Escape into the Tea & Sympathy Support room.

[Chita]

I’ve realised my anxiety is more prevalent than I thought. I have found myself getting anxious about the nights getting darker and it’s now pitch black at 9pm when it used to still be light around 10pm a few weeks back. I’m not a big summer lover as I struggle with the heat. But I do love the lighter days and nights. But I find the darkness drawing in a bit suffocating?
Sorry if this doesn’t make any sense, I have trouble putting into words how I feel. Can anyone else relate? What do you do to tackle this?

How about a few little lamps - to add soft light to your home? Maybe a few of those cute fairy lights on copper wire that are either battery powered or USB charged? They look all twinkly when put inside an empty glass bottle or bowl or placed artistically along a shelf or something.
They arent just for Christmas.

Kids Night Light, LED Table Lamp, Children’s Table Lamp, Unique Desk Lamps, Kids Lampshades, Rechargeable Table Lamp, Children's Lampshades, Wood Desk Lamp, Children’s Table Light

Modern LED White Fairy Globe Night Light With a flash of brilliance and modern aesthetic that not only gives an enchanting glow to your exterior but redefines your average lamplight, the Modern LED White Fairy Globe Night Light is a marvel to behold. Practicality meets ultra-stylish as this...

woodlandinspiration.com

or some of those battery candles that flicker warmly.

You know, literally brighten up your darkness?

I saw a beautiful bedside lamp that was like a glass bowl suspended from a little stand and it glowed like a starry night. Might that help a bit?

 

[Tattyfilarious]

Said 'watcher' got sent away weekend before last - hurrah! After being denied money, cigarettes and use of my mobile - we settled on some coffee and sugar (don't mind that).
She'll be back, just have to be one step ahead.
And yes, she may have mental health problems (personally just think she's a chancer) but I have my own and those of my children; she has her own family to help her out

How about a few little lamps - to add soft light to your home? Maybe a few of those cute fairy lights on copper wire that are either battery powered or USB charged? They look all twinkly when put inside an empty glass bottle or bowl or placed artistically along a shelf or something.
They arent just for Christmas.

Kids Night Light, LED Table Lamp, Children’s Table Lamp, Unique Desk Lamps, Kids Lampshades, Rechargeable Table Lamp, Children's Lampshades, Wood Desk Lamp, Children’s Table Light

Modern LED White Fairy Globe Night Light With a flash of brilliance and modern aesthetic that not only gives an enchanting glow to your exterior but redefines your average lamplight, the Modern LED White Fairy Globe Night Light is a marvel to behold. Practicality meets ultra-stylish as this...

woodlandinspiration.com

or some of those battery candles that flicker warmly.

You know, literally brighten up your darkness?

I saw a beautiful bedside lamp that was like a glass bowl suspended from a little stand and it glowed like a starry night. Might that help a bit?

I have lamps everywhere (low energy bulbs). I particularly love my twinkly lights - not just for Christmas anymore x

How about a few little lamps - to add soft light to your home? Maybe a few of those cute fairy lights on copper wire that are either battery powered or USB charged? They look all twinkly when put inside an empty glass bottle or bowl or placed artistically along a shelf or something.
They arent just for Christmas.

Kids Night Light, LED Table Lamp, Children’s Table Lamp, Unique Desk Lamps, Kids Lampshades, Rechargeable Table Lamp, Children's Lampshades, Wood Desk Lamp, Children’s Table Light

Modern LED White Fairy Globe Night Light With a flash of brilliance and modern aesthetic that not only gives an enchanting glow to your exterior but redefines your average lamplight, the Modern LED White Fairy Globe Night Light is a marvel to behold. Practicality meets ultra-stylish as this...

woodlandinspiration.com

or some of those battery candles that flicker warmly.

You know, literally brighten up your darkness?

I saw a beautiful bedside lamp that was like a glass bowl suspended from a little stand and it glowed like a starry night. Might that help a bit?

And I would really love that one - do you have a link?

 

[Chita]

A few confessions because I just need to say it..

I’m addicted to codine.

I have been making myself sick after eating for months.. but won’t go to the dr cause I’m overweight and I think they’ll think im lying because I’d be smaller if I was being sick

I feel worthless as I do every august as I have to take part in multiple family situations where I feel like I don’t belong, but that’s a much longer story.

Need to go back to therapy but im scared and also mad that it costs so much.

Right - codeine, weight issues, family situations.
OK, let's take things one step at a time. Trying to handle all of those things at once is tough on you.
so, you need to break things down into sections.
Like climbing Everest. Start at base camp, go up a piece at a time.


You take codeine for pain control, right?
Could that pain be relieved some other way, ie, physical therapy - physio, osteopath etc? Is that option available to you?
If so, might some gradual sessions help ease your pain and make you rely less on the codeine over time?
Could you maybe wean yourself off the pain meds eventually that way?

Also, a TENS machine helps some people in these situations. The pulses emitted by them helps block the pain messages to the brain.
Might it be possible for you to try one and see if it works for you?

Regarding the weight, now covid lockdown is easing, companies like Weight Watchers are starting to have in-person meetings again where you can go and mix with people struggling with the same problem. There's a lot to be said for tackling weight loss in a group rather than trying to motivate yourself when alone at home.
It's not easy to make yourself go to a meeting, but with support and gentle encouragement from people in here, hopefully, you can pluck up courage.


Family issues - much harder to deal with when you are in pain and feel overweight.
But if you really don't want to attend the family stuff, then you don't have to. You don't have to do anything you don't want to do.
You don't have to explain why, just say you can't make it.

Remove that stress from your situation so you have more energy to cope with your pain control and your weight management.
And then get together with family after a while when you feel happier with your weight and have your pain controlled.

Said 'watcher' got sent away weekend before last - hurrah! After being denied money, cigarettes and use of my mobile - we settled on some coffee and sugar (don't mind that).
She'll be back, just have to be one step ahead.
And yes, she may have mental health problems (personally just think she's a chancer) but I have my own and those of my children; she has her own family to help her out


I have lamps everywhere (low energy bulbs). I particularly love my twinkly lights - not just for Christmas anymore x


And I would really love that one - do you have a link?

Im trying to find it again, Tatty - but Im buggered if I can remember where I saw it and what it was exactly called.
It was like a curved stand with the bowl suspended from it and the glow was so pretty.
It was probably on amazon and i dont think we can link to ammo.

If I can find it i can hopefully post its exact name and description. [No luck so far, sorry.]

 

[Tattyfilarious]

Thanks for looking. Anyway, a close family member has had a horrendous couple of years during lockdown - no deaths or injuries. More psychological - only found out today, they are fine and eventually spoke to us.

Today - when you think everyone's okay, don't assume that please (like the tears of a clown) x

 

[freda19]

A few confessions because I just need to say it..

I’m addicted to codine.

I have been making myself sick after eating for months.. but won’t go to the dr cause I’m overweight and I think they’ll think im lying because I’d be smaller if I was being sick

I feel worthless as I do every august as I have to take part in multiple family situations where I feel like I don’t belong, but that’s a much longer story.

Need to go back to therapy but im scared and also mad that it costs so much.

Not everyone who purges after eating loses weight. Especially if they are on meds. The doctor will know that. Get an appointment with the doc and be totally honest. Think how hard it is for you to get appointments, so don't waste your time (and his) by lying to him or dodging awkward questions. Get it all out and the relief will be immense.Knowing someone is in your corner is a mental boost in itself too, win win..
If the family things are stressing you then you are the only one who can address that though. Sure, maybe the doc could give you some pills to get you through the events, but then you're taking a chance on getting dependent on another drug. Can you not cite Covid fears as a get out of jail free card for the family things? You could claim recent contact with a verified Covid sufferer. Who cares if it's a lie, I'm a believer in white lies, especially when it's to avoid uncomfortable situations and does no harm.
As for therapy, well to be honest, the cost is the least of it. Getting an appointment can be difficult at present and anyway you'll need to get the doctor consultation out of the way to know exactly what a therapist needs to focus on to best help you.
It's a tough road you're on but you can do it. Taking the first step with your doctor is the big thing. He's seen it all, heard it all, nothing you confide will faze him and he can't help if you aren't totally frank. It's his job to fix people, everyone who visits him has issues. It's OK to be scared, but the relief will be worth it, honestly.

 

[Cassandra333]

I think I know what you mean. Drawing the curtains and blinds is like saying goodbye to the day and the sun. I suppose some people might like that, tucked in for the night. But lots of people find it a bit of a bummer.
I know your issue sounds more to do with reaction, but I wonder if using a SAD box might help you in winter nights? Maybe lift your mood.

SAD lamps definitely work. I'd be lost wihout one. But you should take Vit D everyday too.
Sending lots of love and hugs

 

[Chita]

Anniversary of my Mum's death today.
Im not scheduled to be anywhere or do anything in particular so I decided to snuggle down and read a book.

Ive been reading the same page over and over and just cannot get into it because my mind is wandering.
Im not even crying because the bereavement isnt recent but I just cannot seem tp actually do anything.

Isnt the mind weird sometimes!

 

[Cassandra333]

Anniversary of my Mum's death today.
Im not scheduled to be anywhere or do anything in particular so I decided to snuggle down and read a book.

Ive been reading the same page over and over and just cannot get into it because my mind is wandering.
Im not even crying because the bereavement isnt recent but I just cannot seem tp actually do anything.

Isnt the mind weird sometimes!

Sending hugs and love
Get the photo's out and spend the day remembering your mum. All the good stuff and everything she taught you. Have a lovely day doing that stuff.

 

[Chita]

Sending hugs and love
Get the photo's out and spend the day remembering your mum. All the good stuff and everything she taught you. Have a lovely day doing that stuff.

Im ok really, just pondering about stuff.
How can it be possible to just sit for hours feeling empty?
Not crying, not in pain, but just sitting... empty.

The mind is a curious thing.

Usually what shakes me out of this kind of thing is hunger.
I will shift myself when the belly starts to growl like @Nuttynana 's ginger tom

 

[Underhiseye]

Right - codeine, weight issues, family situations.
OK, let's take things one step at a time. Trying to handle all of those things at once is tough on you.
so, you need to break things down into sections.
Like climbing Everest. Start at base camp, go up a piece at a time.


You take codeine for pain control, right?
Could that pain be relieved some other way, ie, physical therapy - physio, osteopath etc? Is that option available to you?
If so, might some gradual sessions help ease your pain and make you rely less on the codeine over time?
Could you maybe wean yourself off the pain meds eventually that way?

Also, a TENS machine helps some people in these situations. The pulses emitted by them helps block the pain messages to the brain.
Might it be possible for you to try one and see if it works for you?

Regarding the weight, now covid lockdown is easing, companies like Weight Watchers are starting to have in-person meetings again where you can go and mix with people struggling with the same problem. There's a lot to be said for tackling weight loss in a group rather than trying to motivate yourself when alone at home.
It's not easy to make yourself go to a meeting, but with support and gentle encouragement from people in here, hopefully, you can pluck up courage.


Family issues - much harder to deal with when you are in pain and feel overweight.
But if you really don't want to attend the family stuff, then you don't have to. You don't have to do anything you don't want to do.
You don't have to explain why, just say you can't make it.

Remove that stress from your situation so you have more energy to cope with your pain control and your weight management.
And then get together with family after a while when you feel happier with your weight and have your pain controlled.

Thankyou so much to you and everyone for taking the time to reply, it means so much to me. I started taking the codine for pain 6 years ago, I still have pain now but the codine doesn’t do anything anymore, I just can’t stop taking it. I stopped for a few days once and felt awful. I am thinking of telling a friend at work though so they can keep an eye on me, I think the shame would help prevent me from taking any
I go to slimming world but I am thinking that might not be helping me. I throw up far more when I’m doing slimming world than not because I’m desperate to lose. I’m going to take a week off from it and see how that goes I think.
You’re so right about the family stuff, I just can’t seem to say no because I’d get grief if I did. But I do think I need to stop catastrophising it in my head because it’s rarely as bad as I imagine it will be.
Thankyou again for your help

Not everyone who purges after eating loses weight. Especially if they are on meds. The doctor will know that. Get an appointment with the doc and be totally honest. Think how hard it is for you to get appointments, so don't waste your time (and his) by lying to him or dodging awkward questions. Get it all out and the relief will be immense.Knowing someone is in your corner is a mental boost in itself too, win win..
If the family things are stressing you then you are the only one who can address that though. Sure, maybe the doc could give you some pills to get you through the events, but then you're taking a chance on getting dependent on another drug. Can you not cite Covid fears as a get out of jail free card for the family things? You could claim recent contact with a verified Covid sufferer. Who cares if it's a lie, I'm a believer in white lies, especially when it's to avoid uncomfortable situations and does no harm.
As for therapy, well to be honest, the cost is the least of it. Getting an appointment can be difficult at present and anyway you'll need to get the doctor consultation out of the way to know exactly what a therapist needs to focus on to best help you.
It's a tough road you're on but you can do it. Taking the first step with your doctor is the big thing. He's seen it all, heard it all, nothing you confide will faze him and he can't help if you aren't totally frank. It's his job to fix people, everyone who visits him has issues. It's OK to be scared, but the relief will be worth it, honestly.

Thankyou so much. I think you’re right, I’ll make an appointment with the dr and get it all out. I can’t carry on with the codine the way I am I know that. Thankyou for all your advice

 

[Chita]

@Underhiseye - see, the other prob with codeine, is constipation.
So if its not relieving the pain and it's stopping you going to the loo, you know you are taking it out of habit.

You've taken the first step in talking about it.
Well done.
That was base camp.
Now you can advance a little to the next camp.
Doctor's appointment - ask for a double appointment so you don't feel rushed.
Write down all you want to tell the Doctor and take the list in with you.

If its too hard to actually say the words to him/her, then give them what you've written so they can see what you are battling against.

 

[Silly-old-Slapper]

Anniversary of my Mum's death today.
Im not scheduled to be anywhere or do anything in particular so I decided to snuggle down and read a book.

Ive been reading the same page over and over and just cannot get into it because my mind is wandering.
Im not even crying because the bereavement isnt recent but I just cannot seem tp actually do anything.

Isnt the mind weird sometimes!

@Chita Grief is just love with nowhere to go. Sending hugs

 

[Chita]

@Chita Grief is just love with nowhere to go. Sending hugs

I love that! Thankyou.

Tell ya what, I'm glad she didnt have to go through all of this covid lockdown isolation stuff.

 

[Silly-old-Slapper]

I love that! Thankyou.

Tell ya what, I'm glad she didnt have to go through all of this covid lockdown isolation stuff.

Mine too, Chita, she passed away a few months before first lockdown, she would never have been able to cope, small blessings.

 

[Chita]

Mine too, Chita, she passed away a few months before first lockdown, she would never have been able to cope, small blessings.

Small blessings indeed.
I don't know about your Mum but mine was a kid during the War so maybe they'd have coped better than us young 'uns.

 

[Silly-old-Slapper]

Small blessings indeed.
I don't know about your Mum but mine was a kid during the War so maybe they'd have coped better than us young 'uns.

Mine was too, one of the strongest and most capable women l I know, a true role model, but her terminal illness made her fearful and unable to cope with day to day living without anxiety and stress. It was awful to see her mental and physical decline I just hope she's in a happy place now, together with my dad who recently joined her.

 

[Tattyfilarious]

I think many of us here are in our fifties and love our parents very much - I'm dreading my Mum dying (she's 77 now); I'm an only child and Mum lost her husband and my daddy when she was just 29-years old.
She's my rock and soul, and the most wonderful mother

If it's any comfort to anyone, my husband is a psychiatric nurse - his role for several years now has been caring for elderly patients with Alzheimer's/dementia; he loves and cares about every single one of them

 

[Rockin' Robin]

Thanks for looking. Anyway, a close family member has had a horrendous couple of years during lockdown - no deaths or injuries. More psychological - only found out today, they are fine and eventually spoke to us.

Today - when you think everyone's okay, don't assume that please (like the tears of a clown) x

"Now if there's a smile on my face,
Its only there trying to fool the public!"

 

[Tattyfilarious]

Just want to send all of you the best of love

"Now if there's a smile on my face,
Its only there trying to fool the public!"

Love that song x

'Best of my love' - the Emotions

Motown - absolute gold!

I know every word of 'The Tears of a Clown' - one of my favourite songs ever.
But, bizarrely at my funeral I would rather they played 'This Must be the Place' by Talking Heads!

Listen to the lyrics x

 

[Rockin' Robin]

Just want to send all of you the best of love


Love that song x

'Best of my love' - the Emotions

Motown - absolute gold!

I know every word of 'The Tears of a Clown' - one of my favourite songs ever.
But, bizarrely at my funeral I would rather they played 'This Must be the Place' by Talking Heads!

Back in the days when people knew how to write timeless music, and it was performed by singers with the ability to express every emotion from joy to deep sorrow. How I miss this kind of music.