Escape into the Tea & Sympathy Support room.

[shazbev]

Oh that is so sad @CherryAcid I'm in a similar position...an old work colleague and friend I was once very close to has come back into my life under awful circumstances. She lost both parents and her mother in law to Covid and 6 weeks after her mum died she was diagnosed with terminal brain cancer. It's such a shock but I'm glad to be back in her life after such a long separation and I want to support her and her family as much as I can. Big hugs to you .

 

[Chita]

Do you ever feel stuck. No motivation, tired, can’t be arsed. Adult life just seems hard. I’m 31. Feel like the weight of the world is on my shoulders. I’m just tired. I’m sick of bills, my step mum has cancer and waiting on results to see how bad it is and if it’s spread etc. I’m tired of working hard on a shit salary. My friends are all on at least 10k above me. I don’t begrudge them, they work hard. But so do I.
Sorry I know it’s nothing compared to what some people deal with.

Having low funds seems to magnify the problems doesnt it?
But not everyone can get those big paying jobs.
I tell myself that money isnt everything and I keep thinking "I always have more money than I need"
I dont want millions, so that mantra seems to work for me.
And there are loads of people who seem to have more money but I just tell myself that's their destiny.
They follow their path and I follow mine.

Thank you My mum has made me a nice Shepard’s pie for tea and just brought it round so I only need to heat it up. That and cuddles with my pug should help. Roll on 4pm when my shift is over.

Its the little pleasures like that which lift the heart.

I 100% feel this with you! I'm 30, and at times I feel like I'm really struggling with the whole "adult life" thing (which, I appreciate is a stereotype of our generation) but it just feels so overwhelming some times!! And I feel like I'm just stuck...most of my friends are buying houses and having babies and me and my husband are still living with family and have had 3 miscarriages...
There's times I wish I had the ability to just take a break from life and find some headspace! (Preferably on some remote island with no people and a lot of dogs )

When you feel overwhelmed, just take a bit of time out. Step away.
Have a luxurious bath.
Get a massage if you can afford to treat yourself.

And remember, those people buying houses and having babies will not have the perfect life, you know.

Thanks. After all that, they cancelled it without telling me. Slightly worried now - reason given was because the appointment time wouldn't be long enough.

Not necessairly a bad sign because they want to give you a longer appointment.
Stay positive.
Xxx

 

[freda19]

Thank you so much. Even for just saying seven months is early days. There seems to be this perception that death is an event that, as time moves on, you move away from so the pain lessens. It’s not lessening, I continue to carry the pain on a daily basis. Literally everything reminds me of my husband and our life together.

I’m not really ok tbh. Sometimes I feel I’m going mad. I keep expecting something to change, for it no to have happened. Life is like a surreal nightmare, washed out of colour.

I feel raw and bruised so your kindness is so appreciated.

I always think that grief over loss is a type of madness in itself anyway. We think differently and do things differently. I still clearly remember when a close friend died many years ago, I sat on my front doorstep at 1am crying into a freakin' tea towel and thinking "Everything is just going on as usual. Why? How? I'm in bits and the universe doesn't care. The clouds are still drifting by and the moon is full and bright and people are coming home from a night out, laughing and merry. It just isn't fair or right ...." It was bizarre looking back, but I genuinely thought the whole world should feel the pain just bursting out of me, that the happy night-out folk should KNOW and come to comfort me. It took a long time to lose that intensity of hurt, but it really does just become a part of you that you get accustomed to and learn to manage, like an illness just diagnosed. You learn to get used to the bugger but it never really goes away completely.

 

[Chita]

Just leaving this here for anyone who is having a bad day,

 

[Doodlebug005]

It was called a Mary in our house. I’ve never heard it called that since

My friend taught her daugher to call it a wanny , like a w sounds better than an f , it stuck with all our group of friends , not a great code word

 

[Summer house]

Yes @Summer house - you have shown strength by writing all of that for strangers to read.
Thats a big thing.
Remember, there might be someone reading who hasnt yet plucked up the courage to post anything and your words might encourage them.
And as we have learned sometimes discovering someone else feels the way we do can be a great help because we find that we are not alone.

Thank you Chita You are absolutely spot on. It was reading the experiences of people on here that gave me the courage to open up to you all. So exactly what you said.
I am a very private person but its absolutely okay to open up on here because its anonymous. It does help to talk about things, its like a release. Free therapy if you want

 

[Pom Bear]

Pom hugs from me and a soft toy for you all x.

 

[HairyWeeTerrier]

I've entered some kind of lockdown letgo! I used to wear make-up daily before last year, wouldn't be seen without it, now I barely even bother! I've let the grey hairs twinkle through and my body shape is Veruca Salt as the blueberry - little twig arms and legs with a beach ball middle!
I must start making more of an effort - I've gone from looking vaguely acceptable to a horror show. I've hardly seen any of my friends for the last 18 months and honestly, I don't think any of them would recognise me in the street!

Oh, I am the same, and sadly, I don’t even care

 

[freda19]

Ive been a norty girl today.
I bought a bar of the new Cadbury's Caramilk.
Its a bit like Green and Black's white chocolate.
I have 2 voices in my head chattering.
One is saying, "join a gym and go to weightwatchers you big piglet."
The other is saying, "try this new chocolate bar"

Tell that gym bunny freak to fuck off. Chocolate is life.

 

[spangly]

Thank You @shazbev - sounds like you are also in a horrible situation with your Father (That's a hug smiley but I think it looks more like someone doing a dance!)
I've got the council and social services involved but because she has a small amount of savings, we have to source the care ourselves (even though her savings will only last approx 4 months)
I just had to wash and dry her hair and I resented every minute of it! My Brother dropped her off but said he is not going back until 9 tonight and 10 tomorrow and he asked me if that was Ok - I said "no" but he's still doing it anyway - he does it every Weekend. Every extra hour to care for her feels like an extra 8 hours!! I feel really at breaking point today!
(I know I probably come across as really unkind and uncaring - I keep going from resentment, through to guilt and then to anger. Then I'm overly nice to compensate!) I just keep thinking about how miserable the last few months of my Dad's life were having to care for her like this. He kept telling me he was so tired but because it was Covid we were keeping away to try and keep them safe (before the jabs) and I didn't pay enough attention to how much he was struggling!
So all this anger is probably aimed at myself but I feel like she largely contributed to his death, so I can't help feeling resentment towards her - that's not helping with the fact that I need to be kind and nurturing!

 

[Frenchie]

Just want to send my love to everyone here having a crap time, this past week, well months really have been hard for me financially, mentally, feeling very low, just want some good news!
Kerp your chin up everyone, sending love

 

[spangly]

Thinking about that last quote reminds me of a lesson that I learnt a few years ago. I had a friend that had BPD and she would often have very low times and want to chat about it. I always try to problem solve and when she would tell me her troubles (and when other people did) I would always try to find several solutions to the problem for them in a very practical way. I honestly thought that was helpful until she pointed out to me, that sometimes people just want to offload and have someone just sympathise with them not try and find solutions!
I really took that on board and now try to weigh up the situation a bit more when people come to me with their worries.

I personally generally appreciate it when people offer solutions but there are also times when you just need someone to listen - hence the title of this thread... Tea and sympathy!

ETA - said friend ran for the hills at the first sign that I needed a shoulder to cry on! Bitch...lol!

 

[Chita]

That’s it exactly it. Soul ache.

It does help coming on here. I’m so sorry I don’t contribute but I feel like my battery is flat and there’s nothing there to give right now.

That's ok, but you come here and it does help, thats what matters.

And hopefully your battery will get charged little by little until you feel you can contribute and even raise a smile, and then a laugh.

XxX

I just came home and showered after an awful evening. On the way home tonight there was a deer running down the road with a paper bag stuck on its antlers covering its face. We helped it get off the road back to its herd but couldn’t get close enough to take the bag off. After this we turned down the lane we live on and a cat ran out in front of the car and we hit it We thought it was our cat and we rushed to the vet in the next village through thick white out fog … the cat died on the way. It wasn’t our cat just almost identical. I just threw my clothes away as they’re covered in blood. I feel utterly shell shocked and broken.

That's so awful for you.

If the cat just ran out, you are not responsible.
It ran out, it was foggy. It was an accident. You did your best to save it.
That's all you could do. You didnt just leave it to be alone.

XxX

 

[Silly-old-Slapper]

Small blessings indeed.
I don't know about your Mum but mine was a kid during the War so maybe they'd have coped better than us young 'uns.

Mine was too, one of the strongest and most capable women l I know, a true role model, but her terminal illness made her fearful and unable to cope with day to day living without anxiety and stress. It was awful to see her mental and physical decline I just hope she's in a happy place now, together with my dad who recently joined her.

 

[Pom Bear]

I'm on page 5

A Pom pic April last year for the covid thread..Boris Johnson wrapped in clingfilm .
I'm not political in any way but the faces he pulls do make me laugh.

Hope it makes you all smile Love Pom

 

[Facehugger]

Morning everyone

The care situation hasn't worked out how we thought it would, so we are kind of back to square one. I wish there was someone that had been in this exact situation and says - you need to do this and this...sorted!

Anyway - during my anxious nights, I like to go on instagram and search cute animal videos, interesting treat food and also watch people making desserts! Yummy!
Baby goats jumping around cannot help but to bring a smile even during the most dreadful times! (Sorry not being flippant x)

What's happened with the care situation Spangly? If you're able to explain a bit more about what's not worked out of course? I looked after my disabled mum from age 10 till she died at Christmas, I might know how to help but she always refused flatly to have any carers at all even though I worked full time, well, she had a daughter to do it so why should she have strangers in blah blah. If I can help I'll try because it's so hard for you, I know. X

 

[ProfessorColdheart]

Morning All,
Hugs to all those who need one.
I was just wondering if anyone has ever tried Reiki?
I’m considering giving it a try but I’m concerned I’ll end up a blubbering mess by the end of the session!
Would love to know any personal experiences if you’re happy to share.
Thank you.
Hope you all have a good day xx

Hey 50sGirl. My real life is really interfering with my tattling at the moment but I just popped in and saw your post. I've had Reiki a couple of times. I found it really helpful. The first time I had a taster of about ten minutes. I was fine in the room but the next few days I had an intense sadness which was a bit hard to deal with but it subsided and I felt lighter for it. I had a lot of past trauma stuff to deal with and this was a few years ago when I was in a worse place with it all so I wouldn't think that was a standard reaction.

I then plucked up the courage to go again a couple of times and it was a wonderful experience. I felt really peaceful afterwards. I also got great feedback from the practitioner. One time I'd been having a lot of digestive problems which I didn't mention, I barely spoke, but she knew about it. Another time she gave me some advice which I really needed.

I have no idea how it works and my brain is sceptical but I think it does and its a soul/feeling thing that brains aren't meant to work out. I'd like to go again sometime soon.

x

 

[Chita]

Not so bad, still struggling with the arthritic neck but have took a step back from the physio exercises as I had too much personal stuff on this week just gone.
Amazingly it seems to have gone okay, 3 day city break went great and survived being called on in the dungeon attraction (irl I'm so shy and hate speaking in front of groups) I had to pretend to be a witch and dance, its the most thankful I've been for a covid mask since the pandemic began

My son survived a meet up with his uncles, the first time people from his father's side have wanted to know him and they even said how much he looked like his dad. (Ex tried to lie and pretend son wasn't his, so when son told me, it was the vindication I've been waiting years for)
Hope everyone is doing okay.

That all sounds positive.
Not that your neck is painful - the other stuff.
Hope the neck becomes manageable.


Ive got a family get together tomorrow.
Havent seen some of them since before coVid lockdown.
There's 4 of them I'd rather avoid altogether but it will be impossible so I will have to be polite so as not to create a scene & make others uncomfortable.

One of them is male and married to a relative.
He's one of those for whom everything is either black or white. If he isnt driving and starts to drink he is particularly annoying.
He invades your space anyway but with some alcohol down him he gets really in your face.
And he refuses to allow you to avoid him.
Arrogant.
You all know the type - if you nip to the loo he always manages to be there when you come out and there's nobody else around. Tries to back you against a wall and force you to talk to him.
When people hug hello or good bye, he always holds on just that few seconds too long.
You know...... Creepy.

His son is all huggy and touchy feely too. I bloody hate it.
And the mother, my relative, couldnt give you a compliment if she tried.
And her brother is also very critical and assumes that his opinion is always right.
His wife is fabulous though so I have to put up with the others because of her.

Wish me luck in avoiding the annoying ones!

 

[50sGirl]

My mother favors my sister to the extent that even when my sister is in the wrong and I'm attempting to defend myself she turns it into my fault by saying I was screaming when I know I wasn't. It's like she's looking for something that she can point to it being my fault. It makes me so low because it feels like I'm always going to be in the wrong and there's never going to be anyway for me to defend myself against her. I feel trapped and on the edge of tears constantly.

Sorry to read this.
My Dad had a mother like that and my best friend‘s parents are like that too.
Sadly they both found the only option was to walk away from the situation, cease all contact and never look back.
It wasn’t easy but they had no choice. My Dad was the most fantastic father because he didn’t want history repeating itself with his own children.
How old are you? Do you still live at home? Hugs xx

Edit: we really do need a “care” reaction on here. When I “love” a sad post, it means I’m sending love not that I love the contents. A care reaction would be much more appropriate.

 

[MaineCoonMama]

I had to go to the next town over from me today-a gorgeous, sunny winter day- and this particular town is a hub for the homeless. So many! There is one lady who sleeps in the doorway of a bank, last winter before I gave up smoking I'd go to see her sometimes with a few cigarettes and a hot drink. She's still there! Now, my husband and I don't have a lot of money but we have a roof over our heads. Ladies, I counted my blessings today.

My mental health isn't the greatest a lot of the time but I'm far from living the life these people do. 'There but for the grace of god/the universe go I'.