Escape into the Tea & Sympathy Support room.

[freda19]

Thank you so much. Even for just saying seven months is early days. There seems to be this perception that death is an event that, as time moves on, you move away from so the pain lessens. It’s not lessening, I continue to carry the pain on a daily basis. Literally everything reminds me of my husband and our life together.

I’m not really ok tbh. Sometimes I feel I’m going mad. I keep expecting something to change, for it no to have happened. Life is like a surreal nightmare, washed out of colour.

I feel raw and bruised so your kindness is so appreciated.

I always think that grief over loss is a type of madness in itself anyway. We think differently and do things differently. I still clearly remember when a close friend died many years ago, I sat on my front doorstep at 1am crying into a freakin' tea towel and thinking "Everything is just going on as usual. Why? How? I'm in bits and the universe doesn't care. The clouds are still drifting by and the moon is full and bright and people are coming home from a night out, laughing and merry. It just isn't fair or right ...." It was bizarre looking back, but I genuinely thought the whole world should feel the pain just bursting out of me, that the happy night-out folk should KNOW and come to comfort me. It took a long time to lose that intensity of hurt, but it really does just become a part of you that you get accustomed to and learn to manage, like an illness just diagnosed. You learn to get used to the bugger but it never really goes away completely.

 

[Chita]

I think this lockdown crap that denied people a 'proper' funeral has made it even harder for people to grieve.

The proper funeral and wake are some kind of benchmark and we need to have those things to help us along in the grieving process.
The limited numbers at the service, the having to distance from the other mourners and the general separation from other people around us in our personal/family situations and even just going outside into the world all take an even bigger toll than before covid lockdowns and distancing.

Makes the grieving feel even more lonely.

 

[sweetpaprika]

I wanted to get something off my chest and thought this forum would be a good place to put it out there.

I was watching Love Island yesterday (I know, this is from someone who said they would NEVER watch it - but I've well and truly fallen for it) and I started crying over a particular scene. It showed one of the girls, Liberty, crying and talking to a friend as she was feeling low and confused about her relationship.

After watching that scene, it dawned me that every tear I've ever cried when I've been feeling low, sad or confused about my relationship has been by myself. I don't have any friends to share my thoughts or questions with. I already knew this deep down, but for some reason it became even more apparent yesterday.

I wish I had a friend or two who I could speak to and honestly, I don't know where to turn. I'm due to see a therapist soon regarding some psychosexual counselling, but I always find it difficult to open up in a therapy session - especially when it takes place at home.

There are moments when I just want to scream and cry for someone to talk to. And other times, like now, when I'm home alone and could reach out to somebody - but there's no-one... I can't even open a new to share my thoughts or questions anonymously.

I wouldn't even know where to begin about reaching out to someone and find it somewhat easier to write down my thoughts/feelings - how does everyone else do it?

 

[Chita]

I wanted to get something off my chest and thought this forum would be a good place to put it out there.

I was watching Love Island yesterday (I know, this is from someone who said they would NEVER watch it - but I've well and truly fallen for it) and I started crying over a particular scene. It showed one of the girls, Liberty, crying and talking to a friend as she was feeling low and confused about her relationship.

After watching that scene, it dawned me that every tear I've ever cried when I've been feeling low, sad or confused about my relationship has been by myself. I don't have any friends to share my thoughts or questions with. I already knew this deep down, but for some reason it became even more apparent yesterday.

I wish I had a friend or two who I could speak to and honestly, I don't know where to turn. I'm due to see a therapist soon regarding some psychosexual counselling, but I always find it difficult to open up in a therapy session - especially when it takes place at home.

There are moments when I just want to scream and cry for someone to talk to. And other times, like now, when I'm home alone and could reach out to somebody - but there's no-one... I can't even open a new to share my thoughts or questions anonymously.

I wouldn't even know where to begin about reaching out to someone and find it somewhat easier to write down my thoughts/feelings - how does everyone else do it?

This may come as a shock or sound harsh, but even if you did have someone to reach out to they might be too busy with their own problems to have time to listen/help you,
and even if they say they are always there, you would find yourself not wanting to ask them for help because it's human nature for us to 'not want to bother' someone else. And if they haven't experienced the feelings you are experiencing, its difficult for them to actually help you anyway.

So when it all boils down to the bare bones, it is you, yourself who is the only one who can really, really help yourself.
And, quite often you are actually better off sharing your thoughts with a counsellor/doctor - even strangers like us who understand how you feel.

This is exactly why this thread was started.

And you have an appointment with a professional coming soon, so that's fantastic because a lot of people are having problems getting appointments.

So in my ham-fisted way, I'm just trying to tell you not to feel bad because you don't have a close confidante to talk to because even those who do have them might still be in the same position as you, ie, handling it alone.

So, embrace the professional counselling that you have got coming soon. Let the counsellor give you the help you need, and pretty soon you'll find yourself forging friendships and you won't need to bare your soul to your new friends because you will have figured it all oout with the therapist.

Good luck.

And this thread is always here if you want to talk to any one.
One of us is always popping in a some point to see who has posted and if anyone needs a shoulder to cry on.



You asked how we deal with it - eg Wednesday was the anniversary of my Mum's death. I have 2 close mates. One is on holiday and the other was too busy to even have a coffee with me on that day. She had forgotten it was my Mum's anniversary, but she lost her Dad recently and is having nightmare problems with her car and money worries etc.
I badly needed company but it wasnt possible.

So I sat all day feeling empty.
The day after I forced myself to get up, get showered, I did my hair, put on some make-up and went for a drive round on my own.
I had some music on in the car and even though I was all alone, I did feel better for it.
Then I distracted myself by posting on Tattle life threads - humourous things and today, I feel much better.

So thats how I deal with it.
Distract myself.

 

[Cassandra333]

I wanted to get something off my chest and thought this forum would be a good place to put it out there.

I was watching Love Island yesterday (I know, this is from someone who said they would NEVER watch it - but I've well and truly fallen for it) and I started crying over a particular scene. It showed one of the girls, Liberty, crying and talking to a friend as she was feeling low and confused about her relationship.

After watching that scene, it dawned me that every tear I've ever cried when I've been feeling low, sad or confused about my relationship has been by myself. I don't have any friends to share my thoughts or questions with. I already knew this deep down, but for some reason it became even more apparent yesterday.

I wish I had a friend or two who I could speak to and honestly, I don't know where to turn. I'm due to see a therapist soon regarding some psychosexual counselling, but I always find it difficult to open up in a therapy session - especially when it takes place at home.

There are moments when I just want to scream and cry for someone to talk to. And other times, like now, when I'm home alone and could reach out to somebody - but there's no-one... I can't even open a new to share my thoughts or questions anonymously.

I wouldn't even know where to begin about reaching out to someone and find it somewhat easier to write down my thoughts/feelings - how does everyone else do it?

I always cry alone because I hate crying in front of someone else. I don't know why but I just don't want to go there. I don't like sharing stuff with friends either. I'd much rather talk to my doctor or a therapist because at least they're getting paid for it. And @Chita is right. Ultimately it comes down to you. You are the only person who can manage you. You are the only person who can manage your triggers. You are the only person who can make a difference in your life. I say this with love and it's based on the lessons I've learnt in life.
I will say one thing though. If you have a cry, make sure it's a good cry. Really go for it and get it all out. Crying is very good for you. It releases endorphins and helps calm stress and anxiety and a hundred other good things. And don't feel bad about crying. It's good for your health.
Just make sure you don't wallow in misery. I was guilty of this for decades before I wised up. Then I realised that it was something I learned from my mother. A lot of what we do is learned behaviour.
I write stuff down too. Writing is my go to tool for when times are bad. It has the added benefit that you can look back at it and remember how you got through it and what steps you took. Even if you didn't take any steps, you still got through. That's really helpful for the next time you're in a bad way because you can keep telling yourself that it will pass. You will come out of it. Sometimes you just have to ride it out.
Sending lots of love and hugs to you.

I always cry alone because I hate crying in front of someone else. I don't know why but I just don't want to go there. I don't like sharing stuff with friends either. I'd much rather talk to my doctor or a therapist because at least they're getting paid for it. And @Chita is right. Ultimately it comes down to you. You are the only person who can manage you. You are the only person who can manage your triggers. You are the only person who can make a difference in your life. I say this with love and it's based on the lessons I've learnt in life.
If you have a cry, make sure it's a good cry. Really go for it and get it all out. Crying is very good for you. It releases endorphins and helps calm stress and anxiety and a hundred other good things. And don't feel bad about crying. It's good for your health.
Just make sure you don't wallow in misery. I was guilty of this for decades before I wised up. Then I realised that it was something I learned from my mother. A lot of what we do is learned behaviour.
I write stuff down too. Writing is my go to tool for when times are bad. It has the added benefit that you can look back at it and remember how you got through it and what steps you took. Even if you didn't take any steps, you still got through. That's really helpful for the next time you're in a bad way because you can keep telling yourself that it will pass. You will come out of it. Sometimes you just have to ride it out.
Sending lots of love and hugs to you.

Omg. 'I will say one thing' and then go on for another 50,000 words I'm turning into Meghan Markle Quick! Someone! I need help here

 

[Chita]

Yep - cry it out.

let the poison out.
And allow yourself to sit empty and sad for no more than two days in a row.
Any more and that's wallowing and is counter-productive.

And remember, we are all here for a reason. We've been through similar things and are here to tell the tale.............................and to offer a helping hand.

we all still have our eeyore days, but the law of averages ensures that we aren't all having a down day at the same time, so there will always be one or two of us feeling 'up' enough to help the others when they are down.

Tattle teamwork.

 

[Tattyfilarious]

First time popping in here. Seems like my “in real life” friends (which are all around the country, so they don’t feel so “in real life” these days...) all have heavier burdens to bear, so I can’t bother them.

I’m just so worn down from daily life lately! Working full time, 40 minute commute, work is a bit stressful lately,haven’t been feeling great. I get home, walk the dog and manage to have toast or a meal replacement drink. Feel sick when I try to eat real food. Laundry’s piled on the bed and I just push it over, dishes piling up. Already on anti depressants, that’s keeping the worst of it away I think (that and my long walks with my dog). I’m only 30 but I can’t imagine finding the energy to do anything besides the bare minimum I’m doing now!

Advice for getting out of a rut?

Keep walking with your dog and enjoy the surroundings - it's really uplifting to be in a green area, the smell of freshly mown grass, the wind blowing through the leaves of the trees above you and the rain falling upon them also x

No, in my opinion you are not overthinking it.
It definitely sounds like she is panicking over hitting the 'big' 30.
Next time she brings up the age thing, in whatever way, just laugh and say, "Honestly X, you need to get over the age thing. Soon you'll be be 30 and then after that I'll be 26 and that's just life sweetie (or whatever endearment you would normally use for her)." If you laugh it off by facing the thing head on she should back off. She wants reassurance that you can't give, which is sad, but taunting you is unfair.


Set yourself a tiny goal each day. Or every other day. Or even once a week.
Today I will clear those dishes.
or Today I will do just one load of laundry.
or Today I will eat a light meal and I won't let it upset my tummy.
Been there and honestly, watching the things around you go to pot only makes your mind set worse. I found that seeing small tasks completed helped me feel "Well I'm not as useless as I thought. " .... and they build up until eventually you've caught up and got a sort of routine. It might take ages but it's a goal.
It's this bleeping covid crap. Everything is messed up, especially our heads. You truly aren't alone, honestly. Good for you recognising the rut, that alone is a positive.
I'm so glad you have a dog. Cuddles and petting and walks are all good therapy. And music. Seriously, make a play list of your favourite bouncy songs, put your head phones on and just get lost in the moment. I really found music great for getting through my head fog and giving me just a tiny teeny spark of "Yes!" and a smile.
Try not to think of your friends' burdens. Focus on you. Just you.

Freda, you are genius - I'm in awe of you.
Tatty

View attachment 719443

Everyone has their strengths, but sometimes it takes adversity in life to realise them

I wanted to get something off my chest and thought this forum would be a good place to put it out there.

I was watching Love Island yesterday (I know, this is from someone who said they would NEVER watch it - but I've well and truly fallen for it) and I started crying over a particular scene. It showed one of the girls, Liberty, crying and talking to a friend as she was feeling low and confused about her relationship.

After watching that scene, it dawned me that every tear I've ever cried when I've been feeling low, sad or confused about my relationship has been by myself. I don't have any friends to share my thoughts or questions with. I already knew this deep down, but for some reason it became even more apparent yesterday.

I wish I had a friend or two who I could speak to and honestly, I don't know where to turn. I'm due to see a therapist soon regarding some psychosexual counselling, but I always find it difficult to open up in a therapy session - especially when it takes place at home.

There are moments when I just want to scream and cry for someone to talk to. And other times, like now, when I'm home alone and could reach out to somebody - but there's no-one... I can't even open a new to share my thoughts or questions anonymously.

I wouldn't even know where to begin about reaching out to someone and find it somewhat easier to write down my thoughts/feelings - how does everyone else do it?

You have friends here honey, we are real people who also have life experiences and damn well care x

You get good days and bad - when they're bad, we're here for you x

Know you are loved and cared about, even it's just us Tattlers x

 

[Tattyfilarious]

Depression is a terrible illness - I'm on the other side now (it can be done with medication). Now I'm just an older mum, no medication caring for our kids

Know you are loved and cared about, even it's just us Tattlers x

Know you are loved and cared about, even it's just us Tattlers x

Hey, just trying to teach my youngest how to dance the 'locomotion' - absolute fail, she's musical but can't dance!
Small pleasures in life x

Always cherish your good times, that means so much more than the bad times x

 

[50sGirl]

Thank you so much. Even for just saying seven months is early days. There seems to be this perception that death is an event that, as time moves on, you move away from so the pain lessens. It’s not lessening, I continue to carry the pain on a daily basis. Literally everything reminds me of my husband and our life together.

I’m not really ok tbh. Sometimes I feel I’m going mad. I keep expecting something to change, for it no to have happened. Life is like a surreal nightmare, washed out of colour.

I feel raw and bruised so your kindness is so appreciated.

Hi Gold,
I know it’s not quite the same, but I lost my dad 7 months ago.
I can probably count on one hand the days I’ve not shed a tear since then. They’re usually not the gut wrenching bouts I had in the early days but pretty much every day when I think “Dad I miss you” the tears fall.
The thing that I’ve found that has helped me deal with my grief the most is that, if we hadn‘t shared the love we did, then my grief would be less. I wouldn’t swap any of that love so I accept that this grief is the price I have to pay for it. And I pay it willingly. Some days are harder than others but I know I was incredibly lucky to have him, a lot of people never have that.
I will miss him until my last breath.

I’ll leave you with an AA Milne quote…

We won’t be Eeyore forever, we will have our Tigger days too, it will just take time.
Sending you hugs and love xx

EDIT: @Chita since writing this, I read you’d mentioned Eeyore too - didn’t want to be accused of plagiarism because we know how we feel about that!

 

[Tattyfilarious]

My Dad died when I was nine-years old (type 1 diabetic) - he died during a kidney transplant, he was 32-years old.
His name is Norman x

No competition - prayers for all of us who've lost people that we love

 

[Chita]

Hi Gold,
I know it’s not quite the same, but I lost my dad 7 months ago.
I can probably count on one hand the days I’ve not shed a tear since then. They’re usually not the gut wrenching bouts I had in the early days but pretty much every day when I think “Dad I miss you” the tears fall.
The thing that I’ve found that has helped me deal with my grief the most is that, if we hadn‘t shared the love we did, then my grief would be less. I wouldn’t swap any of that love so I accept that this grief is the price I have to pay for it. And I pay it willingly. Some days are harder than others but I know I was incredibly lucky to have him, a lot of people never have that.
I will miss him until my last breath.

I’ll leave you with an AA Milne quote…

View attachment 722543

We won’t be Eeyore forever, we will have our Tigger days too, it will just take time.
Sending you hugs and love xx

EDIT: @Chita since writing this, I read you’d mentioned Eeyore too - didn’t want to be accused of plagiarism because we know how we feel about that!

I always personified "that" feeling as Eeyore - because it was the best way to describe it to non-sufferers.

It was on tattle that I discovered eeyore and tigger are used to explain bi-polar to children.

I dont think AA Milne would mind us pinching his eeyore.

So in this instance our plagiarism is excused, I think.

 

[Kittypops]

For everyone on this lovely thread, I'm sending you love
Wherever you are, if you need someone to appreciate you, it's on it's way, you'll know when it's arrived

 

[Cassandra333]

I mentioned 'comfort boxes' earlier in the thread. I thought it might be nice to name films/music/books that would be good to keep. Not necessarily in a box, it could be a file on a computer. All ideas welcomed. What provides comfort for me, might not provide comfort for you so this is just an idea to suggest stuff that other people might not have thought of.
Films:
The Inn of the Sixth Happiness - always makes me cry in a good way.
Spinal Tap - never fail to laugh and I must have seen it a thousand times.
Pride and Prejudice - The Colin Firth version (TV show not film)
Arsenic and Old Lace - my favourite film of all time. Love Cary Grant.

Books:
Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen
Frederica by Georgette Heyer
Daddy Long Legs by Jean Webster.
(Yes, I know they're all Romances, sue me)

Music
Tapestry by Carole King - always makes me think of my beloved sister (RIP)
Diamond Dogs - David Bowie
Actually most of David Bowie

I'm going to stop here because I'm a bit brain dead today so the idea's aren't flowing like they should. But you get the general idea.

 

[Damita]

Been suffering from such horrific levels of stress since the start of this year I have real trouble with my digestive system to the point where I have to take anti-vomiting tablets, get stomach cramps when I eat not even very much, have a whole list of foods I can't eat at all and am in just general discomfort and fear most of the time. Thought I had the worst of it under control but it's flared up again.

GPs have been utterly useless. I have a telephone consultation in Sep that I've been waiting for for several months but I don't even know what the point of that is. This is the sort of thing that needs someone actually examining me in person but I can't see that happening as my GP has been shut since March 2020 and referrals aren't a thing anymore even when we barely had Covid here for some time last year.

I am in a state of utter despair at what's happened to health care in the UK. Did my best to try and stay healthy but the worst happened anyway...and I fear they will be using "yeah, but Covid" as a reason to keep people out of GP surgeries and hospitals for an extremely long time, maybe forever.

Life really bleeping sucks in every way.

 

[Catgirl60]

View attachment 680079View attachment 680080View attachment 680083
There you go guys, top to bottom
Pooh-Bear
Susan
Thor

They are very cuddly and honestly great company. I'd be lost without them, especially Pooh.

Your Cats are all so beautiful. Cats are great company

Omg you really are a Mainecoon Mama. I love them!

 

[Tattyfilarious]

I mentioned 'comfort boxes' earlier in the thread. I thought it might be nice to name films/music/books that would be good to keep. Not necessarily in a box, it could be a file on a computer. All ideas welcomed. What provides comfort for me, might not provide comfort for you so this is just an idea to suggest stuff that other people might not have thought of.
Films:
The Inn of the Sixth Happiness - always makes me cry in a good way.
Spinal Tap - never fail to laugh and I must have seen it a thousand times.
Pride and Prejudice - The Colin Firth version (TV show not film)
Arsenic and Old Lace - my favourite film of all time. Love Cary Grant.

Books:
Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen
Frederica by Georgette Heyer
Daddy Long Legs by Jean Webster.
(Yes, I know they're all Romances, sue me)

Music
Tapestry by Carole King - always makes me think of my beloved sister (RIP)
Diamond Dogs - David Bowie
Actually most of David Bowie

I'm going to stop here because I'm a bit brain dead today so the idea's aren't flowing like they should. But you get the general idea.

Rebel Rebel, Golden years x

This one's my fake Maine Coon cat, she has her snow shoe pads but she's tiny!

Take care of yourselves, please - enjoy the simple pleasures in life that make you feel happy, even if it's just a walk in a park - you will hopefully encounter people like me

 

[Tattyfilarious]

If you're in an abusive partnership - please get out right now, if you can.
I was fortunate enough be able to do that

History - our eldest son (and my husband is his father) was borne by a man who didn't live up to his expectations - nor mine

I've been happily together with the love of my life for over 30-years - only one to put up with me!

 

[Chita]

Been suffering from such horrific levels of stress since the start of this year I have real trouble with my digestive system to the point where I have to take anti-vomiting tablets, get stomach cramps when I eat not even very much, have a whole list of foods I can't eat at all and am in just general discomfort and fear most of the time. Thought I had the worst of it under control but it's flared up again.

GPs have been utterly useless. I have a telephone consultation in Sep that I've been waiting for for several months but I don't even know what the point of that is. This is the sort of thing that needs someone actually examining me in person but I can't see that happening as my GP has been shut since March 2020 and referrals aren't a thing anymore even when we barely had Covid here for some time last year.

I am in a state of utter despair at what's happened to health care in the UK. Did my best to try and stay healthy but the worst happened anyway...and I fear they will be using "yeah, but Covid" as a reason to keep people out of GP surgeries and hospitals for an extremely long time, maybe forever.

Life really bleeping sucks in every way.

Why not consider writing to your MP or emailing them?
By doing so you would give them the ammunition to get something done about this GP avoidance of face to face consultation situation and you also help other people who may not have as much inner strength as you have.

You are talking about it rather than bottling it up, so that's strength, right there. Why not use it.
Taking action might help you feel a bit better.

Email addresses for MPs can be found easily. There's a Government site called "they work for you."
So, why not use your anger and frustration with the situation to make waves?

You could also write to your GP Practice Manager to push for an "in-person" meeting.
Good luck.

 

[Nuttynana]

Im ok really, just pondering about stuff.
How can it be possible to just sit for hours feeling empty?
Not crying, not in pain, but just sitting... empty.

The mind is a curious thing.

Usually what shakes me out of this kind of thing is hunger.
I will shift myself when the belly starts to growl like @Nuttynana 's ginger tom

Sending Ginger Tom round with his Pussy squad to sing to you and cheer you up but do reward him or he will piss up your door, buck up pal better times are a coming to you

 

[TwooTwooTwitTwitTwoo]

It was called a Mary in our house. I’ve never heard it called that since

It was a Mary-Ann in ours!