Escape into the Tea & Sympathy Support room.

[Chita]

Oh thank you Chita, such kind words. Not quite sure I'm in control as such . I'm a bit like someone lying down and grabbing firmly onto my surfboard on top the the breakers so as not to fall into the water and sink . I'm just riding out the day.

Can't say I got too far with the kitchen. Fabulously clean ? Ha.... err....no ! Well it isn't in the same league as those on the How to clean your house programme by any means. More a case of things needing putting away in the right place.

Ah yes... I remember you mention the chattering chimp a little while ago. I've got that book though I've yet to read it (I'm pants when it comes to reading and can find listening to books easier). Must be a few years ago now and I used to listen to Pete Cohen (think he used to appear on the ITv brekkie prog from time to time and he used Shut the Duck up !

Here's a quick 1 minute clip
Shut The Duck Up! - Bing video

I can report that the scan results have come back clear so that's . Yet to hear more info except he's been able to order dinner.

Now ... what to do for dinner here tonight ?

Excellent news regarding the scan.

That chimp book waffles on forever.
Brief synopsis - chimp chatters in your head and drives you crazy with anxiety.
Shove large banana down the chimp's gob to shut it up. Then tell it you know what needs to be done but you can't do it all at once and tell the chimp togo to sleep and let you deal with things one at a time.

And if the f*cker wakes up and starts chattering at you again, get a large delivery of bananas and have the delivery truck empty them all over the chimp and bury him under them.



Well, thats my take on how to deal with the monkey mind anyway.

Pass the biscuits.

 

[freda19]

Freda, I am so touched by your support. It means such a lot that anyone would take the time to leave such a lovely and helpful comment, thank you.

Totally agree about writing everything down clearly, I just ordered a new notepad the other day from Amazon to do just that.

Mainly I'm annoyed at myself for getting back into this position in the first place but stress is just the biggest witch to beat. It's a constant fight. Vicious cycle, like you say.

I'm getting through by just absolutely treasuring the times I feel well. Today I've been able to eat some small meals, have a shower and will hopefully pop out to the shops up the road soon just to get some fresh air. For me, that's a really good day.

Sorry to hear about your sister, she sounds like a nightmare. I have a relative who is not only always "ill" but has to be more ill than anybody who ever lived, with a parent who I think has munchausen by proxy or some tit because she loves playing to it and not letting anyone be more in need than her nearing middle age daughter, it's nauseating.

Oh well done you. It's always especially uplifting to have a 'good' day when life seems tit.
Re the stress thing. I spoke on the phone to, and then got a face to face with, my doc about two months ago. As I suspected, the rash around my torso is psoriasis. But he says "Are you stressed about anything Freda?" I just looked at him and raised my eyebrows and he laughed. He says there's been a huge upsurge in stress related issues this past year. Both in mental health and in physical issues. The point I'm making is that never ever think you are suffering alone. The whole Covid situation has tipped many peoplle over the edge, and now we have to watch Afghanistan going down the shitter as well. It really is a tough world we're living in so never be ashamed of feeling snowed under.
I'm well chuffed, especially with your attitude ... that's gonna be a huge help. As you say, treasure the good days. Mark them in a diary and note all the plus things you did or ate. We tend to get lost in the tsunami of bad days sometimes, so a written diary is a great reminder that you can actually have good days, or with luck some really very good days.

Good Morning you lovely lot !

Well... there have been many times since this thread started that I've wanted to post, either to give some help (not needed as such good replies from others)/say that I can relate and then at times where myself when I have been struggling.

I struggle with day to day life and have to manage it in such a way in order to cope. I'm bright but struggle with anxiety/friendships and become easily overwhelmed . I also care for my mum which can prove challenging ! I think over the years I've learnt quite a bit about myself and have learnt techniques to help myself. So I do have my positives .

However ... this morning I'm struggling even more and feeling very alone as the OH, my wingman, is in hospital ,awaiting an MRI and then possible surgery . Now I say I'm feeling alone but goodness knows why as there's been quite a talk going on between my more negative internal voice (it's cancer) and my positive one (it's good that he's having the scan so we can finally find what is wrong and deal with it. No point worrying about it, even though its understandable , until we know the facts.It could be something quite simple. Now how about writing a little list of things to do today to help keep the mind more focused and stop thinking all kinds of things. Surprise him... that you've discovered what a duster is in his absence !)

Today deep down I'm feeling scared because I am convincing myself that the negative voice is in fact correct.

Thing is, other things are happening which means I'm having to contact people and that is really not helping me either.

Ho hum !

Right... off to put kettle on and see if I can make the kitchen look like a thing of beauty instead of something that Kim and Aggie might wish to visit (it's not that bad but could do with a bit of love and attention )

You sound like me, with the two voices battling in my head when life throws a googly.


Oh just read your update on the scan! Yay, that's great news. Onward and upward.
You can put the duster away again for another 6 months

Hey all. Saw this thread and just wanted to pop by. Currently on day 3 of being completely heartbroken. I haven’t officially split with him/ had a sit down convo but I moved out of his place and back to my mum and dads. I’ve written down what I want to say but it’s just so hard. I really thought I had something with this guy and could see in his face how much he adored me. But he keeps having breakdowns and saying he isn’t sure about me or that he needs space. Long story short, it’s more complex than that and I honestly don’t think i’m the problem, he’s massively depressed and taking it out on me. So for my own sake I can’t stay with him but it’s killing me splitting up. I just keep thinking about how good things were other than these breakdowns . We had so much stuff planned together- it was exciting. I just feel like I switch between feeling completely hollow and just a sobbing mess. I cried at the checkout yesterday becusse the cashier asked if I was moving house. I just feel like a broken human that was just never meant to be happy.

Aww no. Break ups are never easy, no matter that you know that it is the only way forward. If he "keeps saying he isn't sure about you" then you need to believe it, even though it hurts. There's a saying "If someone shows you who they are ... believe them".

Clearly you are not the problem, but if you keep trying to make things work then you will become the problem and get depressed and it will be a double mess.
Better to move on now because if things get really bad you'll get the blame for not believing him when he said he wasn't sure.
The hollow feeling will fill up when you get back in the saddle socialising. Things are easing up slightly re covid so at least you are not stuck in lockdown again with him "not sure".
I'm sorry, I can't get past that "not sure" thing. Once, yeah, I can see past a wobble, it's normal to question an intense relationship if you are unsure. But if he keeps saying it then best believe it and stop wasting precious time on something that's not being felt 100% by both parties.

 

[justheretoread99]

Not the worst thing in the world but just tested positive for COVID today. (I’m double jabbed, so symptoms aren’t bad and please no conspiracy theorists) only got cold and flu symptoms at the moment and breathing is a bit shallow but feeling very sorry for myself.

Having to cancel plans this weekend with my friends that we’ve had booked for weeks, and starting the isolation period. Feel so down already. Anyone else isolating and positive? Need some tips on how to stay mentally positive x

 

[Damita]

Oh well done you. It's always especially uplifting to have a 'good' day when life seems tit.
Re the stress thing. I spoke on the phone to, and then got a face to face with, my doc about two months ago. As I suspected, the rash around my torso is psoriasis. But he says "Are you stressed about anything Freda?" I just looked at him and raised my eyebrows and he laughed. He says there's been a huge upsurge in stress related issues this past year. Both in mental health and in physical issues. The point I'm making is that never ever think you are suffering alone. The whole Covid situation has tipped many peoplle over the edge, and now we have to watch Afghanistan going down the shitter as well. It really is a tough world we're living in so never be ashamed of feeling snowed under.
I'm well chuffed, especially with your attitude ... that's gonna be a huge help. As you say, treasure the good days. Mark them in a diary and note all the plus things you did or ate. We tend to get lost in the tsunami of bad days sometimes, so a written diary is a great reminder that you can actually have good days, or with luck some really very good days.

Thank you, Freda.

Feeling much better tonight than I was this morning, so there is hope. Baby steps, baby steps. I am my own worst enemy in that I try to rush through everything in life including recovery from illness, but I'm trying.

And I have my cat who makes me laugh a lot, so there is joy in life too. I'm learning more and more to just appreciate anything even vaguely nice and it helps a lot.

Sorry to hear about your Psoriasis. Stress causes so much damage to our bodies, doesn't it? If someone could just invent a pill with zero side effects that magicked stress away, we'd all be grand.

 

[Tattyfilarious]

Find yourself a good partner, someone true and kind - th

Sorry to just jump in
I'm at an all time low
Life is tit, work is tit, I have nothing

Not looking for any validation, it's just that I have no one else to talk to

Edit: no reply necessary, I just needed to say it out loud

You're talking to us and I think that (collectively) we do all damn well care
I can't offer you any professional advice, only the benefit of experience. Take care honey xxx

Sorry to just jump in
I'm at an all time low
Life is tit, work is tit, I have nothing

Not looking for any validation, it's just that I have no one else to talk to

Edit: no reply necessary, I just needed to say it out loud

You can talk to us x

I had a really good time today - I'm a bit agoraphobic, only a tad (well that's what I tell myself!). Anyway, hubby and I took our two youngest (our girls) to our local safari park - we had a young lioness walk in touching distance right in front of our car - small pleasures in life, eh?

I over think things - which is not a good place to be, and I know that; but it's something which my brain won't let go.

Does anyone really have besties?

No, I've moved around so much in my life - the friends I had are elsewhere now. Pretty cheesy, but my best friend is my husband

Evening Tattlers , I know it's late but I'm about to burst a blood vessel. My OH has spent the day at his sister's and has reported back that her daughter- his neice- intends to buy a dog. She can't adopt , she's been turned down by dog charities, mostly because she is bi polar and she has 4 young children- 2 have complex mh needs e.g ADHD, add, tourrettes and epilepsy. I'm absolutely aghast , she can't look after herself nor her kids and I'm absolutely fretting about her taking on a puppy, apparently she's spent a grand on this dog and us desperately trying to sell stuff on eBay etc to raise funds. Any ideas how I can approach this ,? I'm seriously concerned for this little dog 's( a tit Zhu) safety. I'm also concerned that maybe her bi polar is also not being properly managed. Sorry to lumber this on you guys but I can't talk to oh, he hangs on every word his sister says and Don know who I can express my concern to.

Are you in a position to take this puppy, if it all goes pear-shaped?

If not, we have a home for another dog x

Sorry, that should read - a dog to follow our Finn x

 

[Tattyfilarious]

I loved that dog with my heart and soul - he was beautiful and kind; gone too soon, RIP Finn McCool x

 

[Cassandra333]

Hi Everyone. This thread was such a good idea. Even when I'm down I can see the positivity and support offered and it lifts my spirit.
I've had a couple of bad days mentally. The sort of days when all you can do is sit and do nothing. I have a code with my family. When they ask if I'm ok, I say 'I will be'. That lets them know that I'm not okay at all but I don't have to say anything negative in reply. Does that make sense? It works for us. They leave me in peace to work through the stuff, make sure I have what I need and never, ever, get angry or impatient with me. If they think I'm wallowing, they take steps to pull me out of it but very gently.
I'm much better today. I don't know about anyone else but I look at my life as going in cycles. The 'down days' are part of the cycle and they do pass. Just as the mania is part of the cycle. And that passes as well. I aim for days that are almost mediocre. The 'nothing days' when my mood isn't depressed or manic, just still.
@Tattyfilarious I'm totally agoraphobic. In the past five years I've left the house less than ten times. And only for really important stuff like a funeral and going the the doctors. I just don't want to go out. I can't stand noise or crowds or brightness. I can't even speak on a phone. I contact other people through text or email. The pandemic didn't really make any difference to my life at all. I know that I should make an effort to deal with agoraphobia and I even know how to do it. I've successfully got over it in the past. At the moment I just can't see the point.
Love your dog, so sorry he's no longer with us. Keep the memories bright and the love in your heart.
Everyone else, sorry I can't answer individually, it's a bit beyond me at the moment. But sending you all love and support and lots and lots of hugs. Stay strong!

 

[Chita]

Hi Everyone. This thread was such a good idea. Even when I'm down I can see the positivity and support offered and it lifts my spirit.
I've had a couple of bad days mentally. The sort of days when all you can do is sit and do nothing. I have a code with my family. When they ask if I'm ok, I say 'I will be'. That lets them know that I'm not okay at all but I don't have to say anything negative in reply. Does that make sense? It works for us. They leave me in peace to work through the stuff, make sure I have what I need and never, ever, get angry or impatient with me. If they think I'm wallowing, they take steps to pull me out of it but very gently.
I'm much better today. I don't know about anyone else but I look at my life as going in cycles. The 'down days' are part of the cycle and they do pass. Just as the mania is part of the cycle. And that passes as well. I aim for days that are almost mediocre. The 'nothing days' when my mood isn't depressed or manic, just still.
@Tattyfilarious I'm totally agoraphobic. In the past five years I've left the house less than ten times. And only for really important stuff like a funeral and going the the doctors. I just don't want to go out. I can't stand noise or crowds or brightness. I can't even speak on a phone. I contact other people through text or email. The pandemic didn't really make any difference to my life at all. I know that I should make an effort to deal with agoraphobia and I even know how to do it. I've successfully got over it in the past. At the moment I just can't see the point.
Love your dog, so sorry he's no longer with us. Keep the memories bright and the love in your heart.
Everyone else, sorry I can't answer individually, it's a bit beyond me at the moment. But sending you all love and support and lots and lots of hugs. Stay strong!

I understand those "still" days perfectly.
They arent the same as eeyore days because you just sit and dont necessarily feel depressed etc

If you want a chat about anything at all, just say.
Doesnt have to be about how you feel or anything like that.
We can just talk about "stuff."


Ive been binge watching "the Killing."
I didnt see it when it was first on telly so Im late to the party but I like to binge watch stuff like this because it helps time pass and having to concentrate because its subtitled really helps to distract my mind.

 

[The_Investigator]

Morning everyone Great idea for a new thread Chita @Chita.

I'm getting myself a bit worked up this week, as after looking after my Mum for 6 months since my Dad died in January (she has very severe mental health problems and has undergone ECT during this period and threatened suicide nearly every day!) I've finally had to relinquish her care to a 24 hour carer at home. They are due to start mid week but we haven't even been introduced to them yet. I've got all sorts of worries going through my mind from trying to keep her Covid safe to will the carer simply 'Be kind'? I've been trying to keep my business afloat at the same time but it has had to take a back seat in the last few weeks - it will be strange having the time to get back on with life again.

The H&M thread was the only bit of light relief I had - so thanks you lovely lot I promise to try and not make it all about Me..me..me!

I bring victoria sponge and decaf tea (sorry - caffeine give me the jitters!)

You sound in a similar situation to me,.. the Carer’s are always so good, don’t worry,… and thanks for the decaf tea,.. I’m not allowed caffeine due to irregular heart,… not really allowed the cake for the same reason due to the sugar,.. but I’ll take a slice if you really insist

 

[Sunflower91]

Aww no. Break ups are never easy, no matter that you know that it is the only way forward. If he "keeps saying he isn't sure about you" then you need to believe it, even though it hurts. There's a saying "If someone shows you who they are ... believe them".

Clearly you are not the problem, but if you keep trying to make things work then you will become the problem and get depressed and it will be a double mess.
Better to move on now because if things get really bad you'll get the blame for not believing him when he said he wasn't sure.
The hollow feeling will fill up when you get back in the saddle socialising. Things are easing up slightly re covid so at least you are not stuck in lockdown again with him "not sure".
I'm sorry, I can't get past that "not sure" thing. Once, yeah, I can see past a wobble, it's normal to question an intense relationship if you are unsure. But if he keeps saying it then best believe it and stop wasting precious time on something that's not being felt 100% by both parties.

Thank you for your lovely reply and @Chita too. I think I just needed a friendly ear yesterday. The problem was his actions 90% of the time were just the stark opposite of when he had these breakdowns. It’s like having whiplash. One minute dancing with me and laughing and telling me he loves me and the next it’s “I’m not sure, I think I should have been single longer”. Before he’d snap out of it and be like you’re my best friend and I love you- why am I pushing you away.
He sent me a message last night to say it’s over- it was really cruelly worded. He mentioned he was over things. And to be honest after sitting with things and speaking to my therapist, there’s a part of me that’s relieved it’s over. It hurts like hell but it was just making me miserable. I want a person who will support me and consider my feelings. I don’t want to be somewhere and feel unwanted and like I’m a decision to be made. I know I deserve so much more than that. Now it’s just logistic stress and trying to find a permanent home for me and my cats.

 

[Chita]

Thank you for your lovely reply and @Chita too. I think I just needed a friendly ear yesterday. The problem was his actions 90% of the time were just the stark opposite of when he had these breakdowns. It’s like having whiplash. One minute dancing with me and laughing and telling me he loves me and the next it’s “I’m not sure, I think I should have been single longer”. Before he’d snap out of it and be like you’re my best friend and I love you- why am I pushing you away.
He sent me a message last night to say it’s over- it was really cruelly worded. He mentioned he was over things. And to be honest after sitting with things and speaking to my therapist, there’s a part of me that’s relieved it’s over. It hurts like hell but it was just making me miserable. I want a person who will support me and consider my feelings. I don’t want to be somewhere and feel unwanted and like I’m a decision to be made. I know I deserve so much more than that. Now it’s just logistic stress and trying to find a permanent home for me and my cats.

Sorry it turned out this way.
And although it isnt your ideal living situation, at least you are safe and have a roof over your head for now.

 

[The_Investigator]

couldn’t relate more. i have absolutely no one in my life and haven’t for 3+ years. i’m so alone and it’s so tit having no one to talk to.

No you’re not alone anymore you have us and I have loads of toy bears here in my little room sending you hugs and waiting to listen to you chit chat away

 

[Tattyfilarious]

I understand those "still" days perfectly.
They arent the same as eeyore days because you just sit and dont necessarily feel depressed etc

If you want a chat about anything at all, just say.
Doesnt have to be about how you feel or anything like that.
We can just talk about "stuff."


Ive been binge watching "the Killing."
I didnt see it when it was first on telly so Im late to the party but I like to binge watch stuff like this because it helps time pass and having to concentrate because its subtitled really helps to distract my mind.

I've been watching 'Ghosts' - maybe not a good place to start . I would watch the big bang theory everyday if I could!

Hi Everyone. This thread was such a good idea. Even when I'm down I can see the positivity and support offered and it lifts my spirit.
I've had a couple of bad days mentally. The sort of days when all you can do is sit and do nothing. I have a code with my family. When they ask if I'm ok, I say 'I will be'. That lets them know that I'm not okay at all but I don't have to say anything negative in reply. Does that make sense? It works for us. They leave me in peace to work through the stuff, make sure I have what I need and never, ever, get angry or impatient with me. If they think I'm wallowing, they take steps to pull me out of it but very gently.
I'm much better today. I don't know about anyone else but I look at my life as going in cycles. The 'down days' are part of the cycle and they do pass. Just as the mania is part of the cycle. And that passes as well. I aim for days that are almost mediocre. The 'nothing days' when my mood isn't depressed or manic, just still.
@Tattyfilarious I'm totally agoraphobic. In the past five years I've left the house less than ten times. And only for really important stuff like a funeral and going the the doctors. I just don't want to go out. I can't stand noise or crowds or brightness. I can't even speak on a phone. I contact other people through text or email. The pandemic didn't really make any difference to my life at all. I know that I should make an effort to deal with agoraphobia and I even know how to do it. I've successfully got over it in the past. At the moment I just can't see the point.
Love your dog, so sorry he's no longer with us. Keep the memories bright and the love in your heart.
Everyone else, sorry I can't answer individually, it's a bit beyond me at the moment. But sending you all love and support and lots and lots of hugs. Stay strong!

Hey honey by comparison to you think that I'm just probably anti-social, but I do understand the bit about noise and crowds - I avoid them as much as I can; but when I have to be somewhere through love and obligation (as much as it terrifies me) I usually have a good time - it's the anticipation that shreds my nerves.
Baby steps - a small walk near your house?
Lots of love to you xxx

No you’re not alone anymore you have us and I have loads of toy bears here in my little room sending you hugs and waiting to listen to you chit chat away

Boo - are you for real? Nobody needs toy bears here

No you’re not alone anymore you have us and I have loads of toy bears here in my little room sending you hugs and waiting to listen to you chit chat away

Chit chat

I've been watching 'Ghosts' - maybe not a good place to start . I would watch the big bang theory everyday if I could!


Hey honey by comparison to you think that I'm just probably anti-social, but I do understand the bit about noise and crowds - I avoid them as much as I can; but when I have to be somewhere through love and obligation (as much as it terrifies me) I usually have a good time - it's the anticipation that shreds my nerves.
Baby steps - a small walk near your house?
Lots of love to you xxx


Boo - are you for real? Nobody needs toy bears here


Chit chat

You remind me of

Who's the investigator?

Don't like, come on Tattlers

What the f**k!
Be careful what you post

 

[The_Investigator]

I've been watching 'Ghosts' - maybe not a good place to start . I would watch the big bang theory everyday if I could!


Hey honey by comparison to you think that I'm just probably anti-social, but I do understand the bit about noise and crowds - I avoid them as much as I can; but when I have to be somewhere through love and obligation (as much as it terrifies me) I usually have a good time - it's the anticipation that shreds my nerves.
Baby steps - a small walk near your house?
Lots of love to you xxx


Boo - are you for real? Nobody needs toy bears here


Chit chat


You remind me of

Who's the investigator?

Don't like, come on Tattlers

What the f**k!
Be careful what you post

Why are you being horrid? I was only saying something nice? What have I done wrong?

 

[Cassandra333]

I've been watching 'Ghosts' - maybe not a good place to start . I would watch the big bang theory everyday if I could!


Hey honey by comparison to you think that I'm just probably anti-social, but I do understand the bit about noise and crowds - I avoid them as much as I can; but when I have to be somewhere through love and obligation (as much as it terrifies me) I usually have a good time - it's the anticipation that shreds my nerves.
Baby steps - a small walk near your house?
Lots of love to you xxx


Boo - are you for real? Nobody needs toy bears here


Chit chat


You remind me of

Who's the investigator?

Don't like, come on Tattlers

What the f**k!
Be careful what you post

Are you ok @Tattyfilarious? Parts of this reply seem quite hard. The bit where you answer me is lovely and thank you so much for replying. But I honestly think that @The_Investigator was just offering support and hugs. Did something trigger you?

 

[Chita]

Why are you being horrid? I was only saying something nice? What have I done wrong?

You haven't done anything wrong. Your post was lovely.


Looking at the response to your post I think your username might have spooked Tatty for some reason. Maybe triggered some paranoia /fear of being watched.
Hopefully, we'll get an explanation from @Tattyfilarious later.

 

[50sGirl]

Why are you being horrid? I was only saying something nice? What have I done wrong?

You’ve done nothing wrong I promise. I’ve seen similar happen before on a different thread.
Please keep posting. I still have teddies too.

 

[freda19]

Thank you for your lovely reply and @Chita too. I think I just needed a friendly ear yesterday. The problem was his actions 90% of the time were just the stark opposite of when he had these breakdowns. It’s like having whiplash. One minute dancing with me and laughing and telling me he loves me and the next it’s “I’m not sure, I think I should have been single longer”. Before he’d snap out of it and be like you’re my best friend and I love you- why am I pushing you away.
He sent me a message last night to say it’s over- it was really cruelly worded. He mentioned he was over things. And to be honest after sitting with things and speaking to my therapist, there’s a part of me that’s relieved it’s over. It hurts like hell but it was just making me miserable. I want a person who will support me and consider my feelings. I don’t want to be somewhere and feel unwanted and like I’m a decision to be made. I know I deserve so much more than that. Now it’s just logistic stress and trying to find a permanent home for me and my cats.

Keep the message he sent you. In fact get it printed out and framed for your new gaff. When you're feeling wobbly and tempted to call him just read it and stay strong. I hope you responded nicely to him with a sweet "OK babe, good luck." Surprise him. No nastiness.
That way he'll be worried you really really don't care and are moving on. Don't give him the pleasure he clearly derives from seeing you in mental anguish. You deserve someone not into mind games. Everyone does. x

Why are you being horrid? I was only saying something nice? What have I done wrong?

You've done nothing wrong. Everyone loves a teddy to cuddle. The more the merrier.

Maybe tatty was having a bad day when she typed out that rather erratic post.

 

[Chita]

Keep the message he sent you. In fact get it printed out and framed for your new gaff. When you're feeling wobbly and tempted to call him just read it and stay strong. I hope you responded nicely to him with a sweet "OK babe, good luck." Surprise him. No nastiness.
That way he'll be worried you really really don't care and are moving on. Don't give him the pleasure he clearly derives from seeing you in mental anguish. You deserve someone not into mind games. Everyone does. x


You've done nothing wrong. Everyone loves a teddy to cuddle. The more the merrier.

Maybe tatty was having a bad day when she typed out that rather erratic post.

Love it.
Excellent advice.

 

[Sunflower91]

Keep the message he sent you. In fact get it printed out and framed for your new gaff. When you're feeling wobbly and tempted to call him just read it and stay strong. I hope you responded nicely to him with a sweet "OK babe, good luck." Surprise him. No nastiness.
That way he'll be worried you really really don't care and are moving on. Don't give him the pleasure he clearly derives from seeing you in mental anguish. You deserve someone not into mind games. Everyone does. x

Oh definitely! I think I’ve massively had a lucky escape. Thought I’d give you the latest update. I met with him to collect the last of my things, say my peace and sort finances (tickets, holiday etc). So I turned up prepared, wrote down what I had to say and worked out what he owed me. When I read what I had to say there was 0 emotion there. Then it came to the holiday and he still wanted to go but wanted me to be out of pocket or go on holiday with him but being clear we arent a couple- separate rooms/ different hotel. A holiday alone on my bday, waving at my ex from the breakfast table? No thanks. So I tried to be firm and say I expected the full amount or close to. I wasn’t the one that broke this relationship. And I also mentioned that I’d added all the stuff we had booked in up, and it was over 1k but I was willing to settle at that to make things easier. I thought I was being organised but he thought I was being bitter. With the holiday I challenged him on what would happen if they wouldn’t give him money back and he couldn’t answer so I said if I don’t get some money back I’d have to take it to small claims. Well he blew up- never seen anything like it. Just yelling at me saying I’d threatened him. Told me “right now I’m not giving you a bleeping penny”. I was terrified. Threatened to ring my dad (it was literally the only thing I could think of) which made things even worse and he yelled and swore at me until I left his house and was told I wasn’t ever welcome back at his property. Honestly the drive home I was shocked but actually thankful I’m away from him. I’ve done nothing to deserve any of this.

The following day everything was amicable, the holiday is being cancelled with an equal split and he let me keep money from some tickets rather than divide it. Honestly it kind of floored me again. How on earth can someone go from being so lovely, to cold and rejecting, to seriously angry and then back to nice within a week?? All I’ve ever done is be kind and supporting of him, I’ve done nothing to deserve any of it. Bullet well and truly dodged.