 40 yet and it honestly changes your whole perspective on things. Big support and love to everyone struggling with grief and dealing with caring

It's tough innit. When we lose parents as children everyone pussyfoots around you forever more, but losing them as adults limits the sympathy and understanding. Which is unfair. When we lose a parent we are still a child losing a parent and it hurts just as much. Plus we think about it more and the hole in our hearts never really mends, we just get used to dealing with it and are expected to get on with it.
Big shout out and free hugs to anyone mourning a lost loved one, whether recent or long ago.

 

[CherryAcid]

One of my friends passed away this morning and I’m still in shock. She lived away from me and I only saw her every now and then. The outpouring of love for her has been amazing but I just feel so stunned.

 

[Louk]

I’m mid 20’s! I do think whatever it is, hormones are mixed in with it. But it’s not something that comes and goes with TOTM The doctor I spoke to wasn’t great, the vibe I got was that unless I’m suicidal they don’t really care

I took mild antidepressants for anxiety and had therapy with a lovely lady, she was really great, we clicked and she was so helpful and I got better and stayed better (despite going through hell)

Definitely try to give the numbers a call, either put it on a to-do list, or even have someone dial the physical numbers for you, that's what it takes sometimes!!

The person on the other end will be really lovely and helpful. Don't be frightened of taking pills, they make you feel a bit numb but can really help if you and your doctor feel you need them. Hopefully you can manage with some therapy and techniques, it sounds like you're generally coping well at the moment. And talk to people about it!! Even if it's only here

 

[Pom Bear]

Hello from Pom
I'm late today xx.
I've brought an apple for everyone who needs a smile x

I just want to boop that snoot! And those eyes are so beautiful. I don't need and ice cube as it's winter where I live, but I'm smiling anyway. Virtual kisses and pats from Oz.

I wish I could say his mine but I admit I don't own any pets but corgis have lovely eyes..they my favourite dog

I live in England, it's alot cooler now, we're in the middle of summer.
Hugs and kisses to you too xx

 

[Doodlebug005]

Hope this is allowed on this thread, it’s very personal but I thought it’d be nice to get some thoughts/advice anonymously

Basically I think I’ve got depression. I’ve felt it for a while, like there’s something just not quite right in my head. I have off days so does everyone but for me, it’s more than that. The tiniest thing is enormous to me. I cry because there’s plates that need cleaning, my brain can’t cope with more than one thing, even something like booking a dentist appointment along side booking a doctor app, it’s too much for me to handle mentally. I feel like a failure, a failure in life and to my family, every day just feels like a massive struggle to me and I very much have a ‘what’s the point’ mindset. My mood swings are horrific too. That’s just a small part of what I feel. It’s not every day, some days I’m really happy, but most days I’m not. I reached out to a doctor last week for the first time and it took a lot. I haven’t yet plucked up the courage to call the phone numbers they gave me (Mind etc)

sorry it’s a bit of a ramble and possibly a bit off topic but it’s nice to get some things off my chest as I haven’t got many close girl friends x

Not sure what age group you are, could it be hormonal? I started night sweats about a year ago , emotionally fine, but things were stressful at the time so took not a lot of notice, anyway, trip to gp, yup needed a mild hrt...which was great, but they stopped making it. On another one now, doing ok. Might be worth making an appointment.

 

[spangly]

It was Willy and Fanny when we were kids - pretty basic here!

 

[Doodlebug005]

Up again with horrible anxiety about my second Pfizer vaccine later today even though I tried so hard not to let it trouble me. I feel that the odds of getting any seriously bad side effects from it are probably quite slim, and have been trying to reassure myself by reading accounts from people saying they were okay and not to worry...expect I just can't help worrying what if.

Had I not already got my first jab, I don't think I'd be bothering to be honest. Not an anti-vaxxer, just utterly petrified of getting something like Bells Palsy because I felt guilted and fearmongered into doing the "right thing"...

I had pfizer , after the first jab I had the chills, a few aches and pains and awful tiredness for a few days, 2nd jab - at the appt speaking to a nurse while waiting my turn I asked about side effects and she said she had like a bad flu after the second one. Luckily, the only side effect I got from it was a sore arm.
Hubby and brother got pfizer also no side effects after the first but got the chills etc after the second.
I took nurofen the morning of both vaccines and again afterwards ( appropriate time gap) I think taking it helped. Try not to worry, you might sail through, I found the side effects were not too bad, only a couple of days and I was back to normal, well, what is normal for me. Good luck, try not to worry!

 

[Nuttynana]

It might help to listen to Robert Peston ask a question on ITV news. Takes him that long to get to the end of it most people will have fallen asleep by then.
And his hair is almost as bad as Boris's!!!! Bloody scruff.

What a long winded old fucker he is, zzz already